American as Apple Cake: The Commie TGOD

HemlockGrey · Post by **HemlockGrey** » 2003-08-24 11:43pm

Yes...Adam Smith appears to have employed a nefarious capitalist scheme, and outsourced to the Nazi zombies!

SirNitram · Post by **SirNitram** » 2003-08-24 11:43pm

Communist... Capitalist... All shall fall...

HAAAAAAADOOOOOKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

*And then the universe exploded. The End*

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-08-24 11:45pm

SirNitram wrote:Communist... Capitalist... All shall fall...

HAAAAAAADOOOOOKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

*And then the universe exploded. The End*

With that, Nitram came, spewing his wad onto his monitor.

"Fuck, it's so goddamned hard to get rid of cum when i spray
it onto my monitor!" he muttered as he reached for a paper towel,
only to find NEW COMMUNIST MAN in front of him. NCM looked at
the half naked specimen of capitalist manhood in front of him and simply
laughed as he chopped Nitram's head (the small one) off with the SICKLE
OF THE WORKERS, leaving Nitram to bleed to death as he teleported
back to our regularly scheduled TGOD to deal with the Nazi zombies

Crayz9000 · Post by **Crayz9000** » 2003-08-24 11:53pm

You missed a post, Rob.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-08-24 11:53pm

Pablo wrote: "For crimes against humanity, not the least of which being the annoying and stupid 'it was only a dream' copout, you die tonight."

You started it by claiming it was a German village, commnunist schwine

And isn't that an abuse of moderator powers? If you're going to TGOD,
just fucking reply to it, instead of editing my post, communist rabble!

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-08-24 11:54pm

Pablo Sanchez wrote:
New Communist Man looks proudly once again into the far distance which inexplicably shines brightly.

But what's that behind him, coming out of the lake?!?

Dun dun duh!

Out of the of fog emerged a landing craft, its ramp dropped and men emerged, Andrew Carnegie, John D. Rockefeller, and Jay Gould, all armed with steel, oil, and railways, tools of both capitalist and communist. New Communist Man's powers could not protect him from such attacks. Carnegie stepped forward, steel I beam in hand.

"New Communist Man, you may think your powers are great but they are nothing without a foundation. That foundation is Marx, a person of our time and one now in the custody of Cornelius Vanderbilt. You will surrender or your precious manifesto will never see the light of day, you and your beloved communism will be erased from history."

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-08-24 11:56pm

Carnegie sighed.

"Gould, get those zombies off New Communist Man so he can at least
hear us."

With that, Jay Gould marched forward, swinging a railroad track around,
knocking the Nazi zombies off NCM so he could hear the pronouncement.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-08-24 11:58pm

SirNitram wrote:Communist... Capitalist... All shall fall...

HAAAAAAADOOOOOKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

*And then the universe exploded. The End*

*The small universe in which SirNitram had been entrapped earlier promptly collapsed, killing him*

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-08-25 12:06am

Out of the mist came another landing craft, this one the size of a
small cruiser, and the landing ramp alone was enough to crush
the American industrialists' puny landing craft. From within the
massive landingcraft, came the roar of multiple U-Boat Diesels
and from within the landing craft rumbled the P-1000 land cruiser,
with GUSTAF KRUPP inside it.

"Foolish American businessmen, you shall all bow before KRUPP STEEL"

(since pablo is away apparently)

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-08-25 12:21am

MKSheppard wrote:Out of the mist came another landing craft, this one the size of a
small cruiser, and the landing ramp alone was enough to crush
the American industrialists' puny landing craft. From within the
massive landingcraft, came the roar of multiple U-Boat Diesels
and from within the landing craft rumbled the P-1000 land cruiser,
with GUSTAF KRUPP inside it.

