Star Trek seeking new writers!

Setzer · Post by **Setzer** » 2002-12-16 05:21pm

It's easy to be among the cantidates. Just write the most scientifically offensive statement possible, using the fewest words.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-12-16 05:51pm

How're these?

"I think the US government should recall all one dollar bills and replace them with one million dollar bills. That way everyone would be rich."

"Capitalism is bad."

"The laws of physics need not apply to everything."

"What happens when space-time is tied into a knot?"

"All stop."

"By shining a powerful maglite at the creature, we'll be able to see its DNA."

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2002-12-16 06:02pm

Depends what kind of writer they want.

TOS?

-insert TOS fighting music and a scene where Kirk kicks the shit out of forty or fifty guys-

TNG?

"Captain, they're firing!"
"Hail them!"
"Captain, shields have failed!"
"Hail them!"
"Captain, warp core breach imminent!"
"Ha-"
-insert utterly bizarre deus ex machina-

DS9?

"Right. I'll attack here, here, and here. You'll beam down here, here, and here, flank here, cut in here, dodge here, while the fleet will feint here, swing around, an-"
-insert slow mo action sequence in which four shots are fired and one nondescript ensign kicks the bucket-

VOY?

"The subspace quandry atomics of the third interallocated extraneous tachychon particle syndrome indicate a mass increase is ratio ion-to-neutron mass which is a direct result of the rampant neopotism in midclassical Europe in the middle of the thirteenth century!"

ENT?

"Hyuk hyuk hyuk!"
"Yep yep yep!

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2002-12-16 06:12pm

IF this is serious, what are the submission criteria and what site is this on?

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2002-12-16 06:46pm

What you mean one of the Lobotimized monkeys with a typewriter DIED!

oh, wait they have a few hundred more.....

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2002-12-16 07:21pm

Fewest words? I thought they usually went for the most verbose verbal diarrhea possible?

seanrobertson · Post by **seanrobertson** » 2002-12-16 07:22pm

HemlockGrey wrote:Depends what kind of writer they want.

TOS?

Mega-snip!

ROTFLOL.

Setzer · Post by **Setzer** » 2002-12-17 08:21am

Stravo wrote:IF this is serious, what are the submission criteria and what site is this on?

It isn't serious. Otherwise I would have included a link. Just write the shortest, most scientifically offensive statement you can.

BenRG · Post by **BenRG** » 2002-12-17 08:25am

Setzer wrote:
Stravo wrote:IF this is serious, what are the submission criteria and what site is this on?
It isn't serious. Otherwise I would have included a link. Just write the shortest, most scientifically offensive statement you can.

Okay, try this: Intertial Dampening Field.

SPOOFE · Post by **SPOOFE** » 2002-12-17 06:52pm

Just write the shortest, most scientifically offensive statement you can.

"Darkstar be smart."

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2002-12-17 07:47pm

The Yosemite Bear wrote:What you mean one of the Lobotimized monkeys with a typewriter DIED!

oh, wait they have a few hundred more.....

They probably only have a few monkeys. Enterprise is so simple-minded, only one monkey is needed to write an episode.

Anyway, here's my change to shine:

"It finds loopholes in the laws of physics to produce infinite energy"

"We've greated a quantum bosonic flux by tying subspace rifts into a knot"

"If you can make knots in space-time, can you sew with space-time?"

"Quantum warp subluminal flux conduit"

Shinova · Post by **Shinova** » 2002-12-17 07:58pm

"We can't do that. It's against the Prime Directive."

"Our civilization has advanced beyond such things as money. We instead work to better ourselves."

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2002-12-18 12:06am

Hey, those are actual quotes, cheater!

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-12-18 01:08am

Darth Yoshi wrote:Hey, those are actual quotes, cheater!

Maybe so, but how often have you seen the ST writers *gasp* use completely original ideas?

Enlightenment · Post by **Enlightenment** » 2002-12-18 01:09am

"Reverse the polarity of the neutron beam."

Crayz9000 · Post by **Crayz9000** » 2002-12-18 01:23am

"Captain, I believe that we can nullify the Star Destroyer's shields by firing an anti-radiation beam at it, tuned to precisely 4.2 gigajoules, with a resonance of 114 isoflops. This will induce a phase-specific resonance cascade in the shield generator, resulting in a power backsurge into the quantum neutron fusion reactor and causing an exponential subatomic chain reaction that will destroy the entire ship." -Something that Data would say