Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[Force Lord]

VOLUNTEERS to become DE FACTO ASSISTANT SECRETARY.

[PeZook]

February 23rd 2025
Sunday


ROUND 5.3

Okhotsk International Airport
Libertarian Russia

ETERNAL FREEDOM suddenly WAKES UP. He SEES the CARNAGE and gets all PUMPED UP.

With a DISTURBINGLY FLUID MOTION he WEAPONIZES the GIFT WRAPPED AK and FIRES on the UNEXPECTED PASSENGER.

The BULLET should've BLEW the VICTIM'S BRAINS out, but it only CROSSES empty AIR.

The UNEXPECTED PASSENGER finally REVEALS himself as a CULTIST. He DISAPPEARS into THIN AIR leaving a VAGUE smell of FISH and SEAWEED behind.

IVAN PYOTREVICH STOPS in CONFUSION.

SYERGYEY IOSEFOVICH Says: Whoa.

The RUSSIANS initiate a SEARCH of the IMMEDIATE AREA with DOGS and VEHICLES. It reveals NOTHING.

ETERNA FREEDOM is CONFUSED. He is ALMOST CERTAIN he is not QUITE badass ENOUGH to make people DISAPPEAR.

He even FORGETS to SHOOT RI'ANN SHAPP.

There is CHANTING in the AIR. The CHANTING is barely AUDIBLE.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

***

February 23rd 2025
Sunday

ROUND 6

Okhotsk International Airport
Libertarian Russia

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, PHANT, REPAIR GUY, LARGE WOUNDED DOG, COMBAT JANITOR, SMARMY AMERICAN SAILOR, IVAN IVANOV, QUIET HISTORIAN, MAD SCIENTIST, RI'ANN SHAPP and UNEXPECTED PASSENGER.

You are at a VIP HANGAR. The HANGAR is SOMEWHAT NICE. It is rather RUN DOWN but probably BETTER than the RUINED SHACKS that are the STANDARD HANGARS. It has a FENCE and ELECTRONIC LOCKS. It is NOON. It isn't any WARMER.

In a very BROMANTIC MOMENT, MILDLY DERANGED SCIENTIST, REPAIR GUY, QUIET HISTORIAN and IVAN IVANOV have CONTRIBUTED MONEY towards TOWING the SPACEPLANE. After CALLING up a very SMELLY RUSSIAN DRIVER and HANDING him the MONEY, your MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE is SECURE in your HANGAR.

You BREATHE a SIGH of RELIEF. It is VERY PAINFUL.

You SCATTER your EQUIPMENT around the HANGAR and ENJOY the HEATED INTERIOR. ETERNAL FREEDOM COUGHS. He is not FEELING very WELL.

With some TREMENDOUS and QUICK organizing by ZIXINUS, you soon receive an OLD CRANKY DOCTOR from the AIRPORT. He EXAMINES RI'ANN SHAPP, ETERNAL FREEDOM and PHANT. An AIRPORT VET takes LARGE WOUNDED DOG to a local CLINIC. You can EXPECT a SUBSTANTIAL BILL.

OLD CRANKY DOCTOR Says: Da. Your pilot has bronchitis. I will prescribe antibiotics. He need rest. Your accountant, though? Needs shrink, da. Strange American is fine.

OLD CRANKY DOCTOR takes a MIGHTY SWIG from a HIP FLASK. You notice he is PACKING HEAT. He engages in a brief CONVERSATION with ZIXINUS and gives him INSTRUCTIONS on where to ACQUIRE CHEMICALS. He also INVITES you to his DOWNTOWN meatbank CLINIC if you need MEDICAL SUPPLIES.

You take a FIVE MINUTE BREAK. It is not very RESTFUL as there is incessant SQUEAKING from the SPACEPLANE. COMBAT JANITOR seems HARD at WORK for a CHANGE.

Within TWO HOURS you have some TRANSPORTATION and PREPAID CELL PHONES. SUAVE PLAYBOY is GIVEN one BEFORE leaving for the HOTEL.

The TRANSPORTATION is in HORRIBLE SHAPE but PRETTY CHEAP.

ZIXINUS SIGHS but PAYS UP what REMAINS of your CASH.

This will be a LONG day. You COMPILE a LIST of STUFF you NEED. ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM and IVAN IVANOV get on the ROAD to PICK UP your CASH. IVAN IVANOV says he managed to GET in TOUCH with an ENGINEER from the BURAN PROGRAM before he LEAVES. The ENGINEER is WILLING to FLY OVER on SHORT NOTICE for a SUBSTANTIAL FEE.

***

Okhotsk, downtown
Libertarian Russia

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, IVAN IVANOV.

After BARELY avoiding getting KILLED by ROWDY DRIVERS and ARMED GANGS you ARRIVE at a BANK in the CITY CENTER. The CITY is a HELLHOLE full of ARMED THUGS and VIOLENT IDIOTS. Everyone requires TOLLS. It is VERY DANGEROUS.

The BANK is a FUCKING FORTRESS. It is FULL of ARMED GUARDS. The ARMED GUARDS have a BAD ATTITUDE.

There are REMOTE TELLER STATIONS. You ATTEMPT to PICK UP the CASH from your ACCOUNT.

The ACCOUNT is EMPTY.

You want to SCREAM.

What do you do? _

***

Okhotsk International Airport - Hotel
Presidental Suite

You are now: SUAVE PLAYBOY, TROPICAL BEAUTY

You are at a POSH HOTEL SUITE. It is EXTREMELY COMFORTABLE. There is GIGGLING coming from the SHOWER.

SUAVE PLAYBOY is RELAXING. He is SMOKING a CIGAR and SIPPING a GLASS of SCOTCH. Life is GOOD.

TROPICAL BEAUTY EMERGES from the SHOWER. She is BUTT NAKED. She is GIGGLING and SAYING something about SHOWER HEADS. She JUMPS on the BED.

SUAVE PLAYBOY GETS UP. He REVEALS a NICE SUIT and EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE SEXY DRESS. He SMILES. TROPICAL BEAUTY GIGGLES some MORE and ASKS a QUESTION. SUAVE PLAYBOY does not UNDERSTAND the QUESTION but DOES not CARE.

SUAVE PLAYBOY SUITS UP. He has ACHIEVED maximum SUAVENESS. He HELPS TROPICAL BEAUTY get INTO the EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE SEXY DRESS.

It only takes her 90 MINUTES to get READY. It is a RECORD.

***

There is a PARTY. The PARTY is DOWNSTAIRS. It is also OUTRAGEOUS and REALLY POSH. At the SAME TIME. SUAVE PLAYBOY CRASHES it without TROUBLE from SECURITY, as he LOOKS like he BELONGS there.

There are many RICH RUSSIANS at the PARTY. There is also LOTS of SECURITY. There is DRINKING. There is RUBBING of ELBOWS and CHARMING of PEOPLE. TROPICAL BEAUTY becomes BORED.

After an HOUR or so, a RUSSIAN COUGAR approaches SUAVE PLAYBOY, who has become BRIEFLY separated from TROPICAL BEAUTY.

RUSSIAN COUGAR Says: Hello there! Haven't seen you here before, handsome.

SUAVE PLAYBOY begins LIGHT FLIRTATION with RUSSIAN COUGAR. He RECEIVES a HOTEL ROOM KEY and LEARNS the RUSSIAN COUGAR is FUCKING RICH and LOVES AIRPLANES. The RUSSIAN COUGAR LEAVES before the RETURN of TROPICAL BEAUTY.

To SUAVE PLAYBOY'S GREAT RELIEF, as he was UNABLE to RESIST hitting on a WOMAN.

What do you do? _

[Zixinus]

GIVE ETERNAL FREEDOM the HANGAR ACCESS CARD and TELL HIM that hopefully, he won't have to stand guard at night. For one thing, we need him fresh and ready if we need to fly next. Right now, it would be best if he just supervises the Ravenstar and HANGAR.

THANK IVAN for arranging TRANSPORTATION so QUICKLY, although I thought we should rent.

STOP MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST from RANTING ABOUT PARTS. I don't have a notepad with me, getting repair stuff is a later priority (right now, we need to get the Ravenstar and ourselves to our hangar) and we don't know what repair capacities we have in our hangar. I

ASK DERANGED HISTORIAN whether he will BEHAVE and willing to HELP ME, with FIGHTING if NECESSARY. I can use SOME HELP and PROTECTION while RUNNING ERRANDS, this being LIBERTARIAN RUSSIA after all.

ASSIST REPAIR GUY in getting the RAVENSTAR TOWED.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Spoiler

Bronchitis? Really? What?

[PeZook]

Spoiler

You have a cold and the doctor sells antibiotics so he gave the worst diagnosis he could think of.

Really, do I have to explain this to you?

[Zixinus]

OOC:Afterthought: damn, late again.

Okay, just to be clear: my account is empty or the company account is empty? Did we contact our clients at all? Could it be that we just need to wait until the money is transfered?

[PeZook]

The company account you gave the customer is empty. You have not CONTACTED the CUSTOMER about THIS but the MONEY should be THERE already.

[Force Lord]

ASK DERANGED HISTORIAN whether he will BEHAVE and willing to HELP ME, with FIGHTING if NECESSARY. I can use SOME HELP and PROTECTION while RUNNING ERRANDS, this being LIBERTARIAN RUSSIA after all.

DERANGED HISTORIAN is WILLING to do DANGEROUS STUFF.

[Zixinus]

The company account you gave the customer is empty. You have not CONTACTED the CUSTOMER about THIS but the MONEY should be THERE already.

Instead of screaming obscenity, make furrow and deeply disappointed expression.

ATTEMPT to CONTACT CLIENT regardless.

ASK DERANGED HISTORIAN whether he will BEHAVE and willing to HELP ME, with FIGHTING if NECESSARY. I can use SOME HELP and PROTECTION while RUNNING ERRANDS, this being LIBERTARIAN RUSSIA after all.

DERANGED HISTORIAN is WILLING to do DANGEROUS STUFF.

Say "We'll, that's certain for sure. Are you willing to do it to the benefit of TEAM L.A.M.E.?"

[Simon_Jester]

STOP MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST from RANTING ABOUT PARTS. I don't have a notepad with me, getting repair stuff is a later priority (right now, we need to get the Ravenstar and ourselves to our hangar) and we don't know what repair capacities we have in our hangar.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST was not RANTING ABOUT PARTS.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST was MAKING LISTS on AVAILABLE PAPER taken from the HASTILY CLEANED PUKE STAINED BAG OF SUPPLIES he had with him before being ENLISTED into this MAGNIFICENT CRAZINESS.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST is not DERANGED ENOUGH to think that LISTS OF PARTS take precedence over issues such as FOOD, SHELTER, and NOT GETTING SHOT FULL OF BULLETS. But they do need to GET DONE EVENTUALLY, and he can't think of anything BETTER to do off the TOP of his HEAD.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST asks if ZIXINUS has a better IDEA. If so, he will OBEY THE MUSTACHE. If not, he goes on to CONTINUE WORK ON LISTS, while THINKING DARK THOUGHTS as follows:

The company account you gave the customer is empty. You have not CONTACTED the CUSTOMER about THIS but the MONEY should be THERE already.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST is still VAGUELY CONFUSED about the AUSTRALIANS' MOTIVES in attempting to GET MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE DESTROYED for NO OBVIOUS REASON.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST is already quite SUSPICIOUS of Australians, for HIGHLY NONSPECIFIC REASONS. Infers that there NEVER WAS an actual CUSTOMER planning to fly on the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE, and that the AUSTRALIANS were just trying to make sure we all DIED IN A FIRE as quickly as possible.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST is disappointed.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST was hoping to get a trip to the moon as a TEAM LAME EMPLOYEE.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST hopes we can find OTHER CUSTOMERS to ride our MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST quietly puts TWO, TWO, TWO, and TWO together and gets a NUMBER somewhere between SEVEN and NINE.

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST concludes that besides ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL US, the AUSTRALIANS are behind a number of other acts of BASTARDY in the modern world.

If and only if MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST is invited to DISCUSS AUSTRALIAN CONSPIRACY, he will hold forth at some length on the subject. His explanation is KIND OF DISTURBING, yet SCARILY PLAUSIBLE.

[Zixinus]

Spoiler

Simon, keep in mind that I was writing that BEFORE PeZook made the next instalment. I was writing it while I thought we were still in the open, about to get the Ravenstar towed in. Right now, I'm in a bank and trying to not shout at a client who promised a deposit.

[doom3607]

Spoiler

Where am I? Just a ways off at the airport? If I am, the following is what I do. If not, disregard the insanity.

When the insane Cthulhu cultist's lightning gun is succesfully summoned, charge the Ravenstar's hangar, firing wildly at anyone the Cultist sees within 30 meters of him in an act of utter lunacy, as is his nature. The unbelievers must die, for the glory and amusement of Cthulhu!

[Simon_Jester]

If CULTIST attempts a second attack on the hangar:

MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST invokes power of FUCKER MAXWELL. He does this by throwing a BUCKET OF FILTHY WATER from COMBAT JANITOR'S extensive CLEANING OPERATIONS at FILTHY STOWAWAY CULTIST.

BUCKET OF FILTHY WATER strikes FILTHY STOWAWAY CULTIST and his RIDICULOUS LIGHTNING GUN. If the RIDICULOUS LIGHTNING GUN ever had any chance of actually WORKING, it will DISCHARGE ALL OVER CULTIST, much like the BUCKET OF FILTHY WATER has done. Resulting ELECTROCUTION OF CULTIST solves the problem.

Spoiler

Simon, keep in mind that I was writing that BEFORE PeZook made the next instalment. I was writing it while I thought we were still in the open, about to get the Ravenstar towed in. Right now, I'm in a bank and trying to not shout at a client who promised a deposit.

Spoiler

The DARK THOUGHTS bit stands- one of the reasons MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST is MILDLY DERANGED is his belief in the Great Australian Conspiracy.

Likewise the explanation of what he's trying to do and why- making sure we have a comprehensive description of repair parts and things is the most useful thing he can think of to do at the moment that he has at least vaguely relevant skills for. But he'd happily pitch in with other, more urgent tasks if anyone working on them needs a hand.

[doom3607]

Spoiler

"Ridiculous lightning gun" is not human technology. It's Yithian.

[Simon_Jester]

Spoiler

The RIDICULOUS LIGHTNING GUN being made by YITHIANS does not make it less RIDICULOUS. Its RIDICULOSITY is proven by the fact that I am RIDICULING it, so there.

ASSUMING, in any case, that it is in point of fact a LIGHTNING GUN as opposed to SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY.

If CULTIST is actually present and the LIGHTNING GUN is not just a FIGMENT OF HIS WARPED IMAGINATION, then after ELECTROCUTING him with BUCKET OF FILTHY WATER from COMBAT JANITOR, MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST will TAKE the LIGHTNING GUN and EXAMINE IT. There will be much "hmming" at this point.

[Scottish Ninja]

STUMBLE ACROSS an IDEA in the FRONT WINDOW of an EYEGLASS SHOP. CALL MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST.

"Can you make laser cannon for Ravenstar?"

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY will rest in HANGAR'S ACCOMMODATIONS. After a GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP, REPAIR GUY will resume REPAIRING SPACEPLANE.
Spoiler

The guy has been working non-stop for hours, he needs rest or he'll keel over.

[Simon_Jester]

STUMBLE ACROSS an IDEA in the FRONT WINDOW of an EYEGLASS SHOP. CALL MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST.

"Can you make laser cannon for Ravenstar?"

Spoiler

Curses, he's on to my mad schemes!

My response will wait until the next PeZook post, because I need to know what my character is doing before I know how he replies.

[FaxModem1]

REPAIR GUY hears the words 'LASER CANNON' and immediately wake up. Now energized by the idea of LASERS, REPAIR GUY gets to work on REPAIRING SPACEPLANE.

[FaxModem1]

Also, REPAIR leaps to SCIENTIST's DEFENSE on PART priority, considering how often we have to run for our lives.

[Simon_Jester]

REPAIR GUY does not hear LASER CANNON unless REPAIR GUY can hear MILDLY DERANGED PHYSICIST'S phone conversation with EXTREMELY RUSSIAN PERSON.

[FaxModem1]

In that case, REPAIR GUY enjoys dream.

[Force Lord]

Say "We'll, that's certain for sure. Are you willing to do it to the benefit of TEAM L.A.M.E.?"

Does RIDICULOUS MILITARY SALUTE, says "JA!"

[Shroom Man 777]

FINDS the UNEXPECTED PASSENGER SLEEPING AFTER RECEIVING HORRIBLE BITE WOUNDS FROM GUARD DOGS

PUTS A PILLOW ON HIS FACE

STAB FACE REPEATEDLY WITH A TURD KNIFE

LIKE SO



Start at :20

ELECTRIC GUITAR RIFFS

[PeZook]

No time for anything more detailed so:

Your SUPPOSED CUSTOMER has NO IDEA of any CONTRACT. ZIXINUS is TRANSFERRED all AROUND the PLACE but NOBODY knows of any EMAILS about a MOON TRIP. They REQUEST you send then an OFFICIAL OFFER again so that they may CONSIDER it.

Also, ETERNAL FREEDOM's CREDIT ACCOUNT has RECEIVED a NOTICE of IMMINENT BLOCKAGE due to LARGE and UNPRECEDENTED purchases that AMEX cannot VERIFY with the OWNER.

The ISSUE of LASER CANNONS is a COMPLICATED one with MANY FACETS from POWER through MOUNTING all the way to the MECHANISM ITSELF.

The CULTIST has not APPEARED yet. He is in a PLACE without TIME and SPACE that SMELLS of VERY LARGE FISH.

REPAIR GUY manages to SECURE some WIRING and do a FINE JOB replacing MOST of the BURNED OUT THINGIES. The only SEATS you can FIND are MISMATCHED and OLD and not NEARLY as ERGONOMICAL and come form and old TUPOLEV AIRLINER. They will REQUIRE lots of ADJUSTMENT to FIT but are ALMOST FREE, when DISCOUNTING the PAY of the OLD SCAVENGING HOBO living at the AIRPORT. Which can be made in CHEAP VODKA that IVAN IVANOV seems to have an ENDLESS supply of.