StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Let's play the blockbuster new (new may be nearly thirty years old) role playing adventure - HOUSE OF HELL! Or as you americans know it, HOUSE OF HECK!


artistic angle, no?
Before making the worst mistake of my life I have to generate my character!


complex rules = better novel

Skill 10 Stamina 18 Luck 7 Maximum Fear 11

Oh dear. My character - a navigationally challenged salesman - is taking shape. He's the unluckiest man possible, afraid of nothing, and barely as fit as four goblins.


Things are looking up however; the hints section assures me that there is a 'true path' that will bring me success regardless of my initial weaknesses! Apparently houses of hell involve getting some advice. Hopefully my map doesn't need to be non-eucidlean!

The background sets the scene - we're driving through Backwoods England on our way to a 'business appointment'. We're in a car, in a place, in some kind of post-industrial time. That's a pretty terrifying lack of detail.


Recognising old men - the greatest horror of 1985

As events unfold it turns out that Backwoods England is full of helpful old men who direct itinerant wanderers to their drug rendevous appointments. However a storm breaks, and it's a bit tense out in the lonely Backwoods with only dimly-remembered directions from a man OH NO I JUST RAN HIM OVER!

Thankfully, there's no body and thus no crime. But sadly the panic of the event has killed the car as well; so we're TRAPPED in COUNTRY ENGLAND.

Let's hope there are no model villages around.

Anyway a nearby house (non-hell related) is spotted nearby and we trek up the really quite terrible driveway.


This is Hell - for RENOVATION TELEVISION

The rain and isolation is clearly playing tricks on our Protaganist Feedback Narrator, and there's some indecision about whether to wake up the locals. The initial alternative of standing on the porch forever discarded, there remains an even better idea - BREAK IN.


Meeting new people can be hard for lonely nerds

So in the first big decision of the terrifying night (which is of course the biggest mistake of my life), we sneak around the side of the house to where a light is visible. It's possible to see our damp salesman, crouched in the bushes of a faded Edwardian mansion, peering in the windows to spot the good silver. But what's this? People?!

Two men enter the room talking -

The last regeneration never went well

This sounds a bit strange, or even unnerving, and certainly hot! Luckily, no FEAR points are involved.

But what is the best move? The universe has left us only two - we can get the attention of these men to ask their assistance, or we can try to hear more about the hot hot bondage action apparently going on.

YOU MAKE THE CALL. Remember - unlucky, but brave!

Next week on House Of Hell - strong likelihood of roast duck. Don't miss out.

Ask them for help, but not if there are any girls in the room, that would be awkward. Given the reputation of this house sticking around will likely get us dead in some fashion. Probably by lightning or something.

Ask them for help, whether or not there are women in the room!

Oh ho! How dishonest is one... when one is wet and cold and in the middle of Backwoods England? Dare we enter into a 'brethren charade' with these bondage fiends, or is it safer to simply keep everything above board at this point?

ask them if they are interested in buying some of these fine antique watches, especially this one, this one was made in 1700's won't find another one like it nosir

Alternatively, tell them you're a stranger.

I'm equating 'brave' with 'stupid', so naturally we try to pretend that we're one of them.

turn to page 267 so we can keep talking with our new friends!

oh dear - hippies

Things look grim for our hero. There's no roast duck in our future now, I assure you. The blow to the head takes away 4 stamina and we're thrown even more confused than before over to 173.

I think there might be something sinister about this house.

They could tell that you were not... local.

I was going to make some snide remark about not having a cell phone, but I remember this was the 80's.

Who wants to bet they'll leave us in a dungeon with a loose brick in it?

I bet we wake up, tangled in expertly-tied knots.

On the dinner table.

Did someone say knots?


This happens to some people ALL the time

So the 'brethren' have crowned us, tied us up and left us unattended in a mysterious room. Just like in the movies!

The mechanics of 'testing your luck' involve a progressive reduction in luck after each test, so the more you try the less your odds of success. Our salesman also has a luck of 7 which gives him barely a 60% chance of success at any time. Then again... glass. DANGER!

I have to say you're like 7 references in and you're not dead. That's pretty good for the House of Hell.

Test our luck for what, exactly?

It's either break the glass, or break the glass while wishing it won't hurt?

In this case they're basically asking you if you want to burn a point of luck for a chance to reduce the danger. The books usually don't, but House of Hell is a strange one wording and rules-wise.

Punch it without luck. We'll need that luck for the "press x not to die" events.

Zablorg wrote:Punch it without luck. We'll need that luck for the "press x not to die" events.

No such events in House of Hell. When it wants to kill you, you find out you should have pressed X three pages ago.

Yeah, just punch it, Stark.

hurf durf desperate gash


A Coin Toss...

So we've escaped with a bit of loss of blood. At this point, we're alone in a mysterious house in the rain, with two men who don't like us (or cars) somewhere, and no idea what's going on at all. And no roast duck! And we slept through midnight!

We're down 6 stamina, with no items at all (not even a weapon making combat a dubious proposition). We have no idea on the layout of the house or where we are. There's a lump on our head and blood on our wrists; if only there was a Hot Topic around. However I get the feeling the 'brethren' a bit old-school.

Regardless, a zero-information binary choice awaits us. The only real information we have is that we're on a first floor landing, and there's two doors along to the left and one to the right before the landing turns out of sight.

So we can't climb out the window, then?
I suppose he really is desperate to get to a phone.

I just flipped a coin and it landed on heads. There's a mole on the right side of my face so I guess we'll go right.

Yeah, let's go right. Can't hurt.

Uh oh

The door has a Nameplate of Spooky Name Vaguely Bible Related. Probably not good.

This said, this is probably a good time to mention that the poor structure (logically and spatially) of the early FF books makes it near-impossible to 'go backwards' without breaking the game and the book will very rarely offer the option to return to a place you'd already been offered the chance to visit/investigate/etc. That said, luck7. But fear 11! We don't even have a single fear point yet!

Kick down that door!

Empty, cluttered room... skeleton... possible potions... what's not to like

So the 'Azazel room' is the 'pre-industrial science lab'. It's possible to move straight on from here, but it might be worth a look around. So long as we don't need to be lucky!

Uhh, I'm not seeing anything actually dangerous here, but before we make a decision we better take a history lesson on Azazel in case he's home.

According to wikipedia this guy;


I have a really sweet car

...this guy was one of the fallen angels who slept around with the most beautiful women of the time, to give birth to giants. He also taught the people how to make weapons and make-up and they became superficial and godless. Then God had him kicked him into a pit.

I can only deduce therefore, that this is a cosmetics lab

Fortune favours the bold. Let's check out the Azazel Laboratory.