Force Awakens Complaining.
Posted: 2016-03-18 03:22am
((SPOILER WARNING: HERE BE DRAGONS))
Thought I'd take my overlong complaint from the episode 7 thread and stick it in its own thread. Delete this one at your leisure if you want. Just though there were some things worth mentioning. Forgive the wall of text. If this comes across as angry it's more meant to be sort of exasperated.
Me? I had a few beefs with this movie.
A: I don't understand what the resistance is supposed to be. What happened to Ackbar's mon calamari fleet? Now they have what looks to be 10 x wings with which to destroy an entire planet. How can you have a resistance when your faction is in control of space politics? Or is the new republic so limp wristed useless and weak after only 20 years that they just let the Knights of Ren walk all over them and kidnap children en masse to form their army?
A1: Why is the New Republic, and it's entire fleet, all stationed on some random planet somewhere I've never heard of. Shouldn't their fleet be out, I don't know, patrolling the galaxy or something? Or at least on coruscant? Can Abrams not make a movie without destroying a planet?
B: Starkiller base: Why do we need another death star? Can starkiller base move? Did they convert an entire planet into a giant gun only to be able to fire like 2 shots? Because it looked like it had totally absorbed the star at that point. So basically, there was no point in destroying it because after it had fired its second shot it would have been rendered useless anyway.
B1: How did the remnant possibly have the resources to build an entire planet into a deathstar in 20 years without anybody noticing? Is that why they didn't want the rebels finding the plans to the deathstar in ANH? Because now it seems completely rational to think that the rebels in ANH could have used the Deathstar plans to build their own Deathstar to counter the empire's Deathstar. I mean, at this point why not? Makes equal amount of sense.
B2: How are they main characters able to see the beam shot from starkiller base? Should it take thousands of years for the light to reach them? Or was Maz Kanata's base conveniently in the same solar system as the republic's home planet?
B3: Was starkiller base just a lame excuse to destroy the republic in 1 second so the empire can be in control in time for episode 8? How do you destroy the republic by blowing up one planet? Why was the fleet parked on a planet? What is going on?
C: Phasma: Boba Fett, but at least Boba Fett didn't come across as a traitor and a coward. Weren't these people supposed to have some kind of mind control mental conditioning from birth? But between TR8R, Finn and Phasma, it doesn't seem to have worked. Is this whole movie have a stealth scientologist anti-psychology message?
C1: They threaten to use clones in this movie if the stormtroopers screw up. Pause. Is there any reason they're not using clones? As I recall, the clones in the clone wars worked perfectly. They were perfectly loyal soldiers. They were programmed with secret orders for years and none of them ever spilled the beans about order 66. Sidious trusted them enough to carry out the most important part of his plan to kill the jedi so he could overthrow the republic. But no, kidnapping and brainwashing children seems to be going much better for them.
D: Finn: A janitor who remembers the layout of an entire planet. He can walk around with a lightsaber out in a warzone without getting shot. He can go toe-to-toe with a force user in a swordfight and not instantly lose, and yet is shown throughout the entire movie as being totally useless. He is soldier trained from birth, and if every stormtrooper is as much of a socially awkward, poorly trained basket case as he is that would explain a lot. He can't shoot, he can't fight, he can't fix weapons and seems to have no experience with weapons. And yet he was brought on Kylo Ren's secret mission to find this map for some reason, and he is allowed to go out into the field on missions despite having in depth technical data for the KoR's secret planet destroying base.
D1: That fight with Finn and TR8R: What is this weapon that TR8R is using? I recall him getting several hits in on Finn and Finn doesn't even notice. Is that shock prod even a weapon? That fight isn't even fair: If TR8R hits Finn, which he does, a lot, Finn isn't even fazed, and if Finn hits TR8R TR8R instantly dies. Wow, what a good fight....... . . . . . . Maybe he should have just shot Finn with a gun.
D2: Stormtrooper armor is now susceptible to poison gas attack. Um... Aren't these space suits? Why would you ruin stormtrooper armor in a throw away line, especially when using gas against stormtroopers isn't even a plot point, Rey and Finn are just panicking and about to accidentally kill themselves.
E: Kylo Ren: I found him to be potentially interesting, but everything I find interesting about him might have just been a mistake on the writer's part, and they might totally ruin him in the next movie. I assume he touched Darth Vader's helmet, had some kind of vision and assumed he had some great destiny and thought uncle Luke was holding him back or something.
