Imperial Poll #11

Oddity · Post by **Oddity** » 2003-02-14 05:18pm

Darth Wong wrote:What would you fix/change about Star Wars, if you had the chance?
1) Jar-Jar Binks
2) Greedo shooting first
3) The Anakin/Amidala love story.
4) The Ewoks

What if I want to fix all of them?

Jar-Jar Binks:
After the trip trough the planet core he falls on his head and the resulting brain-injury give him an speech defect (!) that causes him to speak like normal. The rest of the gungans believe he is abandoned by the gods and shun him like a plague.

The Anakin/Amidala love story:
Make Anakin more evil. Remember that rumbling in the background when Vader nearly strangles that Imperial in A New Hope? Run that every time he is angry\in a critical situation; interrogating the assassin, fighting Dooku etc.
I would also add a jedi vision when he is sleeping ... Anakin holding a chained Amidala in S&M-style clothes with one hand and torturing Kenobi via force lightning with the other.

Greedo shooting first:
A beggar - an old Jar-Jar Binks with an eye patch - warns Han Solo that Greedo is on his way to kill him. So when Greedo enters the Cantina Han Solo place a blaster bolt in each of Greedo's arms, then proceed to bust the fellow’s kneecaps for good measure. As Han Solo leaves and Greedo starts to believe that he’ll actually get out of this alive, the guy who has a ‘death sentence in twelve systems’ decide to be an ass and shots Greedo between the eyes.
Then I'll add a subtle hint later in the move that can be interpreted in two ways; one that Greedo's hobby is child porno, the other that Jar-Jar Binks walked into the Cantina afterwards and fucked Greedo's carcass. This way, if anybody complains he or she will look like a twisted pervert.

The Ewoks:
The Ewoks are not so bad compared to the other four options. However I would have added a lot more dead teddybears, preferably including a scene where a stormtrooper skins one Ewok to sell his fur.

Comments?

Sir Sirius · Post by **Sir Sirius** » 2003-02-14 05:34pm

Jar-Jar Binks.
Qui-Gon doesn't save him at the begining of the film, Jar-Jar goes *squish* and that is the end of it.
The Anakin/Amidala love story.
New actor for Anakin, less cheesier lines, delete the whole selibate Jedi thing and even more importantly Amidala needs to show more skin (full frontal if you don't mind).
Greedo shooting first.
Just change it back to the way it was and bitch slap GL really hard (She-Hulk style).
The Ewoks.
Replace them with the Noghri.

meNNis · Post by **meNNis** » 2003-02-15 02:14am

*snip*

Sir Sirius wrote: The Ewoks.
Replace them with the Noghri.

YES!!!

KhyronTheBackstabber · Post by **KhyronTheBackstabber** » 2003-02-15 05:35am

I'd just change the Greedo shoting first thing.

Jar-Jar dose not bug me.

I have no problem with the Ewoks

And the Anakin/Amidala love story is fine how it is.

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2003-02-15 06:14am

How many times have you typed "LOL" and meant that you were actually laughing out loud?

Jar-Jar Binks walked into the Cantina afterwards and fucked Greedo's carcass.

LOL!

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-15 06:59am

Frank Hipper wrote:How many times have you typed "LOL" and meant that you were actually laughing out loud?
Jar-Jar Binks walked into the Cantina afterwards and fucked Greedo's carcass.
LOL!

"Mesa remember now, dead rodians not say no."

Lord Pounder · Post by **Lord Pounder** » 2003-02-15 09:59am

I would fix the Ewoks thing. I would actually show the Rebel Fleet dropping a few troop shuttles to help out Han and the others. I can believe a lot of things, i can beieve that Anakin might actually pull off those cheese ball lines, i can believe that frogs will evolve into Jar Jar and be that dumb, I can almost forgive Greedo shooting 1st. But really 3000 over stuffed teddy bears -v- "an Entire Leigon" of the Emperors best troops and the teddy bears winning

Kerneth · Post by **Kerneth** » 2003-02-15 11:27am

I preferred someone's suggestion that, whenever Anakin is using one of his cheesy lines, you hear a Force-hum in the background, hinting he's using a mind-altering technique on Amidala.

Joe · Post by **Joe** » 2003-02-15 12:31pm

I would get rid of the Ewoks entirely, mostly because we then would not have to deal with their possible extermination as a side effect of the Battle of Endor.

I would complete rewrite Jar Jar's part, get rid of the lame accent, make him more like a diplomatic Gungan warrior, or something like that. Although making him something more than an idiot would cause his pivotal scene in EpII to not work as well.

I would not get rid of Hayden Christensen; I think he does a fine job as what his character basically is, a horny, selfish, and egomaniacal little brat. I would, however, change Amidala's character a great deal; the scene where she rejects Anakin's first advance in Coruscant is one of the best in the film, and I would have liked to see her character act more like this.

As for Greedo shooting first? I would just undo it.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2003-02-19 06:04am

One thing i'd like to change about Star Wars NOT mentioned on the poll...

The Empire would win, Just as it looks like the Rebel Fleet is going to make headway, thrawnarrives to take command of the fleet.

Jason von Evil · Post by **Jason von Evil** » 2003-02-19 05:41pm

Wasn't Jar Jar the one who suggested that Palp get special war powers? What was wrong with The Ewoks? They were cute and cuddley, not to mention deadly.

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-19 05:43pm

Darth Fanboy wrote:One thing i'd like to change about Star Wars NOT mentioned on the poll...

The Empire would win, Just as it looks like the Rebel Fleet is going to make headway, thrawnarrives to take command of the fleet.

Thats worth having all the other things kept just to get Thrawn onscreen....

Darth Garden Gnome · Post by **Darth Garden Gnome** » 2003-02-19 05:48pm

Darth Fanboy wrote:One thing i'd like to change about Star Wars NOT mentioned on the poll...

The Empire would win, Just as it looks like the Rebel Fleet is going to make headway, thrawnarrives to take command of the fleet.

I'd bet if he was in one fo the movies, his intelligence would be grossly over-exaggerated (as it is sometimes by the fans).

*Thrawn arrives*

THRAWN: I AM A GENIOUS!

*Rebel fleet explodes*

Keevan_Colton · Post by **Keevan_Colton** » 2003-02-19 05:59pm

Darth Garden Gnome wrote:
Darth Fanboy wrote:One thing i'd like to change about Star Wars NOT mentioned on the poll...

The Empire would win, Just as it looks like the Rebel Fleet is going to make headway, thrawnarrives to take command of the fleet.
I'd bet if he was in one fo the movies, his intelligence would be grossly over-exaggerated (as it is sometimes by the fans).

*Thrawn arrives*

THRAWN: I AM A GENIOUS!

*Rebel fleet explodes*

I usually think of him more as someone with :-
a) A damn good skill at applying the principles of the Art of War (which you might even make a joke out of...something I always wonder if TZ was going for...)
b) Someone that understands psychology very well...both for the manipulation of his enemies and engaging the loyalty of his troops.
c) someone that learned the best lesson of ominiscience....you dont need to be omniscient....you just have to get everyone believing you are....
d) Just generally a good tactician.