This thread applies to stories in which idiots you've played with or against completely fucked you over in multiplayer, whether in co-op, online play or whatever.
This was last night, (the reason I'm actually making this thread is so I can rant about it), I was playing Halo: Combat Evolved. The game was 'team oddball' and the level was 'blood gulch'. This dumbass motherfucker on my team grabbed the fucking skull and hops into the warthog with 2 other dudes (he was the gunner). And since he was in the vehicle and had the skull the timer wasn't going and he had to hold it for 2 minutes. So I'm telling the guy to get out and he doesn't. This shit went on for a good 8 minutes. And since team kill was off I couldn't cap the bitch. So I jumped into a warthog and tried to just run into them just so I could flip there warthog and have them fall out of it. It took a while, but I got them. I get out of my warthog and jump into the other one because the dumbshit jumped right back on the gunner. So I took the car and started driving, I drove far away from my old warthog and into a cliff and flipped everyone off including myself. I jumped right on the warthog and drove off leaving his ass there. The time went to 2 minutes and we won. Yes, I had to do all of that just so we could win. What the fuck is wrong with people?
One time on Counterstrike there was a drunk guy singing Dave Matthews Band lyrics. If you interrupted him he'd stop and yell at you for ruining the song and then he'd start over from scratch.
This isn't exactly multiplayer but it was Co-Op on Gears of War.
So yeah, me and my friend were playing on the level where you had to go into the Locust hive for the first time after the COG invasion begins, and he was decked out with, of all things, a Boomshot missile launcher. Ok, i sez, cause i know that the fire's going to be heavy so i welcome the firepower.
So he then shoots some enemies, including a Boomer, and he thinks it looks cool. He says to me, "Hey i wonder what it would look like if you shot someone close, i wonder if it'd be like...ludicrous gibs!" these were his exact words. For about two seconds my mind could not fully absorb that information, i guess it was so stupid that my brain kind of got stuck like a computer in a logical loop. But no sooner had his words sunk in i was like "Wait...what? No!"
POW!
He shoots, half of my health goes, the enemies close in, my friend laughs hardy and i get to eat shit. I wanted to wring his neck, but sadly was unable to, as he's my girlfreind's brother and i was intending to, as we say in the ghetto, "hit it" later.
This would have been around three years ago (since then, I've never had net connection good enough for decent multiplayer speed anyway)... Playing Day of Defeat on public servers, I desperately type out "don't bunch up!", or simply "dont bunch!" after the first couple of times... But I seem to keep getting idiots in whichever team I'm in who seems to be crossbreeds between sheeps and lemmings, because they just keep bunching up in groups of 3 or more in tight spaces, ensuring that it took only one enemy grenades (not even all that skillfully thrown) or a long burst of MG42 to kill them all at once, despite doing all I can to provide covering fire. Of course, this typically leaves me (and whoever else that didn't bunch up like an idiot) fighting against greater numbers, not that we could expect much help from the idiots even after they respawned.
On the other hand, it did create some awesome moments: lone US/British soldier, fighting a losing battle against impossible odds, using cover and hit & runs tactics to whittle away at the seemingly endless tide of Nazis, trying to hold out for reinforcements that would never arrive (and wouldn't have been much bloody use even if they did make it in time)...
"Those Chinese f..kers are trying to rat-f..k us," -credited to Kevin Rudd, the former Prime Minister of Australia
JointStrikeFighter wrote:Every single game of WiC ever. SEND IN THE HEAVY REPAIR ATTACK SQUAD! OH NOES TANKS!
Obviously you mean the HEAVY ARTY URBAN COMBAT VEHICLE.
Or the people that order a scout chopper swarm and try to kill heavy tanks with it.
Vendetta wrote:Richard Gatling was a pioneer in US national healthcare. On discovering that most soldiers during the American Civil War were dying of disease rather than gunshots, he turned his mind to, rather than providing better sanitary conditions and medical care for troops, creating a machine to make sure they got shot faster.
Getting called a 'camping fag' in Call of Duty:World at War. Strangely enough this wasn't for being a sniper for once, it was in War mode where you try to take flags and defend your own. So taking flags by swarming it with guys (defeatable by a well placed grenade) or defending your own with a few guys is camping.
Of course, the same guy could do nothing but spam rifle grenades and got his ass soundly kicked whenever he tried to use guns normally.