E1: That whole fight with Finn and Rey made no sense. People say: Well, he'd been shot. But the one who should be shot is the fight choreographer, because at no point during the fight was he moving sluggishly, or barely staying awake, or suffering from debilitating pain or anything. He does a samurai thing and punches his own wound, but otherwise he seems to have no problem moving around. But at the same time he inexplicably barely keeps up with a janitor who has no force powers and whose only experience with a lightsaber is awkwardly hold it and walking around a battlefield like he was lost. Either show him being wounded and losing the fight that way or don't and have him win.
Here's how that fight should have gone down: Kylo Ren walks up to Finn, knocks the lightsaber out of his hand and steps on his face, then maybe picks him up with the force and slams him against a tree. Same outcome, saves you confusion and wasting 10 minutes.
Either that or have him, clearly, barely staying alive and conscious, and moving very awkwardly and sluggishly, to make be believe that Finn could stand a chance. Film is a visual medium, so show me some visuals telling me the story that Kylo Ren has been shot.
F: Rey: Now Rey was a fine character, but she is a Mary Sue. She had secret jedi training as a baby that was conveniently mind wiped, making her the best at everything. She's better at shooting a gun than Finn (trained from birth as a soldier). Given a pistol she misses once, then immediately kills every storm trooper that enters her line of sight, despite the fact I don't think she's ever held a gun before. She mind controls Daniel Craig despite not even knowing the jedi mind trick is a thing that exists. She can fix the millennium falcon and can understand both BB8 and Chewbacca, despite no character ever in the history of the series ever having been able to understand Droid speech, and only Han could ever understand Chewie. She can pilot the millennium falcon well enough to hit a tie-fighter with the main turret just by doing a backflip and having Finn pull the trigger, with the gun unable to turn, and in atmosphere on a planet with gravity. Anakin's lightsaber also literally calls out for her, and seemingly flies into her hand of its own accord despite Kylo Ren's attempts to pull it (how kylo can stop a blaster shot in mid air but can't move a 1 pound piece of metal 5 feet is beyond me. Was he out of force points? Did he need to recharge his batteries?).
You might defend Rey. You might say: Oh, well, she worked as a scrapper. Yeah? Well by that logic Steven Avery should be some kind of renaissance man savant. She has no training, none, nobody (except for bs flashbacks) in flying, shooting, hacking doors, using the force, sword fighting, stealth, and yet it's only the first movie in a trilogy and she can already outpace all the OT characters in their fields of expertise. Just look how many times Luke and Han totally miss in the ANH shootout scenes on foot and in the scene where they are using the turrets to fend off the TIE Fighters tailing them.
And if Rey did have secret training then wow. Looks like Luke trained a 5 year old better than his star pupil Kylo Ren. No wonder Kylo turned to evil.
G: Maz Kanata: Yoda, except even older(Unless she's not 'literally' 1000 years old like they say in the movie) and wiser(?) because she doesn't have a speech impediment. Where did she get Anakin's lightsaber? Did she just find it floating around Bespin? How does she have Anakin's podracing flag at her base? Is she a huge Anakin fangirl?
H: That one spy in Maz Kanata's bar: Could you dress more like an obviously evil spy? Why does the empire even have a spy at this bar?
I: Poe Dameron: Seems fine. The scenes with him and Finn were fun.
I1: Do TIE fighters not have keys? You can just climb into one, boot it up, and the only thing stopping you from just leaving is if you forget to detach the fuel line? Star Wars wasn't smart science fiction but it was rarely ever stupid enough to insult my intelligence.
Come to think of it, the millennium falcon didn't have a key either. And they left the door wide open while it was just sitting there. You'd think one of these slaves working for bread rations on this planet could just walk in, start it up, and go literally anywhere. Go to Tatooine. Go anywhere. The new republic is so great that being a slave is now worse than ever.
J: Snoke: Why would you hire Andy Serkis to play a character who doesn't move? Does Serkis have to play your CG character for you to get any street cred?
J1: And here I thought Darth Vader's destiny to bring balance to the force and destroy evil had any meaning whatsoever. Thanks for making the prequels noncanon, JJ. No, really. Thank you.
