Your list of most disliked guitar riffs/solos?
Posted: 2009-03-29 02:45pm
Four years and change ago, Guitar World did a piece naming the top 100 Worst Guitar Riffs and Solos of all time. Select highlights include:
I'd say that I wouldn't dispute all but perhaps one pick on their entire list, but I would probably have more urgent candidates to put on there. Anyways, with Guitar World's uncharacteristically cutting assessment out of the way, what would a list of your top 10 or 20 worst riffs/solos of all time look like?1. POISON
“Guitar Solo”
Swallow This…Live!
(1991) GUITARIST: C.C. DeVille
Remember when you were in high school and your novice shredder best friend kept insisting he’d “almost nailed” Eddie Van Halen’s “Eruption” solo, and you’d be stuck in his room wanting to kill yourself as he tried to play it again and again? That’s a little what listening to C.C.’s jaw-dropping nineminute solo spot is like. Only instead of your friend going “No, wait!” and starting over every time he fucks up, there’s an arena full of idiots loudly cheering him on. And just to show you the breadth of his chops, C.C. also throws in a messy attempt at some “Hot Club”–style gypsy jazz licks (Django Reinhardt would surely be envious of the tres magnifique tones C.C. coaxes from his pointyheadstocked ax), a touch of polka, some searing Miami Vice blues bends and, of course, several more dive bombs and two-handed tapping runs whenever inspiration fails. Completely devoid of taste, structure or steady tempo, this should be required listening for budding guitarists everywhere. Surely they can’t do any worse.
12 TWISTED SISTER
“We’re Not Gonna Take It”
Stay Hungry (1984)
GUITARIST: Jay Jay French
Arnold Schwarzenegger made this glammetal anthem by a bunch of girlieman cross-dressers the theme song for his California gubernatorial campaign, using it as a torture device to force people to vote for him. Jay Jay French displays the imagination of a sea monkey on his solo by merely aping the song’s melody.
13 KENNY LOGGINS
“Danger Zone”
Top Gun soundtrack (1986)
GUITARIST: unknown
When I think “danger,” I think Kenny Loggins. Or not. Ol’ Kenny, who boogied with a gopher in Caddyshack and taught rhythmless rednecks to disco with his hit “Footloose,” made “Danger Zone” the U.S. Armed Forces’ most popular recruiting song since the Village People sang “In the Navy.” Just thinking about those over-processed power chords and that whiny lead induces a jet stream of vomit. Every time we hear the kids in South Park say “They killed Kenny!” we wish they were talking about this bearded, mullethaired rocker.
15 KORN
“Y’all Want a Single”
Take a Look in the Mirror (2003)
GUITARISTS: Munky and Head
Featuring a riff that sounds like it was bashed out in 20 seconds so the band could get to the strip club before it closed, this song should have been called “Y’all Want a Refund?” Korn don’t get airplay anymore because they ran out of good ideas five years before they made this record.
20 METALLICA
“2x4”
Load (1996)
GUITARIST: Kirk Hammett
We don’t know what possessed Metallica to rip off a show tune, because to us this lumbering riff sounds like it was lifted from “Hey Big Spender.” Hammett struggles through the wooden solo as if he’s using a large plank for a pick, and he’s so obsessed with his wah-wah that he forgets to play anything with his left hand.
37 AC/DC
“Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap”
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (1976)
GUITARIST: Angus Young
Angus begins his wobbly ascent up the fretboard at the end of this solo like a hungry octogenarian climbing the steps to Home Town Buffet. After losing his grip on a few cranky pull-offs, he concludes with an out-of-tune blues bend that howls like an old geezer dropping his dentures in the clam chowder pot.
40 LIMP BIZKIT
“Faith”
Three Dollar Bill Y’all$ (1997)
GUITARIST:Wes Borland
This George Michael cover may have put Limp Bizkit on the map, but it was also the most embarrassing moment of their career—and that’s saying a lot. Bizkit’s version became a hit just in time to pay all of Michael’s legal fees after he was arrested in a Beverly Hills men’s room for lewd behavior. Wes Borland’s limpwristed riff suggests Michael wasn’t the only one who should have been jailed for wanking in public.
49 GODSMACK
“Moon Baby”
Godsmack (1997)
GUITARIST: Tony Rombola
Featuring a drop-D riff so simple you could play it with a strap-on dildo, this song is as predictable as J. Lo and Marc Anthony’s impending divorce.
60 SLIPKNOT
“Spit It Out”
Slipknot (1999)
GUITARISTS: Jim Root, Mick Thomson
Even Jenna Jameson would have trouble swallowing the soggy wad of a riff on this limp attempt to fuse hip-hop and metal. The eerie guitar sounds in the midsection are supposed to complement the samples, but they just suck.
65 SLAYER
“Exile”
God Hates Us All (2001)
GUITARIST: Kerry King
Kerry King approaches this guitar solo like Napoleon Dynamite running a 50-yard dash—he flails wildly and aimlessly at the start, only to end up hacking and wheezing by the time he reaches the finish line. Dang!
78 THE STROKES
“Last Nite”
Is This It (2001)
GUITARIST: Albert Hammond Jr.
Desperately trying to downplay the song’s suspicious resemblance to Tom Petty’s “American Girl,” Hammond Jr. hacks up a frantic, screechy blues-box solo that goes absolutely nowhere. If the Heartbreakers’ Mike Campbell couldn’t have come up with something better or more original than this, he probably would have cut his hands off.
94 ERIC CLAPTON
“I’ve Got a Rock N’ Roll Heart”
Money and Cigarettes (1983)
A profoundly mediocre song from Clapton’s bad career patch (i.e., everything after Layla), this drab little toe-tapper finds the Armani bluesman bragging about how he gets off on, among other things, “a screaming guitar.” Then, on cue, he meekly tosses off clichéd blues lick #478, which only screams “has-been,” if anything at all.
97 DISTURBED
“Down with the Sickness”
The Sickness (2000)
GUITARIST: Dan Donegan
Donegan pummels a repetitive alternating half-step pattern while singer David Draiman practices tropical birdcalls, and then the band falls into a mindnumbing one-chord groove. The only thing disturbing about this song is the fact that a major label thought anyone would like it.
