American as Apple Cake: The Commie TGOD

[Pablo Sanchez]

No. My attempt to bring down this board has failed. Er... Forget I said that.

*Neolong disappears under a pile of burly Russian men in blue-trimmed uniforms, never to be seen again*

[HemlockGrey]

Wait, you have a seperate computer set up entirely for this website?

[Darth Wong]

Wait, you have a seperate computer set up entirely for this website?

It's also my fileserver and mailserver.

[MKSheppard]

*Neolong disappears under a pile of burly Russian men in blue-trimmed uniforms, never to be seen again*

*The burly men in blue trimmed uniforms are immediately shot
out of hand by some black trimmed SS-Totenkopfstandarten
during their advance into the NKVD's lands*

"Remember lads, the only good commie is a dead commie!"

[Sea Skimmer]

It's also my fileserver and mailserver.

AND THE KEY TO MY MOST EVIL PLAN, MUHAHAHAHA!

[MKSheppard]

AND THE KEY TO MY MOST EVIL PLAN, MUHAHAHAHA!

*Sea Skimmer falls to the ground unconscious, bleeding profusely
from a grazed wound on his head from a stray bullet as the
SS-Totenkopfstandarten ride around on top of their tanks,
shooting anything that moves*

[Pablo Sanchez]

*The burly men in blue trimmed uniforms are immediately shot out of hand by some black trimmed SS-Totenkopfstandarten during their advance into the NKVD's lands*

"Remember lads, the only good commie is a dead commie!"

The SS men suddenly realize that they are actually thousands of kilometers behind enemy lines, because their own forces have suffered repeated defeats in the face of absolute NKVD material superiority and are currently engaged in a futile last-ditch defense of their capitol. They promptly wet themselves like the child-killing wankers they are, and are captured by a troop of comsomol youth and liquidated within hours.

[MKSheppard]

The SS men suddenly realize that they are actually thousands of kilometers behind enemy lines, because their own forces have suffered repeated defeats in the face of absolute NKVD material superiority and are currently engaged in a futile last-ditch defense of their capitol. They promptly wet themselves like the child-killing wankers they are, and are captured by a troop of comsomol youth and liquidated within hours.

*The town is immediately liquidated by another group of
SS men who are passing through the area and see the mutilated bodies.

For a furter two days, no more NKVD prisoners are taken as the SS
Panzer spearheads encircle thousands of NKVD men in this latest
border skirmish between the SS and the NKVD.*

[Sea Skimmer]

*Sea Skimmer falls to the ground unconscious, bleeding profusely
from a grazed wound on his head from a stray bullet as the
SS-Totenkopfstandarten ride around on top of their tanks,
shooting anything that moves*

Tis but a scratch!

*Sea Skimmer watches as the SS tank explodes into flames as a time traveling IDF Sherman introduces it to a 105mm HEAT shell*

[MKSheppard]

*Sea Skimmer watches as the SS tank explodes into flames as a time traveling IDF Sherman introduces it to a 105mm HEAT shell*

What? Kurt Student-style wounding isn't good enough for you?

[Pablo Sanchez]

*The town is immediately liquidated by another group of SS men who are passing through the area and see the mutilated bodies.

Protest spring up across Germany as news of the SS liquidation of a poor Bavarian village spreads. The story allows the Communist underground movement to gain momentum rapidly.

For a furter two days, no more NKVD prisoners are taken as the SS Panzer spearheads encircle thousands of NKVD men in this latest border skirmish between the SS and the NKVD.*

No prisoners are taken because the encirclement lasts scarcely thirty minutes before the SS forces are shattered, captured, and sent to dig canals in the Siberian permafrost.

[Sea Skimmer]

What? Kurt Student-style wounding isn't good enough for you?

My skull is more then able to repel such trivial firepower.

[MKSheppard]

Protest spring up across Germany as news of the SS liquidation of a poor Bavarian village spreads. The story allows the Communist underground movement to gain momentum rapidly.

Unfortunately for the Communist propaganda machine, they had
forgotten to remove the Russian propaganda posters on the walls
of the village before they sent in the propaganda photographers.

The NKVD officer in charge of Propaganda Unit No. 22 was shot
for incompetence and his underlings sentenced to a tenner.