Don't Move you're surrounded by Armed Bastards - Gene Hunt's attempt at Diplomacy
I will not make any deals with you. I've resigned. I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own - Number 6
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Last weekend, playing some online Battlefield 1942 (and for me that's the ONLY Battlefield game there is) some imbecile decided that driving the carrier off the map and thus destroying the spawnpoints was fun.
Punkbuster's update timed out and kicked me off the server before I could properly thank him for his contribution.
Delta Force: BHD - playing Team King of the Hill on Stadium. My fucking team-mates were a bunch of tweenie (it was a LAN so I know this for a fact) CS loving wankers (they were a CS clan) who were just sitting at the back of the map with sniper rifles complaining that they couldn't see anyone to shoot. I was the only person on our team who could understand the concept of King of the Hill. In that there is a zone. And you have to be in it. And then you get points. And then you win.
Nooo. That was not for them.
For three FUCKING ROUNDS IN A ROW I was the sole person on my team who actually entered the hill. Only to be brutally massacred by the ENTIRE OTHER TEAM that was set up in there.
Sure, I'll tell a story. America's Army, Bridge Crossing map.
I was on Defense. At some point one of my teammates fell off the bridge, from the east end of the south ledge, defense side. There is a tall mound of snow built up against the base of that end of the bridge, making it possible to survive if you fall from that particular spot, as this teammate did. He spent the rest of the round there instead of committing suicide, until eventually he was the only one left. The red circle in the image above shows where he was. This server was set up so that once you died you could only cycle your view through your surviving teammates from a third person perspective, with no free camera, so we were all stuck looking at this one guy under the bridge doing nothing. There were two left on Assault, one skilled player and one noob. Before the second to last on our team died we could see them making their way across the bridge to our side. After that we were sure we had lost, they could move on to the objective at their leisure. Then we hear a burst of gunfire and the console reports that the noob killed the skilled player, then left the server a little while later.
Well, not strictly another player, but there was that time in Supreme Commander where I ordered my battleship along a specific path to avoid a shitload of torpedo launchers--which it promptly took a detour through for no obvious reason.
The only time I ever played paintball (hey, it's a multi-player game, it just doesn't use a computer), at the end of the day it came down to me and two other kids with cheapass rental guns vs. some guy who'd obviously spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on his fully automatic gun of doom. Somehow I manage to pin this guy down for 20 minutes, hunkering down behind cover about 10 feet away from him and occasionally popping my gun up to fire up a shot in his general direction. I ran out of paintballs and still kept him pinned by just firing CO2. Do the other two kids even try to flank him though? Nope, they hide in the woods at the very end of the playing field, too scared of getting shot to actually play the fucking game. Finally my CO2 ran out and Full-Auto-Guy just stood up from behind his cover and popped me in the top of the head.
For me I think it occurs in any game with vehicles but some distinct memories of Joint Operations, Operation Flashpoint and Battlefield where people would grab helicopters, fly off toward the enemy and then nose dive the heli into any manned emplacement or bunched up group whilst parachuting out immediately before impact...
All people are equal but some people are more equal than others.
For me I think it occurs in any game with vehicles but some distinct memories of Joint Operations, Operation Flashpoint and Battlefield where people would grab helicopters, fly off toward the enemy and then nose dive the heli into any manned emplacement or bunched up group whilst parachuting out immediately before impact...
It was almost enough to make me enter a Foddz-rage.
Any server (BF2 and 2142 are bad for this), you join a game where you get a message on your screen. Obey the server rules posted at our website. Why not just put the server rules in the loading screen dumbass.
Don't Move you're surrounded by Armed Bastards - Gene Hunt's attempt at Diplomacy
I will not make any deals with you. I've resigned. I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own - Number 6
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Styphon wrote:The only time I ever played paintball (hey, it's a multi-player game, it just doesn't use a computer), at the end of the day it came down to me and two other kids with cheapass rental guns vs. some guy who'd obviously spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on his fully automatic gun of doom. Somehow I manage to pin this guy down for 20 minutes, hunkering down behind cover about 10 feet away from him and occasionally popping my gun up to fire up a shot in his general direction. I ran out of paintballs and still kept him pinned by just firing CO2. Do the other two kids even try to flank him though? Nope, they hide in the woods at the very end of the playing field, too scared of getting shot to actually play the fucking game. Finally my CO2 ran out and Full-Auto-Guy just stood up from behind his cover and popped me in the top of the head.
