Dwarf Fortress: TallLabored Strikes the Earth! (sign ups)

[born in shadow]

The HitchHikers guild, to Dwarf Fortess!!!
(details to come)

I love it!

No chance I can have your man babies?

Also, a small side question, manage any neat mega-projects?

-Aaron

[Crossroads Inc.]

It begins, thusly:
=========

PART ONE

At long last, things where safe. The planet Krikket was at peace, the
Galaxy was safe, the Universe was safe.

That is at least what most of the residents within the Galaxy believed
when they where told that, moments after the Slo-Time enveloping
Krikket was turned off and the release of the horrible Krikket war
machine was about to once more be unleashed, the whole nasty affair
had been set right by the President of the Galaxy, a resident from the
vicinity of Betelgeuse, a very old man, and two primitive ape decedents.

In truth a number of rather peculiar events has transpired. Marvin the
paranoid android had successfully pacified nearly all of the hideous
Krikket robots. Trillian and Arthur had spoken with HACTAR and later
dispersed him. And Zaphod Beeblebrox, and Ford Prefect, had retired to
the now restored “Heart of Gold”

What was curious is that slightly before Arthur Dent had requested to go
back to return The Ashes ((the burnt remains of a stump symbolizing the
death of English Cricket)) A single remaining Krickket warship had
appeared and destroyed the starship Bistromath before anyone could
board. Forced to retreat to the Heart of Gold, they demanded a very
brash and very stupid thing from the ships computer. Zaphod was
obvious the one behind it.

“Computer!”

“Hi guys! This is Eddi your—“

“Shut up and listen! There’s a Krikket warship out there and we need to
get away from it now!”

“Sounds swell! Where can I take you?”

“We don’t Care! Just take us somewhere the ship can’t get to! Anywhere!”
“You got it!”
“Zaphod Wait! Is that a good id--”

It is at this point that it should be noted that what the computer knew,
and Zaphod did not, is that there is really no place within a Galaxy safe
from a Krikket warship. Obviously, there was only one choice of action...
END INTRODUCTION

((cue music“Journey of the Sorcerer”))

"Out on the outer Eastern arm of a small unassuming galaxy, the once majestic Starship "Heart of Gold" screamed through the skies, hurtling to a primitive world. It was in a bad way, The ship had, through an impossible task, carried itself not just through Hyperspace but several alternate dimension, the world it now rocketed too was one of ancient times, of great deeds, and, of almost certain Death.

"We are all going to Die!" Arthu screamed as he hung onto a railing.. Ford clasped a chair on the bridge as he looked around.
"Nonsense! Every time you have ever said that we have always turned out ok, isn't that right Trillian!"
"Yes, but well.." The ship lurched, everyone looked around..Zaphod slammed back booze..
"The thursters are almost out, if we land, we may never take off again, and I dont liek the looks of our landing site." The ship lurched again as Ford tried to reach for the stabilizers.

"Computer!"
"High there! this is Eddie your shipbored ocmputer and I just know-"
"give me a read out of our likely landing-
"Crashing ford..."
"Our likely 'crashing' site"
"You got it buddy!" The computer chirped as a rocky and rather unpleasant mapp appeared.


"Well this is it everyone! Were coming in for our final approach!"
"Ford, I, I love you Ford.."
"Thank you Arthur, I, love you too..."
"It will all end in tears, I just know it..."
"I wish I was back working on Fjords, I really do."
"Yippie! Grab me that Kill-O-Zap over there! this looks like its going to be fun!"

"Hang on everyone! for good or for bad, were STRIKING THE EARTH!"

[Crossroads Inc.]

It has been said the given time, even the most improbable of events, no matter how unlikely, will eventually take place...

"What a crash, my head is spinning Ford." Arthur moaned as he along with the others walked away from the crashed Heart of Gold.
"You think you have problems, Ive got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side" whined Marvin as he picked up a supply crate.
"Now look both of you, were safe for the moment, we Have food and supplies from the ship, we just need to work on a place to stay till we can get the ship fixed." Ford said, trying to reassure them.
"Easier said then done, the ships Improbability drive is damaged, and were going to need a lot of pure gold to fix it." Trillian mentioned as suddenly the alarms went off..

"Fetid Photon! What is that racket! Computer!
"Hi there! I just want to say what a thrill it was crashing with you guys and how happy I was to be a part of it! Unfortunately it seems the ship ruptured a fuel line and seems to be leaking quite a bit of Radiation... Golly! Im terribly embarrassed you guys!"

"Radiation? Arthur! Ford! Everyone! We have got to get out of here! Hurry!" Trillan grabbed what she could as the others made a break for it. All too soon 5 scurrying humanoids and one terminally depressed Android exited from the now rather poisonous Heart Of Gold. Just as they left they could hear Eddy over a loudspeaker..

"Dont worry about me guys! Ive already got decontamination process going on in side the ship! should only take about five to ten years! Nothing to worry about fellas!"

Everyone stopped suddenly, looking at each other in shock.. Slartibartfast sighed and sat down in the soft grass.
"This, is what I get for helping to save the Galaxy? No sense of justice at all, Whats the sense in that...
"Fice to ten years Ford! What are we going to do!"
"Nothing we can do Arthur, Don't look so glum, we survived prehistoric Earth for almost five years, how much worse can this be?"
Arthur nodded sagely as the looked around the small valley.

"What I want to know is who else is on this planet.. Eddy picked up quite a few number of primitive settlements on the way down.. Id say this is perhaps more Medieval Earth rather then Prehistoric" Trillan spoke as she looked over a scanning device, one of the few pieces she managed to grab on the way out. "And, it looks like something, or someone is up ahead"
Arthur and Ford looked up
"Oh yes, the scanner does seem to be picking up something."
"Look there, in the distance, it looks like a wagon of sorts,"
"I can see someone moving, Fetid Photon, what are we going to do!"
"Theres six of us, if you can count Marvin, well sneak up a check things out." Ford spoke up as they cautiously approached.

"Alright there! Whoever you are come out! no funny tricks!" Shouted Zaphod as they crouched behind a boulder.
"Who do you think you are? Interrupting an Archeologist like that!" A voice rang out from the other-side.
"That voice, I know that voice" Arthur said suddenly as he stood up.

"Lintilla!"
"Arthur!"

"Why, after we left Grontathor, I never thought I would see you!" Arthu said rushing forward.
"You know her Arthur?"
"Of course! she and her, ah, 'sisters' saved me on that blasted bird planet. But, what are you doing here Lintilla?"
"Hiding, the Galactic police was determined to hunt down and nullify all of my clones, I gathered what few survivors I could and escaped in an emergency Infinite Importability drive."
"No wonder you ended up in such a wierd place" Arthur sighed"

"Weird? I find it fascinating! Ive been here over a year and have discovered some of the most amazing sites! I was just about to start excavating this valley when I found you and your friends, here be usefull and grab a pick ax to help!"
"Not me thank you, Ive had my fill of caves." Arthur said.
"Oh come on Arthur, here i'll help" Trillan said
"Why not, It will give us something to do for now" For said picking up a pickax as well.

"Wonderful! Ive got some more supplies in my wagon here, we really should start setting up a site, and, make it a bit protected and fortified, these are not friendly lands"

"Why is it, no mater where I go, NO ONE is happy to see me" he sighed

[The Yosemite Bear]

I offer myself as your pet warbear should your hunters ever catch and train one.

[Crossroads Inc.]

"OK So is everyone here?"

