Let's Play: BERF CERTIFICATING IT UP

[PeZook]

POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT takes the TYLENOL.

POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT takes a SECOND to LEAN BACK and TAKE his BEARINGS.

POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT undoes his SHIRT. He is suddenly VERY HOT. He is SWEATING. He is having trouble BREATHING.

POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT might or might not have MENTIONED he has many ALLERGIES at some time in the PAST. He will not BLAME QUIET STUDENT for not KNOWING that, though.

Especially since he looks like he is going to DIE.

[Simon_Jester]

Spoiler

What's he allergic to?

[Scottish Ninja]

Oh SHIT. Oh SHIT SHIT SHIT.

QUIET STUDENT is suddenly strangely WORRIED about possible ACCIDENTAL TIME TRAVEL.

But that doesn't seem to be the ISSUE here, as he may have accidentally POISONED the POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT instead.

QUIET STUDENT flags down an arriving AMBULANCE and tells the PARAMEDICS that POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT may have had an ALLERGIC REACTION to a TYLENOL.

QUIET STUDENT then sets out in search of today's DAILY LIBERAL LIERAG WASHINGTON POST.

[Eternal_Freedom]

"As I recall, we got caught dealing with the Triads anyway...sod it, I don't want to get caught up with any form of criminal gangs, especially if I'm now wanted for blowing the Janitor's brains out."

[Zixinus]

HUNGARIAN has RAN OUT OF PISS. He is WONDERING when will the rest show up.

Seeing as the SWAT TEAM seems to have better things to do than secure the CRIME SCENE, I clean myself and wash my hands. I slightly modify my alibi to say that I was scared and hid after the gunshot.

Then I attempt to either find any nearby police force and tell them what happened. If the police officer tries to arrest me, I comply quickly to avoid POLICE BRUTALITY.

If I cannot find a police officer immedeatly, I call the police.

[TimothyC]

REAL GOD DAMN AMERICAN STUDENT notes POLISH STUDENT'S situation and calls for help.

[Darth Fanboy]

HIPPIE STUDENT wakes up in a KIDDIE POOL filled with ROSE PETALS, EMPTY BEER CANS, and CAT TURDS on the other side of campus.

YOUR MOM is passed out nude on the other side.

[FaxModem1]

FAT DRAGON gets up from the bed and puts her right foot in HIPPIE STUDENT's FACE.

"Massage my feet."

[KhorneFlakes]

YES

YAY. I actually hated psychotic aussie and had no idea on how I was supposed to write him off, so I did the obvious thing: get him killed.

Writer's Block is not fun. I've been staring at the SDNW4 story update I've been writing and though of absolutely nothing. It's TERRIBEL!

[Shroom Man 777]

Writer's Block is not fun. I've been staring at the SDNW4 story update I've been writing and though of absolutely nothing. It's TERRIBEL!

Its okay man. But it'd be nice to see you, y'know, play the game too.

[KhorneFlakes]

Writer's Block is not fun. I've been staring at the SDNW4 story update I've been writing and though of absolutely nothing. It's TERRIBEL!

Its okay man. But it'd be nice to see you, y'know, play the game too.

It would. But alas, if I can not finish that update due to writer's block, I shall spend my time fleshing out the Taiidan in various updates. I will then go back to the Story Update and see if I can finish.

[MKSheppard]

You are OUTSIDE the MAIN CAMPUS BUILDING.

You are UNCONSCIOUS POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT. You have been ZIP TIED by the MALICIOUS SWAT TEAM.

-----

STUDENT WEARING APRON and ENGLISH STUDENT leave the MAIN CAMPUS BUILDING in a HURRY. Due to some STRANGE FREAK OF NATURE, they are not intercepted by MALICIOUS SWAT TEAM.

In fact, NOBODY SEEMS TO NOTICE THEM.

As they DRIVE OFF IN CAR, they TALK about what to do NEXT.

"Okay, let's think this through. What year is it? Where is the Ravenstar? How did we get here? Why did we forget, and then remember? Who should we go to for help?" asks APRON-WEARING STUDENT.

He pauses, and REMEMBERS his CONNECTIONS with the TRIADS.

ENGLISH STUDENT splutters at the mention of the TRIADS.

