25 Rules For Being a Good Republican

[Tsyroc]

Okay, I thought some of these are funny, some are accurate and a few fall in the "huh?" category so enjoy or rip them at your pleasure. :D


25 Rules For Being A Good Republican by Michael Holman

1) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,
unless you are millionaire conservative radio jock,
which makes it an "illness" and needs our prayers for
your "recovery".

2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth
achieve success all on their own.

3) You have to believe that the US should get out of
the UN, and that our highest national priority is
enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

4) You have to believe that government should stay out
of people's lives but it needs to punish anyone caught
having private sex with the "wrong" gender.

5) You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as
it makes a profit.

6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as
you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

7) "Standing Tall for America" means firing your
workers and moving their jobs to India.

8) You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted
with decisions about her own body, but that large
multi-national corporations can make decisions
affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

9) You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus
loves you, and that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS
victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.

10) You hate the ALCU for representing convicted
felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out
Oliver North.

11) You have to believe that the best way to encourage
military morale is to praise the troops overseas while
cutting their VA benefits.

12) You believe that group sex and drug use are
degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for
governor of California as a Republican.

13) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out
of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have
condoms they won't have sex.

14) You have to believe that the best way to fight
terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand
their cooperation and money.

15) You have to believe that government medicine is
wrong and that HMO's and insurance companies only have
your best interests at heart.

16) You have to believe that providing health care to
all Iraqis is sound government policy but providing
health care to all Americans is socialism personified.

17) You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and
global warming are "junk science", but Creationism
should be taught in schools.

18) You have to believe that waging war with no exit
strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq.

19) You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when
Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war
on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with
him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find
Bin Laden" diversion.

20) You believe that government should restrict itself
to just the powers named in the Constitution, which
includes banning gay marriages and censoring the
internet.

21) You have to believe that the public has a right to
know about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while
those of Republicans are a "private matter".

22) You have to believe that the public has a right to
know about Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was
right to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional
9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

23) You support state rights, which means Ashcroft
telling states what locally passed voter initiatives he
will allow them to have.

24) You have to believe that what Clinton did in the
1960's is of vital national interest but what Bush did
decades later is "stale news" and "irrelevant".

25) You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong
because it is communist, but trading with China and
Vietnam is just dandy.

[SirNitram]

Funny stuff.

[TrailerParkJawa]

You speak the truth my friend. This is pretty funny.

[HemlockGrey]

13 is my favorite.

[Darth Yoshi]

Hehe. That's funny.

[Joe]

Always good to hear what the other side is thinking (comforting, too).

[Peregrin Toker]

Exactly where did you find this???

BTW, I have a similar "You Might Be An Old-School Communist If..." list lying around somewhere.