"Alright then Lets get started"

All too soon, Trillan and Lintilla began to dig into the soft soil around the valley.. Lintillas wagon was full of supplies and native foods that should be moved indoors as quick as possible. Marvin, much against what he wanted to do, had been persuaded to start hacking at the trees in the small valley for building materials.
"I won't like it of course,"
"You don't have to like it, just do it!"
"Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and what do they have me do? Chopping trees, hell of a job for an robot if you ask me, no sense at all."

Meanwhile, Trillan and Lintilla, against all odds, actually seemed to be enjoying themselves.
"I have to say, Im quite enjoying myself, what was it, Trillian?"
"Well you are an archeologist, I'd say digging was in your blood."
"Yes but this is different, were not just uncovering the past, but digging a future!"

"Speak for yourself, the both of you" piped up Arthur" Ive had quite enough of caves and I'll be happy when I can sleep inside a nice building again" The others just chuckled as Arthur and Slartibartfast gathered what foods the could find in the small valley.


As they filled up their first meager stockpile with food, Ford looked around. "You know Arthur does have a point, we really should start getting together some sort of shelter for the night, at least something so we wont be out in the cold."
"I heartily agree with your Ford, Marvin? Could you start moving those rocks over there?"
"Ah, mindtaxing time again..."
"Oh please come on Marvin, you are a robot, and are the strongest of us."
"Oh ok, but Im not going to like it."

Soon enough, with Marvins strong, if depressed efforts, a simple rock shelter began to take shape.


For the first few nights they slept there. Occasionally Ford and Aurthur scouted around the area, always on watch for anyone else who might show up, friend or foe... Trillan and Lintilla had begun to get along quite nicely digging out more storerooms into the hillside as Slartibartfast had slowly begun to enjoy having a quiet life for once. Only Zaphod remained restless, itching for something more exciting. Eventually something more exciting did happen in the form of Arthur and Ford returning with some debris from the ship.
"Are you sure it isnt dangerous at all? The rest of the ship is full of radiation rigt now"
"I ran it through the scan-o-matic, its quite safe, seems it came off before the leak happend"
"But why bring it back? what use is it?"
"Thin metal tubing? Some copper pots and, most improbable of all, some unbroken glass jars? Zaphod, friend of friends, you and I both need something.. somethign we haven't got since we crashed here!"
Zaphods heads seemed to light up for a moment as he seized the long coiled tubing.
"Your right! I know what I need, I know what we BOTH need!"
A very Stiff DRINK!


And so it was, that all too soon, the firs shelter, the place they could sleep and rest, was entirely given over to the fermentation of sugers...

PS: nuts to anyone else not enjoying this just because the sdnetters havn't arrived yet.. IM having a ball with it!

[born in shadow]

No need to be glum, I'm filled with giddy and glee already

-Aaron

[The Yosemite Bear]

they have an outdoor still, their REDNECK DWARVES!!!

[Crossroads Inc.]

they have an outdoor still, their REDNECK DWARVES!!!

Ah see thats where you are wrong! As of now, theres not a Single Dwarf in the game! We have two humans, a coastline designer, an ex-Galactic president, a visitor from Betelgeuse and a paranoid Android... No dwarfs... YET!

[Crossroads Inc.]

Working on next post.. Hoping not to move to fast here.

[Crossroads Inc.]

As the days passed, the brave shipwrecked crew of the Heart of Gold slowly, albeit reluctantly, into a simpler existence with the universe... The wood was gathered up and placed in a newly dug stockpile. The smells of fermented sugers filled the air as Zaphod labored away at the only thing he seemed to be good at, making alcohol...

Arthur and Trillian meanwhile had just finished stacking the last of the wood...
"Well I gues we wont be going cold when winter comes.. Still I don't know what else to do with the stuff."
"Nor I Aurthur, Shame theres not a Carpenter among us."
"I can do it..." sulked Marvin suddenly
"You? Since when you do you know anythign about woodworking?"
"I have a Brain the size of a planet, I have data and instructions on how to construct virtually anything in existance."
"Goodness Marvin, why didnt you ever tell us!"
"You never asked..."

All too soon Marvin had picked up a bundle of wood, with the speed that only a Machine of infinite complexity could do, Marvins hands moved with a blur as in a matter of moments a barrel seemed to rize from the wood..
"Marvin! Thats incredable!"
"Its rubbish if you ask me... Of course no one ever dose, So I dont know why I keep talking.. Oh god Im so depressed..."

Construction on woodworking

Meanwhile, Arthur had gone up to see Ford at a pond over looking the valley.

"Explain this to me again Ford?"
"Look, bad things always happen to us"
"That seems to go without saying"
"Exactly, and say, having this pond burst and flood the valley, would be a bad thing"
"Well yes, I wouldn't want it happening Ford"
"Precisely, which means sooner or later its bound to happen! Probably when we least need it. So the only thing to do is get it out of the way now when were ready for it!"
"but Im not ready- Ford what are you, ahhhhh!!!"

And down into the pond Arthur went, a few moments later it burst open, flooding the valley.

As the water, and incidentally Arthur dent came spilling out of the pond.. a small turtle bellow happened to look up...

"Oh no.. Not again" was curiously the only thing that went through its head before Aurthur landed on it with a wet Squish.

Several days latter.. as the valley was still drying out from Fords moment of inspiration... Lintilla and Trillian had, at last, dug a more permanent sleeping area for the castaways. Seemingly since every building they had thus far constructed seemed to inexplicable get filled with work of some type.. Marvin had, still to the amazement of everyone except Zaphod Bebblebrox who had become obsessed with brewing everything possible under the sun, churned out all manor of wooden objects, Barrels, doors, bins, and, to the infinite comfort of Arthur, and everyone else..
Beds.

"Good night Earthman"
"Good night Slarti old friend"

"Night Zaphod"
"Night Ford"

"Good night Trillian, always nice working with you"
"Night Lintilla, hope some day I meet some of your better halfs."
"Oh, I hope so too.."

And so, another day was passed...

[Crossroads Inc.]

((cue music“Journey of the Sorcerer”))
The Regular Early Morning Yell of Horror...
"YEEAAAARRRGGGHH!!!"
...Awoke Arthur from his sleep, reminding him where he was.
"I remember THAT shierk" he said, rubbing his eyes as Slartibartfast already gathered his tools for the early morning work.
"I must say Earth man, you seem to be taking this rather well, you, well, You've settled down very much since the time I first met you."
Arthur simply smiled.
"Living on Prehistoric Earth for a few years will have that effect on you... After putting up with that, to the point of a Rabbit bone in my beard... This so far is a cakewalk."
Slarti and Arthur chuckled, heading out into the early morning dawn.

Still in his sleeping quarters, Zaphod tossed and turned.
"You really should get up Zaphod, theres no point in just trying to stay in all day, its not good for you!"
"Whats the point man! The ships Clonkered, and we are here stuck in a dirt cave on these cold beds and I haven't had a single Floopy day since we crashed here!"
"Things are bound to pick up Zaphod, here, have some breakfast." Ford said, passing him a crude wooden cup filled with a "stiff drink"
"Thanks Ford," -gluggg- "Ah, Days always go a bit better with you around, lets go brew some more booze!"

Two individuals currently NOT involved with the subject of intoxication had been up far before the others, busily at work in the mine shaft. Trillian and Lintilla had been following, at least to Lintillas eyes, was a curious rock formation in the shaft...

"There it is again, the stone here, feel how warms Its getting."

"Oh yes! Fascinating really!"
"Fascinating? A bit terrifying to me... If the stone is this warm, and were deep in the mountain, well I can only image we are close to a magma pocket." Trillian stopped suddenly and backed off from the steaming stone.
"Well digging into a Volcano isn't any good, Still, we might be able to use this to our advantage... If we hit in the right spot we could come out on top, instead of taking a very quick and very terminal hot bath." Lintilla nodded her head in aggrement.
"Sounds good, but I don't want to be mucking about not knowing where to dig..."
Trillian thought a moment...
"Marvin! oh Marvin! I have some very important work for you!"