"No way are we gonna get involved with the Triads. I remember how much shit we wound up in after getting involved with the Triads last time around. I'm getting the fuck out of here, lying low and then I'm going to finish off that shitfaced janitor. I don't give a flying fuck about the Ravenstar right now."

Suddenly he SHRIEKS IN HORRER as APRON WEARING STUDENT NARROWLY AVOIDS A PEDESTRIAN.

"As I recall, we got caught dealing with the Triads anyway...sod it, I don't want to get caught up with any form of criminal gangs, especially if I'm now wanted for blowing the Janitor's brains out."

---

QUIET STUDENT as he FLEES THE CAMPUS, stops to try and FREE the POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT.

This CATCHES ATTENTION of ELEMENTS OF MALICIOUS SWAT TEAM hanging around to SECURE THE CAMPUS.

Soon, QUIET STUDENT IS BEAT UP and ZIP TIED next to POLISH STUDENT.

"Goddamn," shouts one of the STEROIDAL COPS. "That fucking foreign terrarist has co-conspirators!"

QUIET STUDENT tries to PROTEST, but he finds his mouth DUCT TAPED SHUT instead.

"Quiet you fucking terrorist lover!" shouts one of the STEROIDAL COPS. "He wassn't speaking no english, he gotta be a terrarist out to destroy our freedoms!"

The STEROIDAL COPS begin RIFLING through QUIET STUDENT's BAG and find SIX PASSPORTS.

"See! Fucking terrarist."

--------------



You are PUERTO RICAN STUDENT. You decide to WASH OFF JANITOR'S BLOOD. It comes off SURPRISINGLY WELL, and does not STAIN THAT BADLY.

You run out a RANDOM door to FREEDOM.

---------------



HUNGARIAN runs out of PISS. He CHANGES HIS ALIBI SLIGHTLY, and GOES TO FIND POLICE.

He runs into MALICIOUS SWAT TEAM and tries to talk with them.

Unfortunately, he talks with a HUNGARIAN ACCENT.

STEROIDAL COP shrieks; "Another one of them goddamn forreign terrarists! Take him down!"

Despite COMPLYING, HUNGARIAN is still BRUTALIZED and ZIP TIED.

-----------------------------



You are in NONDESCRIPT CLASSROOM.

HIPPIE STUDENT is UNCONSCIOUS, dreaming of a KIDDIE POOL full of ROSE PETALS and with YOUR MOM in it.

REAL GODDAMN AMERICAN STUDENT looks outside the WINDOW, and NOTICES the increasing amount of BRUISED ZIP TIED STUDENTS.

He GULPS and begins recording the POLICE BRUTALITY on his NERD CRED.

The DOOR BANGS OPEN, and MALICIOUS SWAT TEAM barges in, WEAPONS AT THE READY.

They are about to DROP HIM, when they HEAR his MIDWESTERN ACCENT. Something that MURCAN cannot be evil, so they LOWER THEIR WEAPONS and instead ASK HIM TO COME TO THE STATION WITH THEM FOR QUESTIONING.



You are POLISH STUDENT, QUIET STUDENT, HUNGARIAN STUDENT and HIPPIE STUDENT.

You are lying in a JAIL CELL awaiting INTERROGATION. The toilet in the corner is STOPPED UP and SMELLS FOUL.



You are REAL GODDAMN AMERICAN STUDENT. You are being INTERROGATED NICELY by Lt. Castille.

In another interrogation room, MOUNTAINSQUID is finishing his post-processing and being RELEASED from the STATION, using his FORMER US MILITARY credentials for PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT.

In yet ANOTHER interrogation room, MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST is BABBLING about JANITORS and how they DON'T STAY DEAD. The INTERROGATOR doesn't believe him and is CALLING THE INSANE ASYLUM to handle what is a clear case of INSANITY.



You are ENGLISH STUDENT and APRON WEARING STUDENT. You are in an ABANDONED FAST FOOD JOINT, PLOTTING YOUR NEXT MOVE.



YOU ARE PUERTO RICAN STUDENT. You are running aimlessly through the STREETS with a slightly BLOODY SHIRT.

[What do you do next?]

--------------

OOC:
I played a lot of Genesis Shadowrun. So I know of Salish Sidhe.

[Eternal_Freedom]

ENGLISH STUDENT DECIDES to TAKE CHARGE.

"First, no goddamn Triads. Second, no goddamn Russian mobs. Third, we need to find out if we are wanted or not.

