I disapprove of this discrimination against bike love. Where will it end I ask!
BBC news wrote:
Bike sex man placed on probation
A bike
Cleaners caught Mr Stewart simulating sex with a bike
A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.
Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.
Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.
Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.
"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.
"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.
Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."
Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.
The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.
"Prodesse Non Nocere." "It's all about popularity really, if your invisible friend that tells you to invade places is called Napoleon, you're a loony, if he's called Jesus then you're the president." "I'd drive more people insane, but I'd have to double back and pick them up first..." "All it takes for bullshit to thrive is for rational men to do nothing." - Kevin Farrell, B.A. Journalism. BOTM - EBC - Horseman - G&C - Vampire
Cpl Kendall wrote:So he's on the registry because he fucked a bike? Where is Ayr, Florida?
No... Scotland
Nitram, slightly high on cough syrup: Do you know you're beautiful?
Me: Nope, that's why I have you around to tell me.
Nitram: You -are- beautiful. Anyone tries to tell you otherwise kill them.
"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP" -- Leonard Nimoy, last Tweet
Cpl Kendall wrote:So he's on the registry because he fucked a bike? Where is Ayr, Florida?
It's where I am, Jade Falcon, Jambo and Coaan are all here too.
"Prodesse Non Nocere." "It's all about popularity really, if your invisible friend that tells you to invade places is called Napoleon, you're a loony, if he's called Jesus then you're the president." "I'd drive more people insane, but I'd have to double back and pick them up first..." "All it takes for bullshit to thrive is for rational men to do nothing." - Kevin Farrell, B.A. Journalism. BOTM - EBC - Horseman - G&C - Vampire
Perhaps he should've asked the bike for consent first...
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I'm not sure why people choose 'To Love is to Bury' as their wedding song...It's about a murder-suicide
- Margo Timmins
When it becomes serious, you have to lie
- Jean-Claude Juncker
How old was the bike? If it was under 16 years old it would be statutory rape and so the sentence would be fully justified.
"May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places where you must walk." - Ancient Egyptian Blessing
Ivanova is always right.
I will listen to Ivanova.
I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is God.
AND, if this ever happens again, Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out! - Babylon 5 Mantra
Ok, it may be odd, but how the hell can they justify him going on the sex offenders register?
EBC|Fucking Metal|Artist|Androgynous Sexfiend|Gozer Kvltist|
Listen to my music! http://www.soundclick.com/nihilanth "America is, now, the most powerful and economically prosperous nation in the country." - Master of Ossus
Zuul wrote:Ok, it may be odd, but how the hell can they justify him going on the sex offenders register?
Redneck/chav logic: "that just ain't right". Seriously, you'd be amazed how often certain people resort to saying something like that when they're righteously condemning people and someone has the temerity to ask why.
"It's not evil for God to do it. Or for someone to do it at God's command."- Jonathan Boyd on baby-killing
"you guys are fascinated with the use of those "rules of logic" to the extent that you don't really want to discussus anything."- GC
"I do not believe Russian Roulette is a stupid act" - Embracer of Darkness
"Viagra commercials appear to save lives" - tharkûn on US health care.
<Bill Maher>NEW RULE! If someone is caught doing a victimless crime or otherwise harmless activity however ludicrous or bizarre, the arresting officer or citizen MUST consider whether the harm that results from apprehending the suspect will outweigh the harm done by letting the suspect go about his strange, crazy, hilarious business.</Bill Maher>
Einhander Sn0m4n wrote:<Bill Maher>NEW RULE! If someone is caught doing a victimless crime or otherwise harmless activity however ludicrous or bizarre, the arresting officer or citizen MUST consider whether the harm that results from apprehending the suspect will outweigh the harm done by letting the suspect go about his strange, crazy, hilarious business.</Bill Maher>
Is that an actual quote of his? Its genius.
Stuart: The only problem is, I'm losing track of which universe I'm in.
You kinda look like Jesus. With a lightsaber.- Peregrin Toker
Einhander Sn0m4n wrote:<Bill Maher>NEW RULE! If someone is caught doing a victimless crime or otherwise harmless activity however ludicrous or bizarre, the arresting officer or citizen MUST consider whether the harm that results from apprehending the suspect will outweigh the harm done by letting the suspect go about his strange, crazy, hilarious business.</Bill Maher>
Is that an actual quote of his? Its genius.
Nuuuuu, I performed an autoerotic rectal quotidiectomy. (translation: I pulled it out of my ass for the lulz)
Old Plympto wrote:Did the bike have to go for counseling?
Maybe some mechanic had to clean him up after the tryst. The bike needs oiling.
STGOD: Byzantine Empire Your spirit, diseased as it is, refuses to allow you to give up, no matter what threats you face... and whatever wreckage you leave behind you.
Kreia
It has oil, a separatist movement, a long history of wars against its neighbours and produces a disproportionate number of prominent politicians - including the current Prime Minister. So, in a way...
"what huge and loathsome abnormality was the Sphinx originally carven to represent? Accursed is the sight, be it in dream or not, that revealed to me the supreme horror - the Unknown God of the Dead, which licks its colossal chops in the unsuspected abyss, fed hideous morsels by soulless absurdities that should not exist" - Harry Houdini "Under the Pyramids"
"The goal of science is to substitute facts for appearances and demonstrations for impressions" - John Ruskin, "Stones of Venice"
The fatty foods and related ailments are probably a safer comparison.
EBC|Fucking Metal|Artist|Androgynous Sexfiend|Gozer Kvltist|
Listen to my music! http://www.soundclick.com/nihilanth "America is, now, the most powerful and economically prosperous nation in the country." - Master of Ossus
J wrote:Perhaps he should've asked the bike for consent first...
It would have said yes. It certainly gives new meaning to the term 'town bicycle.' Maybe bike rental shops can be charges with prostitution?
Remind me never to rent a bicycle, you never know where the village bicycle has been and who it's done.
aerius: I'll vote for you if you sleep with me. Lusankya: Deal!
Say, do you want it to be a threesome with your wife? Or a foursome with your wife and sister-in-law? I'm up for either.
