Worst Star Trek vs Star Wars fanfiction you have read

[Gurgeh]

I would like to know what are some of the worst Star Wars vs Star Trek fanfiction you have read all together? My memory is bad on this one but I remember a long time ago I was reading a STvSW fanfiction where the Enterprise D was under attack by Darth Vader and the author was giving all the details of the ship exploding around them and at the end when they where about to be defeated Darth Vader asked the crew to join them and then that is where I lost it by them saying "Coooll!!!!!" I gave up hope looking for a Star Trek vs Star Wars fanfiction for a while till I found conquest.

[Eleas]

Enjoy.

[Littlefoot]

not as bad as portal(?), but I still feel like ripping my eyes out as punishment for reading that crap

[The Vortex Empire]

I closed the page as soon as I saw it was written like a screenplay. That's a sure-sign that the story is a steaming pile of shit.

[Darth Tedious]

At least it was really short! Could you imagine 20 pages of that stuff?

[Eleas]

At least it was really short! Could you imagine 20 pages of that stuff?

It'd be about four times as long. If you want, I could creatively rearrange the first few chapters of Portal to look like it was written by PAUL, and you need no longer wonder.

[Eleas]

As a token of my good will, I will offer you all a quick preview, a glimpse of the end result. No, don't thank me.

The sensors are detect a worm hole anomaly.

Data: The energy is not in the database although they are similar to the anomaly Archer four eight years ago.

Picard nodding at the aimless puzzle. Take us in.

A minute later we see the anomaly on the main view screen. Its energy over two kilometers across.

Data: Are sensors see the wormhole. This wormhole has no event horizon but a time distortion is there.

Picard: Is it stables? Picard asked.

Data: No sir.

Riker: Is it dangerous?

Data: No sir. I've analyze the worm hole and it is growing into a threat. We should go inside.

Picard: Make it so.

The anomaly lights up with an energy glow. Everybody is astonish!

[Darth Tedious]

It's like an enema for your brain!

[Eleas]

It's like an enema for your brain!

Nicely put and yeah, writing it was worse. What astonished me is how much I had to cut. It's very threadbare -- Kennedy's plotting and characterization is pretty damn poor, but at least Portal doesn't read like something scribbled on the back of a cocktail napkin at 3 am.

[Panzersharkcat]

Grammar Nazi senses tingling!

[Eleas]

Grammar Nazi senses tingling!

I regret nozhink! Do your vorst!

[Omeganian]

I closed the page as soon as I saw it was written like a screenplay. That's a sure-sign that the story is a steaming pile of shit.

I don't know. This one seems rather tolerable to me (Not a Star Trek fic, Andromeda).

[Night_stalker]

Honestly, a pretty decent chunk of the Unity Saga, partly because of Janeaw-, I mean, the Oracle's timetraveling abilities, which meant that the Oracle became the sort of Chessmaster that would put Tzeench to shame. It was really annoying to hear how she was able to do so much damage, and her little psychotic break didn't endear me to her.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4553345/1/S ... f_the_Jedi
Between the awkward to read dialogue, the magic ST technobabbling out a solution, the fact that the Empire seems to suffer from not being able to actually hurt the good guys, and a plot that sounds absurdly naive, I would advise avoiding it at all costs.

[Panzersharkcat]

Grammar Nazi senses tingling!

I regret nozhink! Do your vorst!

Igor, fetch... the kampfy chair!

[Ahriman238]

Bah! I don't see enough terribly written in my day?

I have to admit, it wasn't a crossover exactly but there was a Voyager/Groundhog Day fanfic where a member of the crew gets to go back to the day they arrived in the Delta Quadrant and do it all over again, with infinite retries. The catch? The crewman is Harry Kim. Poor, dumb Harry.

Naturally, the first thing he learns is how to discreetly murder Janeway.

[EnterpriseSovereign]

not as bad as portal(?), but I still feel like ripping my eyes out as punishment for reading that crap

I agree, portal was one of those abortions that was clearly fanwankery- clearly it was written using just one hand

And at the opposite end of the scale you have Conquest, which shows just how much of an advantage hyperdrive alone offers in a versus scenario, never mind all the other SW advantages

[Luke Skywalker]

Conquest actually underpowers Star Wars, allowing Star Trek ships to take out star destroyers in sufficient quantifies.

It also has the problem of Empire-wanking, implicitly attempting to justify the destruction of Alderaan (why Wong tries to justify this remains unknown) by claiming that destroying a planet is a valid military action. Just...wow. Imperial apologists are no better off than Nazi apologists.