"Foolish American businessmen, you shall all bow before KRUPP STEEL"

(since pablo is away apparently)

The three-industrial giants stare down Krupp, weapons in hand, ready to do battle with the world's largest tank. But suddenly there is a cry for behind! "Remember LCVP twenty five," shouted a man on horseback, Teddy Roosevelt had arrived on the field of battle. His Rough riders Charged up behind him. Their expert marksmen easily shot out the P-1000's periscopes and optics, blind all its weapons.

Covered by this the unit swarmed over the tank, using Gould's railway track as a ladder. Carnegie leapt onto the tanks rear deck and smashed the engine exhaust vents closed with his I-beam before welding them with his laser eyes. Within minutes the P-1000's crew was overcome by the fumes and force to surrender. Offshore The Great White Fleet Pounded the huge German landing craft to pieces with the combine fire of sixteen battleships.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-08-25 12:53am

Sea Skimmer wrote: The three-industrial giants stare down Krupp, weapons in hand, ready to do battle with the world's largest tank. But suddenly there is a cry for behind! "Remember LCVP twenty five," shouted a man on horseback, Teddy Roosevelt had arrived on the field of battle. His Rough riders Charged up behind him. Their expert marksmen easily shot out the P-1000's periscopes and optics, blind all its weapons.

Covered by this the unit swarmed over the tank, using Gould's railway track as a ladder. Carnegie leapt onto the tanks rear deck and smashed the engine exhaust vents closed with his I-beam before welding them with his laser eyes. Within minutes the P-1000's crew was overcome by the fumes and force to surrender. Offshore The Great White Fleet Pounded the huge German landing craft to pieces with the combine fire of sixteen battleships.

Snarling, Gustaf Krupp shambled out of the wreckage of the P-1000, crying inconsolately to himself; "My precious, precious tank!"

"You'll all pay for this!"

From out of apparently nowhere, Krupp whipped out a pair of MG 08
Machine guns and began to mow down the Rough Riders with a hailstorm
of lead. Teddy Roosevelt was the first to die, mown down by the inhuman
wall of lead spitting forth from Krupp's twin Spandaus.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-08-25 01:00am

MKSheppard wrote:
From out of apparently nowhere, Krupp whipped out a pair of MG 08
Machine guns and began to mow down the Rough Riders with a hailstorm
of lead. Teddy Roosevelt was the first to die, mown down by the inhuman
wall of lead spitting forth from Krupp's twin Spandaus.

But a mere bullet wound was no match for Roosevelt. He glanced down at what would be a mortal found for a normal man. "Good that I have finally proved me self in battle," he muttered before drawing the worlds first and only belt fed elephant gun. he aimed and fired, dismembering Krupp with several pounds of lead and steel rounds. The surviving Rough Riders rose from there improvised sheltered made of piled bodies and at once began describing the tale to a full battalion of reporters brought along for the occasion.

"Come on now," shouted Roosevelt. "These machine guns will greatly aid us aginst the Spaniards." The riders quickly hauled off the guns and set out for there soon to be famous capture of a secondary objective.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-08-25 01:15am

Sea Skimmer wrote: "Come on now," shouted Roosevelt. "These machine guns will greatly aid us aginst the Spaniards." The riders quickly hauled off the guns and set out for there soon to be famous capture of a secondary objective.

Unfortunately for Roosevelt, upon arriving at the secondary objective, which
was a warehouse full of Mausers, he found none other than Winston
Churchill there, happily typing up a report for the papers back home on
his daring single handed capture of the warehouse.

"Who the devil are you?" snapped Roosevelt, drawing his Elephant Gun
again.

"Why the bloody hell should I tell you?" replied Churchill, who drew a broomhandle Mauser

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-08-25 01:45am

MKSheppard wrote:
Unfortunately for Roosevelt, upon arriving at the secondary objective, which
was a warehouse full of Mausers, he found none other than Winston
Churchill there, happily typing up a report for the papers back home on
his daring single handed capture of the warehouse.

"Who the devil are you?" snapped Roosevelt, drawing his Elephant Gun
again.

