Best pen and paper/table top gaming quotes...

[Coalition]

We are all lvl 1s, and are going into the adventuring training grounds (abandoned building outside of town, filled with easy enemies). If things get too tough, the guards outside would come down, and rescue us.

One character is a goliath (~2 meter tall, 150 kilo humanoid, aka a +2 door opener), walking first down the hall. The hall is 4 meters wide, and has a pair of doors along it, on opposite sides.

Goliath player: "I open both doors" (effectively opening one door at a time, then looking to see what was in them)
GM: "Roll for initiative"

He managed to find all the Dire Rats at once, and they all jumped on him. He was more willing to listen to tactics afterwards.

[Civil War Man]

Alright, so I'm in a SW RPG one-shot. All of the characters are Jedi. Mine happens to be a Miraluka wielding a pair of lightsabers.

Well, we get attacked part-way through the session (think it was about 12 thugs vs. 5 or 6 Jedi). Most of the thugs apparently decide that the Miraluka was the biggest threat (which we was), because 6 of them jump him, knock him to the ground, and start punching him.

So the next round comes along, and suddenly everyone else involved in the combat hears a pair of sabers ignite and a large blue blur envelop the thugs that had jumped my character. Within seconds, all that is left is a dark red spot on the ground with my character standing in the middle of it, his cloak literally dripping blood.

The way it went: I rolled for my attacks, one targeting each of the thugs that jumped me. I took a massive penalty on all rolls because I was making so many attacks. My lowest attack roll was about 30. Yeah, he was that good with a lightsaber.

So, for the quote part, for the rest of the session the GM and other players referred to my character as "The Cuisinart".

[SyntaxVorlon]

The Halfling in my party, when recounting his history, last night:
Hi everyone, I'm Snorlax McGee, I'm a Schmormon from Schmutah.

[GuppyShark]

One of the group's Mages in a joint Mage/Werewolf game, upon being told one of the Garou was sentenced to some sort of Werewolf hell (something about molten silver oceans) and his subsequent escape:

"That was a pretty short eternity of torment."


Another Mage, trying to determine another character's Athletics skill without being allowed to look at their sheet:

"How would you rate yourself out of five?"