No prisoners are taken because the encirclement lasts scarcely thirty minutes before the SS forces are shattered, captured, and sent to dig canals in the Siberian permafrost.

....said the loudspeaker hooked up to the shortwave radio in the village
of Pksov deep in the NKVD zone right before the pole it was attached
to was ripped down by a tank to the cheers of SS men.

...

Reichsmarschall SS Sheppard is suddenly awoken in his decadent Hitlerite sleeping chambers by a sudden pain at his throat. A dark figure above him begins to speak in a heavy Russian accent.

"For crimes against humanity, not the least of which being the annoying and stupid 'it was only a dream' copout, you die tonight."

The NKVD assassin swiftly draws his razor-sharp knife across the Fascist's throat, showering the pillow and sheets in blood. He waits until all motion has ceased, verifies at both wrists that there is no pulse, and escapes from the premises without significant difficulty.

~The Voice of the Workers

[Sea Skimmer]

Protest spring up across Germany as news of the SS liquidation of a poor Bavarian village spreads. The story allows the Communist underground movement to gain momentum rapidly.

Meanwhile in a secrete lair the brain of Joe McCarthy rises for the first time, supported by its armored robotic exoskeleton. Billions had been spent to incorporate the most sophisticated communist detection and destruction technology.

"Mr. Senator, it seems our not quite as bad Nazi allies in the war against the Reds are in trouble."
"McCarthy will crush the red menace!" The senator smashed through the way, taking the most direct route towards the commies.

[Pablo Sanchez]

Meanwhile in a secrete lair the brain of Joe McCarthy rises for the first time, supported by its armored robotic exoskeleton. Billions had been spent to incorporate the most sophisticated communist detection and destruction technology.

"Mr. Senator, it seems our not quite as bad Nazi allies in the war against the Reds are in trouble."
"McCarthy will crush the red menace!" The senator smashed through the way, taking the most direct route towards the commies.

"Great Lenin's Tomb, New Communist Man!" Worker Boy shouted, "The decadent West has sent an evil anti-worker robot to attack us! What will we do?"

"Yes, how shall we defend the great glory of Socialist Russia?" Peasant Girl asked.

New Communist Man struck a heroic pose, one hand on his hip, the other pointing off into the bright distance off to stage left, as if to suggest the great future which Soviet rule would bring to the world. Without looking away from the vague symbolic vista, he addressed his sidekicks:

"Just as it is the destiny of the proletariat to throw off the shackles of capitalist society and establish a perfect world, it is our destiny to defeat this Robot. Fetch your Hammer, Worker Boy, and your Sickle, Peasant Girl! We march for the people!"

[MKSheppard]

"Great Lenin's Tomb, New Communist Man!" Worker Boy shouted, "The decadent West has sent an evil anti-worker robot to attack us! What will we do?"

"Yes, how shall we defend the great glory of Socialist Russia?" Peasant Girl asked.

New Communist Man struck a heroic pose, one hand on his hip, the other pointing off into the bright distance off to stage left, as if to suggest the great future which Soviet rule would bring to the world. Without looking away from the vague symbolic vista, he addressed his sidekicks:

"Just as it is the destiny of the proletariat to throw off the shackles of capitalist society and establish a perfect world, it is our destiny to defeat this Robot. Fetch your Hammer, Worker Boy, and your Sickle, Peasant Girl! We march for the people!"

[HemlockGrey]

"Just as it is the destiny of the proletariat to throw off the shackles of capitalist society and establish a perfect world, it is our destiny to defeat this Robot. Fetch your Hammer, Worker Boy, and your Sickle, Peasant Girl! We march for the people!"

*BLAM*

...

*BLAM*

...

*BLAM*

m...o...t...h...e...r...r...u...s...

*BLAM*

Never bring farmtools to a gunfight.

[Pablo Sanchez]

Clearly you are not familiar with New Communist Man. I will familiarize you:

He is perfect in every way, like Superman except without the weakness to kryptonite. He represents the final development of the human form, which can only take place with COMMUNISM.

