ok, just for sheer giggles

Enforcer Talen · Post by **Enforcer Talen** » 2004-12-06 11:32pm

ewoks vs klingons, no tech above hand to hand.

round 1 is on endor
round 2 is on a klingon ship
round 3 is in the plains of iowa.

equal numbers.

Solauren · Post by **Solauren** » 2004-12-06 11:49pm

Round 1: Ewoks. The home terrain advantage and the fact they are used to fighting other sentient races on there homeworld gives them a huge edge. (The sentient race in question is the Du'loks. Basically shaggy green orc/klingon cultural hybrids)

Round 2: 50% Klingons, 50% Draw. They have the home field advantage. Worse case scenario, the Ewoks some how blow up the Warp core. Most likely however, the Klingons just start tossing Ewoks into the wall and cracking there heads on the floor. Ewoks are not that strong or tough.

Round 3: The locals look at there whiskey, toss it over there shoulder and decide to go to A-A
Serious, I'd have to give this to the Klingons. Ewoks have never been show to be that strong, and Klingons have redudant organs to let them last in a brawl longer

Winston Blake · Post by **Winston Blake** » 2004-12-07 12:55am

Well, ewoks are known to be able to toss boulders around as if they were made of styrofoam.

Robert Walper · Post by **Robert Walper** » 2004-12-07 01:45am

Winston Blake wrote:Well, ewoks are known to be able to toss boulders around as if they were made of styrofoam.

Those same Ewoks can be easily picked up and moved around by a small woman (ie: Leia). The ease by which she did this suggests Ewok's don't weight much more than a child of similar size. This gives the Klingons with their battle armor (that they always wear) a significant weight and size advantage. Plus they certainly don't mind getting their hands down and dirty killing in hand to hand (note Kruge in ST3).

I'd say the Klingons can actually pull this off in all three scenarios due to size and weight advantage alone. Christ, Storm Troopers didn't have much trouble tossing them around either, it was because they were armed and in superior numbers that made them dangerous. They have neither advantage against the Klingons in this scenario.

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2004-12-07 09:10am

So you mean the Ewoks can't use all of the spiffy traps that they used in ROTJ?

I'm thinking that if they could, then the Ewoks would win, because they know the landscape and they're sensible enough to run away if they're outclassed. I'd say they'd set a trap for all the Klingons, and then they'd poke their heads out from behind the trees and belt them with rocks.

Otherwise, the Klingons would win, assuming they could catch the little blighters.

Lord Zentei · Post by **Lord Zentei** » 2004-12-07 09:12am

Damn, didn't mean to be a copycat (not that my poll was a copy, but it did include a Klingon-Ewok scenario

). Anyway:

Round 1: on Endor

Home ground advantage may give the Ewoks the victory though at a horrendous cost. It really depends on wether the Klingons have good intel on the Ewoks, wether they have tricorders to detect ambushes, wether booby traps count as "hand to hand" etc.

Round 2: on a Klingon ship

The Klingons win hands down. Equal numbers in hand to hand against Klingons is bad enough, but if you are 3' tall it is murder.

Round 3: on the plains of Iowa.

Ditto.

Robert Walper · Post by **Robert Walper** » 2004-12-07 10:28am

Lusankya wrote:So you mean the Ewoks can't use all of the spiffy traps that they used in ROTJ?

The OP specified no tech beyond hand to hand. This means the Klingons are limited to their Bat'Leths and other assorted melee weapons, and the Ewoks have their spears and rocks. Somehow I doubt the Ewok's weapons are any match for far more advanced edged weaponry.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2004-12-07 10:38am

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...yeah the Bat'leth is a good hand to hand weapon.

Only in the mind of a rabid moron, who can't see that thing is the least ergonomical weapon in sci fi history...only being beaten out by Sword Chucks.

Some pointers.

1. Just because something weighs less then you has no BEARING to it's strength. I can pick up a large dog...doesn't say anything about that Dog's overall strength.

2. The Ewoks have weapons in the shape of spears which while put them with the size actually in better capabilty then the Klingons, if they use knives. Any Klingon who goes with their traditional bat'leth is a dead one.

3. Ewok upper body strength showed that the size of the rock and the fact they can dead lift means they are easily human strength if not a bit more in some cases.

For the scenarios

1. Endor: Ewoks. They actually uses tactical knowledge.

2. Klingon Ship: MAD...Spear vs Knives is suicide on some many levels, but I'll give the Klingon at least the benefit that they are in close quarters.

