Interesting take on Sith vs. Jedi

[Glocksman]

We Are Sith Part 1
We Are Sith Part 2

The Republic:

As you already know, the Republic was a dysfunctional assemblage of dictators, kleptocrats, aristocratic Antoinettes, monopolists, and slave owners, all given the fig leaf of respectability by sending their diplomats off to cavort in the do-nothing Senate. Being a Senator was a great job, with no responsibility, no accountability, and the constant joy of pretending to work for the poor oppressed people back home, who of course were in thumbscrews trying to foot the bill for all the Coruscant opera tickets.

What you might not know was the Republic was also yet another socialist failure. It didn't have a hard currency, only "credits", and as Watto said, "Republic Credits are no good here." The US Dollar is hard currency, accepted everywhere. Republic Credits are a pretend currency, a cross between an IOU and a Cuban Peso, accepted only in the Republic -where people are forced to take them and pretend they have value. No wonder the Senate was corrupt: they ran their Republic with Monopoly© money. On all of Corsucant, the only thing Lucas showed Galactic Credits actually buying was hard liquor in the bar at the start of Episode II.

Drunks, vodka, Rubles - you figure it out.

The final and fatal failure of the Republic was that nobody without some corrupt vested interest was willing to fight for it. The Jedi protected it to death, with the people growing soft, and all losing faