Let's play: Buzz Aldrin's Race Into Space

[doom3607]

Look at the plus side- you might even make it and be famous. Not damn likely, but you might.

NEIN! NEIN! You over there, don't bother riveting that as firmly as possible! Or do you want to have to remember both their names and not confuse them?

"Nyet, Comrade von Evilschtein!"

Good, Comrade. Mögen sie beide sterben schrecklich schrecklich Todesfälle der kleine verdammte Mutter Geschlechtsverkehr Hurensöhne. Ich hasse kommunistischen Bastarde. Also Spaß, sie durch Arbeit zu Tode, aber jetzt vernichten, ich tue es in ihrem Namen! Die Ironie!

[FaxModem1]

Good ole boy Fax Modem looks at the facility, and then looks at his orders.

"Golly, I hope this is the right place."

He quietly walks past the dead security guard and ruined shack, but quietly makes sure to take off his hat to respectfully mourn the dead before passing on. The fields around him remind him of the farm he grew up on during the Murcan Great Sadness. It was only him and his brothers during the cold winters. He remembered their activities to stay warm.

After blushing, since Murcans aren't supposed to act that way, Fax Modem reports to Von Braun as ordered.

[OmegaChief]

That settles it, then- the Ivan Ivan Ivans get to man our first two attempts at manned flights. With no prior research. At maximum rush. That should solve our issues remembering which is which once and for all.

FOR GLORIOUS MOTHER RUSSIAZENOBIA!

The Commissar nods in approval

It is good to see people approrpiatly enthused about thier patrotic duty to the state.

Comrada Karza, we are watching you also, congradulations for pulling refueling duty.

Oh and Comrade von Evilschtein, while I approve of any attempt at trying to beat the evil capitalist pigdogs, I do not need to remind you that total failure would be considered not performing your duty to the Motherland.

[doom3607]

That's why we'll be pulling that one before the capitalist pigs are even considering their first manned launch. So our proper ones will be about the same time as their unresearched rush jobs. See, Comrade Commisar? Us Nazis genocdial lunatics slave-camp operators Thanassian are good for some things!

[Eternal_Freedom]

Recognising the clear and present danger that the Zenobian space program represents to Murcan supremacy and manliness, the MASA Director has issued this research directive:

Inititate Explorer (4 teams) and Atlas rocket series (2 research teams) projects.

Schedule a launch in Fall 1957, and two further launches in Spring 1958.

[FaxModem1]

Fax Modem waits, still saluting.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Jonny von Braun looks up rom the rapidly growing pile of paperwork.

"Ach ja, another verdamnt astronaut applicant. Ok, welcome to the program. Go to hut 3 and report to the senior astronaut applicant there. Good luck and all that. Dismissed."

[HMS Sophia]

Sam's final final suggestions:
Spring 1957
-begin project: Explorer satellite
---Assign 4 research teams
-----Cost: 10MB
-begin project: Atlas rocket
---Assign 2 research teams
-----Cost: 30MB
-Build launch pad
-----Cost: 20MB
-Schedule unmanned launch, Explorer-Atlas combination

Fall 1958:
-continue project: Explorer satellite
---Assign 5 research teams
-----Cost: 5MB
-continue project: Atlas rocket
---Assign 5 research teams
-----Cost: 10MB
-begin project: Mercury capsule
---Assign 5 research teams
-----Cost: 25MB
-Launch Explorer-Atlas combination
-----Cost: 4MB
-Schedule 2 x unmanned launch, Explorer-Atlas combination


(Is that done right with the costs? I'm not sure... Otherwise, switch the launch pad building to the fall of 57, we can still get the single launch.)

[FaxModem1]

Fax Modem hurries to Hut 3 and salutes whoever is in charge.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Sam's final final suggestions:
Spring 1957
-begin project: Explorer satellite
---Assign 4 research teams
-----Cost: 10MB
-begin project: Atlas rocket
---Assign 2 research teams
-----Cost: 30MB


Fall 1957:
-continue project: Explorer satellite
---Assign 5 research teams
-----Cost: 5MB
-continue project: Atlas rocket
---Assign 5 research teams
-----Cost: 10MB
-Launch Explorer-Atlas combination
-----Cost: 4MB
-Schedule unmanned launch, Explorer-Atlas combination

Approved. This is now the official MASA project plan.

[doom3607]

I think we may beat you... Hey, PeZook, what're the odds of a launch of the type I'm trying, a one-month rushed Sputnik on an A Series with no research, making it? So's i know how likely it is they'll both blow up...

[PeZook]

CHAPTER 1: THE RACE BEGINS!
Time is: Fall 1957

Hrmpf...some bad news...we'll have to talk to ol' Ironhowler about that one!