The Android looked up from where he was currently hauling rocks and sighed.
"More important then the last task? I can hardly wait." Marvin sulked as he trudged into the cave.
"Here Marvin, just dig up a bit, right there, just a little bit." Trillian offered, handing him a pickax, before she and Lintilla stepped well away...
Marvin hit with a might wack of stone, digging easily up into the glassy rock. There was a loud crumble as he lifted himself up through a hole.
"Did you find something Marvin?" Lintilla asked excitedly


"If by something, you mean an immense pool of boiling rock, then yes, I have" Marvin sighed from above.
"This is fantastic Trillian! if we dig right, we can use that magma for heating the place, melting some of the minerals we've found here! Why almost anything!"
Before the two could celebrate too much, Marvin shouted again from above.
"I think you should also know there is a very curious creature up here, and it doesn't seemed pleased with my Presence... Can't say I blame it really."

Lintilla and Trillian looked up suddenly as a blast of flame wooshed down from the hole in the ceiling.
"MARVIN!" they both cried together as they raced to pull him down... The robot seemed alit with flame before it slwoly faded as they carried him, peering back to see an angry red head poke itself down from the hole.
"Quick! Lintilla! Strike that support there hurry!"
Lintilla gave a fierce blow to the side of the wall causing a sudden shower of stone from above. They could hear a shierk and a muffled thud as the hole, and agma pit, was sealed up well and good.

"Marvin! oh Marvin speak to me! Are you ok?"

"It would seem my right leg has melted slightly, and I think some of my chest plates have become fused.. But don't let that bother you, not that it ever dose..."
"Oh Marvin, lets get you out of here and get you some rest"

Meanwhile in the valley, things were about to get equally 'interesting'

Arthur and Slartibartfast had spent the morning tilling the slowly growing plants outside when Arthur noticed something amiss...
"The can of olive oil Slarti, have you seen it? Its one of the few things I grabbed from the ship before it was sealed!"
"AH yes, but I can't recall seeing it at all since we woke up."
Arthur began to look around in a panic, the can was one of the few things he truely treasured and it was no where to be found..
"Wait, look there! in the grass, I would swear I saw something."
"Oh yes, It is as if trying to look right at it, it seems to vanish."
Arthur knew what this was, he had dealt with this sort of thing before... He squinted his eyes, looking away from the shimmering the glass. He let his mind creep on it slowly, when suddenly he saw it all at once.

"THIEF!" shouted Arthur as he tore off running at once.
"You, you miserable, whatever you are! Come back here this instant!"

The others gathered as Arthur gave chase, never having seen the Earth man move so quickly before.
"Arthur! let it go! Its just an old can!"
"Its the last can of olive oil in the whole Universe Ford! And its not getting away!

Up the Hill he gave chase, the small rodent like creature shuffling just ahead of him. Finally with a tremendous leap, he caught it by the ankles, dragging it back!
"Got ya! now give it back!"
"Glvrk Lvrnk mnrokc blax!" The creature glarbbled as it pulled a large knife and the stunned Arthur.

Fighting for his life now Arthur grabbed and wrestled with the creature, the two of the tumbling back down the hill. With a sudden Thud, Arthur felt the creature go still, the knife in its back.


Ford and the other caught up to him panting as Arthur looked down.
"I didn't mean to kill it Ford, I, I just wanted my can back."
"Its ok Arthur, you didn't have a choice, but it looks like we need to be more careful around here.. I'll see about putting up a wall."
Arthur nodded and sighed, picking up his now slightly dented, but still treasured can as he looked up.

"I saw, Ford, Zaphod, do you see that? Theres people up there! People!"

===========================================

Next Epasode! The strange people of "Sednet Fortress" meet up with our shipwrecked hero's!!!

[Master_Baerne]

If it's not too late, I'd love to have a dwarf named after me.

[Crossroads Inc.]

((cue music “Journey of the Sorcerer” ))

High atop the hill on the other side of the river. Ford and Arthur watched a wagon approaching. Trillian and Lintilla raced up behind them.
"Who is it Arthur? Can you make them out?"
"No not at all, they look, very small though. But look, ther 's two or three normal sized people coming along with them."

Trillan and Lintilla caught up with them now, Lintilla pulling out a small handheld telescope.
"Its Lintilla! Its my Clones" Arthur looked to her suddenly.
"Your Clones? You said they had gone off somewhere."
"Yes! and they are back, with help it looks like!" Lintilla said as she made toward the approaching wagon.

"Whats this all about Arthur?"
"Didn't you listen to me earlier Ford? There used to be millions of clones of Lintilla, now it looks like theres only a few left. I don't know about you, but we'll be glad to have some more of her around." Arthur said and gave chase.

It wasn't long before the rest of the shipwrecked crew met up woth the Other Lintillas, as well as some , curious, migrants.

"Dwarves? Is that true Lintilla?"
"I'm quite sure of it Lintilla, me and Lintilla have spent the last few months along these mountains and aside from Snakemen, Lizerdmen, Goatmen and a host of other beastly people, it seems 'Dwarfs' are the predominate lifeform in this area. These Five have been traveling from one of the local kingdoms, apparently.." She said, leaning toward Lintilla closer now "Apparently, they came after seeing a great falling star, a strong Omen to them.

The leader of the five stout Dwarfs stepped forward, in front of him Ford, Arthur, Zaphod, Slartibardfast and Trillian. The Lintillas, all four of them, now reunited chatted excitedly next to the group.

"Ahoy thar! I am Mr.Bean! I have come from the Mountain home of Glorious SedNet with my crew, we have come seeking those that fell from the stars! It has been fortold they shall lead us to the Blood of Armok!" the stout Dwarf spoke as behind him, "Rawtooth" "Karza" "Samuel" and "loomer" looked on. Ford looked to Arthur, who looked to Trillian.


"I think they might be talking about the Magma, here let me talk to them."
She said as she approached a 6th Dwarf, one who Lintilla had said would be returning back to the Kingdom the others had come from.


The two talked quickly and as the others listened it became clear that these Dwarfs saw basic Volcanic lava, as a holy and worshiped force, it was known as the "The Blood of Armok" their fiercest God. And where ever it was found, Dwarf Cities soon popped up.

"You mean to tell me they plan on building a city here?"
"Well not yet, it starts with a small town first."
"But theres no room, where are they going to stay?" From bellow, a "Mr.loomer" spoke up.
"We are Dwarfs! we live in the bones of the mountain! You live in the light! We live in the dark, we are 'Endarkend' after all." He said as behind him, his cohorts quickly grabbed shovels and pickaxes, and sped into the cave.

"Well would you look at that Ford! They don't hang around do they!"
"Seems so, Holy Zarquon listen! They're already digging in the cave we opened up.


"They certainly seem at home with a pickax. Though they are a bit on the small size." Ford looked to Zaphod now who had a Drink in each arm.
"What do you think of all this eh Zaphod?"
"Hey man, I don't care what size these new cats are, as long as they brew better swill that what we've been cooking up." Ford nodded sagely, the distillery WAS Working, but the items they were currently distilling was not at all what they were used to.

While Zaphod and Ford discussed the finer points of Alcohol, The Lintillas, Trillan and the leader of the Dwarfs were discussing what had now offically been designated as "TallLabored" a new Dwarf outpost.
"These are dangerous times Tall ones, there are foul creatures about this world."
"Yes we know, just before you arrived my friend Arthur tackled a little fuzzy thing that tried making away with some of our gear.
"Aye that be a Kolbold, they be wee kittens compared ta some of the other things out there. Goblins, and even Orcs roam these hills, If ye insist on living out in the world of light, ye going to be deeding walks, an Lots of'em."

With that, it was generally agreed that time for thinking of rebuilding spaceships had finally ended, and the time fore thinking, in more mediaeval terms, had begun. Over the next few days. Two teams of people worked together, Dwarfs, Humans, Clones, and Residents from the vicinity of Betelgeuse, bound by a common will began construction of a fortified encampment.
The slow Construction however brought to terms another concern. Winter was approaching.


"Its colder and colder these days Ford, those berries and vegetables we've been growing won't last much longer."
"We've got meat at least, That "Bean" character is deadly with a Ax, he's brought down full sized animals out in the woods."
"Thats something at least, but we can't just be eating that all winter long, it isn't healthy."
"Kin I make a suggestion Tallies" The Dwarf known as "loomer" looked up at them, he appeared to be holding a large purple mushroom.
"We call'em Plump Helmets, they grow anywhere, in anything, these we grow underground even with ice and snow outside."
"Eh, Fair enough, but how do they taste?" Arthur asked to the Dwarf who grinned.
"Ask ye three armed friend over there, he been drinking'em for almost a week now.


Ford and Arthur sighed. Somethings never changed.

[Crossroads Inc.]

((cue music“Journey of the Sorcerer”))

It is a well-known fact that opposites attract. The Hitchhikers guide of the Galaxy has much to say on this subject. One of the thing it stats is that when two groups of differing people are forced together, quite often the more different they are, the easier they get along. Naturally this makes little logical sense when studied, but few people seem to care. Accuracy has never been a hallmark of The Guide after all.

Never the less it should be noted that the two groups of people who have indeed been forced to work together, one a group of psychotic, maladjusted, alcohol dependent and often deeply melancholy individuals, and the other, a team of Dwarfs.

Thus far the two have worked, relatively peacefully together. After several rounds of binge drinking, Zaphod Beebleebrox seemed to have impressed the locals. Trillian and the Lintillas continue to organize and plan most function, largely due to a lack of anyone with a high enough brain function to do so aside from Marvin who currently spends his day as he has always done. Sulking.

“Marvin? The Dwarfs say it’s vital we start work on this forge before winter sets in and we all really appreciate you helping us. You will help us right?” Spoke one of the Lintillas. Marvin gave her a glance that had billions of years behind it.
“Yes, but not out of any sort of personal obligation to your cause, but only because the continuation of menial labor, Any sort of labor at this point, helps to distract me form the numbing pain in all the diodes down my left side.” He sulked as he proceeded to cleave rock from rock with a fury that impressed all of the Dwarfs watching behind him.



“Aye look at it go!”
“Wish we had even one Golem like that back at the Mountainhomes, think of the work it could do!”
“Aye but its not a proper Golem, It’s a metal one, one of them “clockwork” golems. I read about them in the ancient texts.” Said Mr.Bean, the apparent Leader of the Dwarfs. This sparked their interests; they always seemed interested in ‘ancient texts’
“Theres only a handful of these “metal” golems, the StarPeople call them “Robots”. This brought a round of nods form the other Dwarfs, all them making an effort to appear knowledgeable without actually knowing anything on the topic at hand.

“Aye, What do they say of some of the others?
“It’s a bit vague, mostly only passing references. Oddly, one of the few well-recorded accounts has to do with other set of visitors from the stars.
“Oh? Do tell Mr.Bean. I canna recall anything like that before.” Spoke up “Rawtooth”
“Indeed so, A Human, a Cyclops and a metal golem, eh ‘Robot’ came in a great Green ship. There is little on what happened when they arrived; only that their ‘robot’ stole some of the greatest treasures of our ancient Kings.”



The Log of Mr.Bean The Grim
It has been almost two months since we have arrived and there is much to record. Winter has come in full force, the ice hangs from the trees outside and snow chills our bones. We are fortunate that with the help of the StarPeople, our future forge has been mined out. While it will not be till spring when we can let Armoks Blood flow into it, the heat from being so close warms us all. Even the StarPeople have moved underground for the winter with us as we draw heat from Armoks Blood.

Still I fear our food stocks may not last. There is beer to drink and dried fruit, but our meat is down to almost nothing. While the ground freezes outside and the Wolves roam the hills, there is meat to be had outside.

I fear not the cold or the chill, my Crossbow has served me well and shall see me through to bring back bounty to our new fortress.

Next Episode! The Saga of Mr.Bean vs the Wilderness!!!

[CaptainChewbacca]

Ye gods, its marvelous! I shall be waiting for each and every update expectedly.

[Crossroads Inc.]

((cue music“Journey of the Sorcerer”))

The depths of winter have come and gone.. The snows around the new walls of "TallLabored" slowly begin to receded as day by day life begins to come back into the surrounding country side..

Down bellow in the depths of what will become the newly designed forges, the Dwarfs along with Trillian and Lintilla plan out the tasks for the new year.

"Ach ye Big Jobs, first things first, its long past time we put Armoks Blood to get use and get these forges lit! There are veins of Copper, Iron and even some Silver round here we be eager to ge working on." Trillian nodded.

"Getting a functioning metalworks would certainly make things easier. We lost most of our tools and personal items on the Heart of--, eh, on our "SkyChariot" And I don't know abut the rest of you but I've sorely missed simple things like a good knife and fork." Lintilla nodded.

"Of course but it won't be that easy, there are some nasty little things actually, living n that Laval and I don't wan them getting into our settlement." Lintilla added as a Mr "Rawtooth" held up an hand.

"Leave that ta me matie, we've have been dealing with those beasties for thousands of years, the best way to keep'em out is with a good ol' grate" He said holding up some dark Red Stone.

"Bauxite! My word I didn't know there where deposits around here, where ever did you find this?" Lintilla asked examining the red Stone closely.

"During the Winter Mr.Bean found a small deposit on the far side of the mountain.. There isn't much, but it's enough to make some bars to keep out any unwanted guests."


By the end of the Day the bars were installed. Down in the carved out tunnels below the soon to be forge, Lintilla looked impressed.
"It's amazing to think in another day or so all of this will be full of Magma. Oh the heat it will give off will warm the whole Cave during the winter and we can finally begin to work on metals!" 'Rawtooth nodded'
"Aye indeed so, this place will become the living heart of this Fortress mark my words. We should let Mr.Bean know of this!" Lintilla looked up.
"That reminds me, I haven't seen him all day, he missed the meeting to, do oyu have any idea where he's gone off to?"

At the moment, Mr.Bean was deep in still cold woods.
All Winter he had been forced inside, living off meager rations and the small amount of food from the Plump Helmets.. Now at last he could hunt...


He had spotted a pair of Deer from across the woods, Crossbow in hand he let go the trigger, his bolts raced across and bored deep into the Deers flanks!!! But this was no easy kill. Wounded the Deer turned on him and charged forward! It's eyes red with rage as soon it closed the space between it and Mr.Bean.
"So Thats the way it's gonna be eh? Come and Get Some!" The Dwarf bellowed as the Deer bore down on him.


Suddenly in a fight for his life, Mr.Bean grabbed the Corssbow around, bring it hard down into the Deers upper sides, its antlers bored down into his chest and he could feel his ribs crack! The Dwarf struggled to keep the Deers deadly antlers from striking into his chest yet again and dodged a great strike form it's head. Fighting furiously he brought the Iron Crossbow down again and again against its body and then smashed into it's head.

With a slow lumbering THUD, the Deer finally gave into Pain and toppled over.


