How would you turn Enterprise into pr0n

Bob McDob · Post by **Bob McDob** » 2002-10-24 06:04am

Of all the sci-fi shows on TV, you'd think Star Trek would be the best for conversion into porno. After all, the entire theme is of exploration! Strange new worlds! Alien of the week! Combined with the decidedly liberal attitude ST characters show towards sex (has anybody made a tally of every time a crewmember slept with aliens?), it would be perfect.

And best of all, practically every starship (with the exception of Galaxies . . . the bastards!) are long-range cruisers carrying out exploration missions deep in space, for years at a time. Certainly they have to do SOMETHING during the isolation?

And the holodeck! Don't get me started . . . but I digress, this IS about Enterprise after all (though it could easily apply to any other spinoff).

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2002-10-24 06:24am

Start with the Borg and their *adaption* capabilities...

Post by **haas mark** » 2002-10-24 06:24am

Not EVEN gonna touch that one...

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2002-10-24 10:33am

"Resistance is futile. You will have orgasms..."

Klingons: "Feel my batlet of lust..."

Post by **Vympel** » 2002-10-24 10:47am

.......

Wierdest. ST/SW topic. EVER.

Spanky The Dolphin · Post by **Spanky The Dolphin** » 2002-10-24 10:51am

How would you turn Enterprise into pr0n?

Nothing. It's practically already porn.

EmperorMing · Post by **EmperorMing** » 2002-10-24 10:53am

Boobyprise...?

TheDarkling · Post by **TheDarkling** » 2002-10-24 11:33am

Wait six months is what I would do - its already well on course thanks dumb and dumber.

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2002-10-24 12:13pm

Spanky the Dolphin wrote:Nothing. It's practically already porn.

Goddamit! You took the words right out of my mouth!

Well it's seriously soft porn, anyway...

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-10-24 01:44pm

More Orion slavegirls....

aerius · Post by **aerius** » 2002-10-24 02:18pm

More Vulcans with Ponn Far.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » 2002-10-24 03:11pm

Change the Warp engines into giant dildo's incase they bump into a space born creature/ship again. bring back TOS womens uniforms. replace Phasers with orgasmatrons,

Cpt_Frank · Post by **Cpt_Frank** » 2002-10-24 03:47pm

Muad'Dib wrote:Change the Warp engines into giant dildo's incase they bump into a space born creature/ship again. bring back TOS womens uniforms. replace Phasers with orgasmatrons,

you know regarding the look of the phasers and SF swiss-knife mentality, and additionally since we haven'T seen a Starfleet issue vibrator yet I'd say there's a high propability they already incorporate such a function.

btw the ships would also have to be named differently.

Slartibartfast · Post by **Slartibartfast** » 2002-10-24 04:23pm

From another thread (posted by Tsyroc I think):

CmdrWilkens · Post by **CmdrWilkens** » 2002-10-24 04:57pm

Slartibartfast wrote:From another thread (posted by Tsyroc I think):

They even have bestiality already

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-10-24 05:54pm

Our (damn sexy) mission is

to explore strange new worlds(and have sex with their women),

to seek out new life(and have sex with it),

and new civilizations(with more advanced sex toys),

to boldy go(in every hole),

where no man has gone before,(into the pants of every hot alien chick).

Admiral Drason · Post by **Admiral Drason** » 2002-10-24 05:58pm

Wasnt there an episode with a giant alien who screwed the Enterprise?

neoolong · Post by **neoolong** » 2002-10-24 06:05pm

Admiral Drason wrote:Wasnt there an episode with a giant alien who screwed the Enterprise?

There was an episode where a baby alien thought the Enterprise was its mother and latched on and sucked energy. Was it that one? I don't remember one where an alien screwed the Enterprise. And I doubt they would let that on the air anyways. I could be wrong though.

Enlightenment · Post by **Enlightenment** » 2002-10-24 07:17pm

Admiral Drason wrote:Wasnt there an episode with a giant alien who screwed the Enterprise?

I think you're confusing Trek with Crusade.

Darth Yoshi · Post by **Darth Yoshi** » 2002-10-24 07:29pm

Man, I'm surprised RayCav didn't start this. Unless...reveal thy true identity, Bob!

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2002-10-24 08:32pm

Oh, Bob's not Ray. As bad, but not the same person.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-10-24 08:58pm

Steadily lower the ratings even faster, and hint at cuts in B&B's pay if they don’t go up. That should work just fine for getting us to quadruple X not legal within a nation state in no time.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2002-10-24 09:30pm

EmperorMing wrote:"Resistance is futile. You will have orgasms..."

Klingons: "Feel my batlet of lust..."

They're not tentacles they're roots of lust!

Patrick Degan · Post by **Patrick Degan** » 2002-10-24 09:33pm

Just repeal all remaining FCC decency regs and turn all the writing over to Brannon Braga.

Bob McDob · Post by **Bob McDob** » 2002-10-24 10:26pm

Heh, show the Japanese they're not the ONLY ones that can do tentacles!

Seriously, I wasn't thinking specifically of PORN porn when I made this. Enterprise IS porn, in a matter of speaking. All we would have to do is . . . reinstate the appropriate scenes. But the point SHOULDN'T be to make Enterprise into porn, but rather to bring out the elements in it.

Think about the possibilities! Sex with space amoebas! Getting it on in fluidic space! Sure, it's Voyager, but who the hell cares anymore! Screw continuity! The most important thing is that it's interesting to watch. Most porn is either poorly produced, has no interest, or has no plot.

Typical example of "NEW Star Trek": Captain Sean Grove of the Starship Probe discoveres a planet where the population is being controlled by evil space flowers. None of the people there know how to screw. In revenge, he resolves to teach the planet the means to reproduction, starting with the attractive alien farmer.

In between hardcore sex (which of course would be partially computer generated with heavy makeup), we discover the Space Flowers have declared Vendetta, and send in their oddly-shaped space battleships. The alarm rudely interrupts the bridge crew's wardroom orgy, forcing them into a half-naked space kung-fu match. Think Legend of the Rangers, only on massive scale. (My goal here is to raise the production standards for porn everywhere. And that means expensive rendered scenes of everything)

Emerging from one of his "demonstration" classes, Captain Grove discoveres the Space Flowers ultimate plan: to unleash their army of Flower Powerers, massive spacefaring plants which use energy from the planet to sterilize the entire population for generations. Of course, Captain Grove gives himself up, but not before giving the standard self-rightous monologue all Fleet captains are trained in, and doing it stark naked.

But wait! A giant energy source lights up on the horizon! It's Future Captain Grove, who used the power of Flower to ascend to new heights and orgasm so hard he traveled into the future! Super-Captain Grove easily overpowers the Flower minions, then tells Captain Grove he must depart from this paradise, because otherwise . . . there won't be another alien of the week! Then Captain Grove makes the most startling decision of the entire episode . . . he refuses! Since he can no longer exist, Super-Captain Grove vanishes in a puff of logic, leaving Grove alone - and stark naked. The crew points and laughs. A red-faced Grove runs off into the bushes. Cue credits.

There, I think I just exceeded Brannon Braga's paycheck

Oh, Bob's not Ray. As bad, but not the same person.

Thank you for your vote of confidence.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

How would you turn Enterprise into pr0n

How would you turn Enterprise into pr0n

Fastest way: