Let's play: Buzz Aldrin's Race Into Space

[PeZook]

Or: What SCRAMMING UP was supposed to have been!

It is the year 1957.

Murca and Zenobia, two terrifyngly powerful and also incredibly ideologically stubborn nations, are engaged in yet another contest of nationalistic chest-beating and dick-waving.

Murca, fresh after its victory in Salvation War: Part Deux, where it saved the stupid cowardly Stenchies and Anglians from the evil Thanasians, is crossing eyes with the communoids from Zenobia - who might have helped a bit with the war, yeah, but are freedom-hating communoids and must be destroyed. They kinda have a lot of tanks and nukes, though, so Murca will settle for humilitating them a bit.

Zenobia, on the other hand, must prove the superiority of communistic thought and worker's liberation and universal healthcare to the moustache-twirling Murcans. They both thought long and hard about how to do this, and while some Murcans wanted to try this newfangled "nuclear war" thingie, most thought this a little too over the top.

But if not by annihilation of millions in nuclear fire, then how to prove that one nation had the bigger of two dicks? How to show which country was the more manly and well-oiled one?

Then it struck them. They'd have a fucking RACE TO THE MOON. Hell yeah! Unfortunately, since there was cold dead space between Earth and the Moon, both nations would have to work at it. But there'd be rockets involved. Lots of rockets, and macho exploits in outer space. Also, explosions.

But before they flipped their opponents the bird, the two mighty nations would have to decide who to appoint to the role of "the guy charged with proving to the other guys we're the best".

Also, someone would probably have to straddle the mighty steel tubes full of high explosives to plant a flag in lunar soil and do the actual bird flipping. Finding such insane idiots larger than life heroes would probably be difficult indeed.

---------------------------------------------------

So, I want to propose a forum-based game of Buzz Aldrin's Race Into Space. For those who don't know, it's a computer version of the board game called Liftoff, where you manage a Soviet or American space program. The computer game is characterized by being completely broken in single player, as the failure rates are extreme yet not touching the computer, so you are screwed unless you save scum.

But this will be a two-side standoff! There will be death, there will be failures, there will be rockets blowing up on the pads! On both sides, all the time!

The rules? The only rule is no rules. I will implement the decisions of the people in charge of both space programs, record the carnage that results and post them. Let the best man win!

But first, of course, we need to build a roster.

The positions!

- Men in charge: both Murca (America) and Zenobia (USSR) require people to lead their nationalistic dick-waving contests. They can have one or more people in charge.

- The insane fuckers who will ride the rockets. We can have as many people as we want here, and boy will we need a lot.

Apply below by posting your name and desired position. Do realize that positions will be awared ona first come, first served basis, since both nations need to get into gear fast, and will not have time to check the qualifications very thoroughly. The benefits are outrageous, the pay is incredible, the fame will be great.

The Zenobian director will also be shot or sent to a gulag if he fails.

No pressure.

[Eternal_Freedom]

I wish to apply for Murcan "Man in Charge," or Mick.

I am Johnny von Braun, loyal patriot.

I shall endeavour to beat those communoid Zenobians and prove once and for all that Murca is the only true land of the free, and that we are indeed the manliest of the two great nations.

And that should we ever be side by side in the bathroom of a drinking hole, we can put the fear of God into the communoids, as true Murcan men should.

[Karza]

Zenobian test pilot Karzanovski reporting for duty. For the Motherland!

[doom3607]

I am Zenobian evil overlord wannabe space program director Doom von Evilschtein III. I got this position due to my father being General Secretary of the Party my incredible management skills.

[PeZook]

Actually from the name it seems you got it by being on the wrong side of the front when Zenobia invaded Thanasia, and since you happened to have worked for the Thanasian rocket program you got scooped up by the KGB

But that's okay, your men won't know you actually ran slave labor camps for their families in your previous career...as long as you deliver.

[doom3607]

Works for me!

NEIN! NEIN! Put out the cigarette near the rocket fuel! Uh... I mean... nyet? BACK TO WORK YOU LAZY BASTARDS!

[PeZook]

Note to people: there can be more than one man in charge. It will complicate decision making but lead to more HILARITY and possibly corridor wars.

Astronauts are welcome, though. We'll need lots of them, as thoseguys have an amazing attrition rate in this game.

[FaxModem1]

So, you didn't like the way SCRAMMING IT UP went?

Anyway, Pilot Fax Modem reporting for duty for the Murcan side. Luckily, I'm from a farm family, and we all went into being pilots, so you will have quite a few spares for a while.

[PeZook]

No, actually I liked where it went and it was really fun. The way I envisioned it probably wouldn't have been very fun, since Orbiter doesn't track things like flight failures, milestones etc. which i'd have to generate myself. Unless I use a broken game to do that

[OmegaChief]

Hmmm, more then one person in charge.

Well, I will sign on to reprise my role as Commissar, this time ensuring the idealogical purity of the Zenobian space program, and keeping an eye on Doomy.

[doom3607]

I would wind up with a political officer... NEIN! NEIN! You foolish commissar, those are very deadly chemicals! Do not open that! (Damnit, shoulda thought it through first. Now the bastard lives.)

[Scottish Ninja]

Cosmonaut Cadet IVAN IVANOVICH IVANOV reporting for duty in the name of the glory of the Motherland! (Is he really that old? Or is this his ill-fated father, who inspired his dreams of spaceflight... and shooting down Murcan spacecraft?)

[Faabio]

Sure thing sign me up for the side that most needs pilots currently. Otherwise i'll choose Zenobia as its closer to home.

[The Grim Squeaker]

Astronaut (Buzz) Flashheart come to kill some Commies!
WOOF WOOF!

[PeZook]

While people apply, here is a primer for both Directors, concerning the way the game is played.

Hello, Directors! It is I, Hans von Smallhausen! You might remember me, for I have worked as your administrative assistant during Salvation War: Part Deux! Those were the times, when we abused the untermenschen and had them build weapons of terror for the Fuhrer, ja? Ha, ha!

Anyways, I now reside in Stenchia. I am taking a break from drinking champagne and fornication (I am trying to colonize Stenchia with a race of supermen, you see!) to write this quick primer, because Murca and Zenobia possess lots and lots and lots of nuclear weapons. So you understand that it is imperative that their schniedel-measuring contests are performed according to clear and agreed upon rules. Otherwise egos will be hurt and accusations of cheating will fly both ways and blow up cities, which my current employers would really prefer to avoid if possible, thankyouverymuch.

So, I have been asked by the International Aviation Federation to prepare this primer for both Directors participating in Murcan and Zenobian attempts to race to the Moon. Isn't it funny how the superpowers have to rely on Thanasian minds to do their heavy lifting? Ha, ha, even in victory they need the ubermenschen! Take that stupid monkeys!

But err, let me go to the basics, mein herren. The race into space is budgeted in six month intervals. Funds, measured in Megabucks (MB) are deposited in Spring, and can be spent for Spring and Autumn activities. Things are accomplished during the race via performing Missions. Here is a brief explanation of Missions:

A Mission is flown after it is planned. Missions have to be planned a season ahead - so a Mission that's planned in Spring will not be flown until Autumn. Do plan ahead!

In order to do a Mission, you need to develop appropriate Hardware. This is done by research teams composed of the brightest Thanasian minds that the superpowers stole from us. Initiating a program costs a lump sum, for which you get a device at a certain low reliability. Then research brings reliability up to a higher level, and succesful flights even higher. Catastrophes lower reliability. Starting a research program for a system after fully researching a previous generation will give a bonus to reliability.

You then fly missions using this developed Hardware, which you have to pay megabucks for before every Mission. However, you pay a Unit Cost, rather than the program startup cost. No need for kickbacks once a program is up and running, you see.

You can fly several Missions at a time, but you need to be able to provide Hardware, Astronauts and of course the launch pads to do that. Mission are flown simultaneously, that is both Murca and Zenobia launch theirs at the same time. Murca gets first dibs on launches planned for the same month (They must've bribed someone to do that, the bastards! You'd never see that sort of corruption in old Thanasia!), that is: if a Milestone is accomplished by Murca, then Zenobia does not receive extra Prestige points. Rushing allows you to perform a Mission earlier and thus beat your opponent to the punch, but imposes penalties to success rates.

Missions are divided into two basic types: Manned and Unmanned.

Unmanned missions are done to test equipment and accomplish certain Milestones. I will write more about Milestones later. You can fly all your equipment unmanned, if you don't want to risk astronauts, but need to build up reliability.

Manned missions require astronauts as well as hardware. Astronauts have certain Skills, which strongly influence the chances of a mission succeeding. These Skills are: Capsule, Lunar Module, Docking, Endurance and EVA. Each of those influences different parts of the mission.

Astronauts cannot be recruited before two seasons have passed. They must make sure their respective agency does not crash and burn in the first year, you see. Recruiting a class of astronauts costs monies, twenty megabucks to be exact. Each class provides a number of Astronauts - the later the class, the more Astronauts you will receive.

The Astronauts are from undermenschen nations, so they have to go into basic training after recruitment. The stupid apes cannot even produce test pilots worthy of flying their inferior equipment! You can yank astronauts from training early, though. The Federation allows that, even if it leads to sudden death and explosions and whatnot, but whatever, it's not like Thanasians die in a failed flight, ja? Ha ha!

Astronauts must be assigned to a manned program before they can fly. They have to train even more (Just how stupid are those apes?), so you can only plan mission the following season, and fly them even later on! Shake heads with me, mein herren, for this is pathetic. Back home we'd have stuck a Pollack or Zenobian in a rocket and just flown it! Don't tell them we did that, though. They might not appreciate the sacrifices we had to force others into for science.

Anyways, a few words about Prestige. The Federation will keep score of Milestones, and award Prestige for them. Your new national leaders will give you more cash if you accomplish these Milestones first, but watch out! A Milestone takes with it penalties to probability of success. Trying to leap across several milestones will doom your missions to fail!

Some of the milestones are:

- First satellite
- First suborbital flight
- First manned flight
- First manned orbital flight
- Duration flights
- First EVA, first orbital docking
- First lunar flybys (manned and unmanned)
- First lunar orbit
- First planetary flybys (unmanned)
- First lunar landing (first one to do that wins the race!)

Try to snatch as many of those as possible!

If you have further questions, mein herren, feel free to give me a call! I always have time for you. Now I am off to sip champagne from slippers of fine Stenchie women!

Always faithful,
Hans von Smallhausen

[Hawkwings]

Zenovian test pilot LUKA DOSTAROVASKEEE reporting for duty!

[Shroom Man 777]

Oh Jesus

[Lord Relvenous]

Pure-blooded, blue collared, real Murican hero Tank Hardbeef reporting for duty! In the name of almighty baby Jesus, I will pilot the great Murican spacecraft built through the sweat and tears of white, god-fearing, honest Murican men and women.

Murica! Greatest country in all the land!

[HMS Sophia]

Ship designer and researcher Sam Francisco from... earth, reporting for duty to the Murican space command

[Shroom Man 777]

BIFF MCCAIN at your service! Navy airman, commended for bravely putting down the totally accidental fire on the aircraft carrier Forrestgump, was once shot down by the goddamn Viet Kong but KILLED THE CONCENTRATION CAMP GUARDS and BRAVELY led a GREAT ESCAPE! OORAHOOAH!

[doom3607]

Are we able to sabotage the other guys? Or would it require save scumming to ensure theirs fails, getting the same effect?

[PeZook]

Mein Herr Von Evilstein, as much as I appreciate your professional rivalry with herr Von Braun, I am afraid the Federation would not look very kindly upon actions that could lead to the very outcome we are trying to avoid here.

So, uh, no.

Always faithful,
Hans von Smallhausen

[PeZook]

...aaand, let's kick it off. People can still apply for various positions. The first year will not see finalization of the Class I astronaut list until the first recruits become available in Spring 1958. In essence,the first two turns are a race to get unmanned vehicles up there.

Von Smallhausen is, of course, still available for questions regarding the Federation's rules for the race.

CHAPTER 1: THE RACE BEGINS!
Time is: Spring 1957

MURCA
THE CAPE

"Here we are, Director!", Johnny Von Braun's driver was almost too cheerful. The young snappy Murcan soldier drove his Geeper through the gate, that was guarded by a somewhat sleepy and possibly dead security guard.

As they made their way across the mud and dirt roads of THE CAPE, the Director whimpered. President Ironhowler told him he was going to have "everything necessary" to beat the Zenobians to the Moon - but all he could see was a huge open field, a junk shack and a couple wooden barracks. The only relatively hi-tech building in the area was a single launch pad he could see far on the horizon.

