Doomed Love On Deck 36
Posted: 2003-01-17 02:03pm
First draft is done!
Doomed Love On Deck 36:
Montgomery Scott (Captain, UFPSF, Ret.) Speaks Out On Physicists, Jubblies and Engineers Who Should've Known Better
by
Raoul Duke II
When I stepped into the lobby of the Tycho City Astoria, I was not well prepared for the work ahead. But how could I be? How do you approach a 146 year old man whose credentials include Chief Designer on one of the most successful military starship designs in the last... well, 146 years?
I stepped into the lobby of Joe Crater's, the retro-themed hotel restaurant, where a maroon Starfleet wraparound jacket, circa 2291, evidenced the fact that Somebody Important had made a habit of drinking here.
He waved me over, and it was clear that he had a bit of a head-start on me. "So," he nodded, "You're Duke, are ye? Have a seat, lad."
The seat, like the rest of the interior of Joe Crater's, was wide, flat and made of hard Duraplast. No wonder they still drank real alcohol -- it was an anaesthetic. I signalled a table attendant -- who insisted I refer to her as a waitress -- and ordered some anaesthetic of my own.
He and I shook hands. "Captain Montgomery Scott, Retired. Call me Monty." I asked him about his famous nickname.
"Which one?" he affected an innocent look. "'Scotty'? Not anymore. There were only a few people could call me that, and all but one o' them is gone now." Then his face brightened up again, "Or do ye mean 'Miracle Worker'? Because there are still a few who know me by that one... isn' that so, Katie?" he smiled up at our 'waitress', a striking young woman who returned a faint echo of Scott's smile.
My drink arrived, and that's when I turned on the recorder and we got to work.
RD: Captain Scott, as a civilian consultant to the Starfleet Corps of Engineers, how much input did you have into the recent action to redress the policy violations of the Galaxy Class Starship Development Project 25 years ago?
MS: How much input did I have? I spearheaded th' damn thing! When I was first brought up off the Jenolen I was in shock. Suddenly, everything I know is gone -- friends, family... it's a feeling of total unreality.
But after awhile, I started to notice little things, like children running about the carpeted corridors...
RD: What's wrong with that?
MS: What wrong -- what's wrong wi' that is that, yes, we've got labs and airponics and laa-dee-dah on the ship, an' that's fine. But Starfleet is not only an exploratory agency -- it's a military. Or it used to be. My God, man, I almost crapped my pants when I saw the exposed warp-field emitters on the nacelles of the Enterprise-D... in my day, we used to cover up our warp driver coil assemblies, not show them off!
RD: So what happened?
MS: It started right at the drawing board. The Cardassian Treaty had finally been signed, the Klingons were basically tending their own business for the time being, but the Romulans had been quiet for a good while -- and with the Romulans, it's always a good bet that quiet doesn't necessarily mean peace. Officially, the reason for the size of the Galaxy was greater range. Don't you believe it.
RD: The D'Deridex?
MS: Ah, so ye've heard those rumors, eh? Right, that was exactly it. A few civilian outposts had reported sighting a seven-hundred-plus meter starship on long-range, that would sit there for five minutes -- just hang there, stare at them -- then disappear. The Galaxy, apparently, was conceived of t' give them something just as big an' twice as ugly to stare at. That's what Ms. Brahms had to go on. "Make it big," they told the lass, "and if it works, aye, that's fine too."
RD: So the whole Galaxy-class... it isn't all Brahms's fault.
MS: Let me fill ye in on something, son. Do ye have any inkling why Starfleet chose a civilian physicist t' be chief designer on that damn project? Because three of their own engineers refused. They were drummed out for it, too -- a damned shame. Brahms was the only one foolish enough to think something like that would get the job done. Plain and simple. And even she must have had her doubts -- but in the end, it came down to money.
RD: She must've made enough to buy her own ship, at the very least. I remember hearing that the Galaxy was supposed to be the biggest thing in Starfleet ship design since -- well, since the Excelsior.
MS: Aye, that it was -- and that she did. I'm going to tell you a dirty little secret, Mr. Duke. And I don't mind doing it, because it's not my secret to tell -- it's Starfleet's. Have you ever wondered what it costs to build and operate a Galaxy-class starship?
RD: The only time I toured one and got the chance to ask, her captain just gave me the standard "don't worry about it" line.
MS: Aye. He didn't want a riot on his ship, is why -- that, and Starfleet would have his ass in a bracket for leaking classified data. Let me see if I can give ye an idea, let's say. That's a fine airrail ye've got parked out there -- a Verraci T900, is it? How much did that run ye?
RD: About ten thousand credits, give or take. Plus aftermarket driver coils --
MS: Aye, aye, that's fine. Now then, you've paid for about one square foot of deck plating on one deck of a Galaxy-class starship. One square foot.
