Worst RP Dice Rolls

Sharp-kun · Post by **Sharp-kun** » 2005-11-21 04:25am

Saturday was rather bad. I'm playing in a cyberpunk game one of my friends is running using an altered version of Exalted Heroic Mortals rules.

I'm playing a character heavily based on Gunther Hermann from Deus Ex (and have a rival who is basically Anna Navare). I had been given a job to blow up a warehouse to erase evidence, she had ended up going there the same night to protect said evidence.
I had a simple plan - drive a car loaded with explosives in, get clear, then detonate. Parked a few blocks away, then went in on foot to check for guards and to open the door to get the car in. It went wrong at this point:

1) Anna leaps in front of Gunther and punches him in the face.
2) Gunther tries to shoot her and misses. He gets two machine pistols pointed at him. One at his head, one at his crotch.
3) The two try to find out why the other is there. Anna is not impressed by Gunthers lies that he's just to find out whats in there. Rolls are failed.
4) Gunther makes a comment that she'll fail, being a woman (I took the superstition flaw, which for me is an extreme distrust and contempt for women on missions). She tries to whack him in the face with a pistol, he botches his dodge and moves into it. *Whack*
5) He botches a temperance roll to not say more. Whack to the crotch.
6) He botches a further roll, similar result, except this time he ends up on the ground with his hands tied behind his back.
7) Same again, a botch. This time he gets a motorbike wheel at his throat.
8) A roll to not piss himself in fear gets botched. Mess ensues. *Squelch*
9) He retreats.

More botches followed as I tried to finish the mission. 11 botches total in one session. That shouldn't happen, though it was hillarious.

Hotfoot · Post by **Hotfoot** » 2005-11-21 04:46am

You needed a botch when you went to get a soda when it was all over. Lemon Lime for the win.

Post by **haas mark** » 2005-11-21 05:57am

Well... going off the 'bad RP experiences' thread, my DM of a certain campaign rolled a 1 for an NPC, and thus slipped on some holy water and decapitated himself with wild magic.

Imperial Overlord · Post by **Imperial Overlord** » 2005-11-21 06:33am

First four or so sessions playing Nalifan. I could roll to beat Spell Resistance to save my life (literally). If it wasn't for the fighter types with the pointy sharp stuff, I'd have been toast.

Rogue 9 · Post by **Rogue 9** » 2005-11-21 01:20pm

Was fighting a troll by myself as a 5th level dwarf fighter in D&D. I was a newb at the time, and my DM didn't tell me that trolls were considered giants, so he screwed me out of my dodge bonus to armor class, which was bad enough. I then proceeded to roll 13 ones in a row.

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2005-11-21 01:25pm

I still love the one game where all 4 party members roll a 1 on their attack... and the orcs *still* can't hit us!

Post by **Mr Bean** » 2005-11-21 01:54pm

The best one ever was when I rolled a one on a ranged attack on the big bad Necromancers Flesh Golem... only to hit the Necromancer instead with a double twenty crit.

The worst one was trying to ride a minotaur(playing a gnome thief with crazy dex to being with enhanced by Priest magic and a few items) Only to roll a one on my attack(With bonses) then roll one twice more to accidently stab myself in the throat with my own sword.

El Moose Monstero · Post by **El Moose Monstero** » 2005-11-21 01:55pm

Two spring to mind, one was just a mind buggeringly simple roll in 50 fathoms that went rather wrong.

DM said that if I rolled snakeeyes, a multiple missile attack would hit the chap who was currently prostate before an enemy I was trying to hit. Course, I got snakeeyes, then proceeded to roll 6's on damage and hence got a handful of raises resulting in serious damage to the guy on the floor.

The other one was just a totally botched kidnapping, we busted into the place, then our stealth guy completely failed to kidnap a teenage girl by hitting her too soft and waking her up, she called the guards, we sat and ebat up the guards for half an hour. The stealth guy then got beaten up by the girl, thrown out of the window and broke his leg, so that was him out of the running. We beat up the guards and killed them, the girl made a run for it, we clocked her too hard with an accidental raise, she was unconcscious and injured. We finished and made our escape, but I'd decided to be a clever dick and burn down the house. Sadly, this put us into the 9th turn which the DM had decided was the point at which the town guard would come out to sort us out. We escaped, but what should have been a 10 min operation took about 2.5 hours.

Post by **Dalton** » 2005-11-21 05:33pm

Poor Robbo, he was forced to crawl on his hands and knees and remove random twigs and other noisy bits when me and Bystander both fumbled a stealth roll.

Civil War Man · Post by **Civil War Man** » 2005-11-21 09:57pm

I'm currently in a game of Mage: The Ascension. The party is suffering from massive doom. To give you the scope of just how doomed the party is, I'll give you a breakdown of the members...