Johnny Von Braun got out of the Geeper in front of one of these wooden shacks and decided to man up. Whatever happened, he'd persevere! He was a Murcan now, a good proud good ol' boy, and by God he'd succeed! Or else...

The "or else" meant of course "being tried for war crimes", as director Von Braun was, much like his Zenobian counterpart, a former Thanasian rocket scientist who worked to try and blow up Anglian cities from afar with his inventions. Hopefully, after he showed those communoids and his former colleague Von Evilstein what's what, he could finally be allowed to join this great, patriotic and god-fearing nation as a citizen!

Anyways, entering the tiny shack, Director Von Braun found his office was a tiny, tiny room, mostly occupied by a huge desk. There was a single window presenting a view of THE CAPE, but there wasn't much to view, really.

On top of the desk lay a massive pile of reports, from which he could discern the state of the MASA (Murcan Aeronautics and Space Agency).

Code: Select all

Current funds: 60 megabucks

Current astronaut roster: N/A

Programs running: N/A

Launch pads: 1

Okay, so the pile was...not very high, really.

The eggheads working one wooden shack over, on the other hand, have submitted a head-splittingly huge list of proposals for research programs they wanted to initiate, in an easy-to-read flash card format providing all the necessary information.

UNMANNED SATELLITES





ROCKET BOOSTERS







MANNED CAPSULES AND LUNAR LANDERS









ADDITIONAL EQUIPMENT






There was also a red phone, which the Director was sure would start ringing quite soon, and star spewing angry questions directly into his ear.

Sighing, the Director decided to get some input on the all-important decision of "how to spend my pile of money?". He called up the man who signed off on the flash cards, MASA Director Of Research, Sam Francisco.

ZENOBIA
BAIKONUREK

Director Doom von Evilstein III glared at the Comissar.

"Excuse me? I'd like to use that bathroom, please, ja?"

"Go ahead, then", People's Rocket Comissar, Ivan Omeganski, answered. But he wouldn't move. It appeared he really meant it when he said he was going to watch the director at all times.

"Nein! Zis is indignity! I refuse to vork in such conditions!"

"We have worse workplaces in Zenobia, you know.", the Comissar didn't seem to mind, "How would you like to chop down trees in Zyberia?"

"But eet iz not necessary!"

"I have to make sure you do not try to escape your socialist duty to the Motherland, comrade von Evilstein. By, say, comitting suicide."

"But how?! How could I pozzibly commit zuicide on ze toilet?"

"Drowning."

The Director threw up his hands in frustration, "Fine! You win, communoid bastard!"

The unpleasantness did not take long, but Director Von Evilstein was not any happier about it. He stormed through the corridors of the dilapidated (and tiny) post-war bunker down to his office, the Comissar following him around. He started reading through reports from his research staff, in an attempt to decide what programs to begin. He had to do it just right, or risk actually going off to Zyberia to actually cut down frozen trees. Fortunately, his Murcan counterpart Von Braun always was an idiot. Von Evilstein was the brains behind the Thanasian retribution weapons, and by God he'd beat that young fool at this game. He glanced at the cork board showing the current status of his agency.

Code: Select all

Current funds: 60 megabucks

Current astronaut roster: N/A

Programs running: N/A

Launch pads: 1

And held up the first technological reports, that were provided to him in an easy to read flash card format.


UNMANNED SATELLITES





ROCKET BOOSTERS







MANNED CAPSULES AND LUNAR LANDERS









ADDITIONAL EQUIPMENT







...oh, those zany Zenobians! Such quiant designs, so rugged and simple and quite rigid and...

Director Von Evilstein slapped himself very, very hard. No time to think of hardness! There were decisions to make!

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DECISIONS TO MAKE:

1) What programs to initiate?
2) How many research teams to assign towards research for these programs in Spring 1957?
3) What, if any, missions to plan for Autumn 1957?

[doom3607]

Initiate Sputnik and A-Series rocket programs. Go to maximum research on both, and launch a Sputnik on the A-Series rocket. We need to rush to ensure we beat the damn Murcans to the punch. There any way we can pre-emptively get another launch pad so i can fire two off at once, both rushed?

[PeZook]

New launch pads cost 20 megabucks, so you will not be able to afford one after initiating the a-series and sputnik and doing full research on both, as that leaves you with 19 megabucks.