If we aren't, we need to go get some more guns and find the Janitor. Shouldn't be too hard in Murca after all. If we ARE wanted, we'll need to hide for a while."

[Zixinus]

MAKE mental note to write a letter to the HUNGARIAN EMBASSY.

ADD to MENTAL NOTE that it should suggest to threaten to SUE the SWAT force so there would be BIG MONEYS involved as an out-of-court settlement.

[FaxModem1]

"Okay, well. How about the library? They have computers there where we can check the news online."

[Force Lord]

PUERTO RICAN STUDENT keeps RUNNING, eventually finds his APARTMENT. He quickly CHANGES CLOTHES and decides to take a REST. He sleeps RATHER UNEASILY. He keeps DREAMING about a SPACESHIP.

[Scottish Ninja]

QUIET STUDENT looks at the TOILET. "Not any worse than my high school locker room bathrooms," he mutters.

A PHONE CALL to the NEW ZEALAND EMBASSY has proved mostly UNFRUITFUL. They say they cannot get QUIET STUDENT out of JAIL but they can help him FIND a LAWYER.

Which is probably a good IDEA.

[The Yosemite Bear]

housecat who is observing class looks very annoyed ad above all of this, and begins quantum theory....

[Scottish Ninja]

QUIET STUDENT is dragged out for INTERROGATION. QUIET STUDENT is caught OFF GUARD and forgets to demand a LAWYER to be present while being interrogated.

The INTERROGATOR asks QUIET STUDENT about his TERRORIZING PROCLIVITIES. QUIET STUDENT declares that he is a TRUE BLUE RED-BLOODED DYED-IN-THE-WOOL AMERICAN and therefore HATES TERRORISTS and LOVES HOT DOGS, ROOT BEER, and APPLE PIE like only a TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT can.

The INTERROGATOR looks SUSPICIOUSLY at QUIET STUDENT. He calls in a GUARD and whispers in his EAR.

A few minutes later the GUARD comes back with a HOT DOG and a STYROFOAM CUP containing what appears to be ROOT BEER. QUIET STUDENT quickly figures out that this is a TEST.

The GUARD sets the HOT DOG and ROOT BEER in front of QUIET STUDENT. The INTERROGATOR invites him to have LUNCH.

QUIET STUDENT takes a SIP of the ROOT BEER and then looks at the HOT DOG.

QUIET STUDENT explodes in OUTRAGE. "What the fuck is this? There's fucking ketchup on this hot dog! Who is the fucking barbarian who puts ketchup on a goddamned hot dog!? And then you give me fucking Barq's Root Beer!? I hate Barq's! Don't they have any Mug around here?"

The INTERROGATOR motions to the GUARD who hits QUIET STUDENT solidly in the STOMACH with his NIGHTSTICK, and then pounds on him some more.

QUIET STUDENT evades the TERROR CHARGES temporarily, but is tossed back into the JAIL CELL on the grounds of being a CHICAGOAN FUCKWIT.

[MKSheppard]

You are ENGLISH STUDENT and APRON WEARING STUDENT. You are in an ABANDONED FAST FOOD JOINT.

There is a FAINT SMELL OF KETCHUP in the air from LONG AGO DAYS.

ENGLISH STUDENT DECIDES to TAKE CHARGE.

"First, no goddamn Triads. Second, no goddamn Russian mobs. Third, we need to find out if we are wanted or not."

He suddenly begins to LONG FOR A BIG MAC IRRATIONALLY and LICKS HIS LIPS.

"If we aren't, we need to go get some more guns and find the Janitor. Shouldn't be too hard in Murca after all. If we ARE wanted, we'll need to hide for a while."

APRON WEARING STUDENT ponders this before asking a QUESTION OF HIS OWN.

"Okay, well. How about the library? They have computers there where we can check the news online."



YOU ARE PUERTORICAN STUDENT. You are in your APARTMENT and SLEEPING.

Your sleep is UNEASY and INTERRUPTED by FLASHES of a MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE.



You are POLISH STUDENT, QUIET STUDENT, HUNGARIAN STUDENT and HIPPIE STUDENT.

You are lying in a JAIL CELL awaiting INTERROGATION. The toilet in the corner is STOPPED UP and SMELLS FOUL.

HUNGARIAN Student makes a MENTAL NOTE to write a letter to the HUNGARIAN EMBASSY and to threaten to SUE THE FUCK out of the SWAT MIDGETS for BIG MONEYS.

