StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Either here or user fiction... reposts from my shitposts elsewhere

"Help me make a space reporter"

AXEL SENJO from the HOLO-WARS or DATA-WARS site, your conspiracy theories on COMPNOR sending people into concentration camps or ISB false flag operations turn out to be TRUE! (Alex Jones from Infowars ) All sorts of militia folks listen to him in the fringe worlds and so these blaster-armed groups end up occupying Imperial nature reserves. They think Imperial exercises like DURASTEEL HELM are secretly maneuvers to oppress civilians. And crazy theories about ancient orders of evil sorcerers taking over the government.

Gren Gleenwald from THE INTERDICT operating in the Outer Rim and from neutral nations or sectors trying to maintain degrees of autonomy like Alderaan or Corellia, which the Imperial government can't easily trample (until they dissolve the Senate). You facilitate insightful journalism and like publish the controversial and borderline illegal information provided by confidential sources - possibly whistleblowers or data-leakers - and so you gotta be careful before COMPNOR goons break your wrists. (Glen Greenwald)

Sedward Nowden who's now living in the Chiss Ascendancy or the Hapan whatever nation that's separate from the Galactic Empire. Former ISB dude who gave data-discs to Gren Gleenwald and Ulian Jassange.

Madley Branning - a Stormtrooper sergeant who had issues and like helped leak a trove of Imperial data - including AT-AT and TIE fighter kill cam footage of civilian killings called COLLATERAL DISINTEGRATION. Leaked to Ulian Jassange but now Madley Branning got caught and is in carbonite.

Ulian Jassange who's locked in some diplomatically "untouchable" Alderaan institution and the Stormtroopers are just waiting for him to take a stroll on the wrong garden and they'll nab him and carbonite him.

Cralter Wonkite - the most respected face in Old Republic journalism. Probably dead now but still respected.
Canderson Ooper.

BLENN GECK - a shill rambling about the Alderaan School and Cultural Jedi-ism and the dangers of OUTER RIM IMMIGRANTS overwhelming the Core Worlds - all these filthy bantha and nerfherders and these Toydarian traffickers crossing the space borders and hyperlanes and filling the Inner Rim with criminals!

Obrill Eilly - an establishment shill for some COMPNOR-approved holo-outlet.

Ristiane Chamanpour - some dignified voice of reason and professionalism, from some established but still sort of OK Alderaan or Naboo-ian news outlet.

Some guy nicknamed "CORUSCANTI COBB" or something whose broadcasts are going "Long live the Emperor and Vader! The Rebels are committing suicide by the gates of Tannhauser! The Hyderian Way is lined up with the bodies of fallen Ewoks! Mon Mothma's days are numbered Palpatine willing this Rebellion will be over in mere days!" (Badghdad Bob)

ILO Mylanopopulpolous - a piece of shit agitator and shrill for COMPNOR. Works for the holo-site TRABTIERB.

MACHEL RADDOW - a bleeding heart Alderaani or Naboo-ian journo. From the Megasoft Naboo Broadcasting Conglomerate (MSNBC).

Noj Trawets - a comedian who's become a trusted figure due to his biting satire. The Galactic Show with Noj Trawets. (Jon Stewart)

TREBLOC - Trawets' longtime collaborator but he kind of went too far in the Coruscanti Correspondents Dinner when he talked about rearranging the deckchairs of the Death Star, roasting the Emperor and Vader, so they ended up returning the favor and really roasting him before chucking him into carbonite...

REVILO - a workmate of Trawets who's now having his own show. (Oliver, John Oliver )

SIWEL DARK - another comedian who's known for unleashing his rage. Is actually a secret Vapaad user. (Lewis Black)

"Anybody else have suggestions for non-Star Wars Star Wars music ?"

Rap. Imagine playing some Public Enemy or whatever while the Rebels pew pew the hell out of Stormtroopers. FUCK THE POLICE etc.
I'm not entirely trolling. The cognitive dissonance is worth the lulz. Like how it became rap and hiphop during RZA's Man with the Iron Fists movie.
Think of how Tarantino mismatches his music with his films and it results in such awesome. Like David Bowie in Nazi-occupied France.

