Worst Treknobable

[Spanky The Dolphin]

What do you think is the worst example of a Treknobable device on Star Trek?

Me, I'd have to say that machine from DS9 (I think) that altered the laws of probability: eg, a Luck Machine.

While that kind of stuff works for shows like Escaflowne, it just seems absurd for ST.

[BenRG]

Sky TV here in the UK is advertising its' 'Voyager' reruns with a series of clips of characters disclaiming technobabble, all spliced together at random. The horrible thing is that they are no more or less understandable when mixed together like that than they are when in their original, whole, form.

[Uraniun235]

What do you think is the worst example of a Treknobable device on Star Trek?

Me, I'd have to say that machine from DS9 (I think) that altered the laws of probability: eg, a Luck Machine.

While that kind of stuff works for shows like Escaflowne, it just seems absurd for ST.

That doesn't sound too far removed from the Heisenberg Compensator, which supposedly circumvents Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle (which would otherwise render transporters nonfunctional).

[Robert Walper]

In order to analysis what we have termed "Treknobabble", one must examine events which use Treknobabble. However, in order to do this effectively, we must remodulate a universal translater to emit a high burst of tachyon pulses directed in the upper spectrum of verbal sound. This can be accomplished by phase tuning frequencies of multi-tachyon layers based in subspace. However, one must be careful not to have any tachyon particles impact on physical properties of verbal analysis, which could cause a subspace reaction that results in more tachyon particles present than normal, thus disrupting a meaningful analysis of Treknobabble.

[data_link]

In order to analysis what we have termed "Treknobabble", one must examine events which use Treknobabble. However, in order to do this effectively, we must remodulate a universal translater to emit a high burst of tachyon pulses directed in the upper spectrum of verbal sound. This can be accomplished by phase tuning frequencies of multi-tachyon layers based in subspace. However, one must be careful not to have any tachyon particles impact on physical properties of verbal analysis, which could cause a subspace reaction that results in more tachyon particles present than normal, thus disrupting a meaningful analysis of Treknobabble.

Sadly, that makes more sense than most of the stuff on Star Wreck.

[Robert Walper]

Sadly, that makes more sense than most of the stuff on Star Wreck.

LOL....that is sad.

[Uraniun235]

In order to analysis what we have termed "Treknobabble", one must examine events which use Treknobabble. However, in order to do this effectively, we must remodulate a universal translater to emit a high burst of tachyon pulses directed in the upper spectrum of verbal sound. This can be accomplished by phase tuning frequencies of multi-tachyon layers based in subspace. However, one must be careful not to have any tachyon particles impact on physical properties of verbal analysis, which could cause a subspace reaction that results in more tachyon particles present than normal, thus disrupting a meaningful analysis of Treknobabble.

Sadly, that makes more sense than most of the stuff on Star Wreck.

Bit of a generalization, considering not every episode/movie was a technobabble-fest.

[data_link]

In order to analysis what we have termed "Treknobabble", one must examine events which use Treknobabble. However, in order to do this effectively, we must remodulate a universal translater to emit a high burst of tachyon pulses directed in the upper spectrum of verbal sound. This can be accomplished by phase tuning frequencies of multi-tachyon layers based in subspace. However, one must be careful not to have any tachyon particles impact on physical properties of verbal analysis, which could cause a subspace reaction that results in more tachyon particles present than normal, thus disrupting a meaningful analysis of Treknobabble.

Sadly, that makes more sense than most of the stuff on Star Wreck.

Bit of a generalization, considering not every episode/movie was a technobabble-fest.

They are if you don't count TOS.

[Dennis Toy]

Thats from TOS, Movies 1 through 6 and TNG up to season 5 didnt have the treknobabble...

The most excessive use of Treknobabble was in Voyager ep "Macrocosm" Janeway said "This is some kinda mucilaginous compound". Why not just say "This is an acidic compound or slimy fluid"

[Patrick Degan]

In order to analysis what we have termed "Treknobabble", one must examine events which use Treknobabble. However, in order to do this effectively, we must remodulate a universal translater to emit a high burst of tachyon pulses directed in the upper spectrum of verbal sound. This can be accomplished by phase tuning frequencies of multi-tachyon layers based in subspace. However, one must be careful not to have any tachyon particles impact on physical properties of verbal analysis, which could cause a subspace reaction that results in more tachyon particles present than normal, thus disrupting a meaningful analysis of Treknobabble.