QUIET STUDENT looks at the TOILET. "Not any worse than my high school locker room bathrooms," he mutters.

HIS ONE PHONE CALL was used to call the NEW ZEALAND EMBASSY. It turned out be mostly UNFRUITFUL. They say they cannot get QUIET STUDENT out of JAIL but they can help him FIND a LAWYER.

Which is probably a good IDEA.

QUIET STUDENT is dragged out for INTERROGATION. QUIET STUDENT is caught OFF GUARD and forgets to demand a LAWYER to be present while being interrogated.



YOU ARE QUIET STUDENT. You are in INTERROGATION ROOM.

The INTERROGATOR asks QUIET STUDENT about his TERRORIZING PROCLIVITIES. QUIET STUDENT declares that he is a TRUE BLUE RED-BLOODED DYED-IN-THE-WOOL AMERICAN and therefore HATES TERRORISTS and LOVES HOT DOGS, ROOT BEER, and APPLE PIE like only a TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT can.

The INTERROGATOR looks SUSPICIOUSLY at QUIET STUDENT. He calls in a GUARD and whispers in his EAR.

A few minutes later the GUARD comes back with a HOT DOG and a STYROFOAM CUP containing what appears to be ROOT BEER. QUIET STUDENT quickly figures out that this is a TEST.

The GUARD sets the HOT DOG and ROOT BEER in front of QUIET STUDENT. The INTERROGATOR invites him to have LUNCH.

QUIET STUDENT takes a SIP of the ROOT BEER and then looks at the HOT DOG.

QUIET STUDENT explodes in OUTRAGE. "What the fuck is this? There's fucking ketchup on this hot dog! Who is the fucking barbarian who puts ketchup on a goddamned hot dog!? And then you give me fucking Barq's Root Beer!? I hate Barq's! Don't they have any Mug around here?"

The INTERROGATOR motions to the GUARD who hits QUIET STUDENT solidly in the STOMACH with his NIGHTSTICK, and then pounds on him some more.

QUIET STUDENT evades the TERROR CHARGES temporarily, but is tossed back into the JAIL CELL on the grounds of being a CHICAGOAN FUCKWIT.



You are POLISH STUDENT, QUIET STUDENT, HUNGARIAN STUDENT and HIPPIE STUDENT.

The TOILET continues to STINK.

The door opens and PRISON NUERS comes in.



The only thing he has available for your BRUISES, SPRAINS, and SCRAPES is INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH TYNENOL.

POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT takes the TYLENOL.

POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT takes a SECOND to LEAN BACK and TAKE his BEARINGS.

POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT undoes his SHIRT. He is suddenly VERY HOT. He is SWEATING. He is having trouble BREATHING.

POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT might or might not have MENTIONED he has many ALLERGIES at some time in the PAST. He will not BLAME PRISON NUERS for not KNOWING that, though.

Especially since he looks like he is going to DIE.

There SEEMs to be a COMMOTION coming from the FRONT DESK OF the POLICE STATION, which is about a COUPLE DOZEN FEET and TWO LOCKED DOORS away from your HOLDING CELL....

[what do you do?]

--------------------

OOC: I may not be able to use some of your stuff right away, but I will try to fit it in somewhere...

[MKSheppard]

It is the FRONT DESK of this HICK-TOWN POLICE DEPARTMENT.

You are FEELIPINO AGENT, and you are wearing a VERY WELL TAILORED BLACK SUIT and WEARING a pair of GAY-BAN shades that you got from the CONTRABAND department at AREA 52.

"Sir, can I help you?" asks the FAT BALDING OVERWEIGHT COP behind the FRONT DESK, who does not HIDE HIS DISPLEASURE at your NON-WHITE COMPLEXION.

"I'm from Homeland Insecurity," you say in a SOUTHERN ACCENT. "We got a report about a bunch of terrorists here in the heartland. I'm here to take them off your hands and put them in Shepmo, where they belong."

The FAT BALDING OVERWEIGHT COP is CONFUSED. You are NON-WHITE, but you speak like a GOOD OL BOY from LOUISANIA.

"I'm sorry, but you Feds have no juris-dick-tion here in West Virginia," he drawls.