"Oh Look, eh, 'Rawtooth' was it? I think I see your 'Bean' fellow over there!" Lintilla remarked, the two of them working on adding Bauxite Mechanism to the main Drawbridge...
"Bloody Hell would ya look at that" Exclaimed the Dwarf as Mr.Bean hauled back his fresh Kill.
"What ye two gawking out? Theres fresh meat tonight and plenty more where that came from!" He said as without a second thought to his cracked ribs, he grabbed some bone bolts and headed back out into the woods. Lintilla gawked.

"You really are a rather resilient people aren't you?"
Rawtooth grinned..

====
Next Episode! Merchants arrive as well as an Evil Ambush!!!

[Crossroads Inc.]

((cue music“Journey of the Sorcerer”))

Spring had Come at last.

The HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the topic of "Spring"
For most LifeForms in the Galaxy, the season known as 'spring' tends to be one marked by new life and various celebrations. On Eprafax IIV the Grogrinnockrins have a planet wide celebration in which they slaughter over a hundred thousand of their herd-beasts in a bizarre and ritualistic cookout. Many such worlds practice similar celebrations as well. Indeed it was well known that the planet "Earth" up until it's Demolition for a Hyperspace Bypass, was widely regarded as being one of the best Planets in the Galaxy to experience "Spring".

Unfortunately for Arthur Dent and his companions, the planet they are currently stuck on is less known for its 'Spring'. Here the season is usually marked by Merchants and other travelers, however it is also known for something else, which Arthur Ford Zaphod and the others shall all too shortly discover.

"HOO HOO" Came a cry form high atop a hill over looking the "TallLabored Valley. Mr.Bean was quick to rush out to see what was happening.
"Our lookout has spied something!" He shouted, as though this was sudden and unexpected news. "Karza" scurried down from the hilltop over to where now Mr.Bean as well as Lintilla and Trillian stood.
"Wagons Sir! Merchants by the look of it, I've counted three so far coming from different directions!" A cheer went up from the other Dwarfs in the valley. Mr.Bean nodded and began to climb back up. "We should find out who they are from, there are SOME people in these parts we do not wish to trade with." He said as Trillian and Lintilla followed after them.

"AH a fine sight from up here, though it does my mind ill to be up so high from the ground..." Lintilla paused for a moment then smiled
"Oh yes, here Mr.Bean, use this! It's immensely helpful for seeing far away." She said handing the Dwarf a slightly cracked but still usable pocket telescope. The Dwarf looked through and slapped his hand.
"A Marvelous Device! I can almost make them out even from so far away with this. Ah, Beastmen it sees, I count three different Tribes of them... And... Oh blast..."



"And elves, blast it." Mr.Bean spoke with a grumble in his voice, though Trillian spoke up.
"On Earth Elves used to be creatures of, well, rather jovial nature, how bad could these be?" She asked. Karza and Mr.bean exchanged glances.
"Let it not be said, for StarPeople you are smart in someways, and fully without wisdom in others..."

A short while later the Dwarfs along with Marvin Zaphod and Ford had heaped up what meager goods they had. Stone crafts and Stone furniture for the most part, which Trillian was informed was best for trading with elves...

Karza joined now by loomer watched from high up as the merchants mad their way slowly to the Valley. Karza now using Lintilla's 'FarSeer' eyed the Approaching Beastmen.

"Tigermen seem to be ahead of the others, The Turtlemen are coming from the South." loomer looked up.
"Are they still wearing those strange colored cloth wrappings of theirs?" He asked. Karza Nodded
"Something about honoring Ancient and worshiped Warriors of theirs the Turtlemen tell me, Ah, the Jacklemen are coming over the Hills to the East." he said, then paused.
"Wait, something is moving in the shadows, no, oh NO!"



High atop the hills overlooking the Valley, a cry rang out as Goblins leapt from their hiding spots. They had been tracking the Jackelmen for sometime, and now were forced to act before they made it to the Dwarf outpost.

Elocie Whirledcudgels was a young Jackelmen, many of his clan stayed close to their village of Barbnets, the outside world was something rare and not often discussed, but he held felt a longing to see and explore it, and had been one of the few to go with the often revered MErchants who bravely set off into the world to deal with others...

Now he found himself staring at a small but ferocious gobline as it lunged at him with a Spear.
"Protect the others! We shall not the defile what Barbnets gives to the world! Hathrab Nrathed!" He bellowed as his sole companion, a Mace wielding Jackel named 'Loceki', lunged forward. Armed with only a Crossbow, he jammed the it upwards into the Goblins chest and pulled the trigger, A spray of blood shot out and the Goblin turn and fled clutching his wound.


Two more goblins quickly converged on him as Loceki came from behind, He brought his Mace down hard onto a simple Wrestler, stunning him. The now enraged Jackel pulled his other hand up, using his bodies natural weapon to rake deeply into the Goblins flimsy clothing. The Goblin scrabbled at Loceki's Paws for a while before going still.

"Forward Loceki Forward! We shall not let them Defile those who travel this world!" He yelled As he brought his Corssbow back up with all his Might. The Blow struck the other Goblin Spearsmen hard in his chest. The Goblins sailed off the cliff out into the air as Elocie gave a Howl of triumph. The Merchants had almost reached the bottom of the Hill as Loceki ran after the last mortally wounded goblin.


With Room to fire, and time to load, Elocie calmly pulled one of his few Iron bolts from his Quiver, eyeing the fleeing, crawling goblin, he raised his bow and pulled the trigger. The Goblin flopped down, a long trail of Blood oozing from it as the two Jackelmen howled in triumph together.


From atop the Valleys tallest hill, loomer, now accompanied by most of the other Dwarfs as well as Ford Arthu and Trillan, sighed and shuddered.
"And THAT my Star bound friends, is why we Dwarfs keep friendly with the Beastmen as much as possible... They Call'em Beasts for a Reason." Trillan held a hand to her mouth and whimpered.
"A-Are they, e-eating them? OH! I think I'm going to be sick."
======================================
NEXT CHAPTER! The Dwarfs commune with Elves, the Forges are fired up, and Tragedy hits TALL-LABORED!!!

[Crossroads Inc.]

((cue music“Journey of the Sorcerer”))

"""The Following Intro Provided by Doglus Adams"""
There is a Theory that stats if anyone ever discover exactly what the Universe is for, and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexplicable...
There is, another theory, that stats that This, has, already happened.
There is yet a Third theory that suggests that both of the previous two theories were concocted by a Wily Editor of The HitchHikers Guild to The Galaxy in order to increase the level of Universal uncertainty and paranoia, and so boost sales of The Guide...

This last theory is of course the most convincing, because The HitchHikers Guild to The Galaxy is the only book in the whole of the known universe to have the words "DON'T PANIC" inscribed in large friendly letters on the cover."

Early Spring: Journal of Tricia McMillan
Who would have ever imagined after facing down Vogons, Intergalactic Police, Hyper Evolving Agamemnons, Thunder Gods and Insane Killer white Robots; that I would end up trading goods with Elves

After a rather brutal attack upon some of the merchants, all of the parties seem to have gathered at a rather makeshift trading post put together by our 'Dwarfish' friends. It still seems such a highly Improbable thing, to have landed on a Planet with creatures straight out of Earth ancient folklore. Of course given that we arrived on The Heart of Gold, naturally, anything is possible.

After so long traveling in Space and seeing endless odd creatures and life-forms, I would have thought I would be used to almost anything, yet it is once more, highly improbable how many Sapients have come to be on this one Planet. Trading with us just Today, along with the Elves, our Sapient Jackles, Tigers and Turtles. I can't help feel that I have seen these "Turtlmen" before, most of them seem to sport Oriental looking weapons, though few seem to use them. The Elves I have found quite pleasant, though the Dwarves can't stand them. Another curious aspect from Earth stories I suppose.

