[Humor] The USS Make Sh*t Up

Marc Xavier · Post by **Marc Xavier** » 2003-04-05 03:29am

This is song that I'm quite fond of, and I think you'll find quite amusing:

I was stranded, on a planet; just me and Spock.
We met a nasty Nazi alien, he locked our asses up.

We found a hunk of crystal, and a metal piece of bed.
We made a laser phaser gun, and shot him in the head.

Bust a move, talk

I was standing on the bridge, when Sulu came to me,
His eyes were full of tears, he said "Captain, cant you see??"

The ship is gonna blow, do something I beeseech!
I grabbed a tribble and some chewing gum, and I stopped the warp core breach.

(Chorus)
And I say...
Bounce the graviton particle beam off the Main Deflector Dish
That's the way we do things lad! We're makin' shit up as we wish.

The Klingons and the Romulans pose no threat to us!
Cuz if we find we're in a bind, we'll just make some shit up!

...and though he's just a child, and some think him a twit
Wesley is the master when it comes to makin up some shit.

He's the guy you want with you when you go out in space!
If only he could beam those pimples of his face...

And if you're at a party, on the starship enterprise
and the karaoke player just plain old up and dies..

Setup an adreno field inside a can of peas
Hold onto Geordi's visor and... sing into Data's knee!

(Chorus)
And I say...
Bounce the graviton particle beam off the Main Deflector Dish
That's the way we do things lad! We're makin' shit up as we wish.

The Klingons and the Romulans pose no threat to us!
Cuz if we find we're in a bind, we'll just make some shit up!

Sisko's on a mission... to go no bloody place.
He loiters on a space station above Bajoran space.

The wormhole opened up and now they come from near and far.
We'll keep the booze, but please send back the fuckin' Jem-Hadar.

What is with the Klingons? Remember in the day
They looked like Puerto Ricans and dressed in gold lame

Now they look like heavy metal rockers from the dead
With leather pants and frizzy hair, and lobsters on their heads.

(Chorus)
And I say...
Bounce the graviton particle beam off the Main Deflector Dish
That's the way we do things lad! We're makin' shit up as we wish.

The Klingons and the Romulans, they pose no threat to us!
Cuz if we find we're in a bind, we just make some shit up!

Well I was stuck on Voyager, pounding on the door
When suddenly it dawned on me, I've seen this show before

Perhaps I'm in a warp bubble and slightly out of phase
Cuz it was way back in the 60's when they called it Lost in Space

We were lookin' for a way to make the ratings soar
So we orchestrated an encounter with the Borg

Normally you'd think that that would get us into shit
But this one has a smashing ass, and lovely set of tits

(Chorus)
And I say...
Bounce the graviton particle beam off the Main Deflector Dish
That's the way we do things lad! We're makin' shit up as we wish.

The Klingons and the Romulans, they pose no threat to us!
Cuz if we find we're in a bind
We're totally screwed but nevermind
We'll pull something out of our behind...

...we just make some shit up.

by Voltaire

Brother-Captain Gaius · Post by **Brother-Captain Gaius** » 2003-04-05 05:09am

So very, very true...

The Silence and I · Post by **The Silence and I** » 2003-04-05 12:24pm

-Copy and Save-

This is so accurate it hurts

Warspite · Post by **Warspite** » 2003-04-05 01:25pm

Strange, Monty Python's Lumberjack song popped up on my mind...

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-04-05 02:09pm

That an actual song? It's pretty damn funny and with the exception of TOS painfully true.

Marc Xavier · Post by **Marc Xavier** » 2003-04-05 02:13pm

Yes it is an actual song. It's a great listen, actually.

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2003-04-05 06:13pm

Give me a day, and I'll dredge up Tom Smith's lyrics to "the Time Plot"(to the tune of "the time warp")

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2003-04-06 11:19pm

sorry, didn't get the whole thing, but here's the start
(Let's do)The Time Plot (Again)

It's astounding,
That Starfleet has,
No working,
Time Machine

So listen closely
Ds9, NextGen, and Voyager
I've got to
Keep this clean

I Remember,
Edge of Forever
Look what's happened to Trek since then
What was done Uniquely
Now is practically Weekly

Lets do the Time Plot Again(x2)

Its' just a temporal twist
Some cosmic entity just can't get it right
Put your hands on your phasers
Misunderstand and fi-i-ight
Apologise and trust,
this stuff'll drive you insa-a-ane

Lets do the Time Plot Again(x2)

I'm disgusted,
Realities busted,
the timeline we trusted isn't there at all,
(can't remember this line)
My Mom's Mussolini,
I break wind,
Galactic empires fall
We'll invent new technobabble
With a tileset from scrabble
dropped into a word-processor on blend
With cool visual whiz-tricks
But ignore math and physics

Lets do the Time Plot Again(x2)

Hold up, cancel that, just found it online here goes the full thing, with my vague recollections above for comparison

Words: © 1995 Tom Smith
Music: "Time Warp" by Richard O'Brien from The Rocky Horror Show

It's astounding that Starfleet has
No working time machine,
So listen closely, Deep Space, Next Gen and Voyager,
I've got to keep this clean.
I remember "... Edge of Forever,"
Look at what's happened to Trek since then.
What was done uniquely now is practically weekly --
Let's do the Time Plot again!
Let's do the Time Plot again!

It's just a temporal shift --
A Cosmic Entity just-can't-get-it-right!
Put your hands on your phasers --
Misunderstand and fi-i-ight!
Apologize and tru-u-u-ust --
This stuff'll drive you insay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ane!
Let's do the Time Plot again!
Let's do the Time Plot again!

I feel disgusted, Reality's busted,
The timeline we trusted ain't there at all.
I change something teeny, my mom's Mussolini,
I break wind, and galactic empires fall.

We can make up new babble, with a tile set from Scrabble,
Dropped into a word processor on blend.
Give us visual whiz tricks, but ignore math and physics --
Let's do the Time Plot again!
Let's do the Time Plot again!

Well, I was walking down the street when Sherlock Holmes
Summoned up a big demon with some ancient tomes,
The British Royal Navy got me safe offshore,
Then sold me into slavery, behind the Green Door.
I signed up for an interstellar Trek,
Now I'm gonna take a hatchet to the Holodeck!

Let's do the Time plot again!
Let's do the Time plot again!

(tapitty-tap-ta-tap-ta-tap)
Eight, six, four, two, we can blame it all on "Q"!

Eat your heart out, Marty McFly!

Let's do the Time Plot again!
Let's do the Time Plot again!

It's just a temporal shift --
We try explaining it, but just-can't-get-it-right!
Break out the techno-babble --
It's Science Fiction Lite!
Ignore the stuff you kno-o-o-ow --
This stuff'll rot your bray-ay-ay-ay-ay-ain!
Let's do the Time Plot again!
Let's do the Time Plot again!

Marc Xavier · Post by **Marc Xavier** » 2003-04-06 11:23pm

We can make up new babble, with a tile set from Scrabble,
Dropped into a word processor on blend.
Give us visual whiz tricks, but ignore math and physics --

So unbearably, totally, and absolutely true...

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2003-04-07 12:10am

Motion for Tom Smith to be made an honorary Sith Apprentice just for this song.

Admiral Johnason · Post by **Admiral Johnason** » 2003-04-07 09:08pm

Too damn funny.