Conversations From the Gaming Front Lines

[Schuyler Colfax]

Well if we can one about relationships and jobs, I'm sure we can have one about playing games with our friends.

Sadly enough I can't think of any right now (the irony). Actually I can't even remember the last time I played a video game with someone else. I guess I'm getting sucked into the campaign (single player) side of gaming.

Anyway, go.

[Oscar Wilde]

Ok, I'll bite...
Can't remember the exact conversation, but it was during Gears of War online. Dude on the other team talking far to much trash at me, in the next round I slaughter the entire team single handedly.

[MarshalFoch]

Perfect timing on finding this thread as I just got done with a round of annoying matches in NBA 2K9 with my new roommate. I have four roommates and aside from the landlord we are all big into sports, and 2K9 generally dominates the common room nowadays since we are all pretty evenly matched at it. It is the closest to religion you will find here, even our chores are sort of determined by how you did that week.

This works well since we all enjoy it, are somewhat competitive, and no one gets annoyed since we generally keep the trash talk within bounds. However I fear our 2K days are nearing their end with the new guy. His trash talk consists of three phrases
- "[insert your team here] are fags", said when the loading screen displays team highlights
- "T-macs the shit son", said before he takes a shot, and yes, he only shoots with one player on the Rockets, which is the only team he plays
- "Get that shit outta my house", said when Yao blocks someone like Rondo during a layup, or the computer blocks for him.

He is unbelievably predictable on when he will say any of these, and if he beats you he "whooped your ass" (his largest margin of victory was 5). He acts as if he is blowing you out no matter what. He will then brag about his skills endlessly to anyone who comes over, which creeps out anyone who stops by to no end. That would be bad enough if he had skills, but to give you a taste, to date he has won 3 games out of perhaps 15-20. The game I just finished started with me taking a 35-5 lead into the 2nd quarter. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TRY TO SCORE 10 IN A QUARTER!!

I won't even begin to get into how he plays Madden. Suffice to say he is that guy who always goes for it on 4th down, always kicks an onside kick, and always goes for the 2 point conversion. At this point I'm wondering if this post doesn't belong in the roommate thread.

[PainRack]

A very old game of DOTA and how frustrating it was to play with Maplestory kiddies........

So, I was online and I was playing as Skeleton King. I ran out to the southern trail and was waiting at the southern tower for a minute, until my team-mate, a Stealth Assasin popped up. Waited there until our opponent first creep wave had shown up and Broodmother had popped his web....... And the Assasin then typed

Change lane please!

Ok......... I'm a nice guy. And hey, I know, a gimped up Stealth Assasin can be deadly, not as deadly as my Skeleton King but as a stunner, I could afford to be nice as I have more killing power. So, I typed back something in the lines of I change lane once we killed the opponent hero.

He repeats...... Change lane please!

After another creep wave or so, he types again, Change lane please! My hero needs solo xp.. And he proceeds to type another couple of msgs about how we shouldn't let Broodmother be overlevelled................ Ignoring my msg that I leave ONCE we kill the hero. Which had the broodmother hp sunk to 1/2, I was already level 2 to the SA level 1 and the Brood level 2 and had approximately 75% of my hp to the Assasin 75% green bar.......

He then proceeded to spam the msgs asking me to change lane, ignoring my ping where I was just about to backstab the Broodmother, and of course, the fucking mother escaped with a tiny silver of life, all due to me and creep damage.... All it would had needed was a single fucking BLINK STRIKE, Dagger or some spell from this shit to slow him and he could had even gotten the damn first Blood kill if it was Blink strike........ And the only thing this idiot did was to run around, being damaged by creeps and got one hit in from the tower before he retreated... And of course, was underleveled because he had massively failed to get any creep kills whatsoever.

It shouldn't come as a surprise that I left the lane then and the bugger got murdered when Broodmother outlevelled him to level 7 to his level 5/6 and the only thing he was doing is complaining. When he quit, he didn't even have any good items, just a fucking Boot of Speed.....While me, the lane changer, who changed lane at such a late stage, had no kills whatsoever thanks to this idiot, had a Boot of speed and was building up to Preservance when he quit.

[Oskuro]

Playing Desert Combat, the following were uttered by a friend of mine, aptly nicknamed Goofy:

Goofy: "Wait! I'm a medic! Let me heal you!"
*shotgun blast*
<Goofy killed a teamate>

Oskuro: "Goofy! Fix the blackhawk!"
Goofy: "On my way!"
Oskuro: "Goof? Why are you holding a landmine?"
Goofy: "Oops! My bad!" *switches weapon*
*Oskuro watches in horror as Goofy lobs a grenade at the chopper*
Oskuro: "Take off! TAKE OFF!"
*BOOM*
<Goofy killed a teamate>
<Goofy killed a teamate>
<Goofy has died>

Goofy: "Look! The Healing Vehicle has spawned! Wohooo!"
*Rocket slams into the APC before Goofy gets in*
Goofy: "Oskuro! Someone is shooting rockets at us!"
Oskuro: "Yes Goofy, I've noticed"
*Goofy turns around, Oskuro reloads the Bazooka*

Goofy: "Guys! I can't kick this bot from the driver's position! It's driving into the desert!"
*general indiference*
Goofy: "Guuys! He's stopped in the middle of nowehre and I can't kick him out!"
Oskuro: "Try jumping out of the vehicle and back in"
Goofy: "Ok!"
Goofy: "Guys! He drove off without me!"

Oskuro: "Medic! I'm hit"
Oskuro: "Goofy! I mean you! Come over here and patch me up!"
Goofy: "Coming!"
*Goofy heals Oskuro*
Oskuro: "Thanks"
*Oskuro turns around and empties a clip into Goofy's face"
<Oskuro killed a teammate>
Goofy: "Why did you do that?!"
EVERYONE: "BECAUSE YOU BLEW UP THE CHOPPER!"

And some random others:

Blackhawk Pilot: "Did he hit us with the SCUD Launcher?!"

Oskuro: "you're running them over with a jet?!"

Newbie: "guys? How do you open the parachu-"
*Splat!*

[Ford Prefect]

Nicely played Oskuro. This Goofy guy sounds like a riot.

This thread needs more exchanges from the SDN games of Horde on Gears of War II.

[Oscar Wilde]

GTA4 online, free mode
-----------
Me: Can someone in a chopper come pick me up? I'm dark green.
Hapless victim: Sure, I'll be right there
*HV lands*
FFFFFFOOOOOOSH
Me has killed HV
-----------
That trick never gets old.

[TithonusSyndrome]

Nicely played Oskuro. This Goofy guy sounds like a riot.

Absolutely, I actually have a mental picture of the Disney character in-game. I'd love to hear more.

[Rightous Fist Of Heaven]

Desert Combat, I'm acting as the gunner in the Hind while some guy who knows his shit is driving. We've been flying around for a while, the entire match as a matter of fact without getting shot down and are hanging at the top of the score chart. We're doing an RTB for repairs and ammo when suddenly the pilot pivots the bird towards a small bunker on top of a hill and let's loose a short barrage of rockets. Immediately after firing he pivots back to the original heading followed by

<pilot name> Killed <player name>
<pilot name> Killed <player name>
<pilot name> Killed <player name>

I'm a bit baffled as I didn't see squat and I checked the bunker so I ask the guy.

Me: How did you know there was someone there?
Pilot: There's always someone there.

Needless to say, I stuck around with the guy for a dozen or so different maps. Fun times.

[Havok]

Nicely played Oskuro. This Goofy guy sounds like a riot.

This thread needs more exchanges from the SDN games of Horde on Gears of War II.

I'm sorry, but our humor is too high brow for this thread. Besides, it's just JSF combat rolling through LAZOR fences and calling in tactical mortar strikes "OH SHIT OVER HERE WHERE I AM BY THE GUY WITH THE GUN!!!"

And Flash sounds like Barry White.

[Oscar Wilde]

CoD 4, team Deathmatch, Overgrown
Using a stealth class, UAV jammer, Silenced Skorpion, bandolier, and something else, can't remember.

LMG toting noob: There's a sniper on the house
Bad Ass Mother Fucker(me): So take him out!
LMG toting noob: I'm trying, why don't you do it?
BAMF: *pop around corner, TTTTTTTTTT
BAMF has killed Hapless Sniper

[JointStrikeFighter]

Nicely played Oskuro. This Goofy guy sounds like a riot.

This thread needs more exchanges from the SDN games of Horde on Gears of War II.

I'm sorry, but our humor is too high brow for this thread. Besides, it's just JSF combat rolling through LAZOR fences and calling in tactical mortar strikes "OH SHIT OVER HERE WHERE I AM BY THE GUY WITH THE GUN!!!"

And Flash sounds like Barry White.

FUCK YOU! Besides we all know Stark is the one possesing an insatiable urge to combat role through the laser fence.

