Humor (Repost) Starfleet Rules of Engagement.

[The Yosemite Bear]

NOTE: WRITTEN BY COLIN WITZ

Yes, downloaded by our trusted slicer driods we have now obtained the
complete Away Team, and Vessel Rules of Engagement from Starfleet.

Away Team ROE
1. In Keeping with the Prime Directive never fire on another spiecies
unless they have already killed one member of the away team.
2. First shots fired are to be warning shots, as the killing of the
Away Team member in ROE 1 could have been an accident
3. In order to achieve the possiblility of a nonviolent settlement to
the disagreement, always attempt to subdue rather then terminate
extraterrestial Encounters.
4. In order not to create intergalactic incidents and accusations of
Favoratism, Battlefield Triage should assign the Highest Priority to
injured hostiles, and the lowest priority to injured away team members.
4b. All injured away team members are to be declared deceased in leiu
of actual treatment.
5. All Security and Tactics officers, especially those who have taken
the Advanced Tactics Course are to jump infront of any supirior officer
in the event that the away team should come under fire.

Starship ROE
1. Send at least a dozen Hails of intent before raising shields as this
may be seen as a provacative action or a sign of distrust
2. Before intaiting inform of defensive action, have Ship's
Translator/Counsoler attempt to clairify any miscommunication, even
while under fire.
3. Please make sure that you have exhausted all conventional options
and several halfbaked ideas before resorting to violence, we do not want
to upset any potential allies.
4. As per the prime directive, under no circumstance should you engage
a hostile force in the proximity of an inhabited planet, as the
resulting space battle could contaminate their civilization.
5. Do not sound an all quarter Klaxon as it may frighten Children on
board the Vessel. Use recall pages, etc to bring crew members to
station without causing a panic.

COURTESY OF COLIN WITZ

[Einhander Sn0m4n]

I'd laugh if it wan't true. Since they actually DO follow those rules, I declare it "Pathetic".

[neoolong]

And don't forget, when in doubt, send someone in a red shirt to investigate.

[Ender]

4. As per the prime directive, under no circumstance should you engage
a hostile force in the proximity of an inhabited planet, as the
resulting space battle could contaminate their civilization.

Since warp is rarely done insystem for some reason, you could engage the enemy further out away from the planet and still defend it. So I fail to see why this one is a bad idea. Especially since the close proximity to the planet would limit manuvering and a shot could get through and take out what you are defending.

[Sea Skimmer]

So sad that this is an accurate list.

[Isolder74]

Very Funny.
The Real sad thing is how this is tuely how it is.
At least for TNG+, But in TOS Kirk either ignored these rules or they wer different.

[The Yosemite Bear]

Yeah, I wrote it to be funny and accurate at the same time.

[Uraniun235]

Starship ROE
1. Send at least a dozen Hails of intent before raising shields as this
may be seen as a provacative action or a sign of distrust
2. Before intaiting inform of defensive action, have Ship's
Translator/Counsoler attempt to clairify any miscommunication, even
while under fire.
3. Please make sure that you have exhausted all conventional options
and several halfbaked ideas before resorting to violence, we do not want
to upset any potential allies.
4. As per the prime directive, under no circumstance should you engage
a hostile force in the proximity of an inhabited planet, as the
resulting space battle could contaminate their civilization.
5. Do not sound an all quarter Klaxon as it may frighten Children on
board the Vessel. Use recall pages, etc to bring crew members to
station without causing a panic

It's funny because it's overblown and hyperbolic.

[BenRG]

This are my own generic rules, but there are specific parts based on Cmdr. Riker's performance in two seperate battles ('Rascals' and 'Generations').

