Russian journalist: Chelyabinsk Meteorite caused by the gays

[wautd]

Link

Famous Russian journalist and TV host Arkady Mamontov is coming under fire after he made some shocking claims this week, placing the blame for last winter's Chelyabinsk meteorite on the country's lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) movement.

Speaking during his "Special Correspondent" television program on state-sponsored channel Rossiya 1, Mamontov made a reference to the Old Testament story of Sodom and Gomorrah and called on viewers to understand last winter's terrifying meteorite explosion over the city of Chelyabinsk as punishment for gay activity in Russia.

"This is a warning to us all that we need to preserve our traditions, the family, the traditional love, or not only the Chelyabinsk meteorite will hit us, but something bigger," the host reportedly stated. "I know that sodomites -- which is what they should be called, instead of 'homosexuals' -- react very painfully to this story."

Mamontov went on to claim that the West was attempting to "destroy Russia" through the growing influence of the global LGBT movement.

The Russian LGBT Network has reportedly asked the General Prosecutor's Office to open an investigation as to whether Mamontov's claims constitute hate speech.

Promiment Russian LGBT activist Nikolai Alexeyev has also reportedly submitted a request to authorities seeking permission to stage a formal protest against Mamontov's show.

This is not the first time a prominent Russian individual has made shocking anti-gay claims on a state-sponsored television channel. In August, Russian official Dmitri Kisilev degraded gays on national television by claiming that they should be "banned from donating blood, sperm. And their hearts, in case of the automobile accident, should be buried in the ground or burned as unsuitable for the continuation of life."

With all current hate speeches/crimes and laws targetting gay people, I wonder when/if the current regime will be thinking of a law where gays need to wear pink triangles. Always handy when you have a scapegoat when the country being run into the ground by a bunch of dictatorial oligargs. Keeps the attention away from the real problems

[Zixinus]

"I know that sodomites -- which is what they should be called, instead of 'homosexuals' -- react very painfully to this story."

He's right about the last part, so right that it also is true to heterosexuals with half a working brain.

I mean, just ow. Ow.

[Eulogy]

Wait, gays can cause meteors to fall?

Why aren't the governments of the world trying to harness this? Being able to make space rocks fall would have so many practical applications, from the obvious military uses to things like demolition, space metal harvesting, elimination of dangerous animals, and even marking spots for other people! Gays should be glad they have such a mighty power at their disposal!

[Mr Bean]

Wait, gays can cause meteors to fall?

Why aren't the governments of the world trying to harness this? Being able to make space rocks fall would have so many practical applications, from the obvious military uses to things like demolition, space metal harvesting, elimination of dangerous animals, and even marking spots for other people! Gays should be glad they have such a mighty power at their disposal!

This
Obviously the Russian goverment needs to get their hands on America's vital gay strategic reserves, will they insist on homosexual stockpile monitoring as a prelude to peace?

Also think of the science funding! Do gays attract meteors, or do they call them down? What is the critical relationship between gays, number of gays and how long it takes for a meteor to show up? Will married gays attract space rocks faster or only larger space rocks?

Also is there some sort of wave form, or is it their psychic gay presence in the time stream that servers as the cause of space attraction? Can we repel rocks away or perhaps even move starships with enough on board heterosexuality?

[Purple]

But they are. Notice how gay rights activists are spreading all over the world. Something like that could most certainly not happen on its own. It's actually every government trying to undermine every other by planting these organizations who than proceed to recruit and convert more and more people to homosexuality until such a point that the national gayness of a foreign power reaches critical mass and calls forth the big one.

[Grumman]

Also think of the science funding! Do gays attract meteors, or do they call them down?

Given that Mamontov hasn't been reduced to a smoking pair of boots yet, I think we can rule out the latter.

[Simon_Jester]

At what time did God send this meteor? Was it materialized directly above the city a few minutes before impact? Hours before impact? Months? Years? Exactly what threshold of gayness had to be passed to call down the wrath of God? Or was the meteor on the way before the threshold was passed?

[Eulogy]

Silly Simon, don't you know that the mighty powers of sodomy are because of the latent Hate-Fields generated by homophobics? Like matter and antimatter, Hate-Fields and Sodomy Waves meet and annihilate, creating rips in space-time. These rips are capable of things such as warping space rocks to Earth's orbit, but when generated inside a planet's magnetic field they have remarkably different (but no less powerful) effects.