Ah, but you forgot how unstable dekion eddies might be generated by random pulse abnihilation occuring in the upper strata of the surrounding anyon fields cohabiting in the same space/time loci as the analogous subspace interstices resulting in fluid flux-rippling when antiphotons are dropped through the precise centre, which in turn are unobservable due to quantum uncertainty over various philosophical variables in tai-chi situational analysis in accordance with the Master Po/Grasshopper Principle.

[Robert Walper]

Ah, but you forgot how unstable dekion eddies might be generated by random pulse abnihilation occuring in the upper strata of the surrounding anyon fields cohabiting in the same space/time loci as the analogous subspace interstices resulting in fluid flux-rippling when antiphotons are dropped through the precise centre, which in turn are unobservable due to quantum uncertainty over various philosophical variables in tai-chi situational analysis in accordance with the Master Po/Grasshopper Principle.

Your assesment of the subspace frequencies is accurate, however I am compelled to suggest you have overlooked temporal pitches in subspace that would affect such dekion emissions. And while space/time may be consistent theoritically, practical application of tachyon particles, when reacting to the fluid flux-rippling, causes massive excess of chaos theory algorithims which conflicts with the energy produced by high velocity anti-protons.

[Peregrin Toker]

The most excessive use of Treknobabble was in Voyager ep "Macrocosm" Janeway said "This is some kinda mucilaginous compound". Why not just say "This is an acidic compound or slimy fluid"

That's nothing compared to the basic premise of that particular episode....

My favourite piece of dumb treknobabble goes to the "subatomic bacteria" mentioned in a TNG episode. Did the writers for that episode sleep during the biology classes in school?

[data_link]

The most excessive use of Treknobabble was in Voyager ep "Macrocosm" Janeway said "This is some kinda mucilaginous compound". Why not just say "This is an acidic compound or slimy fluid"

That's nothing compared to the basic premise of that particular episode....

My favourite piece of dumb treknobabble goes to the "subatomic bacteria" mentioned in a TNG episode. Did the writers for that episode sleep during the biology classes in school?

Whoa now. Are you implying that the writers for that episode actually took biology classes in school?

[Dennis Toy]

I know how we could kill digimon.... If we rig up a phased, nucleonic, phased-shunted tachyon, and couple it with a subspace pulse. We could then dismantle the digimon, but we would have to alter the modulation of the hionic pulse and use the hyperonic sunion field to augment the subspace inert field of matter..

[Peregrin Toker]

Whoa now. Are you implying that the writers for that episode actually took biology classes in school?

Well, teaching biology is mandatory in schools here over in Denmark. I assume it's the same over in the US.

[Ghost Rider]

Actually yeah they probably took Bio...now did they pay attention...probably not(I mean look at Hideo Kojima...fine example of hearing something yet not learning what it is)

[Darth Servo]

The most excessive use of Treknobabble was in Voyager ep "Macrocosm" Janeway said "This is some kinda mucilaginous compound". Why not just say "This is an acidic compound or slimy fluid"

That's nothing compared to the basic premise of that particular episode....

My favourite piece of dumb treknobabble goes to the "subatomic bacteria" mentioned in a TNG episode. Did the writers for that episode sleep during the biology classes in school?

The episode is self contradictory. Later on, they describe the little critters as "sub-micron" which is a hell of a lot bigger than sub-atomic.

[Master of Ossus]

The newest ST gets my vote for the worst Treknobabble for its use of "microscopic radiation."

[Pcm979]

The newest ST gets my vote for the worst Treknobabble for its use of "microscopic radiation."

As opposed to the bog standard Macroscopic radiation.
Seriously, how about Data's "constantly recharging" batteries? I never noticed a solar panel on top of his head.

[Peregrin Toker]

The newest ST gets my vote for the worst Treknobabble for its use of "microscopic radiation."

Microscopic radiation?? Does that make any sense at all?

[CNS Sarajevo]

Transporter abuse. Off the top of my head, I can think of two episodes that were solved with "beam them out of there!": Relics, when they beamed Scotty and Geordi off the Fed ship, and the episode where Troi impersonated a Romulan intelligence officer. Can you say Deus Ex Machina?