Should the US invade Canada?

[Darth Wong]

I've been thinking about the justifications for invading Iraq, and it occurs to me that many of them could apply to Canada:

1. Human-rights violations: thanks to the "notwithstanding" clause in our constitution which was put there at the behest of Quebec, individual provincial governments are allowed to disregard human rights if they feel they are detrimental to their cultural uniqueness. This is why Quebec is allowed to have its language laws and vile treatment of natives, which both get them on Amnesty International's blacklist.
2. Undemocratic government. Our government has a massive majority in the parliament even though it took less than 40% of the popular vote (thanks to our equivalent of the electoral vote system), which allows it to act without regard for the will of Canadian citizens. The recent decision to fund the highly unpopular gun registry to the tune of another $200 million against public opposition is a good example.
3. French people. It will make French people (specifically those in Quebec) very unhappy if the USA invades. This is a bonus by any measure.
4. Nuclear capability. While we do not yet have nuclear weapons, we have extensive nuclear expertise, many nuclear reactors, considerable volume of weapons-grade uranium (the world's largest supplies of uranium ore IIRC), as well as plentiful supplies of deuterium and tritium. We have been on the USA's list of nuclear-capable nations for decades, and could theoretically design and build nuclear weapons at any time with almost no warning. Of all the world's non-nuclear nations, we could go nuclear far more easily than any other.
5. Chemical and biological weapons. While we have no dedicated bioweapons or chemical weapons such as anthrax or smallpox, we do have lots of agricultural pesticide, which produces similar effects to chemical weapons. We also have lots of SARS.
6. National security. Our ability to deploy military forces against the United States, while severely limited due to our cash-strapped military, is still vastly superior to that of Iraq due to the fact that it's only about a half-hour drive, thus making us an even larger nonexistent direct threat.
7. Deployment. Unlike most nations in the Middle East or Asia or Africa, most Americans have a pretty good idea where Canada is located. This will make military deployment much simpler.
8. Media. Al-Jazeera has almost no presence in Canada. This will reduce the amount of countervailing media presence.
9. Limited resistance. The PR penalties of civilian casualties in Iraq are heavy, no matter how much effort Coalition forces make to limit them. In Canada, however, civilian casualties would be pretty much nonexistent, except for the occasional jaywalker run over by American tanks as they roll into the country. Our military is insignificant compared to even the Iraqi military, our military equipment is conveniently located in airbases and military bases which are easily located on maps rather than being dispersed throughout civilian areas, and most of our troops will probably not fight anyway.
10. Cheering civilians. While the predictions of being greeted by cheering Iraqi civilians turns out to have been somewhat overoptimistic, it is most likely that Canadians really would cheer the American forces on. Our tourist economy could really use a boost after this SARS thing, and we would stand to make lots of money selling beer, maple syrup, imported Cuban cigars, and strip-club lapdances to the invading troops. The situation might be different in Quebec, but the soldiers might be convinced to mistake the Quebecers instinctively raising their arms and waving white flags for actual cheering.
11. Military morale. Let's face it; the American soldiers in Iraq are a tough bunch of SOB's, but wouldn't they rather be in Ontario, where the sleeping accomodations are hotels instead of foxholes in the mud and where you can get pizza delivery? We take Visa, Mastercard, and, yes, American Express. Not to mention the availability of the aforementioned lapdances in our fine strip-joints, which just has to be good for morale. Also, our women wear shorts and miniskirts rather than Islamic burquas during warm weather; this should also be a big hit with the invading troops.
12. Rebuilding costs. The rebuilding costs of Canada would be insignificant. In fact, nothing would really have to be rebuilt at all because of the totally bloodless invasion, and the only real cost would be letting us use your dollar.
13. Reduced dependence on Mideast oil. Canada has substantial oil reserves, not to mention pre-existing pipelines to the USA and already-functional pumping and drilling equipment, in addition to the necessary expertise. None of it would be set on fire since the boys working the equipment kind of need the money to pay for their raised pickup trucks and oversized cowboy hats, so it would be ready to use immediately.
14. Bragging rights. With the land area of Canada added to that of the United States, the USA would become the largest nation on Earth and the largest Empire in history.
15. The fight against evil. Technically, we're not on the Axis of Evil. However, we are linked with the French through Quebec, and we are also willing to do business with Cuba, so perhaps we could be classified as part of the Axis of Annoyance.