MURCA
THE CAPE

It was hard work, administering MASA, but Director von Braun seems to have hit a good balance between expenditures and effects he could show for them. Fall 1957 would see the first ever Murcan satellite launch. The Atlas/Explorer program's progress reports were looking very promising indeed.




Except for the rocket. The contractors said there were still some kinks to be worked out...but if they wanted to beat the communoids, well, they'd have to cut some corners. The mission would fly in November, come hell or high water.

Yes...he didn't really know what his counterpart and former colleague, Von Evilstein, was doing out there in Zenobia, but it was clear his space program was a clear and present danger to Murcan manliness - and von Braun would protect the manliness of his newly adopted country, no matter what!

And other good news - an astronaut showed up! Though Johnny didn't exactly have any funds to actually pay or train him, the guy - Fax Modem he was called - didn't seem to mind. He set up a small tent in the middle of the empty field and would await assignment. It was a bit creepy how an entire little camp just...spawned around that tent, though.

Code: Select all

Current funds: 20 megabucks

Current astronaut roster: N/A

Programs running: Explorer, Atlas

Launch pads: 1

Argh! Corruption!

Oh well, it's not like we you were planning any R&D, anyway...

ZENOBIA
BAIKONUREK

"Leak! Leak! Everybody out!", somebody screamed. Alarms started going off, while suspicious white fog billowed out of the A-Series rocket being assembled together for the launch. The two rockets lay side-by-side, being rapidly rushed to the launch pad by hordes of low-paid and ill-trained workers.

"This is madness!", the representative from the Krasnyj Oktabr Rocket Factory protested loudly, "These two rockets are prototypes! Prototypes! They did not undergo any sort of testing whatsoever!"

The representative had been threatening, begging and finally meekly asking Von Evilstein for more funds and time to test his rockets. Same went for the team in charge of assembling the two Sputniks that the rockets were supposed to take to orbit.

Bah, was the Director's common thought, Foolish Zenobians don't know that all you need to triumph is iron will and testicular fortitude to take risks!

Besides, he wouldn't be blowing up any Thanasians if an accident occured, so whatever. Zenobians should be thankful they had his unabated genius to guide them. He did receive status reports on both the A-Series and Sputnik programs, but threw them in the trash immediately. The apes were obviously wrong in their probabilistic calculations.




Whatever happened, the rockets would launch on time. The Zenobians would meet the rushed schedule...or else!



MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Code: Select all

Current funds: 14 megabucks

Current astronaut roster: N/A

Programs running: Sputnik, A-Series

Launch pads: 2

***



MISSIONS LAUNCH
SPUTNIK I, SEPTEMBER 1957

Von Evilstein had to admit, he was somewhat nervous.

It wasn't really the Comissar and his pistol, menacingly hovering around the command center. No. Well, yes, that too. But the viewing stand was also full of Party bigwigs, very important and very ill-tempered people. People who all knew lots of other people who lost friends and loved ones in the Salvation War.

Needless to say, their sympathy for a certain ex-Nazzi rocket engineer was in short supply.

This better work, Director von Evilstein thought to himself. The rocket was on the pad. It swayed a bit in the wind, and ground crews were still tightening bolts and making checks that should've been made earlier, but it had to launch. Otherwise that damn von Braun, his nemesis, the bastard who always stole his idea, would WIN.

And von Evilstein would not be one-upped by some stupid Murcan wannabee. Oh no.


"We are go for launch! All systems green!"


"We have ignition...rocket is clear of tower...we are on out way, comrades! Da! Long live..."


"OH NO MOTHER ZENOBIA WHY?!"

EXPLORER I, NOVEMBER 1957

It was prepared. Rock and Roll was playing. The launch control crew was all pumped up. Hell yeah! Fuck yeah! That was the stuff! OOORAHOOAH!

von Braun sat down in his rockin' chair and stared at the main screen. He would rock this world today! Today Murca would take its rightful place amongst the nations of the world!


"Pad leader reports all systems ready. Beginning countdown. Ten...nine...eight...seven..."


"Liftoff! We have liftoff!"

There was hollering and high-fives all around the control room. They did it! She was on her way!

"Engine failure! Engine failure! Rocket descending!"

"What?! No!", von Braun rose from his chair, trying to command the rocket to fly again, "No!"

The range officer sighed and turned his key.


"Noooooooooooo!!!!"

SPUTNIK II, NOVEMBER 1957

Three months...it were three dismal months for director von Evilstein.

He spent them mostly explaining why the first, bombastic launch with all the party heads ended in such dismal failure. The Central Comittee wasn't exactly thrilled, but they let him go...FOR NOW.

After all, he did have a second launch scheduled, and the stupid Murcan rocket got blown up by their own range officer! There was still hope for mother Zenobia.

This time the comissar had his sidearm unholstered, though. That was bad.