With enough research, entire divisions consisting solely of gay people would be potent and fearsome trump cards.

[Lord of the Abyss]

Wait, gays can cause meteors to fall?

Only in Russia. In America they cause hurricanes, in Israel they cause earthquakes. This regional variation will complicate the development of any practical applications of the Homofield Effect.

[Borgholio]

This regional variation will complicate the development of any practical applications of the Homofield Effect.

Could work out quite well, depending. Say for instance, the regional effect in North Korea were to draw down a highly-focused Gamma Ray Burst from a nearby star...one about the size of...oh...the fat kid's mansion. Send in a homosexual to try to get work as a groundskeeper. Then...ZAP!

[Ahriman238]

No, no. You know how nature abhors a vacuum? God feels the same way about people who are different from you and will fill them with spacerocks and wind and stuff. Clearly, the existence of homosexuals within Russia despite all their efforts to show they aren't welcome must be proof of a conspiracy to move the homosexuals to Russia, because LGBT folk are the one thing God hates more than Americans, so this way we're deflecting the righteous wrath of heaven to the sweetest and least deserving people in the world! By giving them our evil gays! It all makes sense! (if you're a lunatic)

Like remember when Hawaii sank into the sea right after they approved gay marriage? Or how Massachusetts was destroyed by tsunamis several years ago? What's that? None of that happened? But they will, comrade, they will.

And it says absolutely nothing bad about God that he can be easily tricked by this conspiracy, or enforces his will in some really extreme yet inconsistent ways!

[Batman]

We're talking about an allegedly omnipotent God that according to his very own Holy Book was unable to deal with a force a modern infantry company would eat for breakfast with zero casualties (well on their side anyway). The guy's been around since the dawn of time (so depending on whom you trust a few thousand up to a double digit billion years ago, either way, a damn long time) so I wouldn't necessarily rule out Alzheimer's.

[Lord of the Abyss]

Look at Canada. They legalized same sex marriage, and as a clear result are a moose-infested frozen wasteland! True they were like that beforehand; that just shows that the effects are so powerful as to be transtemporal!

[Grumman]

Look at Canada. They legalized same sex marriage, and as a clear result are a moose-infested frozen wasteland! True they were like that beforehand; that just shows that the effects are so powerful as to be transtemporal!

Russia isn't in any position to accuse Canada of being a frozen wasteland. People who live in igloos shouldn't throw... kettles?

[Borgholio]

People who live in igloos shouldn't throw... penguins?

Fixed that for you.

[Batman]

Wouldn't people living in igloos have plenty of penguins to throw readily available while kettles would be far and few between and best be reserved for boiling water and other such activities usually associated with kettles that penguins are decidedly unsuited for?

[Korto]

Mr President! We can't allow a gay meteorite gap!

OK, Alyrium, were you anywhere near Tunguska in 1908? Just how far back does this conspiracy go? Did you and your kind wipe out the dinosaurs? And if so, why?

PS, Batman, you'll find people who live in igloos don't have real good access to penguins. Polar bears, yes. Penguins, no. Throwing polar bears, while not advised by most health authorities, is far more impressive.

[Borgholio]

Polar bear + Trebuchet = Epic Win

[Marko Dash]

Mr President! We can't allow a gay meteorite gap!

OK, Alyrium, were you anywhere near Tunguska in 1908? Just how far back does this conspiracy go? Did you and your kind wipe out the dinosaurs? And if so, why?

PS, Batman, you'll find people who live in igloos don't have real good access to penguins. Polar bears, yes. Penguins, no. Throwing polar bears, while not advised by most health authorities, is far more impressive.

are you postulating the existence of dino buttsechs?

[Spoonist]

are you postulating the existence of dino buttsechs?

How else would you explain Trex going from the more sombre tones of this


To this with brighter colors and a feather boa?


Or even this:

Playing with a cock!!!!!

That is all you need to know.... that is all...

[Irbis]

Wouldn't people living in igloos have plenty of penguins to throw readily available while kettles would be far and few between and best be reserved for boiling water and other such activities usually associated with kettles that penguins are decidedly unsuited for?

*cough* Wrong Pole *cough*