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I'm sure by now that most people are familiar with FATAL, the freeware role-playing game that was absolutely slammed in an immortal RPGnet review (archived here). If not, there's the link, have at it.

Anyway, I happened to stumble upon an update to the saga. And since a search came up negative, I thought I'd share the two kernels of wisdom I've acquired:

A) Fatal Games is out of business. The website FATAL was originally available from is no longer active, and it doesn't appear to have moved somewhere else. Women's groups everywhere can give a collective sigh of relief.

B) The author of the game, Byron Hall, wrote a detailed 'rebuttal' that's almost as hilarious as the review itself. It's available here.

Byron Fuckhead wrote:So far, arguments by Darren and Jason are weak in this respect. Oh, and I never once mentioned the size of my personal manhood, regardless of how proud of it I am.

Oh God, a few days ago I thought of this and couldn't find the review because I remembered it as Synnibar instead of the much greater evil of FATAL. That review is hillarious.

Good riddance to Fatal Games, aptly named as their product was.

"Roll for Vaginal Depth" indeed

This isn't the final version of FATAL, but it was all I could find. If you ever need to go blind for a while, feel free to click the link.

It's a thousand fucking pages! And all crap!

The people like that are the ones that get gamers called satanists by fundies, fucking idiots

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There can be no God, for even the twisted, sadistic bastard of the Bible would not condone such an abomination to taint precious photons with its blasphemous presence. I quickly gave up on looking at the monstrous PDF and instead went over to the review. Those two souls are to be pitied, for they are not incorrect in saying that burning the books is an insult to fire.

Seriously, the Shep solution would be an undeserved mercy at this point.

Actually I think you can sum up the review of FATAL into one sentence:

I tried to scream, but only blood came out

Dear god...... It's the RPG bastard son of GOR.

Kill it! Kill it before it procreates!!!

Out of curiosity does anyone know why the review was pulled? I remember reading it back when it was still up on RPG.net and it had me alternately weeping for humanity and laughing my ass off.

SylasGaunt wrote:Out of curiosity does anyone know why the review was pulled? I remember reading it back when it was still up on RPG.net and it had me alternately weeping for humanity and laughing my ass off.

I think it was because, accurate and funny as it was, the review wasn't very 'professional'.

I too had been recently thinking about this horrible game, but I couldn't find the review because I had forgotten the game's name. Thanks for posting that link.

I can't believe it took this long for the company to go out of business. Who the fuck would even buy that crap?

You know, a little while back, I was considering creating a topic asking about what qualifies as too many stats in an RPG.

Like, for example, D&D, as good of a beginner RPG as it is, could probably be described as not having enough (like how Charisma has to cover a character's level of attractiveness, presence, extroversion, and all other social attributes).

But I do not need to make that topic anymore. I have my answer. I mean, shit, just looking over the PDF it seems as though character creation takes twice as long as the actual gameplay. Head circumference? Foot size? Why the fuck do you need stats for that?

Civil War Man wrote:But I do not need to make that topic anymore. I have my answer. I mean, shit, just looking over the PDF it seems as though character creation takes twice as long as the actual gameplay. Head circumference? Foot size? Why the fuck do you need stats for that?

To know what size hat and shoes you need to buy at the local WalMart. In Carthage.

Civil War Man wrote:Head circumference? Foot size? Why the fuck do you need stats for that?

Let's just say it's related to also rolling for vaginal circumference and depth potential...

Seriously, this game was simply the epitome of childishly disgusting.

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:Let's just say it's related to also rolling for vaginal circumference and depth potential...

One can almost see why they'd include "stats" like that in this travesty. Partly for shock value, and partly because that RPG is probably the closest thing the creators will ever get to having actual sex. As Eleas said, head circumference and foot size only really factor in if you have to have extended rules on shopping for hats and shoes.

I'm going to indulge myself in the delusion posited by one of the reviewers: That this is the result of an AI programmed to develop the most idiotic, abhorrent and flawed piece of filth that can still- technically- be classified as a role playing game. If such truly was the case, it would be a triumph of technology. As it stands, I just feel really, really ill.

Civil War Man wrote:

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:Let's just say it's related to also rolling for vaginal circumference and depth potential...

One can almost see why they'd include "stats" like that in this travesty. Partly for shock value, and partly because that RPG is probably the closest thing the creators will ever get to having actual sex. As Eleas said, head circumference and foot size only really factor in if you have to have extended rules on shopping for hats and shoes.

Well, head circumference is probably important to an author whose head is up his ass. Well, it is assuming he rolled well enough on Anal Diameter

This is both hilarious and painful... . I'd never heard of this before.

Of course, since both sub-abilities are (say it with me) totally random, we don't really know what happens when your Maximum Speech Rate ends up being lower than your Average Speech Rate, but it's just on this side of "totally possible".

I must say I'm not really getting the hate here. Sure, it's a really, really bad RPG engine full of really, really stupid fluff written by some mysogynistic, illiterate morons.

But it ain't Gor. Ain't even CLOSE. This is like milk and cookies time at kindy compared to Gor.

It's got *way* more tables than Gor, though. Hundreds of pages of tables...

Never heard of this game before, and from the looks of this thread I probably wish I never had.

You learn something new every day. In this case I learned that regardless of how wrong, malplaced, atrocious, or stupid, somehing is, it's probably invented already, even if you never could have imagined it in your worst nightmares.

The only good thing this game appeared to do is lead to the writing of this review, which I have to say is hilarious. I love reading articles by people who are going off their nut about something. Appeals to my own inner hate I think.

To be honest, that review was far more painful to read than anything they were describing in it. I skimmed through the rulebook provided here, and while it was juvenile, puerile, infantile and overly detailed, mostly it was just boring. From what I've seen, far too much ire and energy was expended on something that didn't deserve it.

I've actually found the rulebook useful for my various netbooks- I've been taking the random magical effects (Well, the ones that don't involve gigantic testiles, penises, or other infantile items... More the ones that involve altered senses, buildings catching fire... The ones you'd expect to see in any respectable RPG.) and adjusting them to fit the world I'm using.

I wouldn't want to actually try and play FATAL, but some of the material can be rescued from it's abusive surroundings.

I am tempted to play a one-shot of FATAL, just to say I have, and to garner sympathy.