"Counting down...all systems operational...nine...eight...seven...six..."


"Lifotff!"

Director von Evilstein held his knuckles. He held them so tight he might've broken a few.



Yes. He definitely broke a few.

***

Results: Basically, total and dismal failure. Lousy rocket designs fail during all three launches. Your superiors are most displeased, though since your rivals both failed in their launches, you have not been dismissed/shot/sent to a gulag.

[PeZook]

CHAPTER 2: THE RIGHT STUFF
Time is: Spring 1958

Oh come ON!

MURCA
THE CAPE

"THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING?!", von Braun was screaming into his Red Phone. The President himself called him to say how pissed off he was at the dismal failure of the Explorer mission, but he did right after the Director learned that he wouldn't be getting any rockets. FOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING YEAR.

So he cussed the President out. Ol' Ironhowler shot right back, and it seemed like the Murcan space program would've ended right then and there, in dismal failure.

But then the astronauts arrived.



"I will call you back.", von Braun spat into the phone and pranced out to the muddy field that was his space center to welcome his new personnell. Sam Francisco followed him, reminding his boss that he'd have to budget their pay if he wanted to keep those fine manly Murcan good ol' boys working for him.




Dismayed, Johnny von Braun retreated back into his tiny, smelly office to work out the budgeting. Bastards.

Code: Select all

Current funds: 64 megabucks

Current astronaut roster: CLASS I AVAILABLE, 20 MEGABUCKS

Programs running: Explorer, Atlas

Launch pads: 1

Missions planned: Launch Pad A, orbital satellite

Hmm...helpful? Perhaps!

ZENOBIA
BAIKONUREK

"I would advise you, director, to think long and hard about your steps this spring.", the Comissar warned. To the political officer's dismay, the Director had still not been sentenced to death. He somehow managed to convince the Central Comittee to give him another chance of outracing the Murcans to orbit.

The Krasnyj Oktabr factory strongly demanded funds be assigned to proper R&D of their rockets, though. And the satellites themselves still needed work. Another round of failures would almost certainly cost the Director his head.

And the reports...the reports! They were NOT looking good! Especially now that von Evilstein did not trash them immediately upon receipt!




On the other hand, the pile of applications into the cosmonaut program was still growing. Probably because the two midflight explosions were hushed up by the state-controlled media, so the pilots did not know what they were getting into.

Code: Select all

Current funds: 50 megabucks

Current astronaut roster: CLASS I AVAILABLE (20 MEGABUCKS)

Programs running: Sputnik, A-Series

Launch pads: 2

Missions planned: Launch Pad A, orbital satellite
                        Launch Pad B, orbital satellite

Code: Select all

DECISIONS TO MAKE:

1) Do you recruit astronauts (they cost 20 megabucks)
2) Do you initiate any new programs, continue research on current ones?
3) What missions to schedule for Fall 1958?
4) Do you keep astronauts in basic training, or yank them out, accepting quicker availability for missions in exchange for lower skills?

Note: Last year, you flew the hardware purchased with program initiation. Now every mission flown will require you to pay the unit cost of new hardware.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Johnny von Braun sat in his office, despondent. Several whiskey bottles sat empty around his chair. After much thought, he lifted the phone and called his operations staff:

"All right, continue the reasearch on the Atlas rockets, but transfer one of the research teams from the Explorer satellite to the rocket crews. Schedule another launch ASAP, should be in the Spring by now I reckon. Ja, ja, condolences to you do....[down phone]verdamt engineers and scientists! They are slowing my vision's fulfullment!"

My new orders:

-schedule another Explorer/Atlas launch for Spring '58
-remove one research team from Explorer
-add one team to Atlas

von Braun then lifted the Big Red Phone to call Ironhowler and explain himself.

"Yes mr President...it was a failure...I understand this is bad for our prestige but...mein Fuhrer, ah, I mean Herr President, we are dealing with a new engineering science that has never been applied on this scale! We cannot expect success from our first test launch! If I had more funding or facilities we could advance the test program and carry out the missions sooner. Yes, I know money is tight...well, the Navy don't really need more missile subs do they? Surely MASA is the way forward in showing Murcan prestige...Yes Mein Herr, I understand you can't prmise anything....danke schon...goodbye."

Jonny reaches for a fresh bottle of this strange beverage called Southern Comfort.

"It may be from ze South but it is not very comforting! In Thanasia we would have had the manufacturer shot for such poor advertising...oh well, maybe it will bring sleep..."

[PeZook]

No launches this year for MASA. The contractors decided to go cry in the corner and won't deliver you any new rockets until Spring 1959. See the news segment, it has actual in-game effects.