About then, Katie brought us another round of drinks -- I could smell real alcohol in Scott's glass, and I politely asked whether I might have some of the same. It seemed only sensible.
RD: So Brahms gets a big credential on her resume and a hefty chunk of change while holding no engineering credentials. Why her?
MS: Why not? She was young, naive, and looking to make a name for herself.
RD: Obviously, she had to have had help from an actual engineer --
MS: Oh, she did, lad, she did. You said you toured a Galaxy, didn't you? Did they let you take a look at the Warp Core?
RD: Yeah, walked right up to it.
MS: Now... did it look a wee bit familiar? Or, put another way, have ye ever seen the Warp Core of an old Constitution-class starship?
RD: Well, yeah. Everybody knows they basically look the same --
MS: That's because they basically are the same! They took my 90 year old design for the Constitution refit, and scaled it up a little. They figured they could just 'borrow' the most powerful reactor design in Starfleet history, made it a wee bit bigger, and pump a pissload more juice into it. They also removed most of the redundant systems, backups and failsafes. On purpose.
RD: But Mr. Scott -- Monty -- what we all want to know is, why?
MS: (sighs) Because it wouldn't have worked if they'd left 'em in. Even if you run a Constitution-class core at controlled overload, it's still not going to put out enough stable power for a platform of that size. Not with all the nonessential systems they crammed onto it.
RD: What nonessential systems?
MS: God, shall we start? Holodecks. Did you know that it takes as much power for one of those cursed Holodecks to let you "walk" half a mile as it did to run the original Enterprise -- that's 1701 -- for three full days at Red Alert? No wonder those damned things are always going haywire! The processing requirements alone are mind-boggling, not to mention you're basically running continuous materialization/dematerialization... ugh.
RD: Here's the big question: what happens now?
MS: It's time to turn back a page. Starfleet has taken a wrong step. People have been promoted who shouldn't have been, and I need not name names. (The waitress has brought our drinks:) Thank you, Kathryn. Designs have been getting away from common sense; I've been hearing rumours tha' Engineering staff posted to Intrepid class starships, for example, are developing certain kinds of cancer. Probably related to being between attenuated warp fields, hmm?
No... it's time we got back to basics, got back to what gets the job done... but first and foremost, we need to stop kidding ourselves about what the job is. Seeking out new worlds and new civilizations is fine -- but let's not leave the torpedoes at home.
Doomed Love On Deck 36:
Montgomery Scott (Captain, UFPSF, Ret.) Speaks Out On Physicists, Jubblies and Engineers Who Should've Known Better
by
Raoul Duke II
When I stepped into the lobby of the Tycho City Astoria, I was not well prepared for the work ahead. But how could I be? How do you approach a 146 year old man whose credentials include Chief Designer on one of the most successful military starship designs in the last... well, 146 years?
I stepped into the lobby of Joe Crater's, the retro-themed hotel restaurant, where a maroon Starfleet wraparound jacket, circa 2291, evidenced the fact that Somebody Important had made a habit of drinking here.
He waved me over, and it was clear that he had a bit of a head-start on me. "So," he nodded, "You're Duke, are ye? Have a seat, lad."
The seat, like the rest of the interior of Joe Crater's, was wide, flat and made of hard Duraplast. No wonder they still drank real alcohol -- it was an anaesthetic. I signalled a table attendant -- who insisted I refer to her as a waitress -- and ordered some anaesthetic of my own.
He and I shook hands. "Captain Montgomery Scott, Retired. Call me Monty." I asked him about his famous nickname.
"Which one?" he affected an innocent look. "'Scotty'? Not anymore. There were only a few people could call me that, and all but one o' them is gone now." Then his face brightened up again, "Or do ye mean 'Miracle Worker'? Because there are still a few who know me by that one... isn' that so, Katie?" he smiled up at our 'waitress', a striking young woman who returned a faint echo of Scott's smile.
My drink arrived, and that's when I turned on the recorder and we got to work.
RD: Captain Scott, as a civilian consultant to the Starfleet Corps of Engineers, how much input did you have into the recent action to redress the policy violations of the Galaxy Class Starship Development Project 25 years ago?
MS: How much input did I have? I spearheaded th' damn thing! When I was first brought up off the Jenolen I was in shock. Suddenly, everything I know is gone -- friends, family... it's a feeling of total unreality.
But after awhile, I started to notice little things, like children running about the carpeted corridors...
RD: What's wrong with that?
MS: What wrong -- what's wrong wi' that is that, yes, we've got labs and airponics and laa-dee-dah on the ship, an' that's fine. But Starfleet is not only an exploratory agency -- it's a military. Or it used to be. My God, man, I almost crapped my pants when I saw the exposed warp-field emitters on the nacelles of the Enterprise-D... in my day, we used to cover up our warp driver coil assemblies, not show them off!
