Barclay vs. The Empire

Connor MacLeod · Post by **Connor MacLeod** » 2003-01-04 02:58am

Durandal wrote:Yeah, and she probably considers cheese-graters as "strap ons," as well.

Barbed or studded 13" strap on, 7-8" circumference. With acid-squirting ejaculation effect!

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-01-04 03:02am

Connor MacLeod wrote:
Durandal wrote:Yeah, and she probably considers cheese-graters as "strap ons," as well.
Barbed or studded 13" strap on, 7-8" circumference. With acid-squirting ejaculation effect!

Is the latest catalouge out already?

Keevan.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-01-04 03:30am

Wait a second, has anyone ever seen the movie "Seven" ?

If you have then you might remember what i'm talking about, here's a hint. Sin of Lust.

Connor MacLeod · Post by **Connor MacLeod** » 2003-01-04 05:43am

Darth Fanboy wrote:Wait a second, has anyone ever seen the movie "Seven" ?

If you have then you might remember what i'm talking about, here's a hint. Sin of Lust.

you mean the bladed strap on?

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-01-04 05:44am

The one and only

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2003-01-04 01:29pm

Ghost Rider wrote:Daala and Barclay...screw ups each of their own universes....hmm the possiblities

SWEDISH PORN!

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2003-01-04 03:11pm

Please stop, I'm starting to drift into What if Alia Atradies had been raised by the Emporer....

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2003-01-04 07:30pm

Alyrium Denryle wrote:
Ghost Rider wrote:Daala and Barclay...screw ups each of their own universes....hmm the possiblities
SWEDISH PORN!

You rang?

Eleas · Post by **Eleas** » 2003-01-04 07:44pm

Something like this?

---

The shuttle settled on the rim of the crater. Slowly, the whine of its repulsors subsided, allowing the howl of the wind free reign once more. As lightning crackled in the distance, the main boarding ramp touched the ground, and white armored figures began boiling out with military precision. There were six of them, and all were armed. They formed two rows and froze into immobility, the Lieutenant in charge of the planet's garrison awaiting their leader.

A hiss, dark and forboding, was felt rather than heard. It was a sound from out of nightmare, the sound of something cold and malevolent. A dark shape emerged from the bowels of the ship, treading down the ramp at a varied pace. The Lieutenant swallowed and fought to keep his gaze steady.

"Lord Barclay, this is an unexpected pleasure..."

jaeger115 · Post by **jaeger115** » 2003-01-04 09:15pm

How depraved can this thread get?

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-01-04 09:23pm

jaeger115 wrote:How depraved can this thread get?

Is that a challenge?

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2003-01-05 12:56am

Probably. But this thread isn't that depraved. Even though anal sex had already been brought up.

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2003-01-05 10:17am

The Yosemite Bear wrote:Please stop, I'm starting to drift into What if Alia Atradies had been raised by the Emporer....

that'd be pretty fucking cool. She was a grade A psycho and she had all the powers of Muad'Dib. Now make her an emperoress and give her the entire Imperial Fleet. Ok half of them would be shagged to death but still.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-01-05 10:20am

Be better than being at the wrong end of the stick of Vader-choke

.

Post by **NecronLord** » 2003-01-05 12:18pm

The real question is how well would Daala do in the federation?

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2003-01-05 12:21pm

Hmmm...well given her level of incompetence...maybe around Janeway level at the very least

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2003-01-05 07:25pm

She would go insane trying to find a man with some testosterone. She would eventually leave the Federation and hitch up with a crime boss in the Orion Syndicate.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 2003-01-05 08:45pm

Not sure if there is any truth to this theory, or if it's been said before.. but I sort of assumed that Barclay somehow got his position through some less than honorable means:

Ie: he was somebody's idiot brother/son and got his comission based on some family member's bribe/owing a favor to somebody, or something like that. Rather than actually earning his rank and that's why people put up with him.

Sure, you could say that the Academy is really lax and he somehow slipped through Starfleet's regulations and they're just a bunch of idiots, but it might make sense.

And Barclay just isn't smart/assertive enough to say something like 'well you better do what I say or Big Daddy is going to get on your asses' but perhaps he's been put in his position by somebody else, and "helped along" through less than legal means.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 2003-01-05 08:47pm

So I'd say, if that same type of corruption existed in the Empire, it's entirely possible he'd have a position as well. Though anybody smart would put him out of the way where he couldn't do too much damage, such as guard duty on the Death Star (oops!) or security on the Maw Installation. ; )

Then again, Vader would probably kill him pretty quick if they ever met and his incompetence began to show.

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-01-05 08:52pm

Kurgan wrote:So I'd say, if that same type of corruption existed in the Empire, it's entirely possible he'd have a position as well. Though anybody smart would put him out of the way where he couldn't do too much damage, such as guard duty on the Death Star (oops!) or security on the Maw Installation. ; )

Then again, Vader would probably kill him pretty quick if they ever met and his incompetence began to show.

Vader cares very little for family connections. He had no problem cutting off his son's hand.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 2003-01-05 10:31pm

That is true.. however, we know that the Emperor has many shall we say.. buerecrats hanging around who he owes favors to (at least that's what we're told in the film novelisations, in the prequels it appears he's more in control of them than they are of him).

If the Emperor owed somebody a favor and that included getting that person's idiot kid into some ranking position, I think he could order Vader not to screw it up, and if Vader is loyal to the Emperor, he should obey.

But.. we all know that Vader's loyalty wavers eventually.. ; )

Durandal · Post by **Durandal** » 2003-01-05 11:35pm

Kurgan wrote:That is true.. however, we know that the Emperor has many shall we say.. buerecrats hanging around who he owes favors to (at least that's what we're told in the film novelisations, in the prequels it appears he's more in control of them than they are of him).

If the Emperor owed somebody a favor and that included getting that person's idiot kid into some ranking position, I think he could order Vader not to screw it up, and if Vader is loyal to the Emperor, he should obey.

But.. we all know that Vader's loyalty wavers eventually.. ; )

I seriously doubt that the Emperor owes anyone any favors, and I doubt even more that he gives a flying fuck if he does.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 2003-01-06 02:59am

Pre-AOTC, I would have disagreed with you, but it's just a theory.

Even dictatorships have blocks of power...

Most dictators depend on the power of the military to support them, Kings often on the loyalty of nobles and warrior castes.

Palpatine was supposedly beholden to the burecrats and corporate leaders who helped get him in power, though he manipulated them as well. I'd have to re-read that part of the ANH novelisation though. In the prequels they make it sound like he mind controls everybody, possibly even the Jedi into doing what he wants, without knowing they're doing it (except his apprentices, but even then he's not giving them the whole story, since we see him plotting there as well).

I wonder if there will be any coup attempts (other than Vader's well known one in ROTJ)? That'd be interesting... or is he all powerful and able to crush all resistance that he doesn't control with his mind powers?

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 2003-01-06 03:48am

But I guess the answer you could give me would be that the films are higher canon than the novelisations, although it would be interesting to see how it is handled in Episode III (and the subsequent canon novelisation).

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-01-06 03:59am

I think Palpatine just satiated those bureaucrats by letting them hang out in the Imperial Court all the time and gave them some sort of tax exemption. That way he not only returned a favor, but he made them dependent on him in order to maintain their standing of living. Hence their unwavering loyalty.