Hip Hop Lyrics. Good, bad, hilarious.

[weemadando]

Post your favourite one liners of lyrics from Hip-hop and rap, which you think are fantastically good, or bad.

I'll lead off with a few favourites:

Xzibit - Paparazzi
"That's deep. How deep? Deeper than Atlantis."
and of course:
"Its a shame, your only in the rap game, only for the money and the fame. Extra large."

House of Pain - I'm A Swing It:
"Cause I can feel it in the air tonight, but I'm not Phil Collins, I'm more like Henry Rollins."

KRS-One - Hush:
"A fat ride with chrome don't make you a thug. That tough guy talk don't make you a thug. A real thug is a thug that's hush."

Living Color - Elvis is Dead:
"Picture a zombie Elvis in a tacky black jumpsuit. Just imagine a rotting Elvis, shopping for fresh fruit. You can't. Because Elvis is dead."

Regurgitator - Fuck the Goddamn World:
The whole fucking song. From start to fucking finish.

Butterfingers - *any of their songs*

[Gandalf]

Butterfingers - *any of their songs*

When I saw the thread title I was ready to jump in and talk about Butterfingers. They're good fun, and it's nice to hear hip hop with an Australian accent.

As for my favourite (non Butterfingers) lyrics.

My name is Darryl, you can call him D
You can call me Darryl Mack, or you can call him DMC
People always ask, "DMC, what does it mean?"
D's for never dirty, MC for mostly clean

[weemadando]

Butterfingers - *any of their songs*

When I saw the thread title I was ready to jump in and talk about Butterfingers. They're good fun, and it's nice to hear hip hop with an Australian accent.

As for my favourite (non Butterfingers) lyrics.

My name is Darryl, you can call him D
You can call me Darryl Mack, or you can call him DMC
People always ask, "DMC, what does it mean?"
D's for never dirty, MC for mostly clean

Oh, please, do talk of Butterfingers. Talk of them all day long...

[Gandalf]

Ok then, I will.

This is some of the the opening verse from Every Time.

I'd post less, but it just doesn't do the song justice.

Everytime I clean my room, I make another mess
Everytime I miss the bus, I'm late for a test
Everytime I'm re-incarnated, it's in the lowest form
I leave my window open every time there is a storm
Everytime I have a hangover, I have to go to work
Everytime I masturbate dry it tends to hurt
Everytime I pat a dog he bites me on the hand
Everytime I talk to aliens, they don't understand
Everytime I skate, I get another bruise
Everytime I get drunk, I vomit on my shoes
Everytime I scratch, the needle jumps
Everytime I drink milk, it comes out in lumps
Everytime I freestyle, I just talk shit
Everytime I catch the bus, there is nowhere to sit
Everytime I catch a train, Im hassled for a ticket
Everytime I bat in cricket, first ball takes a wicket

The chorus from Your Mama.

Your mama's on the top of my things to do list
Your mama's on the top of my things to do list
Your mama's on the top of my things to do list
Your mama's on the top of my things to do list

[weemadando]

I prefer the opening verse of "Your Mama"

I see you in your office sending and receiving cheques
But I know the quest for money comes from a quest for sex
So I cut to the chase and forgot about my job
And decided to stay home with yo mama on my knob
I can see your laughing so I guess you think its funny
But while your getting drunk I've been getting honey
And by tomorrow night you will be hungover and sick
And I'll be at my home with yo mama on my dick

And some select bits from "FIGJAM"

And my lyrics make you wanna read a book a lit'
Don't - 'cause I'm cooking it right for the iron chef!

Well that's just inappropriate
Smoke me a kipper, bitch
I'm from the Ip-a, switch
Side of town, don't forget to write it down
(West side, ey!)
What the fuck? It ain't gangster rap!
Think you're tougher, then you probably suffer wanker's cramp (?)
And I'll thank you to fuck right off
Professional fuckwits, take one night off

-Any of the Aussie hip-hop groups who take time out to smack down the "whigger" wannabes that are proliferating deserve to be mentioned specifically.

[Stark]

Is that a fish tank bro in the middle'a dash? Yeah pimpin don't put your fingers on my glass! Clap off lights when you're getting affection, clap on lights when you're getting protection!

And of course, I got 99 problems, fuckin bitch ain't one.

[Rye]

"Your Mother's Got A Penis"

That's right, you knows what I'm saying
Your mother's offered me the goods, I'm not paying.
It started as a laugh, as a bit of a joke
Something funny to say when I was having a smoke.
I first heard off this bloke, this fucking rumour going round
Your mother's reputation it's not sound
She's saving up the pennies hoping they'd turn into pounds
To have an operation to swap her gender around.