The party tank is a 12-year-old Chinese monk.
It's a good day if the healer goes the entire session without a Paradox backlash (more on that later).
The party face has mafia ties.
The party's ranged tank is a Euthanatos. Oh, did I mention that the healer has the Lifesaver flaw?
We have an Orphan who's obsessed with cats, has a 5 point cat familiar, but only a 3 point node to feed it with.
And then there's my character: A hardcore gamer with a severe caffeine addiction, a penchant for fire, and bordering on zero actual knowledge about being a mage.

Anyway, now that those of you familiar with the system know just how doomed we are...

We were taking a test to gain access to restricted areas of the temple our party tank (the monk) resides in. The test involves navigating a maze within a hypercube. Things start off reasonably okay. Then a wall swings down, smashing the monk in the face and sealing off the direction we wanted to go. No problem. My character removes gravity from the obstructing wall, and it is easily pushed out of the way.
But wait! Paradox backlash. Suddenly friction doesn't work on him. No problem, they push my character ahead to check for traps (he triggers one without getting hurt himself). Eventually friction returns, and he rejoins the party as normal. Then they come across a T-intersection, exits up and down. No problem, they let down a rope and people start climbing down.
Last two people are myself and the Euthanatos. Since I've displayed the ability to screw around with gravity, the Euthanatos goes first. My character improperly braces himself, and so has to get 3 successes on 2 dice with difficulty 8. Well, he succeeds, but the weight of the Euthanatos sets off another trap, opening up a trapdoor to a spike pit. My character has to get 3 successes on 2 dice....and succeeds. He then uses a bit of magic to throw himself at the ground and miss long enough to not hit the bottom with a loud splat.
So, we're doing pretty well. No one's seriously hurt, negotiated some traps pretty handily. Healer attempts to tend the tank's wounds. Fails. Big paradox backlash. Healer takes 7 lethal and falls unconscious.
Well, shit. We needed to get out. Party members asks for a boost out. My character tries a spell. Gravity decides I've affected it too much already, tells him to stop. End result is my character taking 7 lethal and crashing to the floor, bleeding from the mouth and breathing laboriously (couple ribs broke, puncturing one of his lungs). Only reason he doesn't die is apparently our unconscious healer has Spark of Life, and somehow prevents it.
So with a third of the party near dead, the rest manage to alert the master of the temple, who heals the unconscious characters and leads them out. On the way out, the cat mage triggers a trap. 7 lethal. Incapacitated.

While the end result was 0 characters dead, half the party was near-dead at some point in the game. Were it not for lucky rolling on my part, two-thirds of the party would have been near dead. We miserably fail the test, and my character threatens to burn anyone who tries to get him to take it again.

Oh, I should probably mention that before the test, most of the day was taken up by disposing of the bodies of a Technocrat, mafia hitman, and Marine sergeant who were trying to track down the party and ended up coming up to the wrong end of a shotgun and a summoned rock golem.

Stark · Post by **Stark** » 2005-11-22 04:45am

I had a legendarily unlucky character in Shadowrun (heh) in 1996: he failed everything he was rated highly in (hacking and driving), but was extremely sucessful in things he sometimes had no skill in at all (shooting, repair, magic knowledge). There was an inverse relationship between his success and the number of dice he rolled - it was pretty funny, as this went on for literally months.

Once he had 13 dice to pass a target-5 hack test, and he failed. He got one 5, and *SEVEN* ones. Ugh.

Ford Prefect · Post by **Ford Prefect** » 2005-11-22 05:53am

Though not really the same thing, I got Balin killed once. By a Goblin Archer. In two turns. I mean, really.

CaptainChewbacca · Post by **CaptainChewbacca** » 2005-11-22 06:44am

I once critical failed a summoning spell while using wild magic and summoned a Greater Lord of the Pit. He was not amused, so he decided to reduce us all to 1 hp and leave us with 1 cure light wounds spell.

Post by **Edi** » 2005-11-22 10:50am

When we played Star Frontiers, we used a random luck roll of d100 where the lower you got, the better your luck was and the higehr, the worse. Range from 40 to 60 was about as neutral as you could get.

So, when the party is onboard a warship trying to escape being blown up by enemy ships, we get to the jump point. Half the systems were fried and there was no time to calculate any jump coordinates, so engage drive and hope for the best. Toss luck to see where we end up, result: 96. So we're fucked, toss again: double zero. GM tells me to toss a third time, to see just how badly we're fucked, and I roll 98.

Let's just say that landing smack in the middle of previously unknown hostile alien empire so far from home we couldn't even locate where we were took some time to sort out...

A friend of mine also had a nice experience playing AD&D when one char in the party was a wild mage. They end up fighting some critters and the wild mage's spell fizzles to random effect. Nothing seems to happen. GM asks: "Do you have a comment?"
Player: "Perkele!" (transl. "The Devil")
*Asmodeus appears in a blast of sulphurous smoke*
Party: "!!!" *run away*

They got the result of "Next phrase caster says comes true for one turn...

