Let's play: SCRAMming up!

[FaxModem1]

Once WCDG finds appropriate panel, WCDG fixes Air pressure and Heating with SCIENCE!

[Zixinus]

Ivan is armed and has already got us landing clearance (and to clarify: I meant to grab him by grabbing his clothes to get his attention, not hurt him). Phant is too terrified to be useful. You could be of more use too.
Pull OFF WCDG FROM PANELS before he TOUCHES SOMETHING that HE SHOULDN'T.
Spoiler

Which hatch is the robot using to get in? The one in the nosecone or the one on top of the ravenstar?

[PeZook]

Spoiler

The airlock in the nosecone

[Zixinus]

Then I'll open the external doors as soon as the airlock is pressurized so the robot would end up being blown out.

[FaxModem1]

So basically, you're using my plan.

[Darkevilme]

*Joke: Zixinus declares: "YOU! dont press that button! only I may press it."

[Zixinus]

SAY "I'm copilot, so yes, I AM the person that should be pressing buttons here! Besides, I've opened the nosecone and outer doors to lure the bugger in in the first place!"

Makes LOUD HUNGARIAN BATTLE CHANT! Raises MEMORY CORE once again in triumph!

I make sure to press the "override interlock" button below the "outer doors" switch, so safeguards will not stop me from my cunning plan.
Spoiler

I've dropped a hint for an alternative course of action. Please notice it.[/OOC]

[PeZook]

Actually you've opened the nosecone and airlock to let suave playboy OUT

[FaxModem1]

WCDG realizes that he really can't do anything as a passenger right now, so he checks the MAP's charts to see the EXACT COORDINATES OF STAR CITY are.

[Shroom Man 777]

BRINGS OUT a POO BAG FULL of POO

REVEALS that DIARRHEA has been a GUISE to EXCRETE CLEVERLY HIDDEN WEAPONS

REMOVE pieces of POO from the POO BAG

WHICH HAVE CERAMIC THROWING KNIVES INSIDE

USE MOUTH to SUCK IN THE SHIT that is CIRCULATING inside HELMET

NOW that VISION is NO LONGER IMPAIRED

HURL the TURDS with THROWING KNIVES INSIDE THEM at the SUAVE PLAYBOY

[PeZook]

CHAPTER 2: PROBES ON A SPACEPLANE

January 22nd 2025
Wednesday
Wheels Up + 01:03:20

SIMULATION STOPPED

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, IVAN IVANOV, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, BITCHING BETTY, ROBOTIC PROBE, PHANT and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on a SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is FLYING really FAST. It is PILOTED by ETERNAL FREEDOM and ZIXINUS. It is rather CRAMPED. The CONTROLS are CONFIGURED in METRIC UNITS. There is no SCRAM FUEL. There is 40% of MAIN ENGINE FUEL. There is plenty of HYDRAZINE for the APU. There is a HOMICIDAL ROBOTIC PROBE in the ARILOCK. The SYSTEMS COOLANT is no longer GETTING any HOTTER. The AIR inside the CABIN is.

There is a SCENARIO EDITOR. It is FLOATING in the AIR. The TIME seems to have STOPPED FLOWING.

IVAN IVANOV is FURIOUSLY CALCULATING using a SLIDERULE and a GREASE PENCIL. WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY HELPS by FINDING OUT the COORDINATES of the GAGARIN ASTRONAUT TRAINING CENTER. The COORDINATES are 30.11 degrees EAST and 55.99 degrees NORTH.

IVAN IVANOV goes AHA and MAKES the ADJUSTMENTS. He SAYS that unless he MADE a MISTAKE, you SHOULD APPEAR in POSITION to do the REENTRY BURN to STAR CITY.He PRESSES the DONE BUTTON.

SIMULATION ENGINE RUNNING
APPLYING UPDATES

...well, CRAP.

***

Wheels Up + 01:03:20

SIMULATION ENGINE RUNNING
TIMEFLOW INTERRUPTED

You are now: RI'ANN SHAPP, INSANE FILIPINO, SUAVE PLAYBOY, LARGE IRRITABLE DOG and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on an UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE. The UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE is FREE of its ROCKET BOOSTER. The UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE is VERY CRAMPED. It is DEPRESSURIZING. You are STRAPPED into your SEATS. The CONTROLS are in DANGER of being IRREPAIRABLY DAMAGED. There is a SMELL of POOP. It is no longer FAINT. The is a LOT of VOMIT and POOP in the AIR. It is SPLASHING all OVER the INSTRUMENTS and HELMETS. There are two PEOPLE in the PAYLOAD BAY. They are FIGHTING.

