Well, that was a whole lot of nothing —SPOILERS
Posted: 2002-12-14 10:47am
Where to begin...
Star Trek: Nemesis did not quite plumb the depths of sheer stupidity as Worst Contact did —which was Voyager-level stupid. But on the other hand, Nemesis seemed to be a rather flat and dull runaround which was only very vaguely a TNG film or a Star Trek film at all, for that matter. The plot could have been written for any random set of characters; they just happened to be the TNG crew, within Trek settings which seemed to have been picked entirely at random. And what is worse is that the movie has all of Insurrection's defects: nothing in Nemesis really gels together or follows logically from A to B to so forth.
For all of the backstory devoted to Picard's EvilClone Skippy, any Star Trek alien race could have served as his enslavers who sent him to rot in the dilithium mines for plot purposes. In large measure, it almost seems as if the story writers simply picked the Romulans at random draw just to provide Skippy with some backstory, anydamn backstory to justify his presence in the movie beyond that of his being Snidley Whiplash and put forth some sort of reason for his hatred. But it all has the feeling of being very contrived. There is no natural sense of Skippy's history to really connect the audience to his background or motives, or make us care about him as the particular threat against the TNG heroes. Indeed, just about every major plot point seems to be driven by nothing more than convenience simply to keep driving the movie forward.
The playwright Anton Chekhov once stated a very basic rule of drama by pointing out that if you show a gun hanging on a wall in Act One, you must use it by the end of Act Three. Nemesis is chok-a-block with guns hanging on wall-racks to be fired off within the last half hour of the movie.
What, for example, is the purpose of the entire subplot where Skippy psychically rapes Deanna? Simply to make us hate him all the more? Or just to provide the Big Plot Device during the battle between the Enterprise and the Scimitar which proves the only means of detecting Skippy's Battleship of Doom behind its ubercloak? Hanging gun number one.
Why does Skippy's Number One Female Captain conveniently spot her fuhrer doubling over in pain in one scene, then to have a sudden change of heart about annihilating every human on Earth; a plan she had no problem with when conspiring to knock off the entire Romulan senate? So that she can ride to the Enteprise's rescue in the Valdore by Act Three to keep the movie from ending too soon. Hanging gun number two.
Why the big scene where Data, disguised as B4, shows off his little emergency transporter coin to Picard? So that he can use it to beam his captain to safety just before the Big Moment of heroic self-sacrifice at movie's climax. Hanging gun number three.
And why the utterly pointless and poorly photographed armed dune buggy race on the planet where B4 is found? To set us up for Picard's little run through the Scimitar's corridors in the Scorpion fightercraft —at unsafe velocities (or ludicrous speed). Hanging gun number four.
Why the entire plot thread with B4, who later turns out to be a spy device for Skippy? So that Data can infiltrate the Scimitar and rescue Picard while feeding the enemy false information in the bargain. Hanging gun number five.
It wasn't that the plot points were telegraphed to the audience, they were announced with bullhorns, with neon signs flashing. There was zero subtletly to the set up of any major scene in the whole of the film. And this lack of subtlety extended not only to the plot points, but the plot complications as well. Skippy kidnaps Picard in the middle of the movie to sample his blood. We later learn that only a full transfusion of Picard's blood or marrow or ribosomes or whatever will prevent Skippy from ageing to death, so that prevents the immediate destruction of the Enterprise when Skippy's got her in the gunsights and thus stretches out the showdown battle. We are told that Skippy's ubermicrowave ultimate weapon will require seven full minutes to charge up and deploy for firing, so this gives Picard and Data the margin of safety they need to infiltrate the Battleship of Doom and destroy it.
The remaining plot elements which supposedly provided the support for the whole wobbly structure of the movie only help to undermine it even further. I mean, we're talking about some huge plot holes and script items which was just plain dumb. For example: who couldn't have figured out that B4 was going to be trouble? Given previous bad experience with all of Dr. Soong's other androids, what made Picard, Data, or Geordi imagine that things would be any different with this clicker? The very second we see B4 at a computer console with no guards in the room, we know right off that this is only going to lead to trouble. Particularly when Geordi and Data spot a redundant memory port in B4's head which Data doesn't seem to have.
Our "fears" seem confirmed when Skippy's got Picard in his playroom and "B4" walks in, ready to download the stolen files into Skippy's PC. Only —surprise— it turns out to be Data in disguise.
So when was the switch made? When did they discover what B4 was up to on the Enterprise? How did they overpower him? And when did they have time to build that extra memory port into Data's head to fool Skippy? Because the download link was plugged into the "redundant memory port" on "B4". Never once does the movie consider it necessary to wallpaper over this rather gaping plot hole.
Skippy's got Picard nice and secure, but instead of simply extracting the genetic material he needs to live at the very moment he's got Picard helpless and available, Skippy's got to be one of these boring maniacs who likes to gloat and, like any James Bond villain, conveniently leaves the room to allow Picard's escape —just about the clumsiest plot device of the entire damn movie in fact.
The Remans live permanently on the dark side of Remus. They cannot stand bright light. At the initial meeting between EvilClone Skippy and the Enterprise officers, this weakness is spotlighted (pun intended). During the Enterprise/Scimitar combat, a Reman boarding party beams over to the Enterprise to grab Picard. We can only conclude that at their ages, the Enterprise command crew are starting to have short-term memory problems, since none of them even think to turn up the ship's lighting to the bright setting.
It seems to be at least two days travel between Romulus to Earth. EvilClone Skippy hasn't got a whole hell of a lot of time to execute his Horrific Plan, yet he wastes so much of it gloating over Picard and trying to arrange his kidnap to get the genetic material he needs to live which he neglected to get when he had Baldy Sr. in his grasp! You don't even have this incompetence in a Republic serial villain, and he ends up wasting so much time that it's an almost certain bet that he'll die before the Battleship of Doom reaches Earth.
When Deanna is telepathically contacting Skippy's Reman Viceroy, why can't Skippy make the connection as to what's going on and have the presence of mind to shoot his Viceroy to prevent his ship's position from being given away? When the Enterprise rams the Scimitar, why doesn't Picard have a tractor beam activated to keep the two ships locked together? When Picard is killing his way up to the Scimitar's bridge to stop the ubermicrowave, why doesn't he shoot Skippy when he's got him in the gunsights? And when Skippy dies on the end of the shaft Picard rammed into his guts, why does Picard just stand postrate with grief over the little bastard who just tried to kill him twice, psychically raped his counsellor, and is planning to kill Earth —and fucking does NOTHING as his ship is in the gunsights and the countdown to his own crew's deaths is ticking?!?! Simply because EvilClone Skippy never realised his potential?
The worst thing is that all these ridiculous plot holes, defects, and stupidities, could have been so easily fixed with just a tiny bit of effort from John Logan at the keyboard. Time which was wasted on the wedding reception which included the two spit-and-cough cameos of Whoppi Goldberg and Wil Wheaton (who doesn't even get a single line), armed dune buggy shooting races in the desert, and Deanna and Skippy doing the nasty could instead have been devoted to filling in these holes, smoothing over the defects, and correcting some very basic errors in plotting which you'd think any screenwriting class graduate would be capable of. The movie didn't have to be as stupid as it turned out. Nemesis is watchable as a typical action/adventure space runaround. But it could have been better.
At the end of the movie, the Enterprise is a wreck in a spacedock. An appropos metaphor for the Franchise as a whole. The only problem is that the real world wreck that is the Star Trek franchise is almost certainly beyond salvage. After five progressively stupid movies and two failed TV spinoffs, one of which is already limping its way across the airwaves on UPN, the defects in this once mighty SF powerhouse may never be fixable.
Time the whole thing went to the scrapyard.
Star Trek: Nemesis did not quite plumb the depths of sheer stupidity as Worst Contact did —which was Voyager-level stupid. But on the other hand, Nemesis seemed to be a rather flat and dull runaround which was only very vaguely a TNG film or a Star Trek film at all, for that matter. The plot could have been written for any random set of characters; they just happened to be the TNG crew, within Trek settings which seemed to have been picked entirely at random. And what is worse is that the movie has all of Insurrection's defects: nothing in Nemesis really gels together or follows logically from A to B to so forth.
For all of the backstory devoted to Picard's EvilClone Skippy, any Star Trek alien race could have served as his enslavers who sent him to rot in the dilithium mines for plot purposes. In large measure, it almost seems as if the story writers simply picked the Romulans at random draw just to provide Skippy with some backstory, anydamn backstory to justify his presence in the movie beyond that of his being Snidley Whiplash and put forth some sort of reason for his hatred. But it all has the feeling of being very contrived. There is no natural sense of Skippy's history to really connect the audience to his background or motives, or make us care about him as the particular threat against the TNG heroes. Indeed, just about every major plot point seems to be driven by nothing more than convenience simply to keep driving the movie forward.
The playwright Anton Chekhov once stated a very basic rule of drama by pointing out that if you show a gun hanging on a wall in Act One, you must use it by the end of Act Three. Nemesis is chok-a-block with guns hanging on wall-racks to be fired off within the last half hour of the movie.
What, for example, is the purpose of the entire subplot where Skippy psychically rapes Deanna? Simply to make us hate him all the more? Or just to provide the Big Plot Device during the battle between the Enterprise and the Scimitar which proves the only means of detecting Skippy's Battleship of Doom behind its ubercloak? Hanging gun number one.
Why does Skippy's Number One Female Captain conveniently spot her fuhrer doubling over in pain in one scene, then to have a sudden change of heart about annihilating every human on Earth; a plan she had no problem with when conspiring to knock off the entire Romulan senate? So that she can ride to the Enteprise's rescue in the Valdore by Act Three to keep the movie from ending too soon. Hanging gun number two.
Why the big scene where Data, disguised as B4, shows off his little emergency transporter coin to Picard? So that he can use it to beam his captain to safety just before the Big Moment of heroic self-sacrifice at movie's climax. Hanging gun number three.
And why the utterly pointless and poorly photographed armed dune buggy race on the planet where B4 is found? To set us up for Picard's little run through the Scimitar's corridors in the Scorpion fightercraft —at unsafe velocities (or ludicrous speed). Hanging gun number four.
Why the entire plot thread with B4, who later turns out to be a spy device for Skippy? So that Data can infiltrate the Scimitar and rescue Picard while feeding the enemy false information in the bargain. Hanging gun number five.
It wasn't that the plot points were telegraphed to the audience, they were announced with bullhorns, with neon signs flashing. There was zero subtletly to the set up of any major scene in the whole of the film. And this lack of subtlety extended not only to the plot points, but the plot complications as well. Skippy kidnaps Picard in the middle of the movie to sample his blood. We later learn that only a full transfusion of Picard's blood or marrow or ribosomes or whatever will prevent Skippy from ageing to death, so that prevents the immediate destruction of the Enterprise when Skippy's got her in the gunsights and thus stretches out the showdown battle. We are told that Skippy's ubermicrowave ultimate weapon will require seven full minutes to charge up and deploy for firing, so this gives Picard and Data the margin of safety they need to infiltrate the Battleship of Doom and destroy it.
The remaining plot elements which supposedly provided the support for the whole wobbly structure of the movie only help to undermine it even further. I mean, we're talking about some huge plot holes and script items which was just plain dumb. For example: who couldn't have figured out that B4 was going to be trouble? Given previous bad experience with all of Dr. Soong's other androids, what made Picard, Data, or Geordi imagine that things would be any different with this clicker? The very second we see B4 at a computer console with no guards in the room, we know right off that this is only going to lead to trouble. Particularly when Geordi and Data spot a redundant memory port in B4's head which Data doesn't seem to have.
Our "fears" seem confirmed when Skippy's got Picard in his playroom and "B4" walks in, ready to download the stolen files into Skippy's PC. Only —surprise— it turns out to be Data in disguise.
So when was the switch made? When did they discover what B4 was up to on the Enterprise? How did they overpower him? And when did they have time to build that extra memory port into Data's head to fool Skippy? Because the download link was plugged into the "redundant memory port" on "B4". Never once does the movie consider it necessary to wallpaper over this rather gaping plot hole.
Skippy's got Picard nice and secure, but instead of simply extracting the genetic material he needs to live at the very moment he's got Picard helpless and available, Skippy's got to be one of these boring maniacs who likes to gloat and, like any James Bond villain, conveniently leaves the room to allow Picard's escape —just about the clumsiest plot device of the entire damn movie in fact.
The Remans live permanently on the dark side of Remus. They cannot stand bright light. At the initial meeting between EvilClone Skippy and the Enterprise officers, this weakness is spotlighted (pun intended). During the Enterprise/Scimitar combat, a Reman boarding party beams over to the Enterprise to grab Picard. We can only conclude that at their ages, the Enterprise command crew are starting to have short-term memory problems, since none of them even think to turn up the ship's lighting to the bright setting.
It seems to be at least two days travel between Romulus to Earth. EvilClone Skippy hasn't got a whole hell of a lot of time to execute his Horrific Plan, yet he wastes so much of it gloating over Picard and trying to arrange his kidnap to get the genetic material he needs to live which he neglected to get when he had Baldy Sr. in his grasp! You don't even have this incompetence in a Republic serial villain, and he ends up wasting so much time that it's an almost certain bet that he'll die before the Battleship of Doom reaches Earth.
When Deanna is telepathically contacting Skippy's Reman Viceroy, why can't Skippy make the connection as to what's going on and have the presence of mind to shoot his Viceroy to prevent his ship's position from being given away? When the Enterprise rams the Scimitar, why doesn't Picard have a tractor beam activated to keep the two ships locked together? When Picard is killing his way up to the Scimitar's bridge to stop the ubermicrowave, why doesn't he shoot Skippy when he's got him in the gunsights? And when Skippy dies on the end of the shaft Picard rammed into his guts, why does Picard just stand postrate with grief over the little bastard who just tried to kill him twice, psychically raped his counsellor, and is planning to kill Earth —and fucking does NOTHING as his ship is in the gunsights and the countdown to his own crew's deaths is ticking?!?! Simply because EvilClone Skippy never realised his potential?
The worst thing is that all these ridiculous plot holes, defects, and stupidities, could have been so easily fixed with just a tiny bit of effort from John Logan at the keyboard. Time which was wasted on the wedding reception which included the two spit-and-cough cameos of Whoppi Goldberg and Wil Wheaton (who doesn't even get a single line), armed dune buggy shooting races in the desert, and Deanna and Skippy doing the nasty could instead have been devoted to filling in these holes, smoothing over the defects, and correcting some very basic errors in plotting which you'd think any screenwriting class graduate would be capable of. The movie didn't have to be as stupid as it turned out. Nemesis is watchable as a typical action/adventure space runaround. But it could have been better.
At the end of the movie, the Enterprise is a wreck in a spacedock. An appropos metaphor for the Franchise as a whole. The only problem is that the real world wreck that is the Star Trek franchise is almost certainly beyond salvage. After five progressively stupid movies and two failed TV spinoffs, one of which is already limping its way across the airwaves on UPN, the defects in this once mighty SF powerhouse may never be fixable.
Time the whole thing went to the scrapyard.