"That's quite unfortunate," you reply. "Because those men you are holding are extremely dangerous and a massive threat to national security. If they were let on the loose, it would be 9/11 times a thousand."

"That's..." The FAT OVERWEIGHT COP struggles with the MATH. "That's...nine hundred eleven thousand!"

He GASPS in horrer, before regaining his WITS.

"Anyone could get an undertaker's outfit and claim they're from the Feds, 'specially a foreigner like you."

With a sigh, you take off your GAY-BANS and place them in a CASE so they won't get MUSSED UP.

"Perhaps. But could a foreigner do this?"

You EXPLODE INTO ACTION with BLINDING SPEED. Leaping over the FRONT DESK, you CHOP the FAT OVERWEIGHT COP in the THROAT with your FOLDED UP HOMELAND INSECURITY BADGE; CRUSHING HIS WINDPIPE.

As he GASPS in horrers, you SMASH THE KNEECAP of the other COP sitting behind the DESK with your FOOT. The man's knee snaps, sounding like a DRY TWIG as it does so.

You PIVOT your head from LEFT TO RIGHT, as if you are WORKING OUT KINKS in your NECK. The entire EPISODE has taken only SECONDS.

"Oh," you say.

Reaching into your WELL TAILORED BLACK SUIT, you pull out a FOUNTAIN PEN and JAB it into the OVERWEIGHT COP'S THROAT, just below his CRUSHED WINDPIPE and OPEN AN AIRWAY.

A RUSH of AIR sounds as the man CAN BREATHE AGAIN.

"If you fools can't handle me, what makes you think you can handle them?" you mutter.

STEPPING OVER THE INSENATE COPS, you POCKET the KEYS to the PRISONER HOLDING AREA.

---------------------

OOC: Wrote this for SHROOM as he was idea'ed out after so many SDNW4 posts back to back.

[Shroom Man 777]

Walk SLOWLY and MENACINGLY towards the DOORS leading to the CELLS

LEATHER SHOES CLACK on the floor

GAY-BANS REFLECT fluorescent lights

FEELIPINO AGENT's FACE remains EMOTIONALLY IMPASSIVE as SHADOWS DANCE across it

OPENS the DOORS

PULLS out the KEYS to OPEN the CELL

AND MEET the PRISONERS

He SMELLS the PUNGENT ODOR of the PRISON CELL TOILET

and has a SLIGHT TWINGE

to PLAY WITH IT

but fights it down

"Hello..." he says with the VOICE of SATAN. "Gentlemen."

Upon HEARING the VOICE of SATAN MERKATRIGNAMARA - and seeing a DEAD MAN become ALIVE AGAIN - the PRISONERS CRY in FEAR

"BALLS!" they SHRIEK

[Shroom Man 777]

"I'm sorry, sir, you're not allowed in here!" the PRISON NUERS protests as he turns away from the PRISONERS and raises a hand towards the FEELIPINO AGENT

The FEELIPINO AGENT grabs the NUERS' hand and SQUEEZES

The NUERS screams in pain and anguish

The PRISONERS hear the SICKENING SNAP OF BONES

The NUERS collapses into a ball of agony

METACARPAL SPLINTERS protrude FROM THE SKIN of his hand

The PRISONERS are SCARED as FUCK as they BEHOLD the FEELIPINO AGENT'S HORRIBLE VISORED VISAGE

It is like the FACE OF SATAN SCULPTED IN GOLD and with the ACCUMULATED EVIL of an ENTIRE EASTERN RACE inside its MASSIVE INTELLECT

The FEELIPINO AGENT SAYS

"Come with me if you want to live."

[Scottish Ninja]

QUIET STUDENT does not shriek "BALLS!".

He shrieks "SHULYATA!"*

This is CURIOUS since QUIET STUDENT was PRETTY SURE he didn't actually SPEAK RUSSIAN.

QUIET STUDENT is TOTALLY DOWN with EASTERN EVIL being PART JAPANESE himself. This is probably for the BEST after that INTERROGATION.

* Russian mat; literally, "BALLS!"

[PeZook]

POLISH EXCHANGE STUDENT isn't in any SHAPE to MOVE on his OWN.

He is SWEATING, has trouble BREATHING, and SEEMS to be TURNING a very NICE shade of BLUE.

He is TERRIFIED nonetheless, since he VAGUELY REMEMBERS the BADASS FEELIPEENO from SOMEWHERE he cannot QUITE place.