North America to Be Ass Raped by Space Probe

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-05-02 12:53am

http://talk.trekweb.com/articles/2003/0 ... 07527.html

Cartman still denies the giant satellite dish sticking out of his ass exists.

Wait, what?

Yes, B&B are going to nuke North America. Unfortunately they're not anywhere on the continent when they do it.

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2003-05-02 12:57am

Enterprise takes place much later after WW3. Now, there was no mention whatsoever of this "Xindi" and the North American continent is pretty much intact by the time TOS rolls around.

Who here agree with me when it looks like BB are again running out of ideas?

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2003-05-02 12:58am

"[Jolene Blalock] will sport a new cat suit and hairdo next season."

That is all.

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-05-02 01:25am

I wonder if they need to go back in time and get some whales in order to save Earth.

Crayz9000 · Post by **Crayz9000** » 2003-05-02 01:27am

Darth Garden Gnome wrote:"[Jolene Blalock] will sport a new cat suit and hairdo next season."

That is all.

I wonder how much skin she'll be showing in her new paj--I mean uniform.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-05-02 01:31am

"retrofitted for war"

someone, stop this now....

Burak Gazan · Post by **Burak Gazan** » 2003-05-02 01:42am

Sweet Jesus....

not ANOTHER effing time travel trek-o-rama??!!
Kill it
Kill it now

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-05-02 02:03am

Oh dear god no.

Typhonis 1 · Post by **Typhonis 1** » 2003-05-02 02:06am

Captain the series is going downhill faster than a cement truck without brakes*faux Scottish accent added in effects*

Sokar · Post by **Sokar** » 2003-05-02 02:16am

Why get upset, B&b have already fucked the continuity so hard, why quit now. Go all the way, smash the hell out of Earth, create a race no ones ever heard about, ignore the Romulan War COMPLETELY, make Trip a woman, and stuff a dildo down T'Pol's catsuit for a scene or two, just as an added touch.

The only way to kill it is to not watch, talk about or in anyway promote this crap fest.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2003-05-02 02:18am

Sokar wrote:... and stuff a dildo down T'Pol's catsuit for a scene or two, just as an added touch.

Words *REALLY* fail me this time...!

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-05-02 02:21am

causing epic explosions and annihilating everything between Florida and Venezuela,

WTF, that would mean its hitting 90%+ water and only some minor islands along with part of Cuba. Some preemptive strike

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-05-02 02:23am

Sea Skimmer wrote:
causing epic explosions and annihilating everything between Florida and Venezuela,
WTF, that would mean its hitting 90%+ water and only some minor islands along with part of Cuba. Some preemptive strike

Maybe they just really don't like Cubans.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-05-02 02:37am

neoolong wrote:Maybe they just really don't like Cubans.

It's probably because the Head of Fidel Castro, who is president of the UFP in 400 years from when this is set, ordered the strike on their homeworld.

Joe Momma · Post by **Joe Momma** » 2003-05-02 02:45am

"We find out that the Xindi space probe was merely a test and that they are creating an even more powerful weapon,” Berman says. “It’s up to Captain Archer to go there and stop them from destroying us altogether.”

Arming the Yamato with the Wave Motion Gun, Archer and his fellow Star Blazers will leave the devastated Earth behind to wipe out the Comet Empire before our planet dies!

Actually, I think Star Blazers just came out on DVD here in the US. Maybe we can trace future Enterprise developments by seeing what old sci-fi shows are coming out at the rental store each week? Next season, the Enterprise searches for the lost tribe of Caprica and Dr. Tuvix (I'm not gonna bother looking up his real name) has a lab mishap and now turns into a green behemoth when he gets pissed! New stories, no limits!

-- Joe Momma

Sokar · Post by **Sokar** » 2003-05-02 02:49am

Joe Momma wrote: Arming the Yamato with the Wave Motion Gun, Archer and his fellow Star Blazers will leave the devastated Earth behind to wipe out the Comet Empire before our planet dies!

Holy FUCK, how did I miss that one, Ive only watched Starblazers like a hundred times......Out of the mouths of Younglings......now I know how Obi Wan felt

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2003-05-02 03:00am

Joe Momma wrote:"We find out that the Xindi space probe was merely a test and that they are creating an even more powerful weapon,” Berman says. “It’s up to Captain Archer to go there and stop them from destroying us altogether.”

Arming the Yamato with the Wave Motion Gun, Archer and his fellow Star Blazers will leave the devastated Earth behind to wipe out the Comet Empire before our planet dies!

Actually, I think Star Blazers just came out on DVD here in the US. Maybe we can trace future Enterprise developments by seeing what old sci-fi shows are coming out at the rental store each week? Next season, the Enterprise searches for the lost tribe of Caprica and Dr. Tuvix (I'm not gonna bother looking up his real name) has a lab mishap and now turns into a green behemoth when he gets pissed! New stories, no limits!

-- Joe Momma

Actually, they've already started to copy old Enterprise episodes. And they're only in the second season.

Faram · Post by **Faram** » 2003-05-02 03:08am

Furthermore, even Jolene Blalock's 'T'Pol', as a result of resigning from the Vulcan High Command, "will sport a new cat suit and hairdo next season."

Woo new cat suit and hairdo.

Yea that will fix it!

Horny teanagers will flock to see that!

What's next Teens gone wild the StarTrek way?

Posbi · Post by **Posbi** » 2003-05-02 03:26am

Allright, okay, who the hell are the Xindi?

Superman · Post by **Superman** » 2003-05-02 03:32am

Archer already mentioned that Earth has gone through three World Wars. Commence continuity fucking, B & B.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-05-02 03:38am

Crayz9000 wrote:
Darth Garden Gnome wrote:"[Jolene Blalock] will sport a new cat suit and hairdo next season."

That is all.
I wonder how much skin she'll be showing in her new paj--I mean uniform.

Speaking of which, why don't they just put Blalock in a Uniform next season? I thought the same thing about 7 of 9: a uniform is always sexier than a catsuit (at least in my book).

Sokar · Post by **Sokar** » 2003-05-02 04:19am

Posbi wrote:Allright, okay, who the hell are the Xindi?

A result of a massive curry binge by Braga and the noises he made the next morning while praying for the ice cream to come along.

Posbi · Post by **Posbi** » 2003-05-02 04:24am

Sokar wrote:
Posbi wrote:Allright, okay, who the hell are the Xindi?
A result of a massive curry binge by Braga and the noises he made the next morning while praying for the ice cream to come along.

Sounds dangerousy logical.

hvb · Post by **hvb** » 2003-05-02 05:50am

neoolong wrote: Actually, they've already started to copy old Enterprise episodes. And they're only in the second season.

So you say Bunnies&Burrows, or someone on their team, has now started to watch pre-B&B TNG/TOS episodes

(If only to rip them off for new old plot ideas natch.

, they do it not for continuity checking, I can tell you that much

.)

Warspite · Post by **Warspite** » 2003-05-02 05:55am

Sea Skimmer wrote:
causing epic explosions and annihilating everything between Florida and Venezuela,
WTF, that would mean its hitting 90%+ water and only some minor islands along with part of Cuba. Some preemptive strike

No, no, no... It's like ST: IV, it goes around the world, but B&B only had a map of the American continent, Central and North America, that is...

Furthermore, even Jolene Blalock's 'T'Pol', as a result of resigning from the Vulcan High Command, "will sport a new cat suit and hairdo next season."

That... thing, changes hairdo and clothes because she resigns the High Command??????? She could at least change into something different, but nooooo, same old stupid catsuit. At least, in the movies the Vulcans had some sense of fashion... Doh, silly me, that is TOS, this is B&B, right.

I specially like the comments made bellow the page.