Starfleet Tactical - Starship ROE

1. Allow enemy vessel to make the first shot, even if there is overwhelming evidence of hostile intent.
2. Persuant to Starfleet policy regarding peaceful conflict resolution, always hail a potential hostile vessel before going to an increased alert status, even when there is overwhelming evidence of hostile intent.
3. Take at least 2 - 4 direct hits before requesting a shield status report
4. Take at least another 2 - 4 direct hits before beginning evasive action.
5. Further to Starship ROE4, evasive action should be conducted at slow sublight speeds and should occur in only one plane of movement. We don't want to spook those nice, misguided aliens into thinking we are really hostile.
6. After a further 2 - 4 direct hits, return fire. Note: Weapons are not free. Restrict return fire to a single phaser discharge.
7. If hostile vessel continues to fire, return to ROE3 and repeat sequence until hostilities end.

I base much of this post on a review of 'Rascals' in the excellent book "The Star Trek - The Next Generation Nitpickers' Guide". The must-have publication for all Trek-watching cynics out there.

[Uraniun235]

Evasive manuevers in a ~640 meter starship? Are you out of your mind?

Now, granted, small warp jumps for repositioning and getting out of the immediate line of fire would be great, but since nobody at Paramount has the brains to do such writing, we must assume it's impulse manuevering, at which the E-D was a pig.

[neoolong]

Evasive manuevers in a ~640 meter starship? Are you out of your mind?

Now, granted, small warp jumps for repositioning and getting out of the immediate line of fire would be great, but since nobody at Paramount has the brains to do such writing, we must assume it's impulse manuevering, at which the E-D was a pig.

Don't forget the Picard Manuever. And no, not that tugging on his tunic right before he makes some boring speech about doing what is right.

[Master of Ossus]

1. Never let hostile aliens think you're hostile. It may give them the wrong idea.
2. When going on a dangerous mission, bring along at least three crew members to absorb phaser fire while beaming down the entire senior staff, leaving a counselor or random ensign in charge of the ship as necessary.
3. Your first duty is to the ship, except when that conflicts with further angering hostile aliens, or could place the Federation on morally shaky ground.
4. After a war is over, there is no longer any need to continue monitoring your former enemy. This is demonstrated in "Balance of Terror," "The Wounded," and "Star Trek: Nemesis."
5. When in doubt, blindly poke around until you find something interesting. While this doctrine was originally developed by the SF pioneer, Captain Archer, it soon developed into a fleet-wide doctrine for what to do in case you don't understand something.
6. Never allow the medical staff to use common sense in disposing of biological agents. Disinfectants are merely a form of chemical warfare that have already killed thousands of billions of microbes.
7. When fighting in hand-to-hand combat, attack your enemies exclusively with punches and never kicks.
8. Phasers are to be aimed using one hand.
9. When using a phaser rifle, it is occasionally permisible to use both hands. When this is done, be sure to give your enemies a chance by allowing them to fire first. Better still, talk to your enemies to see what they want to do.
10. Since a few thousand troops are necessary to take a world, it is usually too great a commital of SF personnel to capture and properly hold territory. Ground troops should be reserved for planets with no natural resources or strategic value of any kind.
11. When ground troops are used, they should be in such small groups that the odds of one side actually locating and engaging the other on a planetary or continental land-mass is astronomically small.

[The Yosemite Bear]

Remember Showing any signs of Intiative or "learning" is not recommended.

[BenRG]

Evasive manuevers in a ~640 meter starship? Are you out of your mind?

Not the last time I checked.

You would expect that the E-D could manage at least some high-G manoeuvres. The fast y-axis turn as it exited orbit in 'The Defector' was pretty high-G. The problem is that they don't usually use those manouvres, just slow, picturesque and gentle sweeping turns to the left or right. No 'jinking' up or down. No rolling to suddenly sweep outlying bits of the hull out of the way of enemy fire. No using that impressive active sensor array to attempt to jam the enemy's targetting sensors. No attempt to return fire most times either.

[starfury]

10. Since a few thousand troops are necessary to take a world, it is usually too great a commital of SF personnel to capture and properly hold territory. Ground troops should be reserved for planets with no natural resources or strategic value of any kind.

that is a nice statement of the federation ground forces.

[The Yosemite Bear]

Yeah, that's another one from the SFB's smarter then Starfleet rules.

Sir, they have rienforced their shields and are using maximum Resolution Jamming.