"Why the bloody hell should I tell you?" replied Churchill, who drew a broomhandle Mauser

"Because I'm the one with a hundred armed men at my back," the remaining rough riders aimed there rifles at Churchill.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-08-25 01:56am

Sea Skimmer wrote: "Because I'm the one with a hundred armed men at my back," the remaining rough riders aimed there rifles at Churchill.

Churchill merely laughed and began to walk towards the Rough Riders,
firing his Mauser, downing the Rough Riders one by one. In return, they
volley fired, knocking Churchill off his feet.

Then to everyone's surprise, Churchill got to his feet again, and continued
advancing, as more Rough Riders fell, alcohol pouring out of his gaping wounds
instead of blood.

"Forward for the Empire!" shouted Churchill as he went down again, and then
staggered to his feet again riddled with hundreds of bullet wounds, still
firing on the Rough Riders.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-08-25 02:06am

MKSheppard wrote: Then to everyone's surprise, Churchill got to his feet again, and continued
advancing, as more Rough Riders fell, alcohol pouring out of his gaping wounds
instead of blood.

"Forward for the Empire!" shouted Churchill as he went down again, and then
staggered to his feet again riddled with hundreds of bullet wounds, still
firing on the Rough Riders.

Rockefeller charged up behind the riders, oil fueled flamethrower in hand. "Clear out boys, I'll handle this." It shot out a fifty-foot flame, aimed right at Churchill. The pure alcohol coursing through his veins and pouring onto the pavement burst into a mighty blaze at once. Engulfed in fire Churchill ran for the water tripped over railing and fell in dead first where he drowned. At once the press surged forward, thoroughly looting the warehouse.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-08-25 02:18am

Sea Skimmer wrote: Rockefeller charged up behind the riders, oil fueled flamethrower in hand. "Clear out boys, I'll handle this." It shot out a fifty-foot flame, aimed right at Churchill. The pure alcohol coursing through his veins and pouring onto the pavement burst into a mighty blaze at once. Engulfed in fire Churchill ran for the water tripped over railing and fell in dead first where he drowned. At once the press surged forward, thoroughly looting the warehouse.

Suddenly, Rockefeller's flamethrower sputtered out and he turned around
to see none other than T.R. holding the oil tank, the valves turned off.

"I don't know how you managed to get here, but I'm going to bust you
just like I busted, or will bust Standard Oil!"

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2003-08-25 02:25am

MKSheppard wrote:
Suddenly, Rockefeller's flamethrower sputtered out and he turned around
to see none other than T.R. holding the oil tank, the valves turned off.

"I don't know how you managed to get here, but I'm going to bust you
just like I busted, or will bust Standard Oil!"

"Now JP" shouted Rockefeller! JP Morgan jumped up behind Roosevelt holding what appeared to be a boxy ray gun of some form. "Use the monopoly ray." Morgan fired, the green beam struck T.R. dead center, instantly converting him to a zealot in favor of completely unregulated business.

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-08-25 02:41am

Sea Skimmer wrote:Morgan fired, the green beam struck T.R. dead center, instantly converting him to a zealot in favor of completely unregulated business.

"Now you see the evils of the captalists, and how they oppress
the proletariat," said New Communist Man, who had somehow
managed to fight off the Nazi Zombie horde while the Monopoly
Barons were fighting over other things.

"Shit! He's back" shouted Gould, who immediately pulled out
gold bricks and began to throw them at NCM in an attempt to
knock him out like he had knocked out national Gold Market in
the 19th century.

New Communist Man simply stood like a rock as the Gold
bounced off him, barely moving a strand of hair out of position.

"See how the filthy capitalist pig attempts to use the gold that
he's wrung from the broken backs of the proletariat as a
weapon, Timmy?"

"Well, it won't work." and with that, NCM unleashed his PUNCH
OF INCREDIBLE BUREAUCRACY, burying Gould under the 91
volumes and 70,000 pages of planning that had been undertaken
for the Novo-Lipetsk steel mill, which blueprinted the location
of every nail, lamp, and washstand, with nary a whit on it's
possible economic effectiveness.

