A German burglar has escaped a prison sentence - because he suffers from a permanent erection.
Maurice Baumann, 32, was sentenced to a year's jail for burgling homes in the British army garrison town of Bielefeld.
But he escaped prison after entering hospital as an "emergency case" for his unrelenting priapism.
After a week's treatment, doctors admitted they were only able to get his manhood down to "half-mast".
Baumann told a court in Bielefeld: "I woke up one morning with a hard-on. I didn't think anything of it - that happens to men a lot. But mine never went down."
A medical report revealed that doctors stuck needles in his manhood for 90 minutes in an attempt to reduce its size. But five minutes later it was erect again.
They also injected medication into it but that didn't help either.
A court ruled that he could stay out of jail while his problem persisted but the chief prosecutor of Bielefeld is not happy.
Harald Krahmoeller said: "Only patients with acute medical problems can stay out of jail and I don't regard him as an acute case. I hope to have him behind bars within two weeks."
Harald Krahmoeller said: "Only patients with acute medical problems can stay out of jail and I don't regard him as an acute case. I hope to have him behind bars within two weeks."
Apparently someone doesn't quite know what it's like to have an unwelcome hard-on for five minutes, let alone days on end. Give him a couple doses of horse fertility drugs and see how quick his tune changes.
...I'm not saying the convicted shouldn't go to jail, but having to deal with that and a permanent erection ventures into the realm of cruel and unusual punishment.
Gaian Paradigm: Because not all fantasy has to be childish crap. Ephemeral Pie: Because not all role-playing has to be shallow. My art: Because not all DA users are talentless emo twits. "Phant, quit abusing the He-Wench before he turns you into a caged bitch at a Ren Fair and lets the tourists toss half munched turkey legs at your backside." -Mr. Coffee
How does that man concentrate on anything he does? If I had a constant boner, my thoughts would go something like, Sex ... sex ... sex ... masturbation ... sex ... sex ... this is anno-sex ... sex ... masturbation ... .
A Government founded upon justice, and recognizing the equal rights of all men; claiming higher authority for existence, or sanction for its laws, that nature, reason, and the regularly ascertained will of the people; steadily refusing to put its sword and purse in the service of any religious creed or family is a standing offense to most of the Governments of the world, and to some narrow and bigoted people among ourselves.
Harald Krahmoeller said: "Only patients with acute medical problems can stay out of jail and I don't regard him as an acute case. I hope to have him behind bars within two weeks."
Apparently someone doesn't quite know what it's like to have an unwelcome hard-on for five minutes, let alone days on end. Give him a couple doses of horse fertility drugs and see how quick his tune changes.
...I'm not saying the convicted shouldn't go to jail, but having to deal with that and a permanent erection ventures into the realm of cruel and unusual punishment.
That's damned true. It isn't fun by any stretch to have a hard-on for a significant amount of time. I've had occasion to experience a medication-induced one that lasted for quite a while, and it's bloody painful very soon.
LongVin wrote:Holy shit. I can't even begin to fathom this it just made me cringe.
Having a vaccination needle stuck into your arm hurts more than having one stuck into Mr. Happy provided the doctors know what they're doing. If they don't and hit the wrong place withouyt anesthetic, now THAT hurts.
Edi
Warwolf Urban Combat Specialist
Why is it so goddamned hard to get little assholes like you to admit it when you fuck up? Is it pride? What gives you the right to have any pride?
–Darth Wong to vivftp
GOP message? Why don't they just come out of the closet: FASCISTS R' US –Patrick Degan
The GOP has a problem with anyone coming out of the closet. –18-till-I-die
Har-har-har - the woody that won't go away - >snicker< - isn't priapism funny?
Not really - not only is it intensely painful, but some manifestations can result in permanent damage to the hydraulic systems, the penis itself, and so on. In other words, when the dick finally dies, it might really die, for good, and that's the end of your sex life.
All depends on the cause, what treatment is provided... but suffice to say, he's not having fun. If it gets bad enough... well, in the bad old days before modern medicine some men opted for castration to end the agony.
A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory.Leonard Nimoy.
Now I did a job. I got nothing but trouble since I did it, not to mention more than a few unkind words as regard to my character so let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. And then I get paid.- Malcolm Reynolds, Captain of Serenity, which sums up my feelings regarding the lawsuit discussed here.
If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. - John F. Kennedy
I could engage in wild speculation, but ya'll will have to promise not to cross your legs and whimper if I do so.
A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory.Leonard Nimoy.
Now I did a job. I got nothing but trouble since I did it, not to mention more than a few unkind words as regard to my character so let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. And then I get paid.- Malcolm Reynolds, Captain of Serenity, which sums up my feelings regarding the lawsuit discussed here.
If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. - John F. Kennedy
Broomstick wrote:I could engage in wild speculation, but ya'll will have to promise not to cross your legs and whimper if I do so.
I can't make any promises, but I'm interested in hearing the speculation anyway.
A Government founded upon justice, and recognizing the equal rights of all men; claiming higher authority for existence, or sanction for its laws, that nature, reason, and the regularly ascertained will of the people; steadily refusing to put its sword and purse in the service of any religious creed or family is a standing offense to most of the Governments of the world, and to some narrow and bigoted people among ourselves.
Well, anything that messes up the "outflow" valves can cause perma-erection. That can be too tight a cockring or a crushing injury, but those tend to leave external signs, like, um, a cockring or extensive swelling and bruising.
Blood clots/internal blockages can also prevent outflow, thereby causing pripapism. A buildup of scar tissue can cause narrowing of the blood vessels, as can coronary disease, which can make blockages and clots more likely. The usual concern about clots is there - if they break free they can wreak havoc in the body. Also, by cutting off blood flow they can lead to tissue death and the penis litterally rotting off the body. I am told this is not at all fun.