So what do you say? Will you invade us? Regime change in Canada is within your grasp.

[Joe]

Haha.

[Montcalm]

I would`nt mind America invading Quebec as long as they teach a lesson to the separatists nazis.

[Sea Skimmer]

I favor such an invasion. A two-week mobilization of the Pennsylvania National guard would offer about five times the numbers and ten times the combat power the Canadian Army has, while the air force would gets its runways cratered before being overrun.

[Lonestar]

Slow Day Mike?

[Beowulf]

Hell yeah. mobilize one state's NG and voila, another couple of states...

[Admiral Valdemar]

I don't know, I hear the Elite Mountie Brigade is a real bitch to fight.

[HemlockGrey]

I favor such an invasion. A two-week mobilization of the Pennsylvania National guard would offer about five times the numbers and ten times the combat power the Canadian Army has, while the air force would gets its runways cratered before being overrun.

Woo-hoo! Go Pennsylvania! Conquering empires for the New World Order!

[Anarchist Bunny]

I always thought it would be cool if all my friends got some handguns, loaded up a couple school buses and took over Canada, forming the glorious nation of Cracktopia.

[Raxmei]

I don't know, I hear the Elite Mountie Brigade is a real bitch to fight.

Not to worry. I'm sure our Elite National Guard can handle them.

[Rubberanvil]

and the only real cost would be letting us use your dollar.

To be fair the Canadian dollars is treated as of equal value to the US dollar and is legal tender in a couple of states such as Alaska, and Southern Florida.

[Soontir C'boath]

and the only real cost would be letting us use your dollar.

To be fair the Canadian dollars is treated as of equal value to the US dollar and is legal tender in a couple of states such as Alaska, and Southern Florida.

It certainly is not of equal value. The Canadian dollar is about 3-5 dollars more IIRC

Cyaround,
Jason

[jegs2]

So what do you say? Will you invade us? Regime change in Canada is within your grasp.

Nah, let the English-speaking Canadians take over Quebec. Those frog-wannabes will copy their counterparts in France, surrendering post haste.

[Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi]

Slow Day Mike?

No, he just wanted to do something funny, and that was pretty good. But the US government has to take over all the other nations of the world (Including Afghanistan and Iraq again) before considering Canada.

[paladin]

Freeing Canada from the tyranny of Quebec will be our next mission! Your liberation is at hand!

[Wicked Pilot]

It's a trap. The Canadians are trying to lure us in so that the frenchies become our problem and not theirs.

[Joe]

You've made a pretty good case for invading Quebec, actually, that seems to be where most of the problems are localized.

[Wicked Pilot]

You've made a pretty good case for invading Quebec, actually, that seems to be where most of the problems are localized.

Invasion? I think nukes would the most appropiate in this case.

[Andrew J.]

Invading Canada would be like kicking a friendly dog. It just seems...unfair, I suppose.

[theski]

I refuse to use the colored money, Its just not right..

[The Duchess of Zeon]

Well, I don't think we need to invade Canada, but supporting resistance fighters in the western provinces against the evil Central French-Canadian regime would definitely be a good idea.

[The Duchess of Zeon]

And, yes, that is just a joke.

[Cosmic Average]

Yes, or annex it in some way, just for the bragging rights.

[aerius]

I refuse to use the colored money, Its just not right..

What's wrong with colour-coded money? How else are you suppose to tell the bills apart after you 10th pint of Canadian strength beer?

[Darth Fanboy]

We could invade canada so their NHL Franchises won't be beleaguered with financial fuckups resulting from the Canadian dollar.

Can we have their universal health care system while we're at it?