EDIT - sorry for stealing your character, Pablo, but it was
getting a bit boring and NCM injected some fun back into
it

The Dark · Post by **The Dark** » 2003-08-25 09:51am

Funny, but still

phongn · Post by **phongn** » 2003-08-25 09:58am

The New Communist Man stood victorious as Pravda reporters photographed him for the masses. Truly, a great victory over the Capitalists.

But then out of the sky a great droning sound deafened all but the New Communist Man, the workers on the ground clutching their ears. A great shadow fell and the sun was blotted out ... by an airplane? Six great propellers turned as Revolutionary aircraft tried and failed to shoot the intruder down.

A single man dropped down with nary a parachute, buckling the concrete in the square but the man was yet intact! Smoking a cigar, Curtis LeMay scowled at the New Communist Man and threw his Atomic Grenade of Liberty...

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2003-08-25 01:02pm

I have to sleep, don't I? This will be brief, as I am short of time:

New Communist Man shuddered at the war-mongering visage of Curtis Lemay.

"The world knows that we are a peace loving people," he shouted, "your attack is totally without provocation!"

With this phrase, NCM mobilized the world-wide liberal dominated press and the International Communist Conspiracy. Before the grenade could even fall, hordes of beatniks, peaceniks, and hippies emerged from no where to surround Lemay in an impenetrable barrier of negative public opinion. The nuke itself was neutralized by a coterie of university students who paraded around it, shouting "Ban the Bomb!"

These forces rapidly subdued Curtis.

"Curse you, New Communist Man!"

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2003-08-25 02:55pm

Pablo Sanchez wrote: "Curse you, New Communist Man!"

Suddenly, from across the horizon, a slow rumbling noise could be heard,
as a giant man slowly strode across the landscape.

The Beatniks surrounding LeMay and his Atomic Grenade
suddenly disappeared, having left to protest the new arrival,
who was infinitely more dangerous to their warped minds than
Curtis LeMay.

Yes, it was none other than Mega-Nixon!

Holding a B-52 in each of his hands, he was spreading death
and devastation across the pristine communist landscape.

"So we meet again, Nixon." muttered NCM.

"The last time we met was when you derailed McCarthy's hearings"
replied Nixon.

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2003-08-25 04:18pm

New Communist Man sneered at the foolish Mega-President, "Nixon, you may believe that you can intimidate me with your posturing and your overtures towards the revisionist Chinese pseudo-Communists, but I know one thing: Nixon will always destroy himself. I will bury you!"

NCM jumped to the offensive, smashing the B52's with his own interceptors and landing a series of devastating body blows with the Hammer of the Workers. Nixon reeled, his lust for power and paranoia slowing his recovery, until finally journalists from the Washington Post managed to tackle him around the ankles and bring him to the ground.

phongn · Post by **phongn** » 2003-08-25 06:40pm

Time to bring out the big guns...

As Nixon was held down by the intrepid reporters of the Washington Post and pummelled without mercy by NCM, the hopes of capitalism faded. It seemed that the one who had brought North Vietnam to heel with his great bombers and brought China to open up had failed. Liberal press agencies were spreading headlines about the ruthless American assault on the national parks of the Motherland.

American political prestiege fell, Wall Street fell, President Ford fell and the end was not in sight. So one man, by the name of Jimmy Carter, offered the hands of detente. The liberal press swarmed him, but he was untouched and perhaps even embraced. The New Communist Man left his pummling of Nixon and went on to discuss terms with the peanut farmer from Georgia.

But distracted he became and a titan came out. Reagan, wielding an MX in one hand and a Trident D5 in the other. The Teflon President had arrived. The media launched an attack - but nothing worked! And soon he unleashed Thatcher against the crowds, horrifying them with her mania of deregulation and, uh, nonexistant looks.

Nixon stayed down, but LeMay rose again, his hordes of bombers blackening the sky...artifical night fell as Reagan and the New Communist Man squared off in the plaza...