RI'ANN SHAPP has a CUNNING PLAN to KNOCK the FIGHTING PEOPLE off his UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE. The PLAN is INTERRUPTED when the UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE'S COMPUTER REFUSES to EXTEND the RADIATOR with the PAYLOAD BAY DOORS still OPEN. It would not have WORKED anyway, as the RADIATOR is well OUTSIDE the PAYLOAD BAY.

RI'ANN SHAPP curses LOUDLY and LOOKS UP at the SITUATION. He is SHOCKED to FIND OUT that the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE has apparently DISAPPEARED into THIN AIR.

He has no IDEA what the FUCK is GOING ON.

***

SIMULATION ENGINE RUNNING
TIMEFLOW INTERRUPTED

Wheels Up + 01:03:30

You are now: ZIXINUS, ETERNAL FREEDOM, IVAN IVANOV, WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY, BITCHING BETTY, ROBOTIC PROBE, PHANT and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on a SPACEPLANE. The SPACEPLANE is FLYING really FAST. It is PILOTED by ETERNAL FREEDOM and ZIXINUS. It is rather CRAMPED. The CONTROLS are CONFIGURED in METRIC UNITS. There is no SCRAM FUEL. There is 40% of MAIN ENGINE FUEL. There is plenty of HYDRAZINE for the APU. There is a HOMICIDAL ROBOTIC PROBE in the ARILOCK. The SYSTEMS COOLANT is no longer GETTING any HOTTER. The AIR inside the CABIN is.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Coolant temperature!
BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Atmosphere leak!
BITCHING BETTY Says: Airlock pressurizing

The TIME is FLOWING again. EVERYONE LEAPS to their TASKS as if they had DEVELOPED some CRAZY PLANS along the WAY.

WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY attempts to FIX the PROBLEMS with your SPACEPLANE. He CANNOT fix the LEAKING AIR from a PANEL because it is HAPPENING due to a HOLE in the BULKHEAD. He CANNOT fix the PROBLEM with the COOLANT because your RADIATOR is not EXTENDED thanks to SABOTAGE in the PAYLOAD BAY. ZIXINUS PULLS WHITE CHINESE DELIVERY GUY away from the CONTROL PANELS.

He DISABLES the SAFETIES on the AIRLOCK and BLOWS it OPEN the MOMENT it is PRESSURIZED. There is a BLAST of AIR. The MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE SHUDDERS MIGHTILY.

To his HORROR, the INNER DOOR starts to OPEN as WELL. ZIXINUS SHRIEKS a MIGHTY HUNGARIAN BATTLE CRY and PREPARES for another CRAB BATTLE.

BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Coolant temperature!
BITCHING BETTY Says: Warning! Atmosphere leak!
BITCHING BETTY Says: Inner airlock door opening.

The ROBOTIC PROBE APPEARS. It LEAPS from the AIRLOCK. It was SECURED to the HULL with a MAGNETIC CLAMP and was thusly not BLOWN out with the AIR. The AIR begins to RUSH out of the MAGNIFICENT SPACEPLANE, PULLING everyone TOWARDS the AIRLOCK. Except ETERAL FREEDOM, as he is STRAPPED IN.

It is another CRAB BATTLE. The PROBE goes STRAIGHT for ZIXINUS. It is HISSING.

What do you do? _

***

Wheels Up + 01:03:30

SIMULATION ENGINE RUNNING
TIMEFLOW INTERRUPTED

You are now: RI'ANN SHAPP, INSANE FILIPINO, SUAVE PLAYBOY, LARGE IRRITABLE DOG and FUCKER NEWTON.

You are on an UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE. The UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE is FREE of its ROCKET BOOSTER. The UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE is VERY CRAMPED. It is DEPRESSURIZING. You are STRAPPED into your SEATS. The CONTROLS are in DANGER of being IRREPAIRABLY DAMAGED. There is a SMELL of POOP. It is no longer FAINT. The is a LOT of VOMIT and POOP in the AIR. It is SPLASHING all OVER the INSTRUMENTS and HELMETS. There are two PEOPLE in the PAYLOAD BAY. They are FIGHTING. There is one more SPACEWINDER MISSILE. It is LEAKING PROPELLANT.

The INSANE FILIPINO is FISHING inside a ZIPLOCK BAG. The ZIPLOCK BAG is full of POOP. He is SUCKING in a piece of TURD that is BLOCKING his VISION. It is VERY DISGUSTING.

He does not MANAGE to PULL OUT his CLEVERLY CONCEALED weapons. The SUAVE PLAYBOY INTERRUPTS him by SHOVING a SPACEWINDER into his SPACESUIT. He DROPS the ZIPLOCK BAG due to the SHOCK. It is SNATCHED by FUCKER NEWTON and FLOATS away.

