Mormon President Dies at age 97

Flagg · Post by **Flagg** » 2008-01-28 02:09am

Darth Wong wrote:Now that Gordon Hinckley is dead, I declare that he has been posthumously baptized into my religion, the newly formed Church of Anal Sex. The posthumous baptism ceremony will be held in my bathroom this coming weekend, just after the Super Bowl when I am sitting on the toilet shitting out the nachos and salsa that I consumed during the game.

A letter of official baptism into the Church of Anal Sex will be anonymously mailed to Mr. Hinckley's relatives. Does anyone have their address? I'm sure they'd be just as pleased to know about his posthumous baptism as the relatives of Jewish Holocaust victims were pleased to hear about their posthumous baptisms into the Mormon church.

That's horrible.

I can't believe you're actually going to watch the Patriots play the Giants.

As far as this jackass goes, there's plenty more Mormons where that came from. Unfortunately.

Guardsman Bass · Post by **Guardsman Bass** » 2008-01-28 02:29am

So he's finally dead?

I guess that means Monson will be the next President. Better than Boyd K. Packer (titled as "Darth Packer" because of hardline zealot views even by the standards of the LDS Leadership), whom I was afraid was next in line - he's the guy that said that the Church's three greatest foes were feminists, homosexuals, and intellectuals.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2008-01-28 02:32am

Guardsman Bass wrote:So he's finally dead?

I guess that means Monson will be the next President. Better than Boyd K. Packer (titled as "Darth Packer" because of hardline zealot views even by the standards of the LDS Leadership), whom I was afraid was next in line - he's the guy that said that the Church's three greatest foes were feminists, homosexuals, and intellectuals.

Does anyone else see the humour in a guy named Packer being a homophobe? I guess Mr. Fudge Packer doesn't see the humour either.

Guardsman Bass · Post by **Guardsman Bass** » 2008-01-28 02:44am

Darth Wong wrote:
Guardsman Bass wrote:So he's finally dead?

I guess that means Monson will be the next President. Better than Boyd K. Packer (titled as "Darth Packer" because of hardline zealot views even by the standards of the LDS Leadership), whom I was afraid was next in line - he's the guy that said that the Church's three greatest foes were feminists, homosexuals, and intellectuals.
Does anyone else see the humour in a guy named Packer being a homophobe? I guess Mr. Fudge Packer doesn't see the humour either.

He's definitely not the humorous type - IIRC, the book Mormon America (written by non-mormon journalists about the Mormon Church), even Hinckley, back in the 1980s when he was only an Apostle, referred to Packer as one of the "zealots" in the leadership.

Guardsman Bass · Post by **Guardsman Bass** » 2008-01-28 02:44am

EDIT: " . . in the book . ."

Gerald Tarrant · Post by **Gerald Tarrant** » 2008-01-28 03:12am

Guardsman Bass wrote:So he's finally dead?

I guess that means Monson will be the next President. Better than Boyd K. Packer (titled as "Darth Packer" because of hardline zealot views even by the standards of the LDS Leadership), whom I was afraid was next in line - he's the guy that said that the Church's three greatest foes were feminists, homosexuals, and intellectuals.

When I was a marginal member instead of my current dis-sociation, I remeber sitting in on a meeting where the bishop (appointed lay-leader of the congregation) was speaking about "The great and abominable church"* the Bishop said that the great and abominable church was Secular Humanism. So the hardliner confrontation isn't unique to one or two members in the Leadership. There's probably a broad base of it in the LDS population in general.

*(some Mormon apocolyptic prophecies-at one point people speculated that it was the Catholic church, I had an LDS co-worker who said it was Muslims).

Havok · Post by **Havok** » 2008-01-28 03:31am

Should a thread about someone dying be making me laugh this much? I mean along with The Church Of Anal Sex, every time someone types "LDS" I think of Kirk in The Voyage Home and giggle.

Flagg · Post by **Flagg** » 2008-01-28 03:34am

havokeff wrote:Should a thread about someone dying be making me laugh this much? I mean along with The Church Of Anal Sex, every time someone types "LDS" I think of Kirk in The Voyage Home and giggle.

Yes. Yes, it should.

It's not like this guy was a contributing member of society or anything.

Patrick Degan · Post by **Patrick Degan** » 2008-01-28 03:34am

I guess it's time for another round of forged documents and maybe —just maybe— the odd nail-bombing or two to elect the next president of the church.

Gerald Tarrant · Post by **Gerald Tarrant** » 2008-01-28 03:38am

havokeff wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:Church of Anal Sex
If you can get us some tax shelter and a cool place to have ana- worship, I'm in.

I hope you'll forgive the additional spammy pun, or flush it if necesary, but does your church have a lay clergy?

The Jester · Post by **The Jester** » 2008-01-28 11:17am

Didn't this guy receive a multimillion dollar apartment from the church?

Kodiak · Post by **Kodiak** » 2008-01-28 12:05pm

The Jester wrote:Didn't this guy receive a multimillion dollar apartment from the church?

IIRC there's one apartment where all the Presidents of the Church live. It's near church offices and makes it easier for him to go back-and-forth between meetings and other Prophety duties

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2008-01-28 12:06pm

Gerald Tarrant wrote:
havokeff wrote:
Darth Wong wrote:Church of Anal Sex
If you can get us some tax shelter and a cool place to have ana- worship, I'm in.
I hope you'll forgive the additional spammy pun, or flush it if necesary, but does your church have a lay clergy?