Ford, Arthur and Zaphod have spent most of the morning going through the goods we have so far "purchased" Zaphod was overjoyed that the Tiger people and the Elves brought new forms of alcohol why Lintilla, all three of them, were overjoyed that the Turtle people seemed to have some extra mining pics with them,

That reminds me, The day of trading and, relative, peace was marked by the final opening of our Magma Forge. Though the locals prefer to call it " The Crucible of Armok ". I was pleasantly surprised that the Bauxite bars seemed to hold under the Magmas pressure and heat and by the early evening Lintilla and Lintilla had begun melting down some of the Metal Ore we have already collected."

In the Valley known as TallLabored Trade was taking place. The Dwarfs, joyfully to unload what had now become a seizable pile of hand carved Stone crafts, had been stocking away thier new goods. Cloth, food stores and some rare timber where all put away. The Sapient Antrho-morphic People, known simply as "Beastmen" stayed a full week in the valley, much to the delight of its inhabitants.. The Dwarfs and Jackelmen exchanged stories of battles and heroic deeds, the Tigermen seemed quite interested in Zaphod who was able to arm wrestle their greatest warrior while throughly intoxicated, and The Turtlemen, perhaps most bizarrely, listened with interest to the tales spun by Marvin the Paranoid Android.

It was an oddly peaceful time for the Dwarven people, which meant it was all too soon before something dreadful was bound to happen.

It was Thursday, two days after the last of the merchants had departed that Marvin, forever delegated with the most mundane of activities, was out chopping wood in the thick forests on the far side of the Valley. The Robot, ancient beyond all measure, yet infinitely advanced and complex, swung the large iron ax with the power of several men. Trees fell behind him as the Robot stopped his action.

"I think you ought to know that, despite your best efforts, I can both hear your approch as well as monitor your lifesigns. So you might as well just stop hiding already." he said with a heavy Sigh. A moment latter an Iron Arrow plinked of his metallic body.


"Oh, I see, I supposes I should call for Help, or something..." The Robot sulked as in front of him a group of Goblins sprang forth. Bits of leaves and twigs tied to them, as though to try and aid their sneaking capacity. Marvin simply turned and began to trudge away, Iron arrows plinking off his bake side as high atop the outter Wall of the Valley an Alarm went up.

"GOBLINS! The green skinned little Wretches, They are upon us!" Karza shouted as he clanged a hammer against a makeshift alarm bell. The Dwarfs down bellow ran quickly, grabbing what weapons they had.
"They be going after the Golem! To ARMS Mates to ARMS!" Mr.Bean shouted as he rarlied the other Dwarfs.

"Whats going on!" shouted Ford as he ran out of the cave, dropping a load of Copper Ore.
"It seems we are under attack, just like Old times again eh Ford?" Arthur sighed as the Dwarfs hurried by.
"Can't we just lock the gate and tell them to shove off? I mean we built the Wall for a reason and all?" Ford said as two Dwarfs Samuel and Rawtooth glared it him.
"This be a matter of Principle, of Honor! We'll never let those little bastards on OUR Land!" Samuel shouted as he raised an Ax. The others, armed wiht Picks, Ax's and a Single Crossbow head by Mr.Bean raced toward the Gate. Trillan was there, turning the large wheels to lower it when she stopped.

"Lintilla? All three of you? What are you doing?" Trillan asked astonished to the Clones, armed only wiht a single PickAx between the Three of them.
"I'm Sorry Trillan, but both Lintilla and Lintilla are in agreement, We can't let them go off on thier own while we sit Safe inside the walls, we have to do our part as well" Lintillia said holding her Pickax as Lintilla spoke up.
"We've traveled with these Dwarfs for what seems like ages, and we aren't about to let them go off on their own." LIntilla said, Trillan giving her a look before nodding and lowering the Bridge..

Mr.Bean, Crossbow in hand stood at the front just as Marvin Walked in slowly, an Arrow sticking out of his head.
"Oh, now you show up, well don't mind me, not that anyone ever does." The Dwarf gave him an odd look before striking a pose.
"Alright ye Wee Skullers, Lets go show them small Green skins who owns this Valley! For the Blood of Armok, for TALLLABOR!"
======================

Next Episode! The First Battle of TallLabor, A Giant Eagle Approaches! And more settlers Arrive!

[Crossroads Inc.]

((cue music“Journey of the Sorcerer”))

"ON the subject fo Warfare and Fighting, The Guide has much to say. Indeed there are several hundred pages of The Guide Devoted to this topic. Everything from the great and Epic battles between the Vl'hurgs and the G'Gugvuntts, to the Galaxy spawning MegaWars of the Krikkit War Armada, to the Ancient and often hushly spoke continuous wars of the Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax some several Billion years ago. It should be noted then, that the battle about to take place on the small blue green world that Arthur, Ford, Trillian, Zaphod, Marvin, Slartibartfast, and several Clones of a certain Lintilla, are currently on; are not mentioned anywhere in the whole of The Guild. That said, there is one passage in The Guide that would seem to portain to events about to transpire below.

It is often noted, but seldom admitted to, that in the course of battle, Victory is seldom, if ever decided by strength of numbers, arms, strategy or gile, but is usually decided by Dumb Luck. Indeed it is discovered upon inspection that the more loosely assembled two opposing sides may be, the higher the chance for Dumb Luck seems to enter into things. This has become an increasing problems in several of the Higher Dimensions where military leaders have come to quite literally decided battle plans through 'throws of the dice' Many beings in higher dimensions have taken to using highly advanced computer simulations to simulate and even deiced Wars before they are even waged. This has caused headaches among some, who worry that indeed the whole of Creation may be one Giant Computer Simulation.

High atop the realtivly Crude stone walls that lay across the entrance to the TallLabor Valley, every last inhabitant, Human, Alien and Android, watched as Five Dwarfs and Three clones raced out into the dense forrests to meet the Green foe.

"She's Mad! Totally Mad, Arthur how on Earth could oyu just let her, all of her, go off like that!" Ford said leaning over the edge.
"You don't know her that well, trust me I've seen here face down a horde FootWarriors with a single Blaster pistol, and that was just one of her." Arthur said, though he said, still worried about Lintilla. Behind them Slartibartfast approached.
"You would think Earth Man, that after all the business with the Krikkit robots and averting Galactic conflict, we would find at least one world devoid of murderous creatures bent on our destruction. It is days like today that I miss my Fjords."

Far beyond the safety of the Walls, out in the wooded fields, Lintilla looked up. "Ok Lintilla, we've been in worse spots, everyone have your Crisis Inducers?"
"Yes Lintilla"
"Yes Lintilla!"
"Ok then, set to Mark-9 and... LETS GO! It's Life or Death out there!" Lintilla shouted as they caught up with the Dwarfs.
"Glad ye could join us, let it not be said Dwarf* or Dwarf*, a Warrior is a Warrior ((It is known that the Dwarves, while possessing the words 'male' and 'female' seldom use them and often leave it to others to infer the difference)). The Lintillas smiled as they crept forward, Pics, Crossbow and Ax at the ready.
From far out in a stone clearing, garbled yelling could be heard.
"Aye, theres the we Skullers straight enough Samuel I thinks its time we gave'em a good Kicken!"
"Aye loomer that be true, Dwarves A'Hay!"
Together, the Dwarves uttering a single Battlecry Surged forward..."
"This"
"IS"
"TALL-LABOR!"

The five goblins were caught off guard by the ferocity of the attack as Karza and Rawtooth slammed into the two closest to them. The three in the back, all armed with Crossbows, quickly recovered and opened fire. Bolts flew past the Dwarfs as Lintilla raised a pickax and threw it with all her might, the copper pick flew past and struck one of the Goblins as the Dwarfs retreated back into the woods.

