Funniest thing I've seen all day...

[consequences]

Well, here we go:

Star Trek:St/Sw The Coke Wars

Written By:Consequences

The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see a giant floating Disneyland chasing two 14 year old girls down a highway. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are playing cricket. During this scene, Picard complains about the fact that he's always complaining.

There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must acquire copious quantities of cocaine for the Starfleet Ball. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data finds out he's pregnant.

This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving Mace Mutherfuckin Windu singlehandedly destroying a droid army while coked up! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finally finds out that Mace Mutherfuckin Windu plans to use all the cocaine int he galaxy, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Seven of Nine's tits, though this person doesn't really help anything.

Then, Mace Motherfuckin Windu, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Mace Motherfuckin Windu is not REALLY that bad, because this villian is so cool, he doesn't need redeeming qualities.

The crew then learns that DisneyWorld is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!

While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Oops I did it again.' The audience groans.

A little later, Worf is decapitated .3 seconds into the intial confrontation with Mace. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, continues to get less attractive.

A little later, it is revealed that Spot fathered Data's baby. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the cold, cold vacuum of space. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, Captain Kirk falls off a mountain. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Let's do the Village, let's do the whole fucking village!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

Finally, the crew discovers that Mace Motherfuckin Windu has a bad-ass purple lightsaber/insane Clone Wars derived stats! This makes the situation very dangerous!

In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'I'm coked out of my mind!' ...even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Mace Motherfuckin Windu, millions of missiles that can't possibly fit into the Enterprise are launched at Mace's pimpmobile. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Mace Motherfuckin Windu.

Soon, Riker shoots at the evil monkey that lives in his closet. But this doesn't help anything.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called V'ger. Almost defeated, Mace Motherfuckin Windu, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his bad-ass purple lightsaber/insane Clone Wars derived stats! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Mace Motherfuckin Windu by making him laugh to hard. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily the scriptwriter being on his side saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with the fact that he's always complaining. Picard then gives a speech about the dangers of drug abuse, while mainlining coke off the helm.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.

THE END

[Drooling Iguana]

Star Trek:Obfuscation

Written By:Drooling Iguana

The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see Picard behaving in a competant manner. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are singing about raddishes. During this scene, Picard complains about the stupidity of placing the bridge in the most exposed part of the ship.

There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must pick up Wesley from soccer practice. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data installs Gator onto himself and is subsequently filled with spyware.

This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving Worf and B'adg'uy slapping each other with large fish! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finally finds out that B'adg'uy wants to force the entire galaxy to eat chunky soup with a fork, and never a spoon, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to one of Janeway and Paris' salamander children, though this person doesn't really help anything.

Then, B'adg'uy, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But B'adg'uy is not REALLY that bad, because this villian could tell the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, and was therefore shunned by every other lifeform in the Galaxy.

The crew then learns that Risa is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!

While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'I'm Henry the 8th I am.' The audience groans.

A little later, Worf is Worf. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, gets nekkid, causing the audience to gouge their eyes out.

A little later, Geordi reveals that he always wanted to be a lumberjack, and bursts into song, before bursting into flames. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the parking lot. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, Riker begins asking about the nuclear wessels. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Belgium!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

Finally, the crew discovers that B'adg'uy has a coffee maker... FROM SPACE! This makes the situation very dangerous!

In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Because you touch yourself at night!' ...even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop B'adg'uy, Wesley Crusher fights a Gorn in a duel to the death, and loses. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop B'adg'uy.

Soon, Riker shoots at Neelix. But this doesn't help anything.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called G'as Clo'ud. Almost defeated, B'adg'uy, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his coffee maker... FROM SPACE! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills B'adg'uy by forcing him to sit through all seven seasons of Voyager, followed by all the previous TNG movies, wrapping up with Star Trek 5. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Neelix saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with the stupidity of placing the bridge in the most exposed part of the ship. Picard then gives a speech about the importance of spoons.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.

THE END

[FaxModem1]

I tried to make it serious, tell me what you think.(BE NICE)

Star Trek:Confrontation

Written By:FaxModem1
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see Star Fleet ships battling each other. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are playing poker. During this scene, Picard complains about taking over the family vinyard.

There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must get upgrades at Utopia Plantia. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data finishes his holo-messages from Soong.

This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving catching a saboteur at the shipyards in shuttles! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finally finds out that there is a Federation Civil war, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Ensign Ro, though this person doesn't really help anything.

Then, Admiral Summers, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Admiral Summers is not REALLY that bad, because this villian wants his world to be free.

The crew then learns that The Federation is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!

While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Its the End of the World as we know it.' The audience groans.

A little later, Worf trips in a low gravity environment. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, does a lie detector test on the saboteur.

A little later, Geordi and Worf lose at Poker to Riker. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the cityscape of New York. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, the Enterprise leaves Spacedock ripping off the Motion Picture. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Bastard!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

Finally, the crew discovers that Admiral Summers has a Starfleet Armada! This makes the situation very dangerous!

In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Welcome to the Civil War!' ...even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Admiral Summers, Utopia Plantia self destructs and crash lands on Mars. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Admiral Summers.

Soon, Riker shoots at Federation rebels. But this doesn't help anything.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called The Horsehead Nebula. Almost defeated, Admiral Summers, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his Starfleet Armada! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Admiral Summers by destroying his ship. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Dr. Crusher saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with taking over the family vinyard. Picard then gives a speech about the stability of the Federation.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.


THE END

[FaxModem1]

Wow, no comments. I must've killed the thread.

[Balrog]

Nah, but it would make a much better movie then Nemesis (though that ain't saying much )

Star Trek:Fivers Revenge

Written By:Balrog
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.

After the credits, we see Omega destroyers laying the smack down on Starfleet. This confuses the audience to no end.

Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are running for their lives from Whitestars. During this scene, Picard complains about retirement.

There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must locate Babylon 5. Thus, beginning their mission.

When they arrive at this mission, Data drinks Marcus under the table.

This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving Narns and Redshirts! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.

Later on, Picard finally finds out that Sheridan is going to bless a nuke and destroy the Trek galaxy, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.

As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Capt. Archer, though this person doesn't really help anything.

Then, Sheridan, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Sheridan is not REALLY that bad, because this villian just wants to defeat the Shadow/Clark super-hybrid.

The crew then learns that Earth is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!

While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'New York, New York.' The audience groans.

A little later, Worf is beaten by a Minbari. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.

Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, gets jiggy with Ivonova.

A little later, Data blows his head off his shoulders. The audience doesn't laugh, however.

Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the jungle. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.

Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.

Soon, Picard battles Sheridan in a nebula. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...

Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Nondenominational deity damn it!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.

Finally, the crew discovers that Sheridan has a nuke blessed by the Hand of Sheridan! This makes the situation very dangerous!

In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'We will never surrender!' ...even though this makes no sense.

In their attempts to stop Sheridan, the Enterprise rams into Babylon 5. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Sheridan.

Soon, Riker shoots at Narns. But this doesn't help anything.

There is a final showdown in a nebula called Quadrant 37. Almost defeated, Sheridan, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his nuke blessed by the Hand of Sheridan! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.

Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Sheridan by throwing him down a bottomless pit. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Wesley saves Picard at the last moment.

Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with retirement. Picard then gives a speech about overhype of sci fi TV shows.

The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.

The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.


THE END