StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Posted: **2006-08-29 05:55pm**

Music related, but if a mod feel sit should be in N&P or OT I won't be offended, not that it matters but hey what can I say.

linky

NEW YORK (AP) -- Talk about bad timing. At the start of a media blitz to support her new album, "A Public Affair," Jessica Simpson is on vocal rest.

"It is true that she has indeed lost her voice," Simpson's publicist, Rob Shuter, told The Associated Press on Tuesday. "She's been ordered to rest. ... She can talk, she can croak out a few sentences. She sounds a little off, but, you know, she can't sing."

Simpson, 26, fell ill Friday and has "a strain, a bruise on her vocal cord," Shuter told the AP.

She canceled a planned appearance on CBS' "Late Show With David Letterman" this week but was to appear on MTV's "Total Request Live" on Tuesday afternoon to promote the album -- but not sing, Shuter said.

Simpson hopes her condition improves by Friday, when she is scheduled to perform on NBC's "Today" show, he said.

"She's trying," Shuter said. "Everybody is hoping and keeping their fingers crossed."

(bolded emphasis mine, it made me smile)

And now its time for DF to perform his top 5 jokes related to the article:

-"Maybe this will be an improvement!"

-"Hopefully it runs in the family!" or "Why couldn't it have been Ashlee?"

-"It's not like I appreciate her for her voice anyways."

-"If this had happened sooner, perhaps her marriage with Nick would have lasted a lot longer."

-"How can you tell the difference?"

Now write your own!

Posted: **2006-08-29 05:56pm**

She had a voice before?

Posted: **2006-08-29 06:27pm**

I'm sure numerous men would volunteer to help her massage her throat.

Posted: **2006-08-29 06:31pm**

Darth Wong wrote:I'm sure numerous men would volunteer to help her massage her throat.

She has a throat??

Posted: **2006-08-29 07:03pm**

Darth Wong wrote:I'm sure numerous men would volunteer to help her massage her throat.

Can I use a mallet?

Posted: **2006-08-29 08:01pm**

LeftWingExtremist wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:I'm sure numerous men would volunteer to help her massage her throat.
Can I use a mallet?

I don't know about you but I'm using my penis. That is of course if I were single and my penis was a couple inches longer.

Posted: **2006-08-29 11:04pm**

aerius wrote:
LeftWingExtremist wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:I'm sure numerous men would volunteer to help her massage her throat.
Can I use a mallet?
I don't know about you but I'm using my penis. That is of course if I were single and my penis was a couple inches longer.

Sorry I just want to kill her so that she can no longer produce that crap she calls music.

. Regardless at least she has stopped if ever so breifly.

Posted: **2006-08-30 12:28am**

she had a voice? I thought it was a cat meowing for food and the sound being reverbed through a high-pass filter.

Posted: **2006-08-30 02:09am**

I'm sure numerous men would volunteer to help her massage her throat.

I wouldn't be using my hands, and it would also be from the inside.

Posted: **2006-08-30 03:03am**

LeftWingExtremist wrote:
aerius wrote:
LeftWingExtremist wrote: Can I use a mallet?
I don't know about you but I'm using my penis. That is of course if I were single and my penis was a couple inches longer.
Sorry I just want to kill her so that she can no longer produce that crap she calls music. . Regardless at least she has stopped if ever so breifly.

RARGH! My dislike is so extreme I must express it with childish hyperbole and an idiotic emoticon! RARGH! I desire to beat a woman to death because I dislike her music! RARGH! I am so hardcore! RARGH!

Jesus Christ. What are you, 12? Nobody's impressed, and you're not funny.

Posted: **2006-08-30 08:12am**

As someone who always wanted to sing but has no talent or even real capability, I find this actually very tragic.

Posted: **2006-08-30 08:27am**

Sucks to be her, but a bruise should heal. Or she could join a black metal band.

Posted: **2006-08-30 11:26am**

Is that why ther'es a Halleluah Chorus echoing across the 'net?

