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OH NO!!!!



This is NOT a job for Mullet-Superman! Watch out Mullet-Superman, it's VENOM!



You think the fact that you can stop bullets with your bare skin will protect you from VENOM?? Think again!



Face it, Mullet-Superman! This is VENOM!!!



Thank the Fates Spiderman was there!!!!

Meanwhile...



Maybe you should learn a few lessons from Batman, Mullet-Superman, who easily handles Carnage.

Meanwhile, the Justice League works over Thanos, making him their bitch...



Meanwhile again!

Wolverine didn't like the look on Lobo's face!



You heard him, Lobo! Those claws ain't for show!



And meanwhile yet again...

OH NO! Quicksilver! Flash! WATCH OUT FOR VENOM!



Wonder Woman! Don't fight her! That's STORM!!! Nooooo!



Stand down, Juggernaught! That's Mullet-Superman and you're no Venom!



The Man without Fear battles the one who instills fear into all his foes, The Riddler!



What is this? Captain America? About to get his back broken by Bain??? Oh my!! Who could have imagined something such as this could happen??



Watch out, CROC! It's WOLVERINE!



This next one has the makings of what could have been an interesting and enjoyable story. It would have been if we could have had more than this single caption...



Here's what could have been the fight of all fights. The baddest biggest one of all... But instead, this is what we get! Darkseid giving Thanos a wink and a smile. He could have been showing up to ask him out on a date, for all we know.



The hijinks that ensue when these two cooky heroes team up! And what could be more interesting than two identical characters with different colored costumes?!



And finally... Think of the Superman/Lois flying theme for this one...



Awww...

Thought I would share!

Superheroes are t3h gh3y. I'll take manga over superheroes any day.


...and Lobo would have made Wolverine wear a frilly pink cocktail frock, and left a trail of bloody spooge dripping from the sobbing Wolvie's asscrack.

Coyote wrote:Superheroes are t3h gh3y.

Seconded. I hate them with a passion too.

Man, Venom's tongue was drawn way too much like a dong, especially in the second image.

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:Man, Venom's tongue was drawn way too much like a dong, especially in the second image.

I think that's the point of superhero comics, Spanky.

No, seriously, it looks like he's got this grody penis waggling out of his mouth. It's gross...

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:No, seriously, it looks like he's got this grody penis waggling out of his mouth. It's gross...

See above. I really do believe comic book artists like to sneak in homosexual imagery into the comicbooks they draw.

So wait, if Spider-Man can beat Venom, and Venom can beat Superman... Spider-Man can beat Superman?

This is why crossovers are bad mmkay.

Ok, this is how I would've handled the first one: While venom has no real chance against superman, an aggressive symbiote isn't a bad idea. The symbiote could swarm him, saying to him stuff like "you are a superior host" or some such while it gradually weakens him by totally shielding him from UV rays, setting him up for some later fight where he's weakened or something.

Batman fighting Carnage with fists and winning? Fucking absurd. I would've written it something like this: Batman undoubtedly has ultrasonics in his costume, he should get owned, run into a dark area, Carnage jumps out on him when he's using ultrasonics to find his way and it hurts him. Batman goes all out with everything he's got and totally brutalises Cassidy, perhaps with a big fuckoff pole. The symbiote is going nuts and fucking Batman up some, till eventually he has to cut his losses and run off.

Lobo/Wolverine I would've just had Lobo smash him flying and assume he's dealt with. Probably several times. Bone claws vs Lobo? Fuck off.

Storm would totally just get Wonder Woman to chill and tie her up back at X-Mansion and indulge in some of the old school african goddess bisexuality.

I'm a Juggernaut fan, so I would play Juggz' magical power source vs Superman's weakness to magic for all it's worth and have him slap him around.

Does the Punisher have a pony tail in that pic? And yes, I agree with the sentiment for wanting more punisher/deathstroke, thanos/darkseid action.