Oh, gods. The stories I could tell about paintball. Mostly though it has to do with one of two things:
1) Noobies who show up in groups and proceed to bunch up behind bunkers. Like three or four people behind one square of plywood.
2) Players about my age (18-25) who are uselessly out of shape and can't sprint more than ten feet.
***
Video gamewise. DoD (original) on a realism server with limited special classes, playing Overlord (D-Day landing) map. Usually the allies, supported by snipers, scramble the sparse cover against the German MGs that are hosing the beach down. As allies we got two snipers, both of which sucked. Sniping on that map is not hard- you look at one of two huge bunkers and wait for the enemy MG to deploy. Awful, awful round. Between the MGs, snipers, mortars, and grenades getting tossed on the beach, I think we never even broke the first line of barbed wire.
I can never love you because I'm just thirty squirrels in a mansuit."
"Ah, good ol' Popeye. Punching ghosts until they explode."[/b]-Internet Webguy
"It was cut because an Army Ordnance panel determined that a weapon that kills an enemy soldier 10 times before he hits the ground was a waste of resources, so they scaled it back to only kill him 3 times."-Anon, on the cancellation of the Army's multi-kill vehicle.
EVE we are prepping for a PVE mission, and one of our group flies his brand new, not yet outfitted BC through three Security 2 zones to rondevous with my ship that just got done building all the missiles for the group. (I'm flying a HOARDER full of ammo) Worse he
broadcast on local channel that he was meeting with me to get the missiles, Launchers, and Rail guns from me.
AT least when I fly through several level .4's or lower, I make sure to keep my ship kitted for Anti-PVP (Warp Boosters, MW thrusters, jammers, counter missiles)
The scariest folk song lyrics are "My Boy Grew up to be just like me" from cats in the cradle by Harry Chapin
Huntard puts his monkey on aggro, leaves the taunt on and complains that the tank sucks when bad things happen.
You would think that by 75 he would know how to play his class.
"Siege warfare, French for spawn camp" WTYP podcast
It's so bad it wraps back around to awesome then back to bad again, then back to halfway between awesome and bad. Like if ed wood directed a godzilla movie - Duckie
This will probably be a little bit incomprehensible to someone who hasn't played WoW, but I've been dying to tell this story ever since a guildie reminded of it. Also, sorry for the length of the post, but it's my favourite idiot story.
One late night, months ago back in TBC, a guildie was desperate to do a (reg) Slave Pens run. He already had two other PUG'ers ready to go, but he needed a tank and a healer. Since it was late at night, he didn't have a chance of hell of getting them, so he asked around in guild chat. Luckily for him, the tank and I (healer) were on. We were just barely at the recommended level for the instance which isn't that great an idea for these two critical roles, but seeing as we were the only tank and healer in the guild, we were used to guildies pulling us into content we weren't quite ready for. Besides, me and the tank worked really well together, and we always managed to do well in content we never had a right doing in the first place (including this one time we almost cleared SH when we were both level 67, two levels below minimum recommended).
Besides, it'll be an easy run, right? A lvl 69 hunter was tagging along. (You can see where this is going)
We start clearing the instance, but it seems a lot harder than it should be. With the 69 hunter, these mobs should be going down much faster. I wonder what's wrong?
And then he starts arguing with the tank over who should pull. The tank was doing just fine, mind you. But he was convinced that he should be doing it no matter what anyone else said. For the rest of the instance, he and the tank would be in a race over who could pull the mob first. Not that he ever used misdirect mind you. He just expected the tank to pull the mob off him when he pulled. We would have kicked him at this point if we had the slightest chance of getting another player to replace him.
Finally, when we were on a break due to a member going afk, he decides to show off his *leet* blue bow. His blue bow where the only bonus on it is +stam (I still weep for the warrior tank he probably rolled against for it)...
This prompted me to check out his gear and talents. No fucking wonder his damage was so low. He was gearing for stam! He had something ridiculous like +500 stam and about +200 agility! He also had his talents spread equally through all three trees. And at this point, I first notice his pet is a god damn caster pet.
Yep, turns out we have a first class huntard. Awesome.
Little while later, we're almost to the second boss, and the other PUG had to leave. Now, this PUG'er was a shadow priest. He spent the whole damn instance in shadow form. I don't he think he threw out a single heal. So what does the huntard say? "Did we just lose our healer?" Yep, good to know he was watching my back.