3. Plain of Iowa: Yeah...we saw armies of Knife weilding morons take down spearmen. Note...Knives.

Bellator · Post by **Bellator** » 2004-12-07 10:49am

Ewoks use wooden spears right? Wood vs 24th century metal alloys...hmmm

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-12-07 11:19am

Bellator wrote:Ewoks use wooden spears right? Wood vs 24th century metal alloys...hmmm

OMFG!~!!111oneoneonelol Lokzorz at teh 00b0r armorzes!11! Itz teh covering teh headzorz and armses!1/111111oineoneonlolSHIFT+F1

No.

Dead klingon.

Luzifer's right hand · Post by **Luzifer's right hand** » 2004-12-07 11:26am

Bellator wrote:Ewoks use wooden spears right? Wood vs 24th century metal alloys...hmmm

Spear vs Knife = spearhead in the guts of the knife user.

drachefly · Post by **drachefly** » 2004-12-07 11:51am

Item 1: A B'atleth may have hideous ergonomics for parrying a heavy weapon wielded by an enemy who can get a lot of momentum behind a swinging blow, but neither of these is so for an Ewok spear: spears more usually stab than slash; Ewoks are not heavy enough to get much momentum in anyway.

Item 2: B'atleth intrinsic range is comparable to Ewok spear range, but Klingon arms are much longer

Item 3: parry a spear with a B'atleth, with the spearhead in one of the Batleh gaps or at the end. Twist B'atleth. Bye-bye spear.

Item 4: Ewoks are slow.

I'd give the Ewoks their home territory, just like they did with the stormtroopers, because those ferns and fallen trees are ideal hiding-spots-- but the Klingons do well everywhere else.

Bellator · Post by **Bellator** » 2004-12-07 12:15pm

OMFG!~!!111oneoneonelol Lokzorz at teh 00b0r armorzes!11! Itz teh covering teh headzorz and armses!1/111111oineoneonlolSHIFT+F1

No.

Dead klingon.

A stone age teddy bear stabbing a Klingon in the arm with a wooden spear isn't likely to result in a dead Klingon. And for the head? The little critters will have trouble even reaching that high. The Klingon torso is well protected from primitive weapons, thus:

Spear vs Knife = spearhead in the guts of the knife user.

Isn't possible either.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-12-07 12:18pm

Problem:

drachefly wrote:Item 1: A B'atleth may have hideous ergonomics for parrying a heavy weapon wielded by an enemy who can get a lot of momentum behind a swinging blow, but neither of these is so for an Ewok spear: spears more usually stab than slash; Ewoks are not heavy enough to get much momentum in anyway.

Solution:

Throw spear.

Problem:

Item 2: B'atleth intrinsic range is comparable to Ewok spear range, but Klingon arms are much longer

Solution:

Throw spear.

Problem:

Item 3: parry a spear with a B'atleth, with the spearhead in one of the Batleh gaps or at the end. Twist B'atleth. Bye-bye spear.

solution:

Throw spear

problem:

Item 4: Ewoks are slow.

Well, that is relative, isn't it? I don't recall ever seeing Klingons using anything small team tactics. Usually they are howling and swinging madly as they spooge themselves. Their speed advantage will be for naught against highly organized groups of spear wielding Ewoks, eh? and if you think the ewoks are anything less than highly organized, I invite you to watch RotJ again. Also, kill the zombie in your closet which ate your brain.
OP states no tech above hand to hand. I call spears hand to hand and throwing them merely adapting them to the situation.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-12-07 12:20pm

A stone age teddy bear stabbing a Klingon in the arm with a wooden spear isn't likely to result in a dead Klingon. And for the head? The little critters will have trouble even reaching that high. The Klingon torso is well protected from primitive weapons, thus:

Spear vs Knife = spearhead in the guts of the knife user.

Isn't possible either.

You are so right. They would have trouble reaching their heads. But not the crotch. or the legs, which are unarmored. Hard to attack when your femoral artery, MCL and ACL are severed.

drachefly · Post by **drachefly** » 2004-12-07 01:06pm

Ahem. FUCK YOU.

Now, on to responses:
Of course they throw the spear. Assume they have full human strength (i.e. proportionally much much stronger). Their arm length is about 1/3 of that of a human. W = FD, therefore the work done will be about 1/3 that of a human throwing a spear. This will not do much to a Klingon unless it was placed exactly right.

Then of course there is the possibility of parrying a thrown spear, which you casually dismissed for no good reason. This can be done even for ordinary spears thrown by Humans; I see no reason to suspect that Ewok spears would be faster, and they would certainly be lighter -- and so, easier to parry.

As for Ewoks speed: Of course it's relative. Compared to a Klingon, it's relatively slow.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-12-07 01:54pm

drachefly wrote:Ahem. FUCK YOU.

Now, on to responses:
Of course they throw the spear. Assume they have full human strength (i.e. proportionally much much stronger). Their arm length is about 1/3 of that of a human. W = FD, therefore the work done will be about 1/3 that of a human throwing a spear. This will not do much to a Klingon unless it was placed exactly right.

