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So, anyways, I was walking home from work last night, when I discovered that they replaced the cheap and crappy folding chairs in Times Square with rows of more solid-looking ones. The Met's season was begining, and they decided to give New Yorkers a unique opportunity to experience Puccini's "Tosca" on the big screen, amidst the flashing lights and car fumes of Times Square. Of course, yours truly did what any of you would have done, I'm sure- parked his behind at an empty seat for 3.5 hours and enjoyed some quality singing. By the way, Marcelo Alvarez is awesome. If he is performing anywhere near you, go see him.

I could give you a detailed review of the opera, but others get paid to do it (the last one is especially vicious, art snobbery ahoy!). Yes, the audience really did boo the director off stage at the end. Yes, some of his choices were questionable, especially his action scenes. This part is pretty much spot-on

Odd though the sets may be, far worse is Bondy's mishandling of the action at key moments. In most productions, Tosca attacks Scarpia with a knife as he approaches to embrace her. Bondy instead has Mattila recline awkwardly on one of the sofas, hiding the weapon in the cushions. When Gagnidze lunges at her, she apparently stabs him, but it's impossible for the audience to see the action clearly.

Once he is dead, with his head on the floor and his feet still on the sofa, the libretto and score call for Tosca to place a candlestick on either side of his body and put a crucifix on his chest before rushing out of the room in horror at what she has done.

With Bondy, there are no candlesticks, no crucifix, no hasty departure. That would be defensible, if he substituted fresh, inventive action to accompany the closing bars of music. Instead, Tosca climbs onto the window sill and contemplates jumping, then she climbs down and staggers to the other sofa, where she collapses as the curtain falls.

Not much drama, less plausibility. Why would she stay in the room with the corpse of this monster a moment longer than she must? The first boos broke out before the house lights came up.

Tosca's death leap is often unconvincingly staged, with sopranos jumping halfheartedly onto mattresses just out of sight. Bondy has Mattila run up a flight of stairs and disappear. After too long a delay to be plausible, a mannequin dressed like Mattila flies out from an opening and hangs suspended by a wire as the curtain falls. It's meant to be a coup de theatre, but instead of gasps it evokes giggles.

However, not being a self centered snob living in Art World (note how all reviewers and the program say that this takes place during the Napoleonic Wars. The program actually calls Cavaradossi a Bonapartist, which makes no sense given his "death to tyrants" outburst upon hearing the news of the victory at Marengo), I don't agree with everything they said, especially the grave crime of introducing some grimdark into a story about a annoying clingy jealous shill, a sadistic rapist, and a guy who spends the better part of 3 hours being tortured, all of whom die painfully in the end. It does not look pretty like Aida, the oh the HORROR! We must purge this heretic for the grave crime of setting a darker tone. The real problem with the opera, for me, was not anything they mentioned but that, well, Karita Mattila doesn't really look like this beatiful Italian femme fatale that drives men mad with passion. She looks, like a Finnish lady in her fifties in heavy makeup and a wig. Yes, it shouldn't be important, and maybe it's all the close-ups that you wouldn't get sitting in the audience, but I really had trouble suspending my disbelief about that.

Still, the director got the point across, and kept me from leaving after the first act like I was going to (some versions of "Tosca" live up to its name in Russian, where "toska" means "boredom," so I'm generally not that big of a fan). But the thing that really kept me staying was their interpretation of Baron Scarpia.

Now, Scarpia is generally a fun villain, an aristocratic sleazebag who lusts after the heroine and tortures her lover to get her into bed with him. Usually, he exudes hauteur from the pore. Not this one, this one is a thuggish sleazebag instead. One reviewer compared him to Tony Soprano, of all things (oh the irony).

But, of course, I took a glance at the guy, and thought something else entirely.



Here, you see the protagonists, Marcelo Alvarez in the center, the Nordic Tosca next to him, Scarpia on the far left, along with one of his policemen. To make it better, the singer, George Gagnidze, is Georgian.

An then, it hit me.

Sadistic Chief of Police
Wears black leather
Extremely lecherous (gets a blowjob from three women onstage)
GEORGIAN

And then, the shoe dropped. This season's performance of "Tosca" at the Met was graced by this guy:



He even LOOKS a bit like Lavrentiy Pavlovich. Unintentional hilarity.

So, if you want to see Singing Beria, head over to your movie theater for a Live in HD performance of the "Tosca" some time in October.You won't regret it, I promise, it's pretty awesome.

P.S. George Gagnidze lists his birthplace on the program and on his site as "Tiflis, Republic of Georgia." What the hell? I'm confused here. Is he an uber Russian nationalist or something?

P.P.S. When they interviewed the French set designer during the intermission, he said "je parle francais" and refused to answer any questions. When the interviewer responded in French, he began answering in very good English. French snobbery ahoy!

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin