THE BORG!!! versus the ewoks...

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2007-05-20 03:44am

Alright, here's Endor, the Sanctuary Moon. Now, because every one of the main protagonists in Star Wars actually believes whole heartedly in Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, the Rapture occurs and everyone mysteriously disappears. No more Rebel fleet, and the Death Star 2...well, God decides to take the DS2 with him as well to compensate for his grossly undersized left testicle - I mean...he takes the DS2 to make unto a great and glorious tabernacle of a sphere, of many cubits in diameter. Or some shit.

However, everything else is intact. Endor's shield generator is still projecting a shield that covers the entire world, AND the hollow patch of space where the DS2 is supposed to be. The speeder bikes are still there, the Stormtrooper armories, everything. And the natural flora and fauna, including Ewoks (since they don't have souls) are intact. For the godless Ewoks, their decadent sinful lives go on as usual.

Now, here comes a Borg Cube, or a Sphere, or a Tetrahedron, or whatever Borg ships there are. Okay, let's assume it's a scouting vehicle with a relatively small crew. They notice the powerful energy signatures of the Endor shield, obviously they want to acquire such powerful technology since they themselves suck donkey balls. However, the shield stops them from simply landing their ship beside the shield generator, or carving up the ground the generator is on and tractor beaming the whole facility into space. The shield is too darned tough for that.

But, wait. There IS a hole in the shield, however, it's too small for a tractor beam or a carving beam, too small for even a torpedo. However, it IS large enough for a transporter beam to get through. And, thankfully, this hole in the shield isn't too far away from the Endor base. The Borg start beaming down drones, a lot of drones, say a hundred or a hundred fifty. They need that much since they have a lot of work to do with dissecting the shield generator and de-powering it and stuff. Oh, and the Borg can only leave Endor or go to Endor underneath this hole in the shield.

Since transporting through this small hole was a bit of a challenge, a couple of Borg get their lower torsos implanted on trees. Which is good, for they can provide a comm.-link. As the rest of the drones frolic in the jungle, the drones that are stuck can relay communications from the ship and to the rest of the drones planetside.

So off the Borg shamble. They ignore the trees and everything, and since there's a shield in the sky, the Borg ship's sensors can't really get a detailed picture - the shield, plus the whole array of flora and fauna biosignatures prevent them from going "hey, there are godless soulless teddy bears in the trees!"

Along the way to the Endor base, the Borg drones bump into a protocol droid - namely C3PO. Why wasn't he Raptured to heaven along with R2D2? Because he sucks, that's why!

The Borg see this droid and try to assimilate him, or at least pick him up and bring him to their landing-site to transport him to the ship for dissection. C3PO's an interesting piece of tech.

But as they manhandle C3PO, and as C3PO protests, the Borg are attacked by the godless sinful teddy bears! After some arrows, spears, death-traps and boulders, the Ewoks rescue C3PO! I mean, in ROTJ, didn't the Ewoks worship C3PO as a god?

For the Borg's godless sinful communist transgressions against their newfound god (C3PO), the Ewoks declare all out holy war against the cyborg space zombies! Yub-nub JIHAD!

Who wins? The Ewoks will attempt to purge their homeworld of the great satan machines, while the Borg are in self-defense mode. There's a hundred plus Borg, and should the circumstances require it, they can beam down limited reinforcements.

The Borg have the advantage of being tougher than the little runty Ewoks, they're also stronger. And their tubules can concievably one-shot-kill the Ewoks, though the drones don't have the equipment necessary to implant and create Borged Ewoks. They don't really want to, anyway, they just want to kill the runts.

The Ewoks have the advantage of being fierce little runts, small and hard to catch. Drones have to kick them or bend down and snatch 'em, and I don't think drones have flexible pelvises. The Ewoks have the hometown advantage, with death-traps, logs, punji-pits, and unlike the dumbass Borg, they've got ranged weaponry and aren't afraid to use it! Also, they can just stick to the trees and pelt the Borg with boulders, smashing their skulls.

FIGHT!

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2007-05-20 03:51am

Is the scenario capture the flag? Ie, if the Borg can get C3PO to the pickup point and extract him, do they 'win'?

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2007-05-20 03:58am

I guess so. But, to further mock General Brock, I'll have the Ewoks pull C3PO up to one of their little tree houses. So, can the Borg kill the Ewoks and/or climb up a tree and capture C3PO?

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2007-05-20 04:24am

You know, that's pretty funny. Can the borg climb up to a treehouse?

CAN THEY INDEED.

Bounty · Post by **Bounty** » 2007-05-20 04:35am

Shroom gets 50 imaginary dollars for making a VS scenario that is actually entertaining to read.

Also, Borg win, because Ewoks are pure evil and should DIE DIE DIE anyway.

You know, that's pretty funny. Can the borg climb up to a treehouse?

Yes, they can climb. Well, as long as there's a rope or a ladder. But since Ewoks are evil and should DIE, the Borg will find a way to annihilate them. They know about fire, trees are flammable, roasted Ewoks make my heart happy.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2007-05-20 04:53am

That's not really the same as climbing a tree: surely the Ewoks would be able to simply cut the ramps and ladders leading to their town (as they doubtless do with local predators)?

The Ewoks SHOULD die, but with no ranged attacks, poor agility, and no ship-based capabilities like teleport, well...

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2007-05-20 04:57am

Though, even IF they can climb ladders meant to accommodate climbing teddy bears and not break it from their heavy weight, the Ewoks can still do things like toss boulders or chuck spears at the Borg.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2007-05-20 04:58am

Or... just pull up the ladders before the Borg even get there.

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2007-05-20 05:04am

B-b-but...what if the Borg infiltrate them?

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2007-05-20 05:09am

They could grab random ewoks and assimilate them, learning about the ladders, and making their own ladders with grapnels? And attack in the night like ninjas? OR learn about the imperial base and arm up with teh lazors?

It's almost certain the drones would grab a few ewoks, given the inquisitive tempermant of ewoks. Or was that just that one ewok that wanted to get into Leia's pants?

Shroom Man 777 · Post by **Shroom Man 777** » 2007-05-20 05:17am

They'd have to be quick to catch an Ewok, and have the necessary tools to have implantations and stuff. I don't think they can convert people without a pre-made lab. In First Contact, they had to convert parts of the ship and Borgify it. In this scenario, they'd have to either somehow open the Imperial base's blast doors and start Borgifying it, or take their captives to the shield hole. Or blow the shield generator up, or turn it off, and take it off and run.

Assuming the fanatical Ewoks don't murder them all as they trudge through the jungle, all shambly zombie-like.

As to how I got this mad vs. idea, I got nausea from my meds and had to take a shit. It was in the toilet that I made my villainous villainous scheme.

Maybe the Borg Queen could silhouette herself against the moonlight, get naked and dancing with a pair of leaves, to captivate the horny decadent Ewoks. Just like grandma Uhura and that Star Trek movie where the Enterprise Killed God.

Bounty · Post by **Bounty** » 2007-05-20 05:20am

I don't think they can convert people without a pre-made lab.

They can. Hawk was borgified while still in his spacesuit in FC.

How many Ewoks are there, anyway? Dozens? Hundreds? Even if the Borg somehow don't grasp the idea of ladders, they can just surround the treehouses and wait until the furry rats get hungry.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2007-05-20 05:23am

Except the ewoks can just tarzan-swing all over the jungle to get food? Or send raiding parties with bows to kill borg?

Hey if you eat borg will the nanomachines borg you up? Serious question.

I'm not sure if any numbers are given anywhere, but there seemed to be more than a hundred involved in the ROTJ battle.

Old Plympto · Post by **Old Plympto** » 2007-05-20 06:19am

If no one has drawn a Borgified Ewok before, then someone SHOULD!

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2007-05-20 11:38am

Wicket of Borg wrote:I am Wicket Ewok Speaker for the Borg Collective, whichawawa

Elfdart · Post by **Elfdart** » 2007-05-20 11:46am

Wouldn't the Yub-Yub song destroy any Borg who got within a mile of the Ewok village?

Bounty · Post by **Bounty** » 2007-05-20 11:47am

Lord Pounder wrote:
Wicket of Borg wrote:I am Wicket Ewok Speaker for the Borg Collective, whichawawa

We are the Borg. Lower your ladders and surrender your spears. We will add your fur and pointy stick technology to out own. Resistance is futile. Whichawawa.

Cao Cao · Post by **Cao Cao** » 2007-05-20 12:19pm

Borg Queen: MUAHAHAHA! First the Ewoks, next shall be the Tuskens and Jawas!! We are unstoppable! ..... *grabs the nearest Borgified Ewok* ... ooh! He's adorable!

CaptHawkeye · Post by **CaptHawkeye** » 2007-05-20 12:31pm

Cao Cao wrote:Borg Queen: MUAHAHAHA! First the Ewoks, next shall be the Tuskens and Jawas!! We are unstoppable! ..... *grabs the nearest Borgified Ewok* ... ooh! He's adorable!

Ewok: *plants head in Queen's boobs* Ohh yes I am. Yub yub.

phred · Post by **phred** » 2007-05-20 02:24pm

Cao Cao wrote:Borg Queen: MUAHAHAHA! First the Ewoks, next shall be the Tuskens and Jawas!! We are unstoppable! ..... *grabs the nearest Borgified Ewok* ... ooh! He's adorable!

they couldnt take the Jawas. the Jawas would hit them with their Ion guns implant droid controls on them and sell them to a local moisture farmer.

Starglider · Post by **Starglider** » 2007-05-20 03:42pm

phred wrote:the Jawas would hit them with their Ion guns implant droid controls on them and sell them to a local moisture farmer.

But the BORG will adapt to teh eye-on gunz!!!1!!1! Resistance is footile!

avatarxprime · Post by **avatarxprime** » 2007-05-22 01:55am

Shroom Man 777 wrote:They'd have to be quick to catch an Ewok, and have the necessary tools to have implantations and stuff. I don't think they can convert people without a pre-made lab. In First Contact, they had to convert parts of the ship and Borgify it. In this scenario, they'd have to either somehow open the Imperial base's blast doors and start Borgifying it, or take their captives to the shield hole. Or blow the shield generator up, or turn it off, and take it off and run.

They can assimilate and borgify anyone, they just need the conversion labs to put in the borg armor and the extensive borg cybernetic replacement parts/implants. Basic bits and pieces are produced by the nanoprobes that the Borg inject you with.

Stark wrote:The Ewoks SHOULD die, but with no ranged attacks, poor agility, and no ship-based capabilities like teleport, well...

Well, Borg are supposed to have built in disruptors, it's just that they have seemingly abandoned killing people in favor of assimilating them, even though they really could just kill everyone and then assimilate them based on what Seven did to Neelix in that one VOY episode.

Do Borg has transport enhancing tech like the Feds? I mean they should, so I say that bring their transport enhancing tech and resume normal beaming operations and obliterate the Ewoks.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2007-05-22 02:06am

How good can Borg shooting accuracy be, if they can't even walk without shambling like 70s zombie-movie rejects? That doesn't exactly speak well for their motor co-ordination.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2007-05-22 02:12am

Last time I checked, arrows and spears don't have a frequency to adapt to.

borg drones + enemy with projectile weapons = huge pile of rotting borg meat.

Cao Cao · Post by **Cao Cao** » 2007-05-22 02:25am

Darth Servo wrote:Last time I checked, arrows and spears don't have a frequency to adapt to.

borg drones + enemy with projectile weapons = huge pile of rotting borg meat.

But they don't usually adapt to projectiles because they're too primitive! (Somebody tried to argue that to me once. That Borg adaptation has an on and off switch for everything, and projectile adaptation was set to off during FC).

After all, the Borg say "We will adapt". It must be true.