By now, the PAYLOAD BAY is full of HYPERGOLIC PROPELLANT from the MISSILE. It begins to CORRODE the SPACE SUITS of INSANE FILIPINO and SUAVE PLAYBOY. They start to receive WARNINGS that their LIFE SUPPORT might FAIL very SOON. They are both LEAKING precious OXYGENS.

What do you do? _

[Shroom Man 777]

SHRIEK IN FURY

"HOW DARE YOU DENY THE NOBLE WARRIOR HIS IMPLEMENTS OF GREAT DUEL!!!!!!!"

LUNGE at the SUAVE PLAYBOY and SMEAR FECES STAINED HANDS on his HELMET VISOR to BLIND HIM

THEN start HITTING HIS FACE with CLENCHED FISTS

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

[Shroom Man 777]

ALSO

REVEALS ANOTHER POO BAG and USES THE POO to NEUTRALIZE THE HYPERGOLIC PROPELLANT'S CORROSIVENESS by SMEARING SHIT ALL OVER SPACE SUIT

[Zixinus]

HANG ON TO SEAT. UNDO PANTS and LET IT FLY TOWARDS THE ROBOTIC PROBE.
Use GAINED TIME to shout to ETERNAL FREEDOM: "CLOSE THE INNER DOOR!"

THEN TAKE DEEP BREATH. Then LET GO TO SLAM RIGHT INTO ROBOTIC PROBE. Use AR-15 to BLOCK ANAL PROBE. TRY TO FIND SLOT to FIT MEMORY MODULE IN and PLACE IT INSIDE.
If Not FOUND, GRAB ANAL PROBE and USE AR-15 to SHOOT the CORE OF ROBOTIC PROBE. Spoiler

Well, it turns out to be my turn to nearly kill everyone.

I hope that there is enough air left over to allow us not to die. In my fucking around in Orbiter, opening the hatch to vacuum for a moment kills everyone.

[Darkevilme]

SUAVE PLAYBOY pauses in shock at the SHIT being smeared on his VISOR.

"unclean...unclean UncleanUNCLEAN!"

SUAVE PLAYBOY lets loose a MASSIVE YELL that blows out his MICROPHONE.

SUAVE PLAYBOY has gone BERSERK.

SUAVE PLAYBOY SMASHES his NEMESIS out of the PAYLOAD BAY with sudden FEROCITY.

SUAVE PLAYBOY LEAPS out of the PAYLOAD BAY to continue his ASSAULT on his NEMESIS by grabbing ahold of his SPACESUIT with one HAND and STABBING with the MULTITOOL using the OTHER.

[Scottish Ninja]

While the AIRLOCK is completely OPEN, FIRE on the UNAPPROVED SPACEPLANE with IMITATION AMERICAN TOKAREV in DECADENT WESTERN .45 CALIBER.

[Zixinus]

Spoiler

Scottish Ninja
You mean the M1911?

[Eternal_Freedom]

SHOUT to ZIXINUS: "I can't close the fucking door, your turned off the overrides!

[FaxModem1]

WCDG straps himself into seat. Then he begins looking for BREATHING APPARATUS. He then begins looking for airlock control. If he can't close either of the airlock hatches, he is going to rewire it like he used to do against RUSSIAN MOB BANKS security doors.

IF that doesn't work, go unconscious from the oxygen deprivation.

[Zixinus]

SHOUT BACK AT ETERNAL FREEDOM: "NO, YOU DUMBASS, YOU CAN CLOSE IT! OR CLOSE THE OUTER DOOR! DO IT ALREADY!"
Spoiler

And yes, I did check. You can. The override only allows the inner and outer door to be simultaneously be open. It does not prevent you from closing it unless something is damaged. Granted, I could only do a surface check of this.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Mumble under breath: Goddamn Hungarian got an answer for fucking everything....

SLAM HAND DOWN on "CLOSE OUTER DOOR" button.

BREATH SIGH OF RELIEF that I'M STRAPPED IN.

ALSO, CONSULT MAP. WHERE ARE WE?

[FaxModem1]

If I'm still awake and can breathe, I tell ETERNAL FREEDOM that we're at 30.11 degrees EAST and 55.99 degrees NORTH.

So, right where we want to be.

[Eternal_Freedom]

So can I start re-entry now?

[Zixinus]

It will still take time to close the nosecone and get over the robot. That, and we would strand SUAVE PLAYBOY outside. But yeah, we are in the right spot.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Spoiler

But we aren't going to be in the right place for long are we? Unless that bizarre jump just left us hanging here with just the altitude and not the velocity...

Also, SUAVE PLAYBOY is on the other spaceplane. Did they move as well?

THEN HURRY UP AND KILL THAT FUCKER!