It's a shock to me and it's a shock to you
Your mother's got a beard, sandals and a penis too
It don't look right see, when she's walking down the street
To see her ball bag jiggin' to the beat of her feet

I said
Your mother's got a penis
Your mother's got a penis
Your mother's got a penis
That's right
Your mother's got a penis

In internet rooms and computer mainframes
There's loads of emails bout your mother's blue veins.
Not the ones in her legs or the backs of her arms
But the ones in her member hidden in her gown.
She walks around proud, with a short dress on
Which sometimes exposes the tip of her dong.
Often it's dripping, sometimes it's dry
No matter when I see her there's a tear in my eye.
I thought I had to tell you, had to put it in a letter
But I thought fuck that I'd write a song in much better.
The only way to do it, to really let you know
I could prove it because I gave it a blow.
It was purely accidently because she got me really drunk
And she made me kiss her elephant trunk.
You know why? That's right
Your mother got a penis.

Your mother's got a penis (Your mother's got a penis)
Your mother's got a penis (Your mother's got a penis)
Your mother's got a penis (Your mother's got a penis, c'mon)
That's right
Your mother's got a penis (Your mother's got a penis)

Your mother's got a penis (Your mother's got a penis)
Your mother's got a penis (Your mother's got a penis)
Your mother's got a penis (Let's Rock !)
That's right
Your mother's got a penis

When she walks down the street, then she walks like John Wayne
I just seen her pissing standing up again.
Don't make no sense when you see her here and there
She got a cock and balls and real pubic hair.
And a single eye that sometimes weeps
If she lying on the bed then she rubs it on the sheets
Or up against the door or the back of your neck
If your mother's around then you make a double check.
I hate to tell you with all due respect
Take your mother to the doctors because her front bum's wrecked.

You know why?
Your mother's got a penis (C'mon Wembley)

Your mother's got a penis (Your mother's got a penis)
Your mother's got a penis
Your mother's got a penis (Put your hands in the air, Wembley)
That's right
Your mother's got a penis (Yes)

Your mother's got a penis (Wembley Arena, I can feel the electricity, C'mon !)
Your mother's got a penis
Your mother's got a penis
That's right
Your mother's got a penis

For the 18th week running, UK rap grounp the GLC hold the number one
position of the US billboard chart with another smash hit, Your Mother's Got A Penis.

Come 'ere boys, you ever seen a woman with a cock before?
Come yer, c'mon look at it. Bouncing up and down I'll stick it in you
Come yer, a woman with a cock. Tidy !

Yeah it's the truth man, his mother have actually got a penis.

"Guns Don't Kill People, Rappers Do"

[Intro]

Guns dont kill people rappers do,
Ask any politican and they'll tell you its true,
Its a fact music makes you violent,
Like Michael Jackson telling little Timmy to be silent,
You don't believe me? Heres my hype,
Offer me the record and i'll show you the type,
Of criminal this rap shit is breedin,
Its a fact that MC Hammer left me bleedin,
Vanilla Ice made my mother say 'Fuck',
If I stuck with UB40 then I woulda been in luck,
But I didn't I got it wrong,
Cypress fucking Hill told me to make a fucking bong,
So I started, I bought another tape,
The Power by Snap made my cock and balls ache,
So remember kids from the head double tap,
Guns don't kill people its just rap!

[Chorus]
Guns don't kill people rappers do
Sound of the police
Woo Woo Woo

Guns don't kill people rappers do,
I seen it in a documentary on BBC2,
Shot to death outside Hyper Value,
Guns blazin like Michael Caine in Zulu,
Gun-crime statistics are sometimes misleading,
The type of criminal that rap is breedin,
Shot in the chest? No wonder you stopped breathin,
2 for the base over, are you receivin?
Remember rap tracks in '87
Scott the Rock's up ni Hip-Hop heaven,
Biggie and Tupac R.I.P,
Even Jam Master Jays in the cemetary.

[chorus]

Guns don't kill people rappers do,
I'm a fucking rapper and I might kill you,
As a rapper I'm teachin you a lesson,
AK47 to Smith-and-Wesson
Just say no, just like Zammo
Bullet proof vest, to guns and ammo,
Hip-hop gangster trippin,
Even Eminems into pistol whippin,
Its like cluedo murder one,
P-Diddy, J'lo in a nightclub with a gun,
Heard snoop dog now wants to bust a cap,
Guns dont kill people its just rap

One, Two yo face my shoe,
My name is Mike Balls and I'm comin through,
Gun crimes, stabbin, and burglarisation,
Its on a rise all across the nation,
The safety's off and the pistol is aimed,
Yardies and the Mafia always get blamed,
Politicians are shamed, and they haven't got a clue,
Rap is more deadly than fucking Kung-Fu

[Chorus]

Guns dont kill people rappers do,
From Bristol Zoo to B&Q,
I wanna rap, I wanna rhyme
Heard it in a song now im into gun crime,
Its a sign of the times like Prince changin his name,
Gotta have a shooter to be in the rap game,
Like Michael Ryan about to snap,
Guns dont kill people its just rap!