"Mind the Bolts ye daft buggers Mind the bolts!" Mr.Bean shouted as he fired his own crossbow off. Grinning with glee as two bolts struck one of the Goblin Crossbowmen. The small green creature slumped back mortally wounded. Another goblin dropped as well as the Dwarfs converged. Mr.Bean turned from behind the Tree he was taking cover behind, about to off the last two of them. He looked around the tree just in time, to watch the Bolt strike him.

"Mr.Bean" cried out the closest Lintilla as the Dwarf clutched at a Bolt in his Leg. She lunged forward, throwing another Pickax as she raced to haul the Dwarf back. Lintilla and Lintilla came quickly to assist her. Picking up the Crossbow from Mr.Bean she fired it quickly, striking a goblin in the side. Yet, s htough not to let them have the last word, the last Goblin Crossbow wielder, blood pouring from his wounds, pulled his wepon up and fired a final shot. Lintilla clutched at her arm as the last Goblin began to flee.

"They Got BEAN! Lets GET-EM!" the Dwarfs hollowed as they raced after the sole remaining Goblin. An ax was raised and a moment later there was an explosion of Gore.


Atop the Wall to TallLabor Trillian lowered the gate.
"Incoming Wounded! everyone get ready, We've got wounded!!!
A dwarf and a Clone were quickly rushed inside. The two were laid down in their rooms, Slarti and, oddly, Marvin attending to the wounded.

"I didn't know you knew about medicine Marvin." Arthur said as an arrow was surgically removed and quickly bandaged up.
"What you don't know could fill Warehouses. As it happens I understand the workings of biological organisms of all types better then you do, though that really isn't hard.." he mopped as up in the Cave the Dwarfs over looked their leader.

"Don't move Sir, ye took a bad hit."
"Aye best ye rest up, though ye where a real sight to behold out there."
"Indeed Mate, those green beasties never knew what hit'em!" The dwarfs spoke together.
"Bah, I'll have to take me time then, Don't want the going all easy" Mr.Bean said as the others laughed.
"Still, I htink it best i'll, eh, oversee things from here fir a bit, Ye all will be ok till Im up on me own again!" He said weakly, the Dwarf giving a slap to the others before falling asleep.




Outside Ford and Arthur sighed.
"Mopping about won't do any good. You two, there is a lot of work to be done, and we'll have to work double hard at it with those two on the mend." Trillan said holding the weapons dropped on the battlefield. Ford and Arthur looked at each other.
"Just like Old times?" Ford said.
"Hardly, Old times where usually people always chasing after us with blaster pistols and laser beams. Swords Crossbows and Axes were NEVER something I got used to." Arthur said as they headed inside.

As they did so, a great black shadow passed over the Valley.
"Fetid Photons! What was that?" Screamed Zaphod, in the middle of his pree dinner post launch drink.
"A bird, a BIG one by the look of it, I've never seen one so big!" Lintilla said as she dived for cover.
"I have, back on Brontitall, the bird people there were big enough to carry Ford and Zaphod toegther." Arthur said as two of the Dwafs ran over to them.

"Ye Daft Buggers, get under some cover right NU! that be a Giant Eagle!"

"They be a mean tempered and powerful bird they are! best to avoid them at all cost!"loomer spoke up as Karza Piped in.
"Aye matie, but they rarely come down into the valley, something, somethings gotta be bringing it's attention, and it Ain't the fighting."
The two Dwarfs climbed atop the unsteady wall and peered out.
"Ack, would ye look at they, I htink I kin see what be attracting it!"


loomer sighed.
"Oh Armok, they gonna be Bird Food!"

[Crossroads Inc.]

((cue music“Journey of the Sorcerer”))

**the following from the mind of Doglus Adams**
It said: "The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases.
"For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question How can we eat? the second by the question Why do we eat? and the third by the question Where shall we have lunch?"

For the populace on the world bellow, virtually everyone was in the "How do we eat" phase. Civilization as it stood, was a brash new, impetuous idea. Every new idea, was an Idea worth fighting over, and on a world filled with several sapient life-forms, there was a great deal of fighting.

So it was no surprise the first thing that happened upon new arrivals to the settlement know as "Tall-Labor" was the formation of a a fearsome and mighty military, that in years to come, would be known far and wide as "Bloody Deadly Arse Kickers of Doom™"

However it should be noted, before such deeds of Valor could take place, the new immigrants are fraught with a Dire Pearl on approaching Wings.

"For the love of Armok run ye bloody fools RUN!" Karza shouted from atop the Valleys Wall as off in the distance the group of Dwarfs, carrying what worldly belongings they had, dashed from a mighty Swoop of the Eagle.

Out in the fields, the new migrants huddled together under a tree, there were almost fourteen of them, some with childer and young Dwarfs. Shrieks and Cries went up from them, most of them that is.

Six older Dwarfs stood in the middle, one of them looking distinctly UN-Dwarfish, 'he' sprouted a pair of Steel tiped high heel Iron boots, Odd Feline like Iron horns on 'his' helmet and a cougars tail He had taken as a Trophy from a fearsome kill.

"Stand low Dwarfs!" he shouted. "This is what we have waited for, the chance to prove ourselves at last!, Korvan, Joviwam, get ready on it's next pass! We shall not let this vile creature smite our good citizens!" The Dwarf spoke as around it a group of ragged Dwarfs rose crude wepons.

"Here it comes Darkev! Here it comes!" A larger Dwarf Starglider Spoke as the Giant shrieking Eagle dove down upon them.

"Sednet Dwarfs! Lets go!" A cheer rang up form those in the middle as a battlecry, of sorts, rang out.

"They can take our Gold but nev'r take our Socks!"
"Tharr can be only Seven!"
"Glory to the Uber Toad!"
"Yar Lets go have some 'fun'!"

The Eagle Swooped and the Dwarfs Leap, Claws raked armor, weapons racked feathers. The Great Eagle furled its wings and, though wounded, clibed back up into the air. The other Dwarfs huddled together fearfully as the great beast came down.

"OK this is it Maties! Time ta give it a good Kickken!" A dwarf wielding an Ax said as the Creature came back down. The lead Dwarf surged forward, its Sword hitting deep into the side. A mace came down soon after in an Explosion of Gore!
The Eagle stricken and suddenly put upon by Many Angry Dwarfs, tried to strike back.

The leader of armed Dwarfs, seeing the great Beast subdued, leaned in..
"Ach ye Big Birdie, ye gonna get SUCH a kickken!" it said and brought its Sword down hard.


The Journal of Mr.Bean the Grim

It has been several weeks since the unfortunate attack upon TallLabor My wounds still keep me in bed though I have not let this impede my overseeing of the Dwarfs in the Valley. Despite fears of the The Great Eagle work progresses on increasing our humble fortifications. The new Migrants could not have come at a better time and have been put to work along the wall. They hail from our home Fortress of "Sednet"and there are some welcome faces among them.

"bilateralrop" Engraver
"Feil" Tanner
"Starglider" SwordDwarf
"Vendetta" Wrestler
"Korvan" MaceDwarf
"Exonerate" Wrestler
"CivilWarMan"
"Joviwam" AxDwarf
"BorninShadow" Wrestler
"Vortex" Cook
"darthkom" Wrestler
"open_sketchbook" Wrestler
"Darkevilme" SwordDwarf
"GuppyShark" Wrestler

Since the attack by the wretched goblins, I have taken it upon myself to put together a more organized and constant Fighting force. I hope this will eventually form the start of a Fortress Guard. To my delight the new migrants have taken well to this, apparently many of them where form the volunteer Guard at Sednet They seem led by one of the few 'Female' Dwarfs I know of, Darkevilme who I met back at Sednet before leaving.