Lastly - plastic surgery gone wrong can do strange things to the penis. This does not always result in perma-erection, but it could if things went sufficiently awry. Purely for gratuitous reading pleasure, I give you a thread on another message board started by a prison doctor with a patient who's penis enlargement did not give the expected results. It did not result in priapism, but I leave it to your imagination to extraploate how such a fucking idiot could wind up in a situation with crap injected into the wrong place that could lead to screwed up hydraulics. What the hell, it's a sickly funny story: My Patient's Bizarre Penis
A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory.Leonard Nimoy.
Now I did a job. I got nothing but trouble since I did it, not to mention more than a few unkind words as regard to my character so let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. And then I get paid.- Malcolm Reynolds, Captain of Serenity, which sums up my feelings regarding the lawsuit discussed here.
If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. - John F. Kennedy
Thank you for the informative post; I will redouble my efforts never to get a heart disease, damage, or otherwise cut off circulation to Mr Happy mid-erection, or cause damage to the exit valves. Penis rotting off ... *shiver*
And that story if fucking. hilarious. The writing style is just dry enough to keep me on the ground rolling in laughter, and the abject stupidity of the man who actually got the injections really keeps me in awe.
A Government founded upon justice, and recognizing the equal rights of all men; claiming higher authority for existence, or sanction for its laws, that nature, reason, and the regularly ascertained will of the people; steadily refusing to put its sword and purse in the service of any religious creed or family is a standing offense to most of the Governments of the world, and to some narrow and bigoted people among ourselves.
Well, anything that messes up the "outflow" valves can cause perma-erection. That can be too tight a cockring or a crushing injury, but those tend to leave external signs, like, um, a cockring or extensive swelling and bruising.
Blood clots/internal blockages can also prevent outflow, thereby causing pripapism. A buildup of scar tissue can cause narrowing of the blood vessels, as can coronary disease, which can make blockages and clots more likely. The usual concern about clots is there - if they break free they can wreak havoc in the body. Also, by cutting off blood flow they can lead to tissue death and the penis litterally rotting off the body. I am told this is not at all fun.
Lastly - plastic surgery gone wrong can do strange things to the penis. This does not always result in perma-erection, but it could if things went sufficiently awry. Purely for gratuitous reading pleasure, I give you a thread on another message board started by a prison doctor with a patient who's penis enlargement did not give the expected results. It did not result in priapism, but I leave it to your imagination to extraploate how such a fucking idiot could wind up in a situation with crap injected into the wrong place that could lead to screwed up hydraulics. What the hell, it's a sickly funny story: My Patient's Bizarre Penis
The first and second are pretty ugly, the final is a perfect example to say no to plastic surgery down there.
Thanks for the info...new stuff to add to the catalog of weirdness.
MM /CF/WG/BOTM/JL/Original Warsie/ACPATHNTDWATGODW FOREVER!!
Sometimes we can choose the path we follow. Sometimes our choices are made for us. And sometimes we have no choice at all
I would ALMOST say that he has been punished enough.
"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it. Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know...tomorrow."
-Agent Kay
As the Diceman said "Down Stanley! Rosane Barr naked! There, he's gone."
Goddammit, now I'm forced to say in public that I agree with Mr. Coffee. - Mike Wong
I never would have thought I would wholeheartedly agree with Coffee... - fgalkin x2
Honestly, this board is so fucking stupid at times. - Thanas GALEForceCarwash: Oh, I'll wax that shit, bitch...
That's one long erection.Double entendre rocks. Like me.
"If one needed proof that a guitar was more than wood and string, that a song was more than notes and words, and that a man could be more than a name and a few faded pictures, then Robert Johnson’s recordings were all one could ask for."
I forgot one more way to fuck up your dick in my earlier list - BME.com had a feature a number of years ago about a man who thought shooting Mr. Happy up with cocaine would be a good way to have fun. After, I think, about 12 hours the erection went away. However, one of the effects of cocaine is to cause constriction in small blood vessels. After about 12 hours of that a lot of the flesh had expired and, well, gangere is SUCH an ugly thing. So there's another way to achieve priapism. Once.
Boys - don't try this at home. Like your mama always said, doing drugs is bad for you. She probably didn't mention that shooting drugs into your penis is REALLY bad for you, because she was hoping you had more sense than that.
(Really, who would think that would be a good idea....?)
A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory.Leonard Nimoy.
Now I did a job. I got nothing but trouble since I did it, not to mention more than a few unkind words as regard to my character so let me make this abundantly clear. I do the job. And then I get paid.- Malcolm Reynolds, Captain of Serenity, which sums up my feelings regarding the lawsuit discussed here.
If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. - John F. Kennedy
Harald Krahmoeller said: "Only patients with acute medical problems can stay out of jail and I don't regard him as an acute case. I hope to have him behind bars within two weeks."
Has he never seen those ED ads? You know, the ones with the whole "If you experience an erection lasting more than 6 hours, seek immediate medical attention"?
He was in the news again yesterday. Apparently, the doctors are have no clue how to solve his problem ... and it's pretty certain that he'll lose his ability to maintain a stiffy quite soon. Right now, they think about amputating his dick
"Never trust a grinning horse. It is always planning something." --- Terry Pratchett
Ah if only there was poetic justice and this happened to a rapist instead of a burgular... it didn't mention armed robbery so I'm feeling sorry for him.
Harald Krahmoeller said: "Only patients with acute medical problems can stay out of jail and I don't regard him as an acute case. I hope to have him behind bars within two weeks."
Has he never seen those ED ads? You know, the ones with the whole "If you experience an erection lasting more than 6 hours, seek immediate medical attention"?
We do not have something like that around here...
Great Dolphin Conspiracy - Chatter box
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