This all being said, I didn't dislike the movie. Eh. On the fence about it.
Thought I'd take my overlong complaint from the episode 7 thread and stick it in its own thread. Delete this one at your leisure if you want. Just though there were some things worth mentioning. Forgive the wall of text. If this comes across as angry it's more meant to be sort of exasperated.
Me? I had a few beefs with this movie.
A: I don't understand what the resistance is supposed to be. What happened to Ackbar's mon calamari fleet? Now they have what looks to be 10 x wings with which to destroy an entire planet. How can you have a resistance when your faction is in control of space politics? Or is the new republic so limp wristed useless and weak after only 20 years that they just let the Knights of Ren walk all over them and kidnap children en masse to form their army?
A1: Why is the New Republic, and it's entire fleet, all stationed on some random planet somewhere I've never heard of. Shouldn't their fleet be out, I don't know, patrolling the galaxy or something? Or at least on coruscant? Can Abrams not make a movie without destroying a planet?
B: Starkiller base: Why do we need another death star? Can starkiller base move? Did they convert an entire planet into a giant gun only to be able to fire like 2 shots? Because it looked like it had totally absorbed the star at that point. So basically, there was no point in destroying it because after it had fired its second shot it would have been rendered useless anyway.
B1: How did the remnant possibly have the resources to build an entire planet into a deathstar in 20 years without anybody noticing? Is that why they didn't want the rebels finding the plans to the deathstar in ANH? Because now it seems completely rational to think that the rebels in ANH could have used the Deathstar plans to build their own Deathstar to counter the empire's Deathstar. I mean, at this point why not? Makes equal amount of sense.
B2: How are they main characters able to see the beam shot from starkiller base? Should it take thousands of years for the light to reach them? Or was Maz Kanata's base conveniently in the same solar system as the republic's home planet?
B3: Was starkiller base just a lame excuse to destroy the republic in 1 second so the empire can be in control in time for episode 8? How do you destroy the republic by blowing up one planet? Why was the fleet parked on a planet? What is going on?
C: Phasma: Boba Fett, but at least Boba Fett didn't come across as a traitor and a coward. Weren't these people supposed to have some kind of mind control mental conditioning from birth? But between TR8R, Finn and Phasma, it doesn't seem to have worked. Is this whole movie have a stealth scientologist anti-psychology message?
C1: They threaten to use clones in this movie if the stormtroopers screw up. Pause. Is there any reason they're not using clones? As I recall, the clones in the clone wars worked perfectly. They were perfectly loyal soldiers. They were programmed with secret orders for years and none of them ever spilled the beans about order 66. Sidious trusted them enough to carry out the most important part of his plan to kill the jedi so he could overthrow the republic. But no, kidnapping and brainwashing children seems to be going much better for them.
D: Finn: A janitor who remembers the layout of an entire planet. He can walk around with a lightsaber out in a warzone without getting shot. He can go toe-to-toe with a force user in a swordfight and not instantly lose, and yet is shown throughout the entire movie as being totally useless. He is soldier trained from birth, and if every stormtrooper is as much of a socially awkward, poorly trained basket case as he is that would explain a lot. He can't shoot, he can't fight, he can't fix weapons and seems to have no experience with weapons. And yet he was brought on Kylo Ren's secret mission to find this map for some reason, and he is allowed to go out into the field on missions despite having in depth technical data for the KoR's secret planet destroying base.
D1: That fight with Finn and TR8R: What is this weapon that TR8R is using? I recall him getting several hits in on Finn and Finn doesn't even notice. Is that shock prod even a weapon? That fight isn't even fair: If TR8R hits Finn, which he does, a lot, Finn isn't even fazed, and if Finn hits TR8R TR8R instantly dies. Wow, what a good fight....... . . . . . . Maybe he should have just shot Finn with a gun.
D2: Stormtrooper armor is now susceptible to poison gas attack. Um... Aren't these space suits? Why would you ruin stormtrooper armor in a throw away line, especially when using gas against stormtroopers isn't even a plot point, Rey and Finn are just panicking and about to accidentally kill themselves.
E: Kylo Ren: I found him to be potentially interesting, but everything I find interesting about him might have just been a mistake on the writer's part, and they might totally ruin him in the next movie. I assume he touched Darth Vader's helmet, had some kind of vision and assumed he had some great destiny and thought uncle Luke was holding him back or something.