But it's a well written story. Why Admiral Kanos is displayed as a protagonist however, when he's clearly a sociopath, I do not know.

[HMS Sophia]

Imperial apologists are no better off than Nazi apologists.

Except... one is fictional?
I'm not defending, but I think there is a slight difference.

Why Admiral Kanos is displayed as a protagonist however, when he's clearly a sociopath, I do not know.

Why not. Sociopaths can be riveting protagonists. Have you ever watched Dexter? Or heard of the anti-hero?

[Panzersharkcat]

Imperial apologists are no better off than Nazi apologists.

Except... one is fictional?
I'm not defending, but I think there is a slight difference.

Why Admiral Kanos is displayed as a protagonist however, when he's clearly a sociopath, I do not know.

Why not. Sociopaths can be riveting protagonists. Have you ever watched Dexter? Or heard of the anti-hero?

Mhm. The justification of the destruction of Alderaan thing, IIRC, is done in character as an Imperial officer. I'm pretty sure Mike Wong does not actually advocate blowing up planets with billions of people.

[HMS Sophia]

Mhm. The justification of the destruction of Alderaan thing, IIRC, is done in character as an Imperial officer. I'm pretty sure Mike Wong does not actually advocate blowing up planets with billions of people.

That explains a lot. I've never actually read the story.

[Panzersharkcat]

That was in the main site, actually. Alderaan was never mentioned in Conquest. See link. It's definitely in character as an Imperial officer. The title of that page is "Alderaan, Planet of Traitors" and talks of Tarkin's tragic death and the honorable Darth Vader.

[EnterpriseSovereign]

The planet seemed to be a pretty important one, though it was made up for the story just as Ruk's species (I imagined him to be much like the CG Gorn from IAMD). I did notice that ST did at least offer some resistance to an Imperial attack (Though why Picard didn't transmit sensor logs of his battle with the Romulans to the Imperials when they reached earth was beyond me, it would have proved that he did his damnedest to stop them attacking the ring station). I have to say, I have read sections of that story many, many times

[Luke Skywalker]

Except... one is fictional?
I'm not defending, but I think there is a slight difference.

Forgive my wording. I meant from a rational standpoint.

Why not. Sociopaths can be riveting protagonists. Have you ever watched Dexter? Or heard of the anti-hero?

Anti-heroes are rarely genocidal, and villains being "good" is entirely different from a good protagonist.

Mhm. The justification of the destruction of Alderaan thing, IIRC, is done in character as an Imperial officer. I'm pretty sure Mike Wong does not actually advocate blowing up planets with billions of people.

Actually, he has.

[Panzersharkcat]

So that's where Rooting for the Empire came from. Huh.

Anyway, he never actually advocates it. He only says the situation is complicated. This was his only post in the thread.

Good point, LC. What is "evil"? Is the mass destruction of non-combatants "evil"? If so, then what do you think of Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Tokyo, and Dresden?

Is the suppression of rights "evil"? If so, then how do you define those rights (which may not be as "self-evident" as you think)? How do you address the fact that all governments reserve the ability to suppress rights if they feel it is in the best interests of the state (or in some cases, the major media companies)?

Is dictatorship intrinsically "evil"? Only if you feel that democracy is intrinsically "good", and many people have died at the hands of both.

What about suffering and death? Is that bad? Of course. Is suffering and death acceptable if necessary to defned philosophical principles such as rights, democracy, and freedom? That seems to be what I'm hearing. When an idea is elevated above human life, is that evil? Historically, it has often led to acts which are universally decried as such.

In short, the situation's not that simple.

Never said blowing up Alderaan = good.

[Azron_Stoma]

It seemed to me that Admiral Kanos starts off as a very machiavellian villian, even likened to Thrawn in the story itself by other characters. As the story progresses however his moral compass starts to shift, especially when Jacen crosses the moral event horizon. Q has a hand in this, poking fun at Kanos' doing all the things he does because it's what he feels Anakin wants, while never really weighing the pros and cons for himself.

When the time finally comes for Kanos to make his first command decision as the defacto leader of the Empire in the milky way, he decides to honor the treaty and stay true to his word. Rather than betray it like he originally planned.

It's been a while since i've read the story, but I think he even decides to pull his forces out of the Federation and return power to them. Then goes off to settle somewhere else and spread a new Empire based on new prinicples.