StarDestroyer.Net BBS

So I wrote a bunch of comedy poems while I was bored at work a couple of weeks ago, then as I have always done when I write something 'creative' (haha) I tossed it up on asvs, in a non ejaculatory way. Actually given the content, perhaps an ejaculatory way. Anyway, given its completely dead state *plays violin*, only Dalton replied.

Then Sutton suggested I stick it up here. Actually he didn't say 'stick it up here' because that sounds really SICK, he said 'stick it on sd.net.'

So I am. Sugar Rush is totally my favourite.

Also, I'm never going to finish that Domination thing, class it as abandoned, Dalton;)

Grounded Love
-------------------

I slept in again
Got stuck in a traffic jam
The whole way to work
Five hours late
They fired me

My mother died
Hanged herself in my bedroom
Scrawled on the wall behind her
"I'm so sorry."
I'm sorry too, mummy

I gave a homeless man some money
To try and feel better
He coughed blood in my mouth
Now I have aids
And hepatitis-c

Throughout all this, you're there
I think I would just kill myself
If it weren't for your love
Keeping me grounded
Like fucking nails in my feet

Sucked Dry
--------------

When we met, those years ago
I was fresh faced and fun
A beaming smile, a bouncing walk
Everyone said I was so full of life

Then I met you, my dear
You changed me
You took my smile
And turned it upside down

You took my bouncing walk
And made it a slumped hobble
My family, my friends
All expressed concern

You were like a vampire,
sucking my life
Which is a metaphor,
but still the reason
I shoved a chair leg through your chest

Love is a Drug
-----------------

How I cried when you left
When you packed up your bags
"Enough is enough," you said
"I can't take your crap"

I begged you to stay
Clung to you at the door
But your mind was made up
You shoved me away and left

Now I am nothing
A broken wreck of a man
My job nonexistant
My home is a cardboard box

I lie in the gutter
Shooting up in the pouring rain
This poem has no joke
I'm a heroin addict

Ending It
-----------

I split with my girlfriend
An hour ago
When she asked why
I told her she was too fat
And I spat in her face
Spat herpes

The zits as well
That cover said face
Her back hair
More than I could handle
For three years
That bear mauled me

As she cried, I felt bad
And gave her a hug
One last goodbye hug
I didn't tell her
I felt a breast lump
It sucks to be her
The fat shit

Golfing Love
---------------

My lady loves golf,
I pitch and putt with her
Every night
She likes the shaft
Of my wood
We make a game
Of keeping her green trimmed
I get a hole in one
Every time
I'm so lucky
She likes miniature golf

Sugar Rush
--------------

Her test results are back
They came in the mail
Now I sit in silence
Wracked with guilt
Why did I open them
Without her there

Now I know her illness
And burned the letter
Why did I do it?
I think I'm ill too
Ill with love
And jealousy, I want to be sick

I tell her it's ok,
That she probably just has the flu
But I know better, I know the truth
"A spoonful of sugar" I say
"Helps the medicine go down"
I feel guilty as she dies
Of a sugar overdose
It's diabetes

I have sex with the corpse
Every day for the rest of my life
I wish I had diabetes
Like my sugary lover

Summer Loving
-------------------

Golden rays dance through your hair,
A light eternal, framing a face divine.
A face eternal.
I want to reach out and touch you,
To show how much I care, but I hesitate,
Recoil in fear, the fear of rejection.
The love inside me burns
But is coiled, coiled like a cobra
Ready to strike
Another sip and I have the courage
My hand strokes your face and you don't pull away
Heart leaping like a lamb in a field,
No, like a bull in a pen,
I kiss you, you don't pull away
This is love, the heavens be praised
The green blanket below us is soft and sweet,
A dew swept bed for our coital bliss
The minutes become hours as I place my seed,
Our bodies one, wrapped in the balm of love
The deed done, our love fulfilled
A single tear of joy completes it
One more kiss on the forehead, for my silent love
As I replace her in her coffin
And start to dig

Love and Maths Intersect (Not a Tangent)
--------------------------------------------------

My heart beats fast
when you are around
Ninety Seven times a minute
It used to be slower
But you excite me
Inflame me
Bring me close to heart failure
But I don't mind
I love it
The pounding against my chest
Because I know
Ninety seven times a minute
Is Phi times a second
Phi is the golden ratio
Golden like the shower
I drowned you with
Rest in peace
Pissbreath

The Taste of Love
----------------------------
"My wife," I say crying, "I bring some news"
"Some good, some bad", I bite my tongue fast
She starts and stares, her eyes wide open
"What is it?!" she cries, "You have to say!"
She clutches my sleeve, hands clasped to pray.

"My love, my precious, it's the baby!" I sob
"I was cooking dinner, some succulent lamb,"
"When I tucked the little mite up in his pram"
"And turned on the oven, in quite a big hurry"

She gasps openmouthed, "are you trying to say..."
"Yes my dear, I'm so sorry," I pause for a moment
"In my haste to cook you the perfect meal,"
"I tucked up the lamb in our babe's little bed"
"And cooked our own little lamb, now he's dead"

She falls to the floor, overcome with tears,
When a quite recent memory jogs 'tween her ears
"You said good and bad news! This must be the bad"
"Please tell me the good now, it can't be so sad"
I raise her chin up with my hand, draw her near
Look deep in her eyes and say "Yes my dear"
"There is some good news, despite being so hasty"
"He was perfectly seasoned, and seriously tasty."

Safe Love
---------------

I love being with you
It makes me feel so safe
Like nothing can hurt me
Wrapped in a blanket of loving bliss

Your smile warms my heart
I feel like I'm going to burst
When our skin touches
My heart skips a beat

When last I felt
This safe and tight
I wasn't even born
A fetus, only half alive

Before I met you
I had built a womb in my cellar
I used to call my mother
"Guess where I am", I'd say
You're my snuggly uterus.


The Myth of Love
----------------------------

Sex ed. at school was awful for girls
Girls like me, and my pretty friends
They told us things like
"You get pregnant from kissing"
"You get aids from a smile."

For years of my life, boys scared me to death
Thought they were plotting to kill me,
Until I met you, who I risked it all for
Risked the pregnancy and aids, and slow painful death
For a kiss

A magical moment, my breath was robbed
For a time, I thought it was all true
I was dead, in heaven
But I looked in your eyes, and knew I was alive
More alive than ever

That day I stopped believing them
Their ignorant lies
My biology teacher dared to again
Said female masturbation was a myth
So I got up on her desk
And became a legend