Edi

Jaepheth · Post by **Jaepheth** » 2005-11-22 10:54am

I was playing Axis and Allies once and my entire Luftwaffe got shot down in one roll

Civil War Man · Post by **Civil War Man** » 2005-11-22 11:07am

Edi wrote:They got the result of "Next phrase caster says comes true for one turn...

He should have used my rule for wild mages. Whenever a wild mage's spell fizzles, say "Fuck!", just in case that's the effect.

Jaepheth wrote:I was playing Axis and Allies once and my entire Luftwaffe got shot down in one roll

I stopped playing Axis and Allies when I realized that dice I throw enjoy rolling high. Not good for a game where the target is rolling ones. Last time I played (I was Germany), Operation Barbarossa started off with a fizzle as all Army Groups (particularly Army Group Center) were pretty much wiped out to the man in the first turn while inflicting nearly zero casualties on the enemy.

Of course, as a result of my rolling, any allied plane that tried to fly over Berlin was consequently torn to pieces.

Post by **weemadando** » 2005-11-22 05:41pm

During a gun-battle in a HKAT movie I was "directing", one of the characters was cut off by 8 mooks who were lined up across the street he was trying to flee down. As one, they went for their guns and all of them realised that they'd left them at home (I rolled eight 1's in a row).

dragon · Post by **dragon** » 2005-11-24 06:21am

During a run in a military base we had gotten into a fire fight and I rolled all ones for my gernade. So the gernade rolls under the van where I have about 10 kilos worth of explosives and the mage had left his million Nuyen weapon focus. Well the gernade goes off and of acourse the DM rolls max damage and no saves. Needless to say van blows up kills Rigger and one street sam. The mage and I get away all the while he is cursing. We get to the fence and hve no choice but to use a gernade to blow through the fence.

Well of course I roll ones again. The gernade bounces off the fence and lands right next to the mage. Finally after a bit more running I managed to escape and while the mage and one other lived they were captured.

Vicious · Post by **Vicious** » 2005-11-24 02:31pm

My Elementalist in BESM (Anime-based RPG, uses d6s, low rolls are good) was in the middle of an arguement with the other active character in the party. He had just sold the (at the time) inactive member to a hobo. I argued with him, he slapped me, so I blew him across the street with a fireball. He gets up, runs over and smacks me again, harder. So I turn up the heat and blast him through the wall across the street. Turns out he crashes into some dude's meth factory. The guy who runs the meth lab starts offering a bag of meth to any thug who'll take us down. Figuring I'd defuse the situation, I toss a small fireball at the bag of meth. Roll an 11 (12 is an autofail) and launch the fireball past the guy and right into the meth factory. Factory goes up, poor guy is incinerated on the spot and I royally piss off the local authorities, which leads us to multiple fights with some uber-regenerating ogre-thing who we can't actually kill and us hiding in a sewer because the only person in the party that can hide us is the hobo NPC who I keep around with beef jerky.

Lusankya · Post by **Lusankya** » 2005-11-24 06:47pm

On Monday, my necromancer was invisible because, well, she's a pacifist and she really really doesn't want to die (her god has issues with the first point, because she goes around saving the life of every enemy she can, and he's a death god), and she was walking across a rope bridge across a chasm.

DC 8 balance check to move, DC 3 to not start falling.

I rolled a two. With my dex at +0, and no ranks... yep. I start to fall.

DC 16 reflex save to grab the bridge as I was falling.

I rolled a three. At level 7, I'm actually a Cleric 3/Wizard 3/True Necromancer 1, so my base reflex save is +2. I'm falling. I would have died too had our party's ogre mascot not passed his miss chance.

Of course, ten minutes earlier I'd pulled a rhinocerous out of my bag of tricks, which then criticalled on a charge, so I can't really complain about my luck that day.

EDIT: And then there was the time when, due to in-party conflicts, I was attacking the half-orc with this magical axe that had shaved half the hit points off of one of our primary fighters with one blow, and I roller a 1. The DM rolled on the critical failure chart, and decreed that I managed to hit myself with it. Suddenly I was even more happy than usual that the cleric had decided to give me a bit of healing before I picked the axe up. That sure would have been an embarrassing way to die - falling on an axe that I was using to beat up a strength 4 half-orc (I'd poisoned him earlier when I cut out his tongue).

Enigma · Post by **Enigma** » 2005-11-24 09:40pm

My first and only time I've played a pen and paper RPG was Gamma World and my character was to fight a tyrant that ruled a large city. Problem with fighting him was that the tyrant had epilepsy. There was and +80% chance that he'd have a fit when not in combat and over 90% chance of having an epileptic fit while in combat. Let's just say that all I had to do was walk up to him when he had his fit and killed him.

Unfortunately we found out after killing the tyrant that he wasn't a tyrant after all, he was a much loved mayor of the town and the the town folk were not too happy that we killed him. We managed to beat a retreat after we lobbed some explosives into the crowd.