SHIRTLESS MAN RIGHT MIDFIELD SHACK FARSIDE ADJUST FIRE 20m AFT!

[The Yosemite Bear]

me: oh SHIT!!!, *lays down massive amounts of Diablo mana depleting, ass kicking, doom on baddies*
Me: hey guys where are you? (damn why's my inventory full of ears?

[Oskuro]

Playing some DooM3 OpenCoop mod on a LAN:

Oskuro: "Ok guys, position yourselves at both sides of the door, aiming inwards, while I open it"
*reloads shotgun*
Oskuro: "Those in front, remember to duck so those behind you can shoot the enemies"
*checks team*
Oskuro: "And if you have to run, don't run into the line of fire! Ready? GO!"
<Snip of team dying from friendly fire>
Oskuro: "What the fuck was that?! Respawn and get back here!"
*shoots zombie*
Goofy: "Guys, I'm lost! I can't get back to you!"
Oskuro: "The fucking level is linear! YOU CAN'T GET LOST!"

<after the regrouping for the umpteenth time>

Oskuro: "Ok, change of plans guys, you three burst in through the door using shotguns, I'll snipe from behind"
*reloads rifle*
Oskuro: "Ready? GO!"
*waits patiently for team to be massacred, steps in and finishes the zombies*
Oskuro: "I love it when a plan comes tog--"
Goofy: "Guys? I'm lost!"
Oskuro: "Again?! It's the SAME FUCKING LEVEL!"


Playing a LAN game of coop Serious Sam (Second Encounter), and Goofy is wearing the Santa Skin:

*Blam!*
<Goofy was killed by a teammate>
Goofy: "Guys? Who just shot me?!"
Groovy: "I did"
Pilot: "Bullshit! I shot him!"
Denzel: "No way! It was me!"
*Discussion ensues*

[Uraniun235]

Does Goofy have a learning disability?

[Oskuro]

Does Goofy have a learning disability?

I sincerely believe Walt Disney traveled through time and based his character off him, but made him a bit less obnoxious for credibility's sake. Oh, and people call him "Goofy" in real life, even his family.


Also, a few more I just remembered (non-Goofy related):


Counter Strike LAN game, BigMan being the Host:

<BigMan is now named Clive>
Clive: "What the...? The game just changed my name! Let's see..."
<Clive is now named BigMan>
BigMan: "All right! Now, let's--"
<BigMan is now named Reese>
Reese: "What's wrong with this game? Is there a bug or something?"
<Reese is now named Willis>
Willis: "Again? Hey guys, anyone know what's going on?"
<Willis is now named Peterson>
Peterson: "Waaaaaaah! Leave my name alone! Pleeeeeease!"
<Peterson is now named Leave My Name Alone Pleeeeease>
Leave My Name Alone Pleeeeease: "What the FUCK?!"
*general laughter*

Apparently, a player was remotely changing the host's name.

And now, since my previous post makes me seem badass, something that transpired at the beginning of the DooM3 OpenCoop session *I* organized:

<snip of Oskuro explaining game mechanics as the team runs through the introduction>
Oskuro: "Ok guys, the scientist we're looking for is inside that room, I'll watch the corridor, someone go in"
*Cinematic triggers, all hell breaks loose*
Goofy: "What's going on? What are those symbols?"
Pilot: "Something really weird is going on the computer screens!"
Turbo: "Guys, something's wrong with the scientist he's..."
*scientist turns into a zombie*
Turbo: "He's attacking me! He's attacking me!"
Pilot: "Run! Out of the room!"
Goofy: "The doors are locked!"
*Oskuro chuckles at the confusion, takes aim at the zombie, and fires three shots directly into its face*
Oskuro: "Ehrm... He's not dropping..."
*Empties clip*
Oskuro: "Why isn't it dropping?"
*reloads, fires again*
Oskuro: "What is going on?!"
*fires like crazy while backing into a wall*
Oskuro: "AAAAARGH! It won't die!"
*cue to general chaos, no flashlights, and another zombie joining the fray*
<GAME OVER>
Pilot: "Oskuro! What the hell was that?!"
Oskuro: "It should have dropped! I've done this a hundred times! It should have-- Oh, wait, monsters get tougher when more players join the game. Woops! My bad!"
EVERYONE: "RAAAAAAARGH!"

[Oscar Wilde]

Halo 3

Me: Get over here, I'm about to put a grenade on your face!

[Karza]

A half an hour ago, playing Left 4 Dead. Some brightspark falls out of a window in the middle of a zombie rush but manages to hang on to the ledge. The rest of us are kinda busy and he won't fall off anytime soon so nobody goes immediately to pull him up.

Him: get me up fukers!1!!
<30 seconds of frantic combat, after which I help him up>
Him: why u tkae so long fuker?!1
Me: So VERY sorry, we were kinda busy in case you didn't notice.
Him:fuk u nerd
<moron tries to kill me, gets voted out of the game before even managing that>

Gotta love these retards.

[Oscar Wilde]

Not really a convo, bit a situation
CoD 4, Team Deathmatch, Bloc

Can't remember if I saw them or laid down on the off-chance, but an entire team runs through one of the side doors, to be met by *BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM*, just spraying, kill like 6 of them, and get countersniped.

[The Yosemite Bear]

first AD&D session after a very long stint of compy and consol playing.

The GM describes us, in an open space with thousands of kobolds, including archers on cliffs under cover, etc.

Half-Elf Ranger: we saved the game didn't we?
Human Cleric: I looked for a save spot at the Inn but I couldn't find one.

[Schuyler Colfax]

My friends started playing Magic: The Gathering (a card game).

I was just a watching a game between two of my friends while doing some homework and another friend was sitting with the three of us. The guy was bored so he started looking through Friend 1's deck while it was Friend 2's turn.

"If you mess with any of my cards, I'm gonna punch you right in the face" ~ Friend 1
"Over a card game" ~ Me
"Yes" ~ Friend 1
~ Me
"This is exactly why I stopped playing" ~ Friend 3 (going through Friend 1's deck)

[Lord Relvenous]

Scion game last night.

The party is on a plane, flying over the Atlantic. We're playing through the Ragnarok campaign, and we're all Norse scions. One of the Scions carries a katana, due to its speed. The whole session he's been getting crap about his choice of a pussy weapon from one of the other Scions(who carries a huge battle-axe). At this point, the plane has been attacked by a dragon, and one of the wings is missing. The only reason we have not plummeted to a quick and painful death is because Mike, the Scion with the katana, has been using his winged boots to help support the plane, and Andrew is using grapple with the wind to hold the plane up. Mike has a ring of teleportation, but we haven't used it because we were trying to save the passengers. They all just got killed by dragon's breath.

Mike: Well all the passengers are dead, so we might as well teleport out of here.
Me: Yeah he has a high enough soak that all my shots are doing very little to him.
Cam: Yeah, I can't even get through the soak.
Mike: Even if I didn't have to try to hold this plane up, I probably wouldn't be able to hurt him.
Jeff (as he takes a swing at the Dragon): What Mike, is your katana too weak to do anything? Or is it just because your a pussy.
Mike: You know, Jeff, I've had about enough out of you. Say one more thing about my sword. Go on do it.
Jeff: I'd hesitate to even call that thing a sword.
Mike (to GM): I use my ring to teleport Shaun, Cam, Andrew, and myself to California.
Jeff: WHAT?!

[Peptuck]

Playing a Halo 3 co-op game with my buddy Jason. He was playing the Chief, I was playing the Arbiter. We'd just finished knocking out the first tower on The Covenant, and were driving back, with me in the driver's seat and Jason in the passenger seat. He had the gravity hammer and was bored, so he swung it at rocks as we were driving back, causing gravity explosions. I told him to knock it off, and he responded by turning and smacking me with the butt of the hammer. We started laughing, and then he suddenly hit me with the hammer's charged end, right as we were about to reach the beach.

The Warthog goes flying, with my corpse hurtling through the air, and Jason tumbling out. I crash somewhere in the middle of the ocean, and we spend the next few minutes laughing incessantly.

A little later, we get on the Hornets. Jason still has his gravity hammer, so instead of jacking a Hornet for himself, he opts to ride passenger with me. As soon as we lift off and see Banshees, he raises a hand and points.

"FLY ME CLOSER! I WANT TO HIT THEM WITH MY HAMMER!"

We proceeded to do exactly that. Jason killed three Banshees with the gravity hammer before it ran out of power, at which point he started chucking plasma grenades at them.

[atg]

A few months ago some friend and I had a CoD4 lan at my place, playing on line in the same servers.

As the night went on we are steadily getting more and more intoxicated, our skills are sharply plumeting, and we started using the in game chat to abuse each other, much to the bewilderment of the others on the server. My memory is hazy (for the obvious reason) but it ended with us all changing our profile screen name to the same thing: "FondleTank".