At this point, the tank and I wouldn't have minded using this as an excuse to call it a night. But the guildie we were helping was desperate to finish his quest, and we owed him a favour, So we decide to try to four man the boss.
Now, this boss has debuff he casts on the tank which deals a shit load of damage each tick, and the only way to get rid of it is to over heal the tank. This would be hard enough on it's own considering me and the tank are a little bit undergeared for this, but we're four maning it with the huntard. Yay.
We start the boss the encounter, and it begins well. But the boss just doesn't go down fast enough. I'm running out of mana, my mana pots are on CD, and all my "oh shit!" buttons are on CD as well. The tank isn't doing much better. I'm just barely regenerating enough mana to keep the tank up, nevermind overhealing to get rid of the debuff. At this point, the huntard start screaming for heals. Yeah, right. Well, in between my heals, I somehow manage to type out quickly that I don't have the mana to. This just prompted him to start typing "HEALS!" repeatedly in all caps for the rest of the fight.
We wiped. For the first time the entire instance.
This prompted the huntard to start insulting me and calling me the shittiest healer he ever saw. Turns out, I should have been healing him instead of the tank. His rationale was that because he was doing the most damage (which I still to this day doubt), he should have been the focus of my heals and not the tank who obviously wasn't doing the same amount of damage. When the rest of the group and I were finally done laughing, we tried to explain actual group dynamics. Just in the hope that the next group he gets has a little bit of an easier time (we sure as hell weren't going back in there with him). He just completely ignores us and continues trying to tell us how to play our roles. At this point we finally kicked him and put him on ignore.
And the world was happy again.
"A mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open."
-Sir James Dewar
Huntard puts his monkey on aggro, leaves the taunt on and complains that the tank sucks when bad things happen.
You would think that by 75 he would know how to play his class.
well Hunters is probably the only class which you can play from level 1 to level 80 almost without ever being in a group or having to learn how to do that, that's why a wast majority of hunters have little idea how to play their class and also why it attracts the "lazy egoist" types, effectly ruining the reputation of the whole class, that said I've met some really good hunters too, who know how to a)truly play their class b)play in a team.
I may be an idiot, but I'm a tolerated idiot
"I think you completely missed the point of sigs. They're supposed to be completely homegrown in the fertile hydroponics lab of your mind, dried in your closet, rolled, and smoked...
Oh wait, that's marijuana..."Einhander Sn0m4n
By the Light, that guy was stupid, until recently I played a holy pally and you could trust me that if a DPS (especially a poor one) would ever claim I should heal him over the tank (and I'm assuming you mean the Makura boss with the bleed), he/she wouldn't get a single heal for the duration of the instance (or at least until he gets the message and leaves) and what I might say if playing with my Death Knight might get censored even here for overly harsh language
I may be an idiot, but I'm a tolerated idiot
"I think you completely missed the point of sigs. They're supposed to be completely homegrown in the fertile hydroponics lab of your mind, dried in your closet, rolled, and smoked...
Oh wait, that's marijuana..."Einhander Sn0m4n
In Defense of Shadow Priests we can heal. In fact when paired with a Holy Priest we are a force to be reckoned with as a good Shadow Priest can juggle argo and keep a constant HoT going from the damages he's causing to keep the entire team healthy while the Holy Priest only has to worry about the tank and nothing but the tank. Trust me when I say playing a Holy Priest, from a pure Stress level prospective I love having the second healer as a Shadow Priest, it makes my life so much easier and when I was the Shadow Priest life was so much easier because everyone was topped off as I carefully walked the razors edge of argo just a touch below the tank.
That sad onto the topic at hand not to derail it.
First off, Grenades in all their forms causes stupid things to happen. High explosives in the hands of people who know not what to do with them are generally bad.
Also fun, people in games like Battlefield 1942/Vietnam/2/2142 who take fully loaded transports and try and play chicken with tanks, or those that take off by themselves. I know that if I can get two or three people in this truck/jeep/mech that it gives the enemy two or three more targets to shoot at who are not me. Even from a Lonetard screw the team prospective, bringing along team-mates as hapless decoys makes sense which leads me to shout at speeding away transports. No you fool! You could be an even greater ass if you let me get in your transport than if you sped away two steps before I got there! Think of the chance of pissing me off if you drive into the ocean or 100% the wrong way I want to go VS just leaving me here to walk!
"A cult is a religion with no political power." -Tom Wolfe Pardon me for sounding like a dick, but I'm playing the tiniest violin in the world right now-Dalton
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