RD: So what happened?
MS: It started right at the drawing board. The Cardassian Treaty had finally been signed, the Klingons were basically tending their own business for the time being, but the Romulans had been quiet for a good while -- and with the Romulans, it's always a good bet that quiet doesn't necessarily mean peace. Officially, the reason for the size of the Galaxy was greater range. Don't you believe it.
RD: The D'Deridex?
MS: Ah, so ye've heard those rumors, eh? Right, that was exactly it. A few civilian outposts had reported sighting a seven-hundred-plus meter starship on long-range, that would sit there for five minutes -- just hang there, stare at them -- then disappear. The Galaxy, apparently, was conceived of t' give them something just as big an' twice as ugly to stare at. That's what Ms. Brahms had to go on. "Make it big," they told the lass, "and if it works, aye, that's fine too."
RD: So the whole Galaxy-class... it isn't all Brahms's fault.
MS: Let me fill ye in on something, son. Do ye have any inkling why Starfleet chose a civilian physicist t' be chief designer on that damn project? Because three of their own engineers refused. They were drummed out for it, too -- a damned shame. Brahms was the only one foolish enough to think something like that would get the job done. Plain and simple. And even she must have had her doubts -- but in the end, it came down to money.
RD: She must've made enough to buy her own ship, at the very least. I remember hearing that the Galaxy was supposed to be the biggest thing in Starfleet ship design since -- well, since the Excelsior.
MS: Aye, that it was -- and that she did. I'm going to tell you a dirty little secret, Mr. Duke. And I don't mind doing it, because it's not my secret to tell -- it's Starfleet's. Have you ever wondered what it costs to build and operate a Galaxy-class starship?
RD: The only time I toured one and got the chance to ask, her captain just gave me the standard "don't worry about it" line.
MS: Aye. He didn't want a riot on his ship, is why -- that, and Starfleet would have his ass in a bracket for leaking classified data. Let me see if I can give ye an idea, let's say. That's a fine airrail ye've got parked out there -- a Verraci T900, is it? How much did that run ye?
RD: About ten thousand credits, give or take. Plus aftermarket driver coils --
MS: Aye, aye, that's fine. Now then, you've paid for about one square foot of deck plating on one deck of a Galaxy-class starship. One square foot.
About then, Katie brought us another round of drinks -- I could smell real alcohol in Scott's glass, and I politely asked whether I might have some of the same. It seemed only sensible.
RD: So Brahms gets a big credential on her resume and a hefty chunk of change while holding no engineering credentials. Why her?
MS: Why not? She was young, naive, and looking to make a name for herself.
RD: Obviously, she had to have had help from an actual engineer --
MS: Oh, she did, lad, she did. You said you toured a Galaxy, didn't you? Did they let you take a look at the Warp Core?
RD: Yeah, walked right up to it.
MS: Now... did it look a wee bit familiar? Or, put another way, have ye ever seen the Warp Core of an old Constitution-class starship?
RD: Well, yeah. Everybody knows they basically look the same --
MS: That's because they basically are the same! They took my 90 year old design for the Constitution refit, and scaled it up a little. They figured they could just 'borrow' the most powerful reactor design in Starfleet history, made it a wee bit bigger, and pump a pissload more juice into it. They also removed most of the redundant systems, backups and failsafes. On purpose.
RD: But Mr. Scott -- Monty -- what we all want to know is, why?
MS: (sighs) Because it wouldn't have worked if they'd left 'em in. Even if you run a Constitution-class core at controlled overload, it's still not going to put out enough stable power for a platform of that size. Not with all the nonessential systems they crammed onto it.
RD: What nonessential systems?
MS: God, shall we start? Holodecks. Did you know that it takes as much power for one of those cursed Holodecks to let you "walk" half a mile as it did to run the original Enterprise -- that's 1701 -- for three full days at Red Alert? No wonder those damned things are always going haywire! The processing requirements alone are mind-boggling, not to mention you're basically running continuous materialization/dematerialization... ugh.
RD: Here's the big question: what happens now?
MS: It's time to turn back a page. Starfleet has taken a wrong step. People have been promoted who shouldn't have been, and I need not name names. (The waitress has brought our drinks:) Thank you, Kathryn. Designs have been getting away from common sense; I've been hearing rumours tha' Engineering staff posted to Intrepid class starships, for example, are developing certain kinds of cancer. Probably related to being between attenuated warp fields, hmm?
No... it's time we got back to basics, got back to what gets the job done... but first and foremost, we need to stop kidding ourselves about what the job is. Seeking out new worlds and new civilizations is fine -- but let's not leave the torpedoes at home.