Yes yes it does. *looks at GALE*

Flagg · Post by **Flagg** » 2008-01-28 12:37pm

A Church of Anal Sex sounds great at first, but it's just gonna end up reeking of astro-glide, semen, and feces.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2008-01-28 12:52pm

Flagg wrote:A Church of Anal Sex sounds great at first, but it's just gonna end up reeking of astro-glide, semen, and feces.

That just means Rick Santorum will be Honorary High Priest

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2008-01-28 01:36pm

Flagg wrote:A Church of Anal Sex sounds great at first, but it's just gonna end up reeking of astro-glide, semen, and feces.

Dude, there will be gay guys around. I'm sure they'll bring air fresheners and cleaning products. Besides, we'll have Mr. Coffee, which means GALE Force flooring, which means that we'll have ceramic tiles and a floor drain

Kodiak · Post by **Kodiak** » 2008-01-28 01:41pm

I'm not sure whether I should be horrified that my original post has inspired Wong to found The Church of Anal Sex or if I should be honored.... Or perhaps both. At any event, make sure you keep track of the production and distribution rights to your services, as I have a feeling they'll be worth their weight in gold.

Rye · Post by **Rye** » 2008-01-28 02:48pm

Flagg wrote:A Church of Anal Sex sounds great at first, but it's just gonna end up reeking of astro-glide, semen, and feces.

That's never stopped Roman Catholicism.

Justforfun000 · Post by **Justforfun000** » 2008-01-28 04:43pm

Kodiak Wrote:

I'm not sure whether I should be horrified that my original post has inspired Wong to found The Church of Anal Sex or if I should be honored.... Or perhaps both. At any event, make sure you keep track of the production and distribution rights to your services, as I have a feeling they'll be worth their weight in gold.

Well I have to say, I'm impressed that you are able to take the disrespectful ribbing with a tolerant attitude.

Since many people on this board feel these kind of religious promoters don't DESERVE any respect, it's their right to mock them so all you can do is suck it up.

While there are other religious groups I dislike much more then Mormon, I still can't respect them much either because I dislike their cult-like control over people. At least mainstream Christian denominations preach choosing your own path, (even when they stick their nose where it doesn't belong), and they don't ever tell their flock to ostracize people who aren't following their beliefs anymore.

One thing you have to say though. 97 is a pretty ripe age to hit. Even though their reasoning for doing so might be illogical, their insistence on clean living with no alcohol and such does keep them pretty healthy.

Kodiak · Post by **Kodiak** » 2008-01-28 05:38pm

Justforfun000 wrote:Kodiak Wrote:

Well I have to say, I'm impressed that you are able to take the disrespectful ribbing with a tolerant attitude.
Since many people on this board feel these kind of religious promoters don't DESERVE any respect, it's their right to mock them so all you can do is suck it up.

I was watching Lewis Black the other day, and he said something profound: "Religion and Patriotism are wonderful things, as long as you keep a sense of humor". I love mormon jokes, (don't tell my wife), and I know that this forum isn't a place to look for religionists (which is why I don't

). My intent in posting this was to bring up a newsworthy event. At first, when Mike brought up the Church of Anal Sex (CAS?) I was offended, until I realized how incredibly funny it was.

And yes, since he lived to be 97 I can safely say he lived a full life.

Justforfun000 · Post by **Justforfun000** » 2008-01-28 06:02pm

I love mormon jokes, (don't tell my wife), and I know that this forum isn't a place to look for religionists (which is why I don't Smile )

Hehe. It'd be like looking for a butcher at a vegetarian cooking class.

Havok · Post by **Havok** » 2008-01-28 06:33pm

Kodiak wrote:
Justforfun000 wrote:Kodiak Wrote:

Well I have to say, I'm impressed that you are able to take the disrespectful ribbing with a tolerant attitude.
Since many people on this board feel these kind of religious promoters don't DESERVE any respect, it's their right to mock them so all you can do is suck it up.
I was watching Lewis Black the other day, and he said something profound: "Religion and Patriotism are wonderful things, as long as you keep a sense of humor". I love mormon jokes, (don't tell my wife), and I know that this forum isn't a place to look for religionists (which is why I don't ). My intent in posting this was to bring up a newsworthy event. At first, when Mike brought up the Church of Anal Sex (CAS?) I was offended, until I realized how incredibly funny it was.

And yes, since he lived to be 97 I can safely say he lived a full life.

There is a Members Group for you Religious folks that you could probably join. I don't know if there are restrictions on which religions can join or not.

Darth Servo · Post by **Darth Servo** » 2008-01-28 06:35pm

Kodiak wrote:I'm not sure whether I should be horrified that my original post has inspired Wong to found The Church of Anal Sex or if I should be honored.... Or perhaps both.

You should have seen the response to the death of Pope John Paul II.

Oh, and Mr Wong founded that "religion" long ago.

Havok · Post by **Havok** » 2008-01-28 06:36pm

Darth Wong wrote:
Flagg wrote:A Church of Anal Sex sounds great at first, but it's just gonna end up reeking of astro-glide, semen, and feces.
Dude, there will be gay guys around. I'm sure they'll bring air fresheners and cleaning products. Besides, we'll have Mr. Coffee, which means GALE Force flooring, which means that we'll have ceramic tiles and a floor drain

Wait wait wait. A church where gay and straight men congregate to worship the same exact thing? Well, I'll be damned. You are changing the world Mike.

P.S. Tell Coffee that we need REALLY soft rugs. Rugburns are just the worst.

Kodiak · Post by **Kodiak** » 2008-01-28 06:42pm

havokeff wrote: There is a Members Group for you Religious folks that you could probably join. I don't know if there are restrictions on which religions can join or not.

Who should I ask about that?