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Star Wars: A Penetrating Analysis
Posted: 2003-05-31 06:36pm
by Subnormal
http://metaphilm.com/philm.php?id=51_0_2_0
LOL....LOL......LOL................
That is one of the greatest things I've ever read in my entire life.
Posted: 2003-05-31 06:39pm
by Ghost Rider
Damn...and all this time I thought it was a classic heroes quest.
I would've never guessed it was one man's journey into homsexuality.
Posted: 2003-05-31 06:44pm
by Lord Poe
Yes, I've seen these projecting little analyses all over the place in the past few years. It seems for some reason, gay activists (and other extremists) can clearly see blatant homosexuality in any and every medium they survey. Whether its an inability to create intersting gay characters of their own that are on par with the "straight" ones (which would be strange, given that gays have a high visability in the entertainment industry) or the rabid frustrations of a group with an agenda.
I read about the openly gay references in X2 in the LA Times a couple weeks ago. Iceman blowing on Wolverine's beer bottle was considered an obvious allusion to oral sex, etc. I've read similar things about Holmes and Watson, Kirk and Spock, the list goes on.
Posted: 2003-05-31 06:50pm
by Darth Wong
So a lightsabre is phallic? What shape would he have preferred for it, while still retaining some semblance of effectiveness?
Posted: 2003-05-31 06:56pm
by Sea Skimmer
I hope whoever wrote this wasn't serious, as I fear they might have been .
Posted: 2003-05-31 08:10pm
by RogueIce
Now why did I have the sinking feeling this would have something to do with sex...?
Posted: 2003-05-31 08:25pm
by neoolong
Lord Poe wrote:Yes, I've seen these projecting little analyses all over the place in the past few years. It seems for some reason, gay activists (and other extremists) can clearly see blatant homosexuality in any and every medium they survey. Whether its an inability to create intersting gay characters of their own that are on par with the "straight" ones (which would be strange, given that gays have a high visability in the entertainment industry) or the rabid frustrations of a group with an agenda.
I read about the openly gay references in X2 in the LA Times a couple weeks ago. Iceman blowing on Wolverine's beer bottle was considered an obvious allusion to oral sex, etc. I've read similar things about Holmes and Watson, Kirk and Spock, the list goes on.
Actually there was one reference in X2 with the mom asking Iceman if he ever tried not being a mutant.
Posted: 2003-05-31 08:42pm
by Spanky The Dolphin
Man With Own Agenda wrote:Start by just looking at the poster. Just as the Empire Strikes Back poster was a direct rip off of the Gone With the Wind marquee, the style-A one-sheet for Star Wars is a classic rip-off of the original cover art for The Great Gatsby. In that image, the face of Daisy is hovering above the city, the milieu in which Tom Buchanan and Jay Gatsby battle it out for her affections. Luke and Han stand in for Tom and Jay in this case, with Leia representing Daisy, obviously, but the real clincher here is the equation of sex and death as Darth Vader represents the ur-feminine principle that must be conquered, who is both an embodiment of Luke's worst fears via the sins of his (literally) "dark father," as well as the cosmic representation of the anima as female she-bitch whose dark side is tamed only in sexual conquest. In the poster, a swimming load of semen ejaculates from Leia's side as X and Y-wing chromosomes blast their way up to fertilize and impregnate the cosmic egg of the Death Star, which as everyone by now has memorized, has a narrow trench with a small hole at the end, in which only a "direct hit" will trigger her. Thus, Star Wars is both a macroscopic psychological retelling of the ancient tale with a microscopic biological précis as to its physical achievement.
Um... Okay?
This makes no sense. It's like he starts with
Star Wars, then
The Great Gatsby, then seems to mix them both up with each other while injecting the amalgamation with his agenda. I can't see any similarity between SW's A poster and TGG's original cover art, except that they both share several compositional motifs.
The X-wing fighters, you recall, have a phallus-shaped nose from which the payload of deathlove must, literally, come. Lots of folks get confused by the fact that the four cannons on each end of the X-wings are the source of the laser beams, but remember, to trigger the death star's chain reaction, you have to fire proton torpedoes from the nose of the craft.
His analogy and forced analysis is somewhat flawed because he's wrong. As we know, torpedoes aren't fired from the nose of an X-wing, but from launchers underneath the cockpit. The nose contains sensor and jamming equipment.
Then again, if he knew that, I don't think I'd want to know how he'd interpret it...
