Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[FaxModem1]

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY has become REPAIR GUY.

REPAIR GUY tells SUAVE PLAYBOY:"Either I was affected by second hand smoke, or it really happened."

[FaxModem1]

Spoiler

This game is still going, right?

[Simon_Jester]

Spoiler

I'm back and can play more significantly now, but I'm so confused! I think I'm going to wait on another PeZook post to wrap this up so I can react.

[FaxModem1]

Spoiler

Well, there was a fire. Shep is outside trying to fix the ship, a Ctulu cultist teleported into the airlock, and the Historian has magic powers. I think that about sums it up.

[PeZook]

It will resume tomorrow

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY examines RAVENSTAR to find out how FIRE happened.

[doom3607]

Spoiler

Cthulhu cultist. Not Ctulu. Cthulhu shall devour your soul for the crime of spelling his name wrong. Even if it is supposedly unpronouncable.

[PeZook]

CHAPTER 3: A HOLE IN THE ACE

February 23rd 2025
Sunday
Wheels Up + 00:19:04

SIMULATION ENGINE RUNNING
TIMEFLOW INTERRUPTED

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, LARGE WOUNDED DOG, COMBAT JANITOR, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR, TROPICAL BEAUTY, IVAN IVANOV, INSANE HISTORIAN, MAD SCIENTIST, CHEEKY BETTY and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on a SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is on FIRE. You are at an ALTITUDE of 140 kilometres. You are not ASCENDING. You are in FREEFALL. You are WELL PAST the APOAPSIS of your TRAJECTORY. There is SOMEONE inside the AIRLOCK.

There is SCREAMING. The SCREAMING is VERY LOUD. There is SOUND of FIREFIGHTING.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY Yells: Can't we ever get a break on this ship?!

The PASSENGER CABIN is a SITE of ABSOLUTE CHAOS. There is EXTINGUISHER FOAM literally EVERYWHERE. There are ALARMS blaring about MANY DEAD SYSTEMS.

ENORMOUS PANIC rises from the DEAD. It is now ZOMBIE PANIC. It ENVELOPS everyone inside the PASSENGER CABIN in a COLD GRIP OF DEATH.

ZIXINUS manages to KEEP his COOL and GRAB another FIRE EXTINGUISHER. His GUILE allows him to ACQUIRE a NOVEL IDEA about FIREFIGHTING. ZIXINUS manages to PREVENT the FIRE from RAGING out of CONTROL and CONSUMING you ALL.

You have WON the FIRE FIGHT. You have GAINED a MODEST amount of EXPERIENCE POINTS.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY RESTS for a BIT. ZIXINUS is MOISTURIZING the HOTTEST parts of the INTERIOR with RAGS soaked in VILE BODILY FLUIDS.

TROPICAL BEAUTY has PASSED OUT. SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR is PLAYING BANJO in the BACK.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY Says: How did y'all acquire this ship anyway? Wasn't there something about a couple of brothers?

ETERNAL FREEDOM Says: I dunno how they got it, but we got it because we had to escape from the Feds. Fuckers just wont let us go man. And then there was the problem with the Russkies when you showed up. It's totally fucked up man.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY Says: So, do we have a long term plan? Or are we just continuing one mad packed adventure after another running from everyone?

ETERNAL FREEDOM Says: The ultimate plan is to get some contracts, make some big money then go our seperate ways to our own beaches lined with free drinks and hot chicks. But in the mean time, we're muddling through one fuckup after another. Most of them caused directly or indirectly by that twat in the spacesuit outside.

ETERNAL FREEDOM realizes SOMETHING. He begins to FRANTICALLY throw SWITCHES on the UPPER PANEL. You hear the AIRLOCK OUTER DOOR CLOSE.

ZIXINUS Says: My friend Eternal Freedom is skimming on some details in his hurry. We work for a company called Floyd Aerospace that got the spaceplane from Altea after it got bankrupted. You haven't met them, they're still stuck in the USA. Our long-term plan is indeed getting money. Which means contracts. It's been a bit hectic since then, due to the USA government being a facist dick and trying to arrest us for some reason. I can't fathom why, but you know quasi-facist, hyper-paranoid states, they'll jump on anything beginning with a 't' thinking it's 'terrorist'.

ZIXINUS TWIRLS his GRAND MOUSTACHE in THOUGHTFULNESS. He is apparently THINKING some VERY HUNGARIAN THOUGHTS.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY Says: Well, so much for making money. Any of it we make will probably go to replacing this entire cockpit. Not to mention the cleaning bill thanks to our supposed janitor.

INSANE HISTORIAN has FINALLY managed to COMPOSE HIMSELF.

INSANE HISTORIAN Says: Well, at least we can now live to make a hundred.

You have NO IDEA what he MEANT.

The AIRLOCK INNER DOOR OPENS with a HISS. A PERSON falls INSIDE. He LOOKS really BAD. He has a lot of BRUISES on his BODY due to EXPOSURE TO VACUUM. Most of his VEINS are POPPED and he PROBABLY can't SEE.

He also has RITUAL TATOOS on his FACE.

ETERNAL FREEDOM TWITCHES.

INSANE HISTORIAN mutates into QUIET HISTORIAN. QUIET HISTORIAN LOOKS AROUND.

QUIET HISTORIAN Says: Oh dear. I seem to have made a mess of things. I should have brought those pills!

ETERNAL FREEDOM TWITCHES

ETERNAL FREEDOM suddenly FLIES off the HANDLE and SCREAMS.

ETERNAL FREEDOM Yells: Shut the fuck up right now or I'll make you intimate friends with Ms. Hard Vacuum outside!!!

ETERNAL FREEDOM attempts to MURDERIZE your UNEXPECTED PASSENGER. ZIXINUS manages to PREVENT a BRUTAL DEATH with his MOUSTACHE. The MOUSTACHE manages to CALM ETERNAL FREEDOM.

QUIET HISTORIAN tries to SAY SOMETHING. QUIET HISTORIAN is immediately GAGGED. He is also TIED, as ZIXINUS has GUILE and would not FORGET something so ESSENTIAL.

While TYING QUIET HISTORIAN, ZIXINUS FINDS some sort of SMALL HIDEBOUND TOME in the guy's POCKET. It is CLEARLY MARKET as a BOOK of SPELLS.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY Says: So, we have spies, pilots, mobsters, a dog and now cultists. What's next? An alien?

ZIXINUS CONCLUDES your UNEXPECTED PASSENGER is a RESULT of a HALLUCINATION. There is some MERIT to this CONCLUSION, as SUAVE PLAYBOY is PUTTING out a GIGANTIC DRUG LACED CIGAR on the BULKHEAD like, RIGHT NOW.

SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR also APPEARS to be PRETTY CHILL despite the HORRIBLE FIRE that had JUST been EXTINGUISHED.

SUAVE PLAYBOY emits a STRANGE SOUND as he comes DOWN from his INSANE HIGH.

IVAN IVANOV manages to RESUME his RUSSIAN THREATS to the PRIVATE AIR DEFENCE BATTERY. He is HAVING some SHADY ORGANIZATION try and DISABLE it for GOOD. You do NOT like this.

Though it MAY be a HALLUCINATION.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY Says: If we're hallucinating, then how do I know what to fix and what I'm breaking?

COMBAT JANITOR CACKLES and SCREAMS into the RADIO about a XENOMORPH latched OUTSIDE the HULL.

ETERNAL FREEDOM wonders who COMBAT JANITOR is TALKING to. His BRAIN doesn't SEEM to be WORKING very WELL.

QUIET HISTORIAN Says: It's...complicated. To tell you the truth, this isn't my first life. Learning all that magic took me a loooong time. Especially since this kind of magic does not depend on calling forth the wrath of some super-being.

Nobody has ASKED him any QUESTIONS.

TROPICAL BEAUTY GIGGLES and TAKES her TOP off. She begins to SPIN in the FIRE RUINED CABIN. TROPICAL BEAUTY is LAUGHING like a MANIAC.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY SIGHS.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY Says: Who knew I would long for the day of working drive-bys?

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY seems UNAFFECTED by the HUGE AMOUNTS of DRUGS in the ATMOPSHERE. WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY MUTATES into REPAIR GUY complete with INTEGRATED GREASE STAINED COVERALLS, a THICK HICK ACCENT and a LOVE for SPORTS.

MAD SCIENTIST begins to do BALLET in the AIR. FUCKER NEWTON begins to WALK around the CABIN as if you had GRAVITY. ZOMBIE PANIC begins to CHASE delicious BRAINS around. INSANE CULTIST wakes UP and BEGINS to MUMBLE something about DEEP ONES.

It is COMPLETELY INSANE.

While you are HEAVILY DRUGGED, SUAVE PLAYBOY hears faint BANGING on the OUTER AIRLOCK DOOR.

What do you do? _

***

You are now: RI'ANN SHAPP

You are ALMOST DEAD. You are BARELY MOVING. You are OUTSIDE the AIRLOCK. It is CLOSED.

You begin to BANG on the OUTER AIRLOCK DOOR with your IMPROVISED SEALANT BOTTLE. You will LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS any MINUTE now. Nobody seems to HEAR you on the RADIO. They are all GIGGLING. For some REASON.

What do you do?

[doom3607]

INSANE CTHULHU CULTSIT ATTEMPTS to CAST HEAL SELF. Or SOMETHING to THAT EFFECT.

[Force Lord]

QUIET HISTORIAN says, "Mmmmph! MMMMMPH!"

[Shroom Man 777]

SCREAM: "SHAPP! NO! THE XENOMORPH WILL GET YOU! COME IN NOW!"

OPEN the AIRLOCK to LET SHAPP IN!

STUFF A TURD INTO THE MOUTH OF THE CULTIST AFTERWARDS

"GET AWAY FROM HER YOU BITCH!"

[Eternal_Freedom]

BEGIN CURSING. The CURSING is ENDLESS and INVENTIVE.

Say to ZIXINUS: "I think Shepp wants in. SHould I open the door, or leave him to die? Oh, wait he's got our spacesuit, I suppose we need that."

OPEN AIRLOCK, let in SHEPP, CLOSE AIRLOCK and RREPRESSURISE. LEAVE INNER DOOR CLOSED, and LOCKED so ONLY I can OPEN IT, JUST in CASE.

[Zixinus]

PREVENT COMBAT JANITOR from OPENING UP the CABIN to VACUUM. AGAIN.

Instead, examine the air lock camera. Notice in the radio that Shep is muttering something. Begin letting him in by closing outer doors and nose cone. Once external doors are closed, pressure the airlock.

CONSIDER not letting SHEP IN and having him experience DESCENDING FROM ORBIT from AIRLOCK. Decide against idea as it would violate my word.
ALLOW SHEP IN once AIRLOCK IS PRESSURIZED.

If necessary, give SHEP FIRST AID and STRAP HIM IN a SEAT.

Wonder what will we do next. LOOK for an ALTERNATIVE LANDING SITE in case we missed our WINDOW for landing.

[Simon_Jester]

MAD SCIENTIST is INSPIRED by COPIOUS AMOUNT OF DRUGS and begins shouting "Yes! Yes! It can WORK! ZE SPACE TIME CONTINUUM!"

MAD SCIENTIST eyes CTHULHU CULTIST suspiciously. Should CTHULHU CULTIST begins VIOLATING the LAWS OF NATURE, MAD SCIENTIST will attempt to ARRANGE MATTERS so that the LAWS OF NATURE will VIOLATE HIM right back.

MAD SCIENTIST gradually gets vague sense that SLIDE RULE FU is NEEDED.

MAD SCIENTIST manages to DETER ZOMBIE PANIC from EATING HIS BRAINS using SLIDE RULE FU.

MAD SCIENTIST gradually REALIZES that this WASN'T WHY the SLIDE RULE FU was NEEDED.

"Wait! We need to compute a trajectory!"

MAD SCIENTIST heads to HELP ZIXINUS find an ALTERNATE LANDING SITE. Or hopefully MAKE IT TO OKHOTSK.

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY tries to remember where he got the LUDICROUSLY DRUG LACED CIGAR and more importantly whether there are ANY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM.

SUAVE PLAYBOY also attempts to grab TROPICAL BEAUTY, remove the SPAGHETTI MONSTERS from her and PUT HER BACK IN HER SEAT. IF necessary SUAVE PLAYBOY will make her cooperative with MAKEOUTS.
IT IS NECESSARY.

[Scottish Ninja]

Be excruciatingly SOBER.

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY notices that the PLANE is actually in FREEFALL.

REPAIR GUY shouts to ETERNAL FREEDOM:"FLY, otherwise we're going to die. Hey, that rhymes."

REPAIR GUY then resumes fixing plane.

[Eternal_Freedom]

CONTINUE CURSING. IN BETWEEN CURSING, EXPLAIN to WCDG that we're MEANT TO BE in FREEFALL. I THINK.

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY always thought that orbit was just where you freefall'd fast enough to miss the ground.

[Simon_Jester]

MAD SCIENTIST gives SUAVE PLAYBOY a gold NONHALLUCINOGENIC STICKER for getting this RIGHT.

MAD SCIENTIST then CHECKS TO MAKE SURE we are in fact in a QUASISTABLE ORBIT.

[FaxModem1]

"So, no crashing? Okay, good. SUAVE PLAYBOY, I'm gonna need any spare parts we have on board. You rustle up everybody and get the parts as well as making sure no other part of this place is about to catch fire or in need or repair."

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY strongly suspects that the majority of our cargo of SPARE PARTS are stored in the PAYLOAD BAY which is DEPRESSURIZED but none the less searches for parts in the CREW COMPARTMENT.

Who knows, he might find another ATROCIOUSLY LARGE AND LUDICROUSLY DRUG LACED CIGAR.

[Zixinus]

Say "Guys, we might be doing a re-entry in a few minutes. Running around might not be the best idea right now."

[Simon_Jester]

MAD SCIENTIST continues trying to CALCULATE LANDING TRAJECTORY. Would PREFER to land at OKHOTSK if possible, elsewhere in RUSSIA if NOT.

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY packs away everything to prevent KILLER FLYING PARTS. He then sits in chair and STRAPS IN to SEAT.