"Hellalujah"

"Give God the first portion of your income, say that with me,
Give God the first portion of your income. Give it first!
Not after deducts, not after the social security, and the
hospitilization, and the malnutrition. Not after all these
things on your check you say, I'm gonna give God a little what's
left. You do, and that's what you gonna get from God."

[Violent J]
Who am I? I'm not the Devil
I can take you to my level
Above the rocks, above the earth
Tell me what your soul is worth
How much money do you make?
How much will you let me take?
I will give you tranquilty
Just send your wealth and checks to me
Life is going to expire
And your soul will burn in fire
You will perish in the thunder
Unless you call my hotline number
God has asked you to make me rich
Me and my fat-whack gaudy bitch
On your T.V.'s late at night
Send those checks and I'll guide you to the light

"Don't put away your wallets just yet, brothers and sisters. There's
somebody here I'd like all of you to meet. This is little Jonathan.
Jonathan, say hello to the lovely people, (hello). Jonathan has
problems. Twisted neck, tangled legs, crooked spine, but we can heal
this boy. For just, uh, six thousand dollars, we can heal this boy!"

[Violent J]
God had called me and then stopped by
And he told me you're gonna die
Unless you buy my holy water
Check, cash, or a money order
This is true, don't question me
I'll even send you shit for free
It's only ten bucks for the call
And I'll send a prayer, no charge at all
Put your lips up to the screen
Close your eyelids and intervene
Your lips to mine, now send the cash
And while you're there, you can kiss my ass
Take your paycheck and send me half
And I'll send you God's autograph
I'll get Allah's and Buddha's too
Even Zeus, I don't give a fuck who
Just send me that money

"Would you like to healed, little Jonathan? (yes, reverand).
You see brothers and sisters, this...(beep-beep beep-beep)
Excuse me. I told you never to page me on a sermon day. Yes?
Uh-huh. Hallalujah. Outty. People, that was the lord, today only,
he will heal this boy, for just five thousand dollars!"

Pass the collection plate (show-show me how you give)
Pass the collection plate (g-give-give, how to live)
Pass the collection plate (show-show-show me how you give)
Pass the collection plate (show me how you give, I'll tell you how to live)

[Violent J]
Your total's twenty-two eleven
For your set of keys to heaven
Make the checks out in my name
Me or God, it's all the same
Bring your crippled ass to me
Pay my usher the holy fee
I'll bless your legs and bless your chair
Then wheel your bitch-ass outta here
Now a special ceremony
This part don't cost any money
Drip a drop of blessed water
Now I fertalize your daughter
Even though I fucked a hooker
Took your baby girl and shook her
You still buy everything I sell
And I'm living well
See you in Hell!

"Four-thousand, eight-hundred, nine-hundred, five thousand
Hallalujah, you did it brothers and sisters. Are you ready, Jonathan?
(yes, reverand) Lord Almighty, we've met your price, give me the
healing power, I can feel it, Lord! Roomy loomy lama noma noomy!
This boy is healed. (really?) Now to the naked eye, it would appear
that this boy has not been healed, but I can assure you, this boy's
spirit has been healed. Inside this tangled, mangled frame is a healed
little boy. His spirit is healed, Hallalujah!"

They may have gone all christian of late, but they hit the evangelical nail on the head with that one.

"Right Turn Clyde"

Times New Roman you know the type
Calling me Public Enemy, but don't believe the hype
Tough guy like the one in "Star 80" wanna bait me
Hook line sinker now your lady wanna date me
Gave your girl a little wink so you make a big stink
Shoulder's got a chip so you flip like a Tiddlywink
Know what I think? I think you might be Darwin's missing link
Get all bent out of shape when the heat is on just like a Shrinky Dink
Bet I can take a hint better than I can take a hit
Completely incompatible though I'm a pussy and you're a dick
How can you hold a grudge when you can't even hold a job?
Should have known butter but you're not corn on the cob
I choose to use a song for a weapon not a sword struck a chord
If I wanted to see stars I'll watch the "Academy Awards"
That's why I ran like a Flock Of Seagulls why make-up like Mary Kay?
You must've given up on hair plugs 'cause now you're going toupee