Ennio Morricone music. Bounty Hunters in The Big Blast Down at some desert planet.

Firefly or Serenity soundtrack.

Hans Zimmerman's akshun stuff. I mean he's on the verge of generic-ing himself in those akshun movie soundtracks.

Inception-style BBBRRRRROOOOONNNNGGGGG when some cool sequence with some big machine plays out. Star Destroyer entering the atmosphere.

Final Fantasy boss battles. ONE WINGED SITH LORD.

Or you can go with Ace Combat's epic orchestrals and instrumentals and boss battle music. Or METAL GEAR SOLID soundtracks.

Operative Cortosis Krayt!
Turbolaser Rancor: "KRAYT DRAGONS DON'T BELONG IN HOTH!"
Beskar Krayt: "KKKKRAAAAAYYYYTTTT IT'S NOT OVER YET!"
Blaster Vornskr: "Vornskrs never let their prey escape! MMMRRROOOOWWWWWW!!!!"
Decoy Dianoga: DIES
PSYCHO ACKLAY: Put your datapad on the floor! I will move it with the Force!

Studio Ghibli music! Joe Hisaishi's soundtracks!

Treasure Planet and TITAN AE's soundtracks.

DAFT PUNK's Tron soundtrack for some cityplanet, Coruscant-style megacity bowels and holodiscotheques ala Attack of the Clones.

"THE GAME HAS CHANGED SON OF SKYWALKER!"
"BEHOLD THE SON OF THE VAAADDERRRRR!!!!!"
"I FIGHT FOR THE FORCE USERS!"

Dear god, a branch of Force users specializing in throwing glowing neon frisbees at each other!

And DIE ANTWOORD for gang violence. Imagine Nar Shadda as Space South Africa, Space Johannesburg. With Sharlto Copley, NINJA and Yolandi Vissir ripping shit up. Like Chappie or Elysium or District 9.

Imagine Mandalorians with SOOTH EFFRICKEN accents!

IG droids throwing ninja stars (sith stars?) and hacking people with vibroblades. DON'T STEAL DADDY'S LANDSPEEDER!

Think of Stanley Kubrik's use of musics for 2001 Space Odyssey when doing some epic space sequence.

MAD MAX FURY ROAD soundtrack for some ridiculous speeder chases!

Make your sequences loopy. Not just sound-wise. But like crazy stuff. Tusken raiders cramming frag grenades in the decapitated heads of their victims and chucking it at people they're chasing. Stormtroopers who've gone FULL METAL JACKET painting ridiculous stuff on their armor. ANIMAL MOTHER running around with an E-Web. An IMPERATOR FORCE-IOSA in her war-freighter, fighting IMMORTAN HUTTS and whatever, with their spaceships covered in spikes. Greedos huffing chrome and spice and jumping from ships or speeders or sail barges with harpoons.

A deranged Black Sun gang boss who's brilliant idea is to put his brain into a GIANT KILLBOT while still chugging spice because being a cyborg won't quell his drug habit. He turns into KANE in ROBOCOP 2.

PRO-WRESTLING INTRO MUSICS!

Imagine a badass Mandalorian makes his entrance and to hype the players you play GOLDBERG's intro music!

Or some dude turns into the Dark Side and slaughters those he loves and for that you play Chris Benoit's musics.

A Black Sun honcho who thinks he's the NEURAL ASSASSIN so you play Triple H's musics.

A Coruscanti or Kuati noble, some high-spacing, sailbarging son of a blaster WOOOO in a robe. Or some decadent Hutt. TO BE THE HUTT YOU GOTTA BEAT THE HUTT! WOOOO!!!!! And you play Ric Flair's intro! Yes, in your chronicle the young Jabba the Hutt is pretty much RIC FLAIR. The sidequest involves finding this rare resource called CHOCOLATE with which the Hutt seeks to bathe him or herself in.

Some lying, cheating, stealing smuggler can get Eddie Guererro's intro music. Yes!

Noj Trawets can be from the same homeworld as Obi Wan! http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Stewjon

KARRY LING LIVE - famous interviewer of prominent galactic personalities!

HARPO FINWREY - Holo-talkshow host and philanthropist!