Posted: 2003-05-31 08:46pm
by Joe
If this is in fact serious, I would say that Occam's Razor blows it away. Otherwise, it's pretty damn funny.
Posted: 2003-05-31 09:04pm
by RedImperator
People who see phalluses everywhere seem to be too dumb to understand that an elongated cylinders with a tapered end happens to be an efficient shape for lots of purposes. Are stalagtites phallic? Natural lava columns? A cat's tail?
Of course, whichever postmodern idiot came up with this analysis would probably just say I'm using "phallocentric physics" to come to my conclusion.
Posted: 2003-05-31 09:11pm
by DPDarkPrimus
This person is either a woman or gay. No heterosexual male could live seeing a phallus in every other object they see.
Posted: 2003-05-31 09:28pm
by SPOOFE
Pick a movie.
ANY movie.
I can find sexual undertones in it. I guarantee.
Posted: 2003-05-31 10:55pm
by YT300000
At least this guy didn't comment on how in the ANH lightsabre duel, Obi-Wans sabre kept switching off
Then again, I'm not sure I'd want to hear what he had to say.
Posted: 2003-05-31 11:52pm
by SPOOFE
Sometimes a lightsaber is just a lightsaber.
Posted: 2003-06-01 12:13am
by Howedar
Thats really funny or really sad, depending on if the author is serious or not.
Posted: 2003-06-01 12:17am
by Publius
Darth Wong wrote:So a lightsabre is phallic? What shape would he have preferred for it, while still retaining some semblance of effectiveness?
Ironically, the word
vagina is Latin for "scabbard".
Publius
Posted: 2003-06-01 04:43am
by Kurgan
Han: Get on top of it!
Leia: I'm trying!
Get in there ya big hairy oaf, I don't care what you smell!
Get out of there Wedge, you're not doing any good back there...
Biggs & Porkins:
What's wrong?
I'm alright....
Pull up!
No, I think I can make it...
*boom*
Lol.. "Biggs"
This article is totally and utterly true. It explains the huge chubby many of us have for Star Wars. And btw, Vader's helmet is sorta shaped like a big schlong!
Indiana Jones is no stranger to this kind of thing either:
http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/raidersofthelostark.html
http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/templeofdoom.html
http://www.mrcranky.com/movies/lastcrusade.html
; )
Re: Star Wars: A Penetrating Analysis
Posted: 2003-06-01 04:59am
by Peregrin Toker
Sigmund Freud would be proud!!
I wonder what the maker of this analysis would say when he/she gets to the EU.
(insert raunchy joke about Jaina Solo)
Lord Poe wrote:I read about the openly gay references in X2 in the LA Times a couple weeks ago
It's a superhero movie! Of course it's going to be loaded to the edge with homoerotic overtones!
Posted: 2003-06-01 08:21am
by Rye
Darth Wong wrote:So a lightsabre is phallic? What shape would he have preferred for it, while still retaining some semblance of effectiveness?
Well...no longer than it is wide, no semblance of a phallus then...as for a weapon....errrrrmm....
Posted: 2003-06-01 01:55pm
by Enforcer Talen
anyone remember the lotr secret diaries? they're all gay.
and, for xwing penetraiton, see the monkey forum. there *is* a pic. . .
>_<
Posted: 2003-06-01 02:10pm
by Illuminatus Primus
This reminds me a feminazis thinking fucking missiles and guns are purposely made phallic.
As if they'd actually function any other way.
Posted: 2003-06-01 02:32pm
by neoolong
Enforcer Talen wrote:anyone remember the lotr secret diaries? they're all gay.
and, for xwing penetraiton, see the monkey forum. there *is* a pic. . .
>_<
Shhh. Noone must know of that.
Posted: 2003-06-01 05:28pm
by His Divine Shadow
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, other times it's just a cleverly disguised dildo.
EDIT:
"This is perhaps Star Wars dirtiest little secret: that shooting your wad to destroy her requires not taking the approach of the main vaginal port (which would impregnate her), but delivering your load anally, to the "small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port.""
LMAO!
Posted: 2003-06-01 05:36pm
by Darksider
Rye wrote:Darth Wong wrote:So a lightsabre is phallic? What shape would he have preferred for it, while still retaining some semblance of effectiveness?
Well...no longer than it is wide, no semblance of a phallus then...as for a weapon....errrrrmm....
God help us if this guy ever watches spaceballs