All in all you're just another dick with no balls
All in all you're just another dick with no balls

Mama said talk this out and resolve
Don't wanna be involved so gimme a call when you evolve
Doggy paddle to the shallow end of the gene pool
Half with it half wit half finished high school
Give you a piece of my mind but I know you want it splattered
Heard you like your women like you like your shrimp you like 'em battered
Wife beater perfectly fitting apparel
Where's your brother Daryl? Where's your other brother Daryl?
Givin' me that Macho Man Randy Savage stare
Wanna snap into a Slim Jim break my limbs but do I care?
No sorry I'm a lover not a fighter commit your crime
I'll be glad to do your girlfriend, I'll be glad that you do time
Here's the deal I cop a feel you cop a plea but get the maximum
Now we both got records but the difference is mine's platinum
Definitely showed this yellow bellied wimp limp in your cell now though alone
When you're choking your chicken your chick will be choking on this chicken's bone

All in all you're just another dick with no balls
All in all you're just another dick with no balls

Right turn Clyde
Right turn Clyde
Right turn Clyde
Right turn Clyde.


"Boom"

Stop as we drop this bomb
Blow up this place like another Vietnam
Heavy like a Tyson blow to the dome
Back up son give me room give me room
To set it off like this don't give it up
I'm all up in you till you just can't get enough
Real hard to the bone you want more
I sneak up on you like a sniper at your back door
Phat flavor for your brain you know the time
So check the wrath it's for real I'm gonna get mine
Roll up on you like Eastwood
Blowing up fifteens as I'm riding through your neighborhood
I spreads butter like Parkay
Real smooth with flow and even when I parlay
Do what you feel and check the skill
I'm in your grill peep this I got the raw deal
I'm in your Jeep Grand Cherokee or Land Cruiser
When you're rolling through the hood you want to use a
Track like this all up in your eardrum
So check the E.Q. and let them speakers hum
And gets crazy like Prozac
Hype enough to start a party and illy as a heart attack
Round one round two knockout
Straight to your head my round never lights out
Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee
Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee a

Jimmy Jimmy y'all Jimmy damn Jimmy yea
Gimme the mic Rob so I can take it away
Got more lines than the welfare office
Are you upset you'll never get to be as clever as this?
Spreadin' quicker than your mom have a feel but don't cop it
Yea I stole your beat but that's cause you dropped it
Crude as oil unrefined but slick
I'm gonna get you from behind like a gay convict
Cause my name ain't Quasimodo but I still got a hunch
That like the Jim Jones cult I'll take you out with one punch
You're Spiro Agnew and I'm the Dick you answer to
You're sweating like a watermelon at a Baptist bar-b-cue
Sneaking up like celery yeah I'm stalking
I squeak like Stephen Hawkings yeah but I'm walkin'
Nose to ground so this Bloodhound will sniff and follow it
I hope you choke on your pride when I make you swallow it
Screaming like a Mimi when you see me coming near you
Like a Kenny Loggins' record no one's ever gonna to hear you
Like a game of hide and seek it's all over if I see ya
Cause your yellower than tinkle and you'll be running like diarrhea
Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee
Tah rah tah rah tah rah boom dee a.

"Raising Hell"

[Run-D.M.C.]
Kings from Queens from Queens come Kings
We're raisin hell like a class when the lunchbell rings
The king will be praised, and hell will be raised
S-s-s-suckers try to faze him but D won't be fazed
So what's your name? D.M.C.! The King is me!
Your High-ness, or His Majesty!
Now you can debate, c-c-c-concentrate
But you can't imitate D.M.C. the Great!

Dissin all devils, causin havoc in HELL
At a very high level base and treble shall YELL
Heard in the heavens are the sounds supreme
So clear to the ear it is sometimes seen
So loud like a cloud with thunder and LIGHTNING
So proud to the crowd it is somewhat FRIGHTENING
No calm in the storm like a beast unleashed
There's no stoppin cause the rockin cannot cease; BREAK!

[Run]
You see it's harder than hard, not one bit soft
Courageous and contagious so you better break North
Not a cold, on a roll, did you hear me cough?
Just listen while I'm dissin cause you're pissin me off
Cold bedding is spreading all across your face
You can't take when I break and if that's the case
I'll go on, and on, and kick the bass
So back up off the cup while I take my taste

[D.M.C.]
It's highly appraised when the hell is raised
So demanding and commanding that you all stand dazed
The unbelieving receiving prophecy so true
I cut the head off the Devil and I throw it at you
My mighty mic control, already brought his soul
The rock king is so bold when he rocks and roll
A black hat is my crown, symbolizin the sound
Signifyin, we won't play around; BUST IT!