It sometimes pays to stockpile boosters for such occasions, but you didn't exactly have any spare cash

EDIT: also, you don't have five research teams TOTAL. If you have the money, you can go 5x explorer and 5x atlas if you want. If you had ten programs and loads of cash, you could run all of them with 5 teams each.

[FaxModem1]

Fax Modem stopped playing the harmonica as he watched the other astronauts go into basic training, something he was about to do.

"Well, this should be interesting."

He made sure his Playgirl was safely hidden in his duffel bag and followed the rest of the astronauts into the line. He continued playing his harmonica and was reminded of his home of Nebraska with the green fields all around. He quickly buried the thoughts he had about the men inside the magazine. Murcan heroes didn't do that sort of thing. Nor did Nebraskan farmboys, unless it was winter. Or summer, or spring. Or even fall.

Fax Modem really hoped no one checked his duffel as he went through basic training.

[Eternal_Freedom]

The phone rings:

"Ja? Was? Scheiss! Very well..." [Hang up]

Johnny groans before releasing a single exclamation:

"AH FUCK!"

The Southern Comfort sails across the room, swatting aside the Atlas/Explorer model before shattering against the wall.

My new orders:
-Add another two research teams to the Atlas project
-Build another launch pad
-Begin Ranger satellite project

[OmegaChief]

"I think for the sake of the Motherland, it may be best investing in some research before our next launch comrade von Evilstein, otherwise I may report that we are sufficantly advanced enough in the program to test a manned flight, with yourself as the brave patriotic pilot, we are clear on this da?"

[Simon_Jester]

Hmmm.

Dr. von Evilstein is now on his second strike, having had two rockets explode in succession- and is not the relevance of a metaphor from the accursed Murcan-capitalist-running-dog-lackey sport of baseball to his situation a sign of his lack of commitment to the glories of socialism?

I, Syrgy Pavylyvych, Zenobian rocket scientist recently released from gulag after being cleared of dastardly FALSE! accusations of embezzlement of funds, begin scheming to take the vile Thanasian's place in the event of a third failure.

[attempts to brush up on rules]

[Zixinus]

So it seems that most of this should be about spending a large sum on getting rockets to work without blowing up?

Because blowing up seems counter-productive.

[noncredible]

Aj em Václav Maisner from kantry Zeichoslovukia end aj vish to applaj for job flait softver progemmer for kantry Zenobia. Aj vill make spaiships more faster and more responsiver and aj vis better kontrolling.
Spoiler

I am Václav Maisner from the country Zeichoslovukia [equivalent to Czechoslovakia] and I want to apply for the job of flight software programmer for Zenobia. I can make the ships faster, more responsive, and I will give them better controls.

[Simon_Jester]

There is naturally a balance- quality versus quantity and haste versus speed. Dr. Doomie von Evilschtein went for the fastest possible launches, gambling against the low quality of his rockets in hopes of getting the first annoying beeping noise into orbit.

In the event, this was unsuccessful, and we have so far been saved from humiliation only by the incompetence of the Americans and the foul Thanasian wrecker in command of their program- the viper they permitted into their tent.

I, of course, would argue that this only proves that Thanasians still harbor secret resentment against both capitalist and socialist states alike. And that the existing farce of a rocket program is a product of von Evilstein's deranged brains, which should be moved into a more suitable configuration by use of assorted commissarial implements and the program taken over by a native son of Mother Zenobia rather than a foul Thanasian wrecker.

[Zixinus]

In either's place, I would have delayed the launches and instead just poured as much research as possible to make the rockets safer instead of trying to launch prematurely. PeZook already hinted that such tense movements could have explosive results.

[Eternal_Freedom]

Having recovered from his hangover, Johnny is reading the editorials in the morning paper:

"God damn these opinion pieces piss me off! It's so easy for them to second-geuss my decisions fromt he safety of the sidelines! They have no concept of what it is to actually be here and make the hard call; risk a launch or risk losing to those bastard Zenobians!"

[PeZook]

Snagging the first satellite Milestone early gives a nice cash bonus, and denies it to the opponent. Also allows you to move on to the manned program, making it easier and enabling you to snag MORE milestones.

Doomie went a bit too fast, though. 10% reliability on the rocket...plus rushing the launch...gives you 7% chance of the rocket working. And the satellite mission has two stages rolled from the rocket (launch and orbital insertion), making the actual chance of the thing working...1.4%.

If Murca didn't roll badly, they could've had the Milestone. But with the contractor dismayed, things can still go either way.

BTW: if astronauts are recruited in spring 1958, they will be ready for assignment into programs in fall 1959, unless yanked from basic training earlier. After getting assigned to a manned program (say, Mercury), astronauts are available for mission planning the next season, which means there's a delay of TWO SEASONS from assignment to actual manned mission flown. Later on the delay is reduced to a normal rate, unless you switch the astronaut between programs.

Plan ahead, guys.