Let's Play: BERF CERTIFICATING IT UP

[Shroom Man 777]

FEELIPINO JANITOR HAS SMEARED HIS FACE IN WARPAINT MADE OUT OF SHIT

HIS FACE IS NOW FIREPROOF

(and his mask has asbestos in it, mu-wa-ha-ha)

[Force Lord]

Nontheless, ANGRY PUERTO RICAN STUDENT is still SEEING RED.

[Shroom Man 777]

THE LAST PERSON to TAKE A SHIT in the TOILET THAT EXPLODED was SUFFERING from DYSENTERY

[Force Lord]

Spoiler

OOC- What does that mean?

[FaxModem1]

SPRINKLERS Activate, washing the SHIT and FIRE off of EVERYONE. STUDENT WEARING APRON removes BURNED APRON. "My mom is gonna kill me. He is now STUDENT COOK, he shoots the handmade flamethrower, causing a small explosion and covering the JANITOR in FLAMMABLE LIQUID.

[Shroom Man 777]

Spoiler

Dysentery (formerly known as flux or the bloody flux) is an inflammatory disorder of the intestine, especially of the colon, that results in severe diarrhea containing mucus and/or blood in the feces[1] with fever and abdominal pain.[2] If left untreated, dysentery can be fatal.

Differences between dysentery and normal bloody diarrhea are as follows: Dysentery consists of small volume, very bloody, and lots of PMNs and RBCs; normal bloody diarrhea is more watery and may not have PMNs or mucus.

[Force Lord]

PUERTO RICAN STUDENT quickly moves away from FLAMMABLE LIQUID.

[Shroom Man 777]

SPRINKLERS Activate, washing the SHIT and FIRE off of EVERYONE. STUDENT WEARING APRON removes BURNED APRON. "My mom is gonna kill me. He is now STUDENT COOK, he shoots the handmade flamethrower, causing a small explosion and covering the JANITOR in FLAMMABLE LIQUID.

A.) THE FLAMMABLE LIQUID is ROCKET FUEL and FIRE DOES NOT WASH OFF FROM STUDENT and STUDENT CONTINUES TO BURN - THE ROCKET FUEL EATS THROUGH HIS APRON AND BURNS INTO HIS CHEST

B.) FIRE DOES WASH OFF, so FLAMMABLE LIQUID is ALSO WASHED OFF from JANITOR

IF B.) JANITOR SCREAMS and CRIES

"WHY did you SHOOT that SHIT-COVERED MANG who RAN OUT of the BATHROOM? YOU MURDERERS!" SHITSCHACH WEEPS

THE SCHOOL's PRIVATE SWAT TEAM arrives to ARREST GUN-WIELDING MANIACS THREATENING the SCHOOL STAFF

[FaxModem1]

Wait, where the hell did he get rocket fuel?

[Force Lord]

"Me have no gun! They have gun! Me just playing with JANITOR!"

[FaxModem1]

SWAT TEAM uses FIRE EXTINGUISHERS on STUDENT COOK, he is now fine. They are on the LOCAL TRIAD PAYROLL, and salute STUDENT COOK.

"Kill the Janitor."

[Force Lord]

PUERTO RICAN STUDENT decides to run away from POTENTIAL SHITSTORM. Leaving the BATHROOM, he makes a SPECIAL CALL...

[Shroom Man 777]

Wait, where the hell did he get rocket fuel?

FOOL, FEELIPINO-GRADE LYSOL - the only substance certified to CLEANSE BALUT-SMELLING FEELIPINO POO - is so potent that it is rated to BURN UNDERWATER

The FEELIPINO-GRADE LYSOL has the STRANGE yet FAMILIAR odor of ROCKET FUEL

WHICH SOME OF THOSE HERE may have HUFFED in their PREVIOUS LIVES

the source of this glourious liquid is the same mystery that these men seek to solve with the memory-fragments from their previous lives FEELIPINO JANITOR SHITSCHACH thinks to himself

At the BOTTOM of the LYSOL CAN is a LABEL "made in BAIKONUREK KOSMODROME, BORATISTAN"

UNKNOWN TO ALL the PRIVATIZED ZENOBIAN SPACE AGENCY makes more money from SELLING CLEANING PRODUCTS than from SPACEFLIGHT

[Simon_Jester]

Spoiler

Fax? Remember what I said some time ago about your tendency to let yourself get out of control and keep trying to have your guys do SUPER EFFECTIVE stuff instead of letting people have actual fun and accomplish interesting things?

[FaxModem1]

Spoiler

Good Point.

Slightly burned STUDENT COOK mutterings of orders and delusions of SWAT TEAM make no sense as they take him to SWAT VAN. The man has inhaled too much ROCKET FUEL.

[Shroom Man 777]

In his STATE of SHOCK the BADLY BURNED STUDENT mistakes SWAT TEAM's FRANTIC WAVES to PARAMEDIC BURN UNIT TEAM as SALUTES.

THE FEELIPINO JANITOR is ACTUALLY a NUERS and ACCOSTS the PARAMEDICS

"we need to help this mang stat!" FEELIPINO JANITOR SHOUTS

In his last CONSCIOUS MOMENTS the BADLY BURNED STUDENT sees himself - in an OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE - being HAULED to a STRETCHER

"don't worry mang, we'll take care of you!" the FEELIPINO SHITSCHACH JANITOR-NUERS says as he PULLS OUT a SYRINGE from NOWHERE

It is filled with BROWN FLUID

He injects it to BADLY BURNED STUDENT

EVERYTHING turns BROWN


TO BE CONTINUED

[FaxModem1]

BADLY BURNED STUDENT screams.

[Shroom Man 777]

Spoiler

Shep is going to have a great time rationalizing all of this.

[Shroom Man 777]

The FEELIPINO SHITSCHACH JANITOR-NUERS departs with BURNED STUDENT

PUERTO RICAN merely STARES IN HORROR

The FEELIPINO SHITSCHACH JANITOR-NUERS throws his EMPTIED LYSOL CANISTER to the FLOOR

EVIL LAUGHTER echoes in the HALLS of the CAMPUS

dun dun dun

[FaxModem1]

BURNED STUDENT keeps on screaming.

[Scottish Ninja]

QUIET STUDENT hears the ANTICS, and sighs.

QUIET STUDENT tries to talk to REAL GODDAMN AMERICAN STUDENT to figure out what he is planning. QUIET STUDENT is up for an IMPROMPTU TRIP to RUSSIA.

[FaxModem1]

Spoiler

So, three pages in, and we have a fire, a fight in the bathroom, a gunfight in the hallway, a dead random passerby, a janitor with a flamethrower, and flooding of the school through the sprinklers? is there anything I missed?

[Shroom Man 777]

Spoiler

You being injected with poo.

[Force Lord]

PUERTO RICAN STUDENT picks up EMPTY SYRINGE and LYSOL CANISTER. Decides to keep them as MEMENTOS.

[FaxModem1]

BURNED STUDENT wakes up in hospital room, wondering what's going on.