Terrible Trek Crap I Found on Google

Einhander Sn0m4n · Post by **Einhander Sn0m4n** » 2003-07-18 05:02pm

Google Image Search 'Star Collision' page 4.

http://fanfiction.n-chicken.net/fanfict ... trek.shtml

It's truly horrific...

Kintaro · Post by **Kintaro** » 2003-07-18 05:04pm

What the fuck was that?

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-07-18 05:05pm

"Hyper-warp speed"

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-07-18 05:10pm

GODLY IN THEIR MOCKING OF TREK

Jadeite · Post by **Jadeite** » 2003-07-18 05:20pm

Bad Fanfic wrote:BUT THEN IN WALKED SPOCK! OMG!!!11!!!!111111!

thecreech · Post by **thecreech** » 2003-07-18 05:24pm

That is some strange shit

Matt7 · Post by **Matt7** » 2003-07-18 05:26pm

*scratches head in confusion

Stormbringer · Post by **Stormbringer** » 2003-07-18 05:26pm

Moved to Pure Star Trek.

Post by **Dalton** » 2003-07-18 05:27pm

Holy shit.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2003-07-18 05:29pm

...

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-07-18 05:32pm

This is like the trekkie version of GONADS AND STRIFE!!!

BUT THEN IN WALKED SPOCK! OMG!!!11!!!!111111! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!1

*editted for the monitor gestapo*

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-07-18 05:35pm

Please edit your post Koji.

Oberleutnant · Post by **Oberleutnant** » 2003-07-18 05:57pm

Seriously, I have no clue whether this is meant as a parody of a bad fanfic or not.

The same author has also written a Resident Evil fanfic which is equally enjoyable reading. You can truly feel the tension and horror.

Although this should probably go to pure SW, don't forget to check out this wonderful SW fanfic from the same site.

Who would've guessed that Luke became the owner of a "Jedi candy store" after New Republic took Coruscant? Alderaan also does surprisingly well considering that it was destroyed several years ago. How about Chewbacca who is taking English lessons? The stuff about Vader and Amidala is simply mind boggling and makes you wonder what movies the author has been watching.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2003-07-18 06:10pm

Montcalm wrote:Please edit your post Koji.

wot? why???

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2003-07-18 06:13pm

Don't laugh, I'm inspired, that woudl make a GREAT title for the next chapter of Starcrossed.

Chapter 55: But then in walked Spock!!!!omg!!!!1111

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2003-07-18 06:16pm

kojikun wrote:
Montcalm wrote:Please edit your post Koji.
wot? why???

He might have an 800x600 monitor size. Then it would mess with the format for him...

Oberleutnant · Post by **Oberleutnant** » 2003-07-18 06:18pm

Stravo wrote:Don't laugh, I'm inspired, that woudl make a GREAT title for the next chapter of Starcrossed.

Chapter 55: But then in walked Spock!!!!omg!!!!1111

Don't forget to give Spock the following line: "Now prepare to be viciously pinched!!"

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2003-07-18 06:35pm

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:
kojikun wrote:
Montcalm wrote:Please edit your post Koji.
wot? why???
He might have an 800x600 monitor size. Then it would mess with the format for him...

I can set it to 1024x768 but one of the others using the computer here whine about the words being too small.

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2003-07-18 07:37pm

Oh my.

paladin · Post by **paladin** » 2003-07-18 07:40pm

Compared to Boobyprise, this thing is brilliant!

Laird · Post by **Laird** » 2003-07-18 07:54pm

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2003-07-18 08:49pm

Hah hah! That's hilarious!

Though on the other hand, I've wiped my ass with better webpages.

Ignorant_Boy · Post by **Ignorant_Boy** » 2003-07-18 09:22pm

Is this guy serious?

RedImperator · Post by **RedImperator** » 2003-07-19 01:32am

Absolutely hilarious. Also, consider this Legend of Zelda fanfic:

LEGEND OF ZELDA: TRUTHS UNDONE wrote:EDITORS NOTE: this story has been edited for content in some sections but well have the full story when the special mature audiences section but if youre under 18 youre asked not to read this anyway because there are explisit references here
-Mike

Link walked into his Kokiri Forest home, set down his sword, and flopped down on his bed. He was exhausted from a long day's work of killing things in Hyrule Field, and promtply fell asleep. When he awoek, Zelda was standing in front of him.

'Oh Link, I Want U!" said zelda, slipping off her brEDITED FOR CONTENT

EDITED FOR CONTENT

"i Want u too" said Link, and lifted zelda on the bed. slowly he began to EDITED FOR CONTENT

EDITED FOR CONTENT

EDITED FOR CONTENT

EDITED FOR CONTENT

Then navi walked in!!!

"navi i can explain!!!" said Link.

"i'm leaving u Link, ur cheatign on me!" said navi

"o well" said link, and went back to fucEDITED FOR CONTENT

EDITED FOR CONTENT

'taht was great, Link" said Zelda. "yes", said Link

then thay went home.

THE END!!!

Emphasis in the original.

Post by **fgalkin** » 2003-07-19 02:54am

Tolkien vs. Rowling

Frodo pulled out his now glaring sword. The fellowship stared at it knowing exactly what was going to happen.

"Orcs!" said Legolas hoarsely.
"Stating the obvious" muttered Gimli under his breath, not intending on anyone hearing it.
"Shut up you dwarf!" shouted Legolas, clearly annoyed by Gimli's previous remark.
"It appears we have a cave troll" Boromir said in a matter-of-factly way.
"And you moan at me for saying pointless things that make no sense" said Legolas.

