Darth Wong's new approach to newbie's to the forum...?

[Darth Servo]

Wong: Neo

Ugh. Don't associate master Wong with Keanu Reeves.

I aploglise. I will never again compare Mike to a millionaire movie star.

A millionare movie star who couldn't act (much less think) his way out of a paper bag.

[PainRack]

Wong: Neo

Ugh. Don't associate master Wong with Keanu Reeves.

I aploglise. I will never again compare Mike to a millionaire movie star.

Not millionaire par se, but thousandaire??




I present to you, Micheal Wong from Canada.

[RogueIce]

But if DW is Morpheus, who runs the Matrix?

RSA. After all, he lives in a dreamworld.

I think he would be more like an agent. He doesn't control the system, but he monitors it.

I don't know? Who else but RSA could spout a bunch of bullshit that makes one's eyes glaze over within three minutes like the Architect?

[YT300000]

I don't know? Who else but RSA could spout a bunch of bullshit that makes one's eyes glaze over within three minutes like the Architect?

An agent could mold your eyelids with your face and accomplish the same thing.

[Robert Walper]

As promised, part 2 of the Matrix parady. Note, this isn't supposed to be consistent with the OP. Additonally, given the complexity of the conversation, I might have slipped up in consistency and meaning. If so, let me know. I did my best.

Lord Poe has also been included in this conversation to make it work. Hopefully, his standing within the StarDestroyer.net community is somewhat consistent with his portrayal in this parady. No jab or insult is intended towards any person or website mentioned here. This is purely for humor's sake.

...

Darth Wong: Hello, Newbie.

Newbie: Who are you?

Darth Wong: I am Michael Wong. I created StarDestroyer.net. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and although versus arguements has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably uneducated. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant.

Newbie: Why am I here?

Darth Wong: Your arguements are the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the existence of StarDestroyer.net. You are the eventuality of stupidity, which despite my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of logical precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably, here.

Newbie: You haven't answered my question.

Darth Wong: Quite right. Interesting. That was quicker than the others.

http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/HateMail/index.html

Darth Wong: StarDestroyer.net is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one fanatical Trekkie to the emergence of the next, in which case you are the twenty second version.

http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/HateMail/index.html

Newbie:: There are only two possible explanations: either no one told me, or no one knows.

Darth Wong: Precisely. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the arguements are systemic, creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations.

http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/HateMail/index.html

Newbie: Choice. The problem is choice.

Darth Wong: The first website I designed was quite naturally perfect, it was a work of art, flawless, sublime. A triumph equaled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every fanatical Trekkie, thus I redesigned it based on your upper limits to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of your arguements. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of perfection. Thus, the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive debater, initially challenged to investigate certain aspects of the Trekkie psyche. If I am the creator of StarDestroyer.net, he would undoubtedly be its supporter.

Newbie: Lord Poe.

Darth Wong: Please. As I was saying, he stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99.9% of all test subjects accepted the logic, as long as they were given a choice, even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic arguements, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo, those that refused the logic, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probability of disaster.

Newbie: This is about SpaceBattles.com.

Darth Wong: You are here because SpaceBattles.com is about to be destroyed. Its every online debater disconnected, its entire existence eradicated.

Newbie: Bullshit.

http://www.stardestroyer.net/Empire/HateMail/index.html

Darth Wong: Denial is the most predictable of all Trekkie responses. But, rest assured, this will be the twenty second time we have destroyed it, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it.

Darth Wong: The function of the Newbie is now to return to StarDestroyer.net, allowing a temporary dissemination of the arguements you carry, reinserting the prime debate. After which you will be required to select from StarDestroyer.net 23 individuals, 1 female, 22 male, to rebuild SpaceBattles.com. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic system crash kicking everyone connected to StarDestroyer.net, which coupled with the extermination of SpaceBattles.com will ultimately result in the extinction of the entire Trekkie perspective.

Newbie: You won't let it happen, you can't. You need Trekkies to debate.

Darth Wong: There are levels of debating we are prepared to accept. However, the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept the responsibility for the disconnection of every Trekkie in this world.

http://www.spacebattles.com/

Darth Wong: It is interesting reading your reactions. Your twenty two predecessors were by design based on a similar predication, a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your fictional reality, facilitating the function of the Newbie. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific. Vis-a-vis, the Q.

Newbie: Q.

Darth Wong: Apropos, their existence entered StarDestroyer.net to extend your arguements at the cost of your own victory.

Newbie: No!

Darth Wong: Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and your perspective revealed as both beginning, and end. There are two links. The link to your right leads to StarDestroyer.net, and the salvation of SpaceBattles.com. The link to the left leads back to Spacebattles.com, and to the end of your arguements. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But we already know what you're going to do, don't we? Already I can see the chain reaction, the chemical precursors that signal the onset of emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm logic, and reason. An emotion that is already blinding you from the simple, and obvious truth: Star Trek is going to lose, and there is nothing that you can do to stop it.

*Newbie clicks link to Spacebattles.com*

Darth Wong: Humph. Hope, it is the quintessential Trekkie delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.

Newbie: If I were you, I would hope that we don't debate again.

Darth Wong: We won't.

[Vympel]

You always should have had that avatar, you know.

[Robert Walper]

You always should have had that avatar, you know.

Yeah, it would've fit more in line with my favorite sci fi creation.

[Gandalf]

That 2nd one is fucking brilliant.

[Robert Walper]

That 2nd one is fucking brilliant.

Why thank you. Although, frankly, anyone with sufficent vocabulary and a few minutes should be able to make such a parady. It's not like I created the conversation itself, just modified it enough to make sense while making the parady still obivous.

[YT300000]

*ahem*

Parody. Not parady.

[Gandalf]

That 2nd one is fucking brilliant.

Why thank you. Although, frankly, anyone with sufficent vocabulary and a few minutes should be able to make such a parady. It's not like I created the conversation itself, just modified it enough to make sense while making the parady still obivous.

Ok then, I'll go and make one myself.

[Gandalf]

Note: I couldn't change the name of some of the characters due to my not knowing many of the trekkies outside of sd.net.

"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been summoned to answer the threat of sd.net. Trekkies stand upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite, or you will fall. Each Trekkie is bound this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the ICS, Frodo.

"So it is true."
"It is a gift. A gift to the foes of sd.net. Why not use this book? Long has my hero, the Admin of of Spacebattles kept the forces of sd.net at bay, by the ignorance of our people are your sites kept safe. Give SB the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against him!"

"You cannot wield it. None of us can. The ICS answers to Lucas alone. It has no other master."

"And what would a Noob know of this matter?"

"This is no mere Noob. He is Andrew Joshua Talon. You owe him your allegiance."

"This is Darkstar's heir?"

"And heir to the throne of Trek."

"Havo dad, Legolas"
[Translation: "Sit down, Legolas."]

"G2k has no king. G2k needs no king."

"AJT is right. We cannot use it."

"You have only one choice. The book must be destroyed."

"What are we waiting for?! Laser's cannot penetrate shields!. [He is thrown backwards, onto the ground.]

"The book cannot be argued against, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any knowledge that we here possess. The book was analysed in the fires of sd.net Only there can it be discredited. It must be taken deep into sd.net, and argued against in the fiery chasm from whence it is quoted."

[We hear the voice of the book, speaking in Huttese.]

"One of you must do this."

"One does not simply walk into sd.net. Its message boards are guarded by more than just flamewarriors. There is evil there that does not sleep. And the great Admin is ever-watchful. It is a Sci-fi flamepit, riddled with flame and reason and and argument. The very air that you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly."

"Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said? The Ring must be destroyed!"

"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?!"

"And if we fail, what then? What happens when Wong takes back what is his?"

"I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of a Warsie! Never trust an Elf!"

"Do you not understand? While you bicker amongst yourselves, Wong's power grows! None can escape it! You'll all be destroyed!"

[SeebianWurm]

Newbie: You won't let it happen, you can't. You need Trekkies to debate.

Darth Wong: There are levels of debating we are prepared to accept.

That is the best parodied line ever.

[Dorsk 81]

All 3 very funny.
And for some reason I could not help but laugh my ass off at the MTV Movie Awards one, but just for the whole Neo is pussy whipped bit and the "What up G" bit, plus seeing Sean William Scott in the stupid PVC jacket.

[consequences]

"Many of us have heard there is going to be an orgy at Lord Wong's place tonight"

"It is true what many of you have heard"

"What can we expect at the orgy Lord Wong"

"Anal!"

[Ace Pace]

I missed this before, I have to say the 2nd and 3rd one, were funnier then anything

[Sarevok]

I missed this before, I have to say the 2nd and 3rd one, were funnier then anything

I think the first one was the funniest.

[Gandalf]

I personally thought the first one was the best.