If ever there was a capable fighter as well as Leader, it would be "her"

It would seem however their arrival is not mear Fate.They arrive with a Proclamation from the Low King Himself

"Low King? Souldn't it be, well the 'high' king and all that?" Arthur said to Lintilla as they watched what amounted to a Dwarfish council of War.

DarkEvilMe and Korva speaking for Mr.Bean were deep in heated conversation as Lintilla shock her head.

"No no Arthur, Dwarfs aren't like that, their whole culture centers around being deep down and in the Earth, er, planet. Being called 'low' by a Dwarf is a compliment." Arthur nodded, not in any form of understanding, but just because he felt it was needed.

Down on the field, the leader of the new Dwarfs, "DarkEvilMe held up a very offical looking scroll.

"As I said Korva it comes from the Low King himself! News has spread about your gord fortunes here, but als to the ears of our enemies!" The odd Dwarf said to a chors of gasps. Korva snatched the scrolled sealed with wax.

"Aye we know that, we fought of a group of the wee green monsters not too long ago."
"Ye talking about Goblins? Aye well, I am sure thar will be plenty more of them coming soon, but its not them the King sent us." there was a pause.. "Orcs, thar be Orcs on the move!" This brought another round of gasps and a few mutterings of the other Dwarfs.
"The Low King has tasked wih the over seeing of turning this outpost into a ful fledged Fortress. Ye have done well with walling up the Valley, but we are going to need proper Walls around the whole land ta keep put what may be on the way." Korva nodded solemnly as well as the other around him, there was much to be done and no one knew how long they had.

Back up on a hill over looking the meeting, Ford, carrying two large mugs of Beer sat down beside Lintilla and Arthur.

"Well I don't know about you two but it seems to me the longer we stay here the more trouble seems to head our way." He said as he took a stiff Drink. Arthur looked at him and sighed.
"Its not like we can run off, the ship is still so radioactive it glows at night, and even if it wasn't we wouldn't know where to start fixing it." Ford gave an odd little grin.

"You know, I always say, never let a pass up a disadvantage, it could always help you more then you think..."
"You never said that" Arthur snapped.
"No? Well I probably should," Ford spoke, as his mind, plotted...
========================================
Next Episode! Construction of a Castle! The great ship speaks, Arms are bared! And, Madness strikes!

[Mr Bean]

I had forgotten I was the unofficial leader of this little trope. Eight months of boozing will do that to you.

[Nephtys]

My favorite Dwarf Fortress story is to rig up a water/lava system designed specifically to kill the nobles after they move in. Socialist revolution in Dwarf Fortress! Death to the aristocratic pig-dogs!

[The Vortex Empire]

I'm a cook? Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to die horribly here?

[Crossroads Inc.]

I'm a cook? Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to die horribly here?

For the most part Cook is a pretty safe job. They usually stay inside all the time and are only vulnerable when collecting berries or something form outside. But they would have to be pretty unlucky to be outside when an Ambush of Goblins happen.

Oh Wait...

[Crossroads Inc.]

((cue music“Journey of the Sorcerer”))
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The Journal of Mr.Bean the Grim
Much had changed in the now busy Valley of TallLabored

The recent influx of migrants has filled the current rooms inside to bursting and my brethren have quickly been excavating new living quarters. The "Star People" have, with much help from several of the new Dwarfs of Sednet, begun construction of far more refined living quarters out from the simple cave they had dug now almost a year ago. Indeed it is well earned of them who found this sacred Valley.

Also the Dwarf who I am quickly finding both a terror and a great ally, DarkEvilMe has begun the process of organizing the more military minded among us into a proper fighting force. This last act had taken place shortly after the outpost learned that commands, handed down by the Low King himself, dictated that our small Valley of TallLabored would someday have to face not just goblins but Orcs.

I pray my wounds shall heal before this dreaded day comes.

"Orcs? What exactly are they? Something else that is out to kill me I suppose?" Arthur asked while helping one of the newer Dwarfs, "Vortex" carrying the newest crop of mushrooms to the Kitchens.

"Aye ye catch on quick Star man, of course it aint hard te guess most things on this world be out te kill ye" The stout Dwarf said as it hefted another bin of food. "But Orcs aren't like the little green pests, they be, bigger."

"Oh? Do I dare ask just how much?" Asked Arthur as Vortex looked around.
"Well they vary in size, but on average a good size one could hammer you into da ground like a nail" he said without a hint of humor in his voice. Arthur sighed.

"I guess that would explain everyone being so serious about the new walls then?"


Indeed the Fortress as a whole had shifted into great strides of construction. The orders from the Low King hadn't just warned the Valley of Orcs, but made it clear that the Valley, home to the sacred Blood of Armok and landing of Star People was destined to someday rise to become a proper Mountain Home... And should start looking the part.

Down in the forges, the Crucible of Armok lay smoldering. The forges had been in near constant work since word of the Low Kings decree had gone out. The Lintillas and Trillian worked them the most, smelting down ores and the abundant copper nuggets in the forges.




It seemed a normal enough day, there had been no signs of kolbols or goblins, work had settled down, the newcomers had moved in and the Valley seemed to be able to relax... This of course meant it was the natural time for what the Dwarfs called Angbrobolkrunfzahran but translated into the human tongue as FUN

The Dwarf known as Peptuck had joined the small outpost early on, indeed coming with the initial Dwarfs from Sednet in the Mountain Homes. He had spent the day thus far in the endless task of scraping old bones into practice bolts for the new Dwarfs training with crossbows.

Sifting through the heap of bones he picked up one that caught his eye. It was fresh, and he knew it was a Goblin bone, remains from the vile creatures recent attack. He glared at it as if it would speak, his face began to sweat, his eyes twitched...

"BONES!!! IT MUST BE BONE!!!" he cried before running down the halls at full speed.

"Fey Dwarf fey Dwarf!" GuppyShark another early arrival from SedNet cried out. Soon an alarm went up as Zaphod and Ford Prefect found themselves in a sudden rush of Dwarfs.

"Hey hey little guys, what is all the howling about? It is sounding suddenly very unhip!" Rawtooth one of the best engravers in the Valley looked up.

"A Dwarf has been taken by the Fey little Starman." he snorted "It is a strange and unknown force that can seize any Dwarf, it brings either joy, or madness to its victim." Zaphod shrugged and looked to Ford.

"Sounds like an average night of drinking a Pan-galactic Gargle Blaster to me Ford." Ford nodded
"I doubt they have those here, so I guess it is the next best thing, but look at the bugger go. I don't think I have ever seen you move so fast while drunk!" Indeed within moment Peptuck had seized a workshop high in one of the still unfinished buildings.


In no time the fevered Dwarf began to dash about grabbing bone, LOTS of bone. Moving in ways no normal person should, the bone was fashioned together with yet more bone. Soon it began to take shape, growing larger and larger. Suddenly the Dwarf sprang up, shouting to the sky.

IT IS DONE! before promptly collapsing.


Lintillia-B and the Dwarfs Vehrec and bilateralrope arrived first to the collapsed Dwarf.

"He looks utterly exhausted!" Lintilla-B sighed as the other two Dwarfs picked up the unconscious Peptuck

"Aye he is missy, but E'es survived the madness. When he wakes up He will be a Hero! the first to survive the Fey among the Valley!" loomer said as they carried him off. Behind them Lintilla-B looked at what the Dwarf had fashioned.



"I know these people seem to let nothing go to waste, but making a piece of Furniture from BONE? How, Dwarfish..."