Posted: **2006-08-30 11:27am**

Wait, Jessica Simpson is a singer? I thought her job was to create sexually suggestive video clips.

Posted: **2006-08-30 11:28am**

Darth Wong wrote:Wait, Jessica Simpson is a singer? I thought her job was to create sexually suggestive video clips.

The line has become blurred.

Posted: **2006-08-30 06:02pm**

Darth Garden Gnome wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:Wait, Jessica Simpson is a singer? I thought her job was to create sexually suggestive video clips.
The line has become blurred.

Since when was there a line? I've always seen only a smooth gradation...

Posted: **2006-08-30 08:46pm**

RedImperator wrote:
LeftWingExtremist wrote:
aerius wrote: I don't know about you but I'm using my penis. That is of course if I were single and my penis was a couple inches longer.
Sorry I just want to kill her so that she can no longer produce that crap she calls music. . Regardless at least she has stopped if ever so breifly.
RARGH! My dislike is so extreme I must express it with childish hyperbole and an idiotic emoticon! RARGH! I desire to beat a woman to death because I dislike her music! RARGH! I am so hardcore! RARGH!

Jesus Christ. What are you, 12? Nobody's impressed, and you're not funny.

I'm sorry just having a rant about where music has gone in the past 10 years, I wasnt trying to be funny. Also have you not heard of hyperbole or exageration?

Posted: **2006-08-30 10:23pm**

LeftWingExtremist wrote:I'm sorry just having a rant about where music has gone in the past 10 years, I wasnt trying to be funny. Also have you not heard of hyperbole or exageration?

Here's some friendly advice, you can choose to take it or leave it. Saying you want to kill someone - anyone, for any reason - is a great way to get you, the board and the people who go onto this board, into trouble. And for what? So that you can beat your chest and say "RAR the music industry sucks!"?

I have to echo Red's question: what are you, 12?

Posted: **2006-08-30 10:34pm**

Einhander Sn0m4n wrote:
Darth Garden Gnome wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:Wait, Jessica Simpson is a singer? I thought her job was to create sexually suggestive video clips.
The line has become blurred.
Since when was there a line?

Sometime after Arethra Franklin and before Madonna.

Posted: **2006-08-30 10:34pm**

LeftWingExtremist wrote:
RedImperator wrote:RARGH! My dislike is so extreme I must express it with childish hyperbole and an idiotic emoticon! RARGH! I desire to beat a woman to death because I dislike her music! RARGH! I am so hardcore! RARGH!

Jesus Christ. What are you, 12? Nobody's impressed, and you're not funny.
I'm sorry just having a rant about where music has gone in the past 10 years, I wasnt trying to be funny. Also have you not heard of hyperbole or exageration?

Nope, never. It's a total freak accident that I used the word hyperbole in the post to which you replied.

I'm fully fucking aware of what hyperbole is, you illiterate little dickweed, and I knew what you meant. If I didn't think you were exaggerating for effect, I would have HOSed your bullshit and started a Senate thread about it. I called you on your childish histrionics because they were stupid and irritating, not because I'm incapable of comprehending figurative language.

Posted: **2006-08-31 01:46am**

LeftWingExtremist wrote:I'm sorry just having a rant about where music has gone in the past 10 years, I wasnt trying to be funny.

Then shut up and go listen to something else.

Posted: **2006-08-31 05:52am**

Alright fine ill leave it, its not worth fighting over. I'm sorry.

Posted: **2006-08-31 06:08am**

Meh, I always pressed the mute button when watching her videos anyway. I don't see what all the fuss is about.

Posted: **2006-08-31 07:57am**

although the sad thing is I honestly dont find her attractive, just me I spose.

Posted: **2006-08-31 09:22am**

Rye wrote:Sucks to be her, but a bruise should heal. Or she could join a black metal band.

I can actually picture that, dye her hair black, get her a new outfit, I could totally see it.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Jessica Simpson Lost Her Voice

Jessica Simpson Lost Her Voice