Such potential, so poorly pissed away.

Please. This is a superhero crossover. They never work out well.

And what crossover is this?

Singular Quartet wrote:Please. This is a superhero crossover. They never work out well.

And what crossover is this?

DC vs Marvel.
Known across comicdom as un-canon and bloody nonsical due to fan voting. (The superman vs Venom is from "Ultimate access").

I'm a Juggernaut fan, so I would play Juggz' magical power source vs Superman's weakness to magic for all it's worth and have him slap him around.

He, the panel after that has Superman one shotting Juggernaught with a punch.
"Forcefield"? I don't need no stinking forcefield

Why the fuck was superman wasting time getting that black shit off his face? A full-power heat vision blast would vaporize the shit, which would be utterly ineffective anyway due to his x-ray vision.

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:No, seriously, it looks like he's got this grody penis waggling out of his mouth. It's gross...

For the Venom Supes fight, did the artist have a hard time drawing with one hand, cause you know where the other one was!

Uraniun235 wrote:So wait, if Spider-Man can beat Venom, and Venom can beat Superman... Spider-Man can beat Superman?

Yes! Errr, Mullet-Superman anyway...

Wait... How do you explain THIS?



Awww, come on Supes! Do you have to humiliate the guy too?

\

Poor Spidey...



Meanwhile, a year later... Spiderman confronts the Hulk to try and stop his rampage! Wait, what's this?



Damn, Spiderman got served.

Good plan, Superman! God forbid you resort to violence. Guess you have to save that for Spiderman. And by the way, in light of the previous part, this means that Venom could also beat the Hulk.



And here is proof that Batman can beat anyone in the universe. First he took down Carnage...

Now he sees the Punisher!



Later... There's Punisher minding his own business and taking down some crooks. Bats, do you always have to be such a bully?



Why are you tattling on Batman? You think they want to fuck with Batman too or something?



What, Hulk? You want a piece of Batman too?



Fine!





Maybe you'll think next time...

DEATH wrote: He, the panel after that has Superman one shotting Juggernaught with a punch.
"Forcefield"? I don't need no stinking forcefield

I have no idea what you're trying to say.

Does Batman have a BINKY in that last panel!!??

Rye wrote:

DEATH wrote: He, the panel after that has Superman one shotting Juggernaught with a punch.
"Forcefield"? I don't need no stinking forcefield

I have no idea what you're trying to say.

The next page has Superman punching Juggernaught once and knocking him out cold. This ignores Juggernaught's field that allows him to all but ignore blows from Thor or Hulk with impunity.

And the previous panels were Pre crisis Superman . (And he didn't punch Spiderman, that was the wind from him almost touching him with a stopped punch)

I love it when people say that something which happens in a comicbook is wrong because of this precedent or that precedent. Comics are about as consistent as Bush Administration rhetoric.

DEATH wrote: The next page has Superman punching Juggernaught once and knocking him out cold. This ignores Juggernaught's field that allows him to all but ignore blows from Thor or Hulk with impunity.

Yeah, it's dumb, Juggernaut should be slapping him silly and stamping on his head.

And the previous panels were Pre crisis Superman. (And he didn't punch Spiderman, that was the wind from him almost touching him with a stopped punch)

I know, I have that comic and the other ones in that crossover classics compendium. It's retarded because it says some Masai warrior is as strong as Spiderman, though the story itself isn't that awful.

"Toppled like a poleaxed redwood"

WHAT???? That makes no sense. No wonder they used to say comics rot your mind. I hope modern comics use better metaphors than this.

Darth Wong wrote:I love it when people say that something which happens in a comicbook is wrong because of this precedent or that precedent. Comics are about as consistent as Bush Administration rhetoric.

To be fair though, some comics have to reconcile nearly seventy years of rampant stupidity, whereas Bush is struggling after six.

Man, Superman is a dick.

And people say comics aren't written by fanboys.