E1: That whole fight with Finn and Rey made no sense. People say: Well, he'd been shot. But the one who should be shot is the fight choreographer, because at no point during the fight was he moving sluggishly, or barely staying awake, or suffering from debilitating pain or anything. He does a samurai thing and punches his own wound, but otherwise he seems to have no problem moving around. But at the same time he inexplicably barely keeps up with a janitor who has no force powers and whose only experience with a lightsaber is awkwardly hold it and walking around a battlefield like he was lost. Either show him being wounded and losing the fight that way or don't and have him win.
Here's how that fight should have gone down: Kylo Ren walks up to Finn, knocks the lightsaber out of his hand and steps on his face, then maybe picks him up with the force and slams him against a tree. Same outcome, saves you confusion and wasting 10 minutes.
Either that or have him, clearly, barely staying alive and conscious, and moving very awkwardly and sluggishly, to make be believe that Finn could stand a chance. Film is a visual medium, so show me some visuals telling me the story that Kylo Ren has been shot.
F: Rey: Now Rey was a fine character, but she is a Mary Sue. She had secret jedi training as a baby that was conveniently mind wiped, making her the best at everything. She's better at shooting a gun than Finn (trained from birth as a soldier). Given a pistol she misses once, then immediately kills every storm trooper that enters her line of sight, despite the fact I don't think she's ever held a gun before. She mind controls Daniel Craig despite not even knowing the jedi mind trick is a thing that exists. She can fix the millennium falcon and can understand both BB8 and Chewbacca, despite no character ever in the history of the series ever having been able to understand Droid speech, and only Han could ever understand Chewie. She can pilot the millennium falcon well enough to hit a tie-fighter with the main turret just by doing a backflip and having Finn pull the trigger, with the gun unable to turn, and in atmosphere on a planet with gravity. Anakin's lightsaber also literally calls out for her, and seemingly flies into her hand of its own accord despite Kylo Ren's attempts to pull it (how kylo can stop a blaster shot in mid air but can't move a 1 pound piece of metal 5 feet is beyond me. Was he out of force points? Did he need to recharge his batteries?).
You might defend Rey. You might say: Oh, well, she worked as a scrapper. Yeah? Well by that logic Steven Avery should be some kind of renaissance man savant. She has no training, none, nobody (except for bs flashbacks) in flying, shooting, hacking doors, using the force, sword fighting, stealth, and yet it's only the first movie in a trilogy and she can already outpace all the OT characters in their fields of expertise. Just look how many times Luke and Han totally miss in the ANH shootout scenes on foot and in the scene where they are using the turrets to fend off the TIE Fighters tailing them.
And if Rey did have secret training then wow. Looks like Luke trained a 5 year old better than his star pupil Kylo Ren. No wonder Kylo turned to evil.
G: Maz Kanata: Yoda, except even older(Unless she's not 'literally' 1000 years old like they say in the movie) and wiser(?) because she doesn't have a speech impediment. Where did she get Anakin's lightsaber? Did she just find it floating around Bespin? How does she have Anakin's podracing flag at her base? Is she a huge Anakin fangirl?
H: That one spy in Maz Kanata's bar: Could you dress more like an obviously evil spy? Why does the empire even have a spy at this bar?
I: Poe Dameron: Seems fine. The scenes with him and Finn were fun.
I1: Do TIE fighters not have keys? You can just climb into one, boot it up, and the only thing stopping you from just leaving is if you forget to detach the fuel line? Star Wars wasn't smart science fiction but it was rarely ever stupid enough to insult my intelligence.
Come to think of it, the millennium falcon didn't have a key either. And they left the door wide open while it was just sitting there. You'd think one of these slaves working for bread rations on this planet could just walk in, start it up, and go literally anywhere. Go to Tatooine. Go anywhere. The new republic is so great that being a slave is now worse than ever.
J: Snoke: Why would you hire Andy Serkis to play a character who doesn't move? Does Serkis have to play your CG character for you to get any street cred?
J1: And here I thought Darth Vader's destiny to bring balance to the force and destroy evil had any meaning whatsoever. Thanks for making the prequels noncanon, JJ. No, really. Thank you.
This all being said, I didn't dislike the movie. Eh. On the fence about it.