[Run]
Rappin and climbin beat-makin every day
No synthesizer sound, so silence when I say
I am great, get it straight, cause that's my fate
My name is Run I'm number one, that's how I rate
He's in the place with the bass, and style and grace
His name is J he's here to play, and win this race
He's off the wall, on the ball, his name is D
Kind of tall yes y'all, he's down with me

[D.M.C.]
From the mountain valley to the deep blue sea
The word is heard as told by D
I don't sing I bring, much delight
Like a star shinin bright in the darkest night
If you are cold, I'll bring you heat
Like I brought the whole world my funky beat
Mysterious and serious I ain't no joke
Fire from the depths of hell AND YOU CAN SMELL THE SMOKE!

[Run]
Kickin and tickin while you're havin a ball
Like chicken finger lickin I'll be vickin you all
So do the bird, have you heard, did they give you a call
Just me and D.M.C., cold shakin the walls

[D.M.C.]
There's no fearin when hearin sound of this kind
Across the land every man is goin out of his mind
On the face of the earth spreadin like disease
Contaminating infiltrating like a horde of bees

[Run-D.M.C.]
Lord of lyrics, duke of discussion
Ruler of rock, your king at cold-crushin
Puller of people - controller of crowds
Lingering lyrics all lasting and loud

[Run]
Left y'all, ah to the left y'all
because I rock upon the mike real def y'all

[D.M.C.]
And to the right y'all, ah to the right y'all
because I rock upon the mike all night y'all

[Run]
You see, I..

[D.M.C.]
.. want respect, if I'm correct
They're all like a ball that I have checked
And the shots they take have no effect
The pope try to dope but he broke his neck
Cause I rock harder, and I get farther
You wanna battle D hey please don't bother
To waste your time, messin with my rhyme
The only kick you get out of is in the behind!
ttin' behind

[Zac Naloen]

"hey its your birthday, lets party like its your birthday.."



Why oh why did people thing this guy was good?

anyway rye.. you missed a classic.

Goldie Lookin Chain - Half Man Half Machine.
Binatone Spectrum, Pacman, Commodore
ZX-81, donkey kong, fucking high score
Push it to the limit, couldn't push it any more
Wanna be a fucking robot after smoking loads of draw

Bought a speak and spell, stuck it to my chest
And wraps some tin foil onto my head and to my vest
Walking down the stret, my next door neighbours not impressed
I'm a robot and buying ten fags is my quest


Eggsie's gone too far, he thinks he's robocop
He's covered in tinfoil and he's got matching metal socks
We tried to sedate him but he fucking escaped
The man robot myth starts to escalate

He tries to sell himself standing in curries
But if the police turn up, he runs in a fucking hurry
He tries to plug himself in the mains with his nob
And when he's fully recharged he goes out on the rob

Half man, half machine
What does it mean?
What does it mean?

Half man, half machine
What does it mean?
What does it mean?

Being a robot in my digital domain
Enter my world, feel my pain
I'm not like other people you might see or you might know
I made love to a BBC micro
Touching on the disk drive, the monitor got hot
I knew from then, I was a motherfucking robot
Bill Gates from Microsoft, Stephen Hawking's voice
And fucking Lara Croft

I built a lab, secret in my loft
And built a special costume that would help me to jack off
I sat there in front of the screen
For many years, this had been my wet dream
Now I've reached it, I'm finally there
Like terminator being filmed in Aberdare
So alone, when people stop and stare
Like C3PO but with pubes and hair

Robot Love
Robot
Robotic Breakdancing
Robot

the doctor's down the nuthouse said he was an headcase
cos he sticks sprayed silver egg cartons on his face
Sucking off antennas and trying to fuck the fridge
And burnt his pubic wig, with the high voltage

I am a robot
My prime directive is to's go to's the shops
And buy's ten fags
Do's you's compute?

He wants to buy ten fags, his destination is the shops
A tinfoil suit and a hat like Robocop
If your ask him then he'll do a bodypop
Like terminator, yeah he just won't stop

Put electical cable down through the eye of his cock
Plugged it in the wall and gave himself a big shock
The reason that he did it wasn't to give himself pain
Watching Terminator over again and again

Fuck man, get him, fucking restrain him man
get him fucking, fucking get him down man
inject him man, get him down
He's fucking nuts spa and he's losing it
Help me man, just get him fucking....

Half man, half machine
What does it mean?
What does it mean?

Half man, half machine
What does it mean?
What does it mean?

Half man, half machine
What does it mean?
What does it mean?