My biggest problem with Graham Kennedy's [i]Portal[/i]

Glocksman · Post by **Glocksman** » 2002-12-24 12:25am

I just read Portal by Graham Kennedy.

Available
http://www.ditl.org/

Anyway, the biggest problem that I have with the story isn't the ludicrous power figures he ascribes to Imperial weaponry. It's not the absurdly slow speeds that he says ISD's travel through hyperspace. It's not the lowball figures he uses for an ISD's shields.

It's that he has Deanna Troi literally kick the shit out of Emperor Palpatine in a one on one fight.

He spun around in surprise. The instant the weapon drifted away from her midsection Troi kicked out with all her might, connecting solidly with his hand. The gun flew across the room, lost in a corner. Troi dived in at him, ramming a fist with all her might as he started to turn. She caught him under the ribcage and he collapsed to the floor with a cry.

Let's get real.

Counselor 'I sense the blindingly obvious' Troi couldn't defeat Wesley Crusher in hand to hand combat, much less Emperor Palpatine and his command of the Force.

Palpatine would use a lightsaber before he would use a blaster.

Of course Kennedy handles the Force by simply stating that it doesn't work on people from the ST galaxy.

The Emperor sat up and raised his hand. A stream of intense blue lightning flashed out at Dax, hitting her squarely in the mid-section. It passed directly through her and hit the window, scoring a deep burn across the surface. Dax looked down at her untouched stomach in surprise. A long moment passed.

What's next, Vader's Force-enhanced strength and reflexes don't work in a fight with Worf? Dr. Crusher beats the shit out of Mara Jade?

To me, this is the most unbelievable part of the whole fanfic.

It's the same as if a SW fanfic author was to state that the Q were ordinary humans while in the SW galaxy.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-12-24 12:48am

GK's fanfic is widely reviled among both SW and ST fans alike for a good reason. But let's not kid ourselves; that is precisely what every drooling knuckle-dragging mouth-breathing rabid hardcore Trekkie thinks when he envisions a crossover fanfic.

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2002-12-24 01:11am

Isn't it true he had like a Miranda wipe out several ISDs?

Vertigo1 · Post by **Vertigo1** » 2002-12-24 01:52am

Sheesh! Sounds like someone that would take my ancient quote to heart. (Matter of fact, I'm suprised it hasn't been mentioned on here.

)

(In a thread involving an ISD, I don't recall the exact topic off-hand, I made a comment that a fed shuttlecraft would have no trouble taking out an ISD since it had no shields. I posted it to get the local rabid fanboys all worked up. Lets just say it worked.

Matter of fact, HBMC and Mayhem still jokes around with me about it.

For those that are curious, the exact quote was "ISDs don't have shields! A freakin' shuttle could take one out!")

(No I didn't believe that, and I still don't. However, a couple of years later, I rendered a series of pictures poking fun at that quote.)

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-12-24 01:58am

My biggest problem is the simple fact that it exists.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-12-24 01:59am

Aya wrote:Isn't it true he had like a Miranda wipe out several ISDs?

Four at once I belive.

FaxModem1 · Post by **FaxModem1** » 2002-12-24 02:03am

Your kidding, right?

1 Miranda takes out 4 ISDs?

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2002-12-24 02:08am

No. But why not, when a Sovereign can destroy literally every single weapons emplacement on a SSD within seconds?

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2002-12-24 02:09am

He's one of those rabid trekkies who claims TLs can't harm feddy ships because they're lasers.

FaxModem1 · Post by **FaxModem1** » 2002-12-24 02:22am

umm, okayyyy, I had a look at his website, would his Galactic map be correct?

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2002-12-24 02:32am

The biggest problem I have with Portal is that God has not smote Kennedy's website with holy vengeance after it was placed there. This, even more than the Babel fish, proves that God does not exist.

Ender · Post by **Ender** » 2002-12-24 02:49am

FaxModem1 wrote:umm, okayyyy, I had a look at his website, would his Galactic map be correct?

No. If you are looking for a good map, go to www.stdimension.de The guy does what I feel is outstanding work.

Dennis Toy · Post by **Dennis Toy** » 2002-12-24 02:49am

man this thing is waaaayy!! too funny

FaxModem1 · Post by **FaxModem1** » 2002-12-24 02:53am

No. If you are looking for a good map, go to www.stdimension.de The guy does what I feel is outstanding work.

Got a link that is in english?

Ender · Post by **Ender** » 2002-12-24 02:54am

Ender wrote:
FaxModem1 wrote:umm, okayyyy, I had a look at his website, would his Galactic map be correct?
No. If you are looking for a good map, go to www.stdimension.de The guy does what I feel is outstanding work.

I should mention that it is in German, and I lost the link to the english version. Still, good stuff.

Route of Voyager
Galactic Atlas

Ender · Post by **Ender** » 2002-12-24 02:57am

God dammit, I need to look more carefully, english is right at the bottom of the page.
http://www.stdimension.de/int/Cartography/index.htm

Gunner · Post by **Gunner** » 2002-12-24 07:49am

..And the shame of it was that it was working. Even the Mirandas' where killing five for every one lost, and the larger ships where doing four or five times that, but it simply wasn't enough...

There's the quote. Miranda destroying five ISD's.

Col. Crackpot · Post by **Col. Crackpot** » 2002-12-24 08:20am

Gunner wrote:
..And the shame of it was that it was working. Even the Mirandas' where killing five for every one lost, and the larger ships where doing four or five times that, but it simply wasn't enough...
There's the quote. Miranda destroying five ISD's.

not only that but the Enterprise-E destroyed a three hundred ship fleet led by 4 SSD's! come on now, thats like mini-me (austin powers) walking into a Hells Angels bar and beating the the shit out of 300 bikers and four green berets!

Cpt_Frank · Post by **Cpt_Frank** » 2002-12-24 08:49am

Graham Kennedy is unarguably one of the most rabid, ignorant, and dumbest trekkies out there.
His fanfic is the most disgusting kind of masturbatory fantasy I can think of.

However, we strike back, in his fanfic he has the Enterprise destroy 300 ISD, but warsies now have numbers that prove a single ISD is able to kill thousands of Federation top-of-the-line warships!

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2002-12-24 09:40am

The really sad thing is that there are a lot of idiots out there who mistake a calm demeanour for a reasonable attitude, so they think he's reasonable.

Grand Admiral Thrawn · Post by **Grand Admiral Thrawn** » 2002-12-24 11:01am

Can he walk and chew gum at the same time?

Stravo · Post by **Stravo** » 2002-12-24 11:10am

Guys, stop beating on Portal, Portal is the reason why I decided to write fanics, it was my inspiration and the benchmark to which I hold up my work. I want to make sure Star Crossed is not the steaming pile of donkey shit that Portal is....

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2002-12-24 11:23am

I can't believe that you actually kept reading past the prologue/introduction to find that part. That took balls my friend.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2002-12-24 02:07pm

I can still remember Darth Wong's quote when Portal was last discussed:

"Portal isn't a fanfic. It's Graham Kennedy masturbating and nobody wants to see that!"

Glocksman · Post by **Glocksman** » 2002-12-24 03:14pm

Since GK thinks Troi (of all people) can defeat the Emperor in combat, how about we write about one on one matches with our favorite ST and SW characters.

Mara Jade vs. Saavik?

Can Vulcan strength, reflexes, and mental disciplines overcome the Emperor's Hand and her limited use of the Force?

Darth Vader vs. Worf?

Han Solo vs. William Riker?

Guri vs. Data?

Wesley Crusher vs. C3PO?