And they are not literal farm tools, but metaphorical. The Hammer is for the smashing of decadent Capitalism and the forging of a new Communist future. The Sickle is for the slicing off of evil Imperialist dogma and the reaping of the great new Communist harvests (which are much better than Capitalist ones--witness Peasant Girl getting the same amount of corn from her half-dozen acres of frozen Siberian sand as a foolish Capitalist farmer, distracted by the profit motive, can get from his entire farm!)

Either weapon is much better than any gun, because it is COMMUNIST.

[HemlockGrey]

Metaphorical farm tools, eh? Clearly, they are no match for the great capitalist weapon entitled 'Reality'.

Bwahahahaha! I can see your theoretically perfect feet dissolve into the mists of the free market even now, Communist Peasant Girl!

[Sea Skimmer]

"Just as it is the destiny of the proletariat to throw off the shackles of capitalist society and establish a perfect world, it is our destiny to defeat this Robot. Fetch your Hammer, Worker Boy, and your Sickle, Peasant Girl! We march for the people!"

The wall collapsed as McCarthy bot smashed through it. "Communists identified in this vicinity, neutralize all targets." A robotic arm pulled the YXM-2K cash launcher off his back, then aimed and fired. It shot out thousands of sliver dollars, automatically melted into bullets and accelerated to supersonic speed. The stream of capitalize power sliced worker boy and peasant girl in half like the valueless fodder for the state they where.
"Now it is just you, and me," said McCarthy.

[Pablo Sanchez]

The stream of capitalize power sliced worker boy and peasant girl in half like the valueless fodder for the state they where.
"Now it is just you, and me," said McCarthy.

"No, it is not, evil capitalist pig," New Communist Man said, "for the full weight of history and the will of the people is behind me!"

(NCM shed not a single tear for his departed comrades because grief, like greed or fear, was a bourgeois emotion and was not to found on his person)

New Communist Man snatched up the hammer of his liquified young companion and gestured with it, a PPSh-41 appearing in his right hand and his worker's uniform abruptly turning into that of a revolutionary sailor. He now assumed a stance of stoic, barrel-chested invulnerability as he gazed upon his enemy. Around him could be heard the cheers of workers everywhere.

The McCarthy bot attempted to shoot him with the cash launcher, but the bundles of money simply bounced off of New Communist Man, because he was unaffected by the base, unnatural concepts of wealth and profit. Unlike the poor, dead sidekicks, he was totally free of all non-communist traits.

McCarthy decided to simply bash his opponent with his immense robot girth, but New Communist Man nimbly avoided these blows as the Soviet Union might evade the clumsy diplomatic blows of the decadent west (such as their allegations that the war in Afghanistan was anything but just!). New Communist Man then snatched his Vodka ration from his pack. NCM had always abstained from alcohol and cigarettes and any form of physical or intellectual pleasure which was not related to communist themes, but he was still issued a Vodka ration because of the infinite wisdom of the Communist government. He opened the flask and threw it at his enemy.

The McCarthy robot, retaining it's alcoholism, leapt after its prize, only to tumble and sink into the depths of Lake Baikal as the decadent west tumbles and sinks into the depths of, uh, decadence.

New Communist Man looks proudly once again into the far distance which inexplicably shines brightly.

But what's that behind him, coming out of the lake?!?

Dun dun duh!

[MKSheppard]

Fucking Funny

[Crayz9000]

See, SD.netters, this is what a TGOD is all about...

[HemlockGrey]

But what's that behind him, coming out of the lake?!?

Why, it is NCM's greatest and most feared enemy- Adam Smith!

[MKSheppard]

But what's that behind him, coming out of the lake?!?

Dun dun duh!

Coming from the lake, it was a legion of undead Nazi Zombie SS
troopers!



Once they were human, but now they're only rotting flesh in scraps
of SS uniforms, their Knights Crosses rusty from decades at the bottom,
where they have lain for sixty years since they fell on Der Ostfront!

"Die Iwans!" shouted the leader of the Zombie horde, who had a chestfull
of medals, and the zombie horde began to advance onto New Communist
Man, who attempted to cut them in half with his ALMIGHTY SICKLE OF THE
PROLETARIAT WORKER, but found that chopping their arms off didn't
even slow them down - they continued to march forward until they
buried him in a dogpile of rotting Nazi flesh