Then of course there is the possibility of parrying a thrown spear, which you casually dismissed for no good reason. This can be done even for ordinary spears thrown by Humans; I see no reason to suspect that Ewok spears would be faster, and they would certainly be lighter -- and so, easier to parry.

As for Ewoks speed: Of course it's relative. Compared to a Klingon, it's relatively slow.

Casually dismiss? How about how you casually dismissing small unit tactics? And wooden spears?

Here:

We see spears with sharpened stone heads. Not exactly all flimsy wooden, are they? and certainy have greater reach than a battleth.

While we're on the subject, let us address hand waving. How in the bloody fuck doen a charging klingon > 3 ft tall ewok with spear? as you see in the pic above the klingon battle armor is a joke. so there would be no need for the ewoks to throw their damned spears, all they'd have to do would be to wait for the dumbassed klingons to impale themselves. There's a reason phalanxes (sp?) reigned supreme over uber heavy cavalry, you know. Granted their spears were 12 feet long, but a horse is much larger than a klingon, right dipshit?

And how in the hell does spear not > knife

Bellator · Post by **Bellator** » 2004-12-07 01:57pm

Throw spear.

You are so right. They would have trouble reaching their heads. But not the crotch. or the legs, which are unarmored. Hard to attack when your femoral artery, MCL and ACL are severed.

Seriously.

A. Ewoks are smaller than Klingons;
B. Ewoks use wooden arms, Klingons 24th century metal ones;
C. Ewoks have no body armor, Klingons have their torso protected;
D. Ewoks are slower than Klingons.

So the Ewoks would have to throw their primitive wooden spears, hope their spears won't miss or deflect, hope their spears won't hit the Klingon torso and hope their stone age spears manage to kill all Klingons before any can get into hitting range, cause once they do it's all over considering: Ewoks are too slow to run away, have no body armor, and can't deflect knife/bathlet blows with their wooden spears. Great odds for the teddy bears, no?

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2004-12-07 02:00pm

Gotta love a person who concludes that because the torso is protected, a major artery won't get hit, and that Klingon won't BLEED to death.

Oh and 24th centruy metal > Spear...it's funny once again no proof.

Speed...no proof.

So far all we have is that obviously the Klingons are taller.

So care to actually show why "The Klingons will winzor!!!!" rather then just spewing cum all over the keyboard as you type?

Bellator · Post by **Bellator** » 2004-12-07 02:00pm

We see spears with sharpened stone heads. Not exactly all flimsy wooden, are they?

Oh yeah, a stone tip would make all the difference.

Fucking stone age teddy bear fan wanking.

And judging from your picture, those spears aren't very straight, making it very hard to throw accurately from even a moderate distance (especcially since they'll need to hit a small target (head, arm, leg).

Bellator · Post by **Bellator** » 2004-12-07 02:02pm

Oh and 24th centruy metal > Spear...it's funny once again no proof.

Just about any kind of metal would be nearly impossible to penetrate using a wooden with a stone tip, without the spear breaking in two. That's common sense.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2004-12-07 02:05pm

Bellator wrote:
Oh and 24th centruy metal > Spear...it's funny once again no proof.
Just about any kind of metal would be nearly impossible to penetrate using a wooden with a stone tip, without the spear breaking in two. That's common sense.

Awww...I see the little person wants to go "It's obvious that since the Klingons wear armor...and it's metal = impentrable!!"

It's funny you don't demonstrate thickness of said metal nor do you actually compare this demonstrated Ewok strength and PROVE the Ewoks have no chance of piercing the chest armor but instead go "It can't happen!!!"

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-12-07 02:33pm

Only a Trektard would look at a largely cloth uniform with metal plates on the shoulders and conclude that the entire Klingon body is sheathed in impenetrable metal.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2004-12-07 02:46pm

Also, it should be noted, even here on earth we've had primitive societies capable of making stone tools with cutting edges as sharp and fine as a surgical scalpel...

The ewoks have shown the ability to co-ordinate well.
The klingons have shown the ability to be thicker than week old porridge when in groups of one or larger.

The ewoks have shown good use of sound weapons.
The klingons have the batleth, the single worst weapon in all of creation.

The klingons have armour...on their torso.
The ewoks are about testicle height and klingons tend to wear spiffy leather trousers...

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-12-07 03:18pm

Keevan_Colton wrote:The klingons have armour...on their torso.
The ewoks are about testicle height and klingons tend to wear spiffy leather trousers...

Leather?! You mean... why, how can a society with primitive stone weapons hope to stand up against such an onslaught?

Wait a minute. I bet they use those same stone tools to kill and skin animals they used to make the things like, their furniture...their hoods, etc.

Some of which just HAD to be leather. Think?