Whilst this argument,about cave trolls, carried on, the anxiety and tension was building inside Frodo and the other hobbits. Aragorn was standing in front of them with his sword out ready to fight. The doors were open nearly. Frodo knew he might have only minutes to live, maybe even seconds!It was disgusting! The cave troll had grey and scabby skin that was peeling off. Its eyes were a dusky yellow and its lips were black. The cave troll roared as it came towards Legolas and Aragorn, who were at the moment staring at the cave troll.

"Aragorn," whispered Legolas,"Aragorn, shouldn't you be coming up to the cave troll with your sword right now. So then i can kill him with my bow and save the day...again"
"You see i would if i thought that i could defeat it" Aragorn said slowly.
"Why did you join the fellowship if you didn't think that you could defeat cave trolls, like this?" asked Legolas, pointing at the troll.
" To make Arwen fall in love with me" replied Aragorn.
"At least you get her in the end, all I get is Gimli!" shouted Legolas.
"How do you know that?" asked Aragorn.
"I've read the Return of the king" Legolas explained.
"Oh right" said Aragorn surprised at the fact that the cave troll hadn't attempted to kill them yet. Actually Aragorn couldn't see the troll.
"Where is the troll Legolas... Legolas"said Aragorn confused.
"Well if your not going to do your fancy sword thing, I'm just going to cut straight to my fancy bow thing" said Legolas casually as if killing cave trollswas something that many people did often.
"So, it's dead then?" asked Aragorn.
"Yes" answered Legolas, his blue eyes sparkling.

Gandalf walked over to where Gimli was lying. At first he thought Gimli was dead, that was until he saw Gimli spinning on his armour like a tortoise, trying to get up. Gandalf helped him up, and then brushed down his own clothes.
"Is everyone alright? Frodo!," Gandalf called out," Where's Frodo?"

******

"That's my story, which may I say is exactly like your's, but with a bit of quidditch thrown in" said Tolkien, annoyed with the fact that J.K. Rowling had copied off of him.
" I did not copy off of you! Everything in the books that I have written is.......uncopied!" said Rowling angrily, trying to find the right words that not only made sense, but were actually in the english vocabulary.
"What's your story then?!"asked Tolkien.

*****

Harry Potter looked up from where he was lying. A gigantic mountain troll was towering over him ("I told you so!" said Tolkien.) As i was saying, there was a gigantic cave troll towering over him. It was grey and had skin that looked tremendously like leather, but the nastier, fake type that you can get. Ron and Ginny were trying to kill it, but were failing miserably.
"Hello, a little help wouldn't go amiss you know!"exclaimed Harry.
"Sorry Harry, but it's a mountain troll, and they don't exactly go down easily.
Harry was trapped in a corner and the troll was standing right in front of Harry, making it harder for him to get out. No matter what spells Ginny and Ron tried, the troll wasn't affected.
"Try that leviosa spell!" Harry called out.
"OK, Wingardium Leviosa!" Ron and Ginny called out together. The troll's club now lifted out of his hand and landed on the troll's head, and knocked him out.
The next thing that Harry saw was Dumbledore, Fred, George and Sirius rushing in to see how he was.
"Harry, i have a confession to make. I'm actually Aragorn in a cunning disguise!" said Sirius.
"Give my book back you cheating....." said Rowling.
"Language now Miss Rowling" said Tolkien in return.

*****

"See you have copied me!" said Tolkien.
"Have not!" replied Rowling.
"Yes you have, I bet you anything that if i got all my characters into this hall right now i could match them up with someone i nyour books!" said Tolkien.
"Go on then" said Rowling challenging Tolkien.
"Wait a minute, let me just write it in then..........finished!" shouted Tolkien.

*****

The fellowship walked up to the castle all covered in blood and other gory bits fromthe troll. Aragorn was first, as usual ,just to show off how manly he can be.
"Where are we?" asked Legolas.
"According to the signs everywhere on the door, i'm guessing it's Hogwarts!" shouted Gandalf competing against the wind.
"Shall we go inside"asked Legolas.
"Might as well" said Gimli.

As soon as the fellowship passed through the door they were greeted into the Great Hall by Tolkien, Rowling and Harry and Co.

"See, i've already found loads of comparisons, Sirius is Aragorn, Fred is Merry, George is Pippin, Sam is Ron, Harry is Frodo....." said Tolkien until he was cut off.
"Wait a minute, Sam and Frodo are gay! Are you implying that me and Harry are gay!" said Ron.
"Yes!" explained Aragorn.....i mean Sirius.....no i mean Aragorn.
"See even the writer of the story is getting confused" shouted Tolkien.
"Me and Harry are not gay and don't do any of the stuff that Sam and Frodo do!" said Ron. With that Ro nwinked at Harry and said that he and Harry could still have their privatemoments in the muggle study rooms if Harry really wanted to. As soon as Ron said this a smile crept up onto Harry's face. He did enjoy those moments. I won't go into any detail though.
"Yes i know you won't!" shouted Ron.
Sorry Ron!

The end.

"Wait a minute! Who's my twin!" said Legolas deeply hurt.

*****
Meanwhile on the star ship enterprise!

"Are you ready Spock?" asked Scotty.
"Yes i think so, BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!!!!" said Spock
A white beam of light surrounded Spock and blinded him so that it was impossible for him to see any thing.

*****

Spock landed next to Legolas.
"There's your twin Lego...las" said Aragorn.
"Who are you?" asked Legolas.
"Well that's a long story..." started Spock.

Yes well we don't need to hear it Spock. So Legolas was happy that he had a twin and Tolkien won the battle against Rowling.

THE END

It's....brilliant...

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin