Freeform Infocom Game

[Thirdfain]

Summon Keira Knightley

[generator_g1]

Put away Ipod and accessories in storage first and continue on with quest.

[Zablorg]

But not before killing Kiera Knightley and using our new unexplained powers of the most unholy deities to ressurect her as a skeletal minion, proceeding to merge Kiera and Marauder together to form an unspeakable horror.

[Questor]

Thirdfain's blowup doll appears, dressed as Elizabeth from Pirates.

>|

[JointStrikeFighter]

Enact software measures to prevent stupid ideas.

[Questor]

OOC: Why? If I run into anything that won't work, I'll give them an "Invalid Action," have the Longsword of Logic insult them, have WHORES bite them, do what I just did, or all four.

IC:

As the Thirdfain's blowup doll is not alive, it cannot be killed.

Undead minion is not changed.

You put away your iPod and speakers.

Should you continue to town, or return to the monster nest?

>|

[Jaepheth]

"Mary, even with a magic helm and sword, I feel ill-equipped to face a nest of fiends with more heads than tails. So unless thou should have some armor with you, I propose we travel to town so that I may purchase some armor."

Attempt to combine undead minion and imac to create a gruesome undead cybernetic minion that can browse the internet, play music, check e-mail, and send/receive video and sound remotely via your iPod. Summon hydraulics, composite armor, and miscellaneous other electronics, doodads and/or casting runes as needed.

EDIT: before going to town. Attempt to summon powered armor.

[Questor]

Your sword screams, "You fucking moron, I can barely take this as it is and you have to go and do something like that. You've already been told that dark rites don't work on things that aren't, or weren't alive. By what twisted, moronic leap of insanity did you think that you could combine a computer and a fucking skeleton?"

It then proceeds to beat you senseless with the flat of its blade.

WHORES eats all the items you have summoned, other than the computer, the iPod, and the speakers.

WHORES grows boney plates over its shoulders.

Mary says, "Perhaps we should proceed to the town, after you have recovered your senses."

Edit to add: You have gained powered armor.

>|

[Zablorg]

Your sword screams, "You fucking moron, I can barely take this as it is and you have to go and do something like that. You've already been told that dark rites don't work on things that aren't, or weren't alive. By what twisted, moronic leap of insanity did you think that you could combine a computer and a fucking skeleton?"

Actually mister Logic, we weren't "told" that dark rites worked or didn't work on anything at all.

CONCESSION ACCEPTED

[Questor]

You're right.

Longsword of logic swears at storyteller and beats him senseless too.

"You fucking idiot, read what you wrote, not what you intended to write. How many times do I have to tell you that your memory is not perfect. You fucking moron, you idiotic hatfucker, why can't you read your own frigging post? And by the way, finish your damned reply before you hit the fucking submit button, you cock-smoking donkey fucker!"

Edit: (I do see the irony, but I'm a perfectionist.) Fixed spelling.

Longsword of Logic continues to beat storyteller.

"Didn't I tell you to finish the damn post before hitting the button, DIDN'T I FUCKING TELL YOU!"

>|

[Hawkwings]

Ignore the Longsword of Logic's rantings.

Don powered armor.

[Zablorg]

Aaah, but the Marauder wasn't alive, was he? We killed him stone dead. Plus, the computer unless I'm very much mistaken, is not and was never alive either.

[Jaepheth]

Proceed to town.

On the way summon parchment and pen and start a shopping list.

Add "carts of straw" and "barrels of tallow and/or tar" to the list.
Add "more matches" and/or "a tinderbox" to the list.
Add "bow and quiver of arrows" to the list
Add "strips of cloth" to the list
Add note "When arriving in town, remember to have gems appraised by several dealers before selling them (if available)"

Look up the following on the internet:
1. Google maps' satellite image of the monster's cave. Ask Sir Mary if the map is up to date.
2. The rules regarding summoning.
3. The rules regarding necromancy and dark rites
4. The latest news on Stardestroyer.net
5. Porn
0. modulus 6 math
1. see if a walkthrough is available.

[Questor]

Aaah, but the Marauder wasn't alive, was he? We killed him stone dead. Plus, the computer unless I'm very much mistaken, is not and was never alive either.

But the marauder HAD been alive, see below, which I did tell you:

The summoning, I think, came up before the dark arts, and are therefore different.

dark rites don't work on things that aren't, or weren't alive.

You don the powered armor.

1. Sir Mary says that the maps are up to date, and you notice that the lair seems to be a tunnel structure.

2. Your summoning powers are granted by the Longsword of Logic, and the only limits seem to be the ones that the sentient sword imposes. The sword is rapidly losing its sanity due to being in such an illogical setting. Soon it may not be any more sane than a typical denizen of Stardestroyer.net.

3. You can perform dark rites on anything that was recently living or was animated by dark rites.

4. http://bbs.stardestroyer.net

4a. Recursion is fun.

5. Not posting here.

0. The storyteller knows what modulus means, and thinks you are hilarious.

1. The only walkthrough existed when I started this, but that went out the window when the storyteller made a typo and substituted the word "knight" for "night." The actual planned plot was going to be reminiscent of the old Final Flamewar games, but now he's improvising.

>|

EDIT: What the hell's wrong with me, I even used preview that time. Inserted quote. Got link right.

[Zablorg]

Okay, so dark rites cannot be performed on anything living at any point...

and at the same time can be performed on the recently dead. Okie doke.


Proceed to town. Place sword in recuperation ward and go to the allpurpose shop to sell baubles.

[Questor]

Its a double negative, which is bad. It should mean that they only work on things that were once alive.

In the shop, you are offered 50,000 quatloonies for the baubles.

Compare with shops around this one, bargin, or accept?

>|

[Zablorg]

Compare with shops around this one. Also enter bookshop and search for books on sword therapy.

[Questor]

Most shops seem to offer around 150,000 quatloonies, one offers 200,000.

You find a book. Your Sentient Sword and You, for 200 qtl.

>|

[Jaepheth]

sell gems for 200,000 quatloonies.

Go to the book store and skim through Your Sentient Sword and You to verify it is indeed about magical bladed weaponry, and not a sex-ed book.

[Questor]

You have gained 200,000 quatloonies.

Your Sentient Sword and You is indeed about magical bladed weapons, and even has an entire section on aiding them in situations that are contrary to their natures.

>|

[Jaepheth]

Wander around the store and read through Your Sentient Sword and You while shopping for other books.

Search for books of interest. (especially magic books)

Ask the shopkeeper if he has a copy of the Necronomicon.

[Questor]

You find a book on magic runes, and another on enchanting armor. There is also a book on magic spells, but it costs 2,000,000 quatloonies.

The shopkeeper does not have a copy of the Necronomicon.

>|

[Zablorg]

Ponder the implications of cheap books in the context of a medieval setting.

Proceed with shopping list.

[Enigma]

Sell everything including Sir Quinton and leave your self naked. Sell them all for one quatloonie.

[generator_g1]

After shopping around and resupplying your inventory, proceed to local bar to listen for any new information regarding your quest.

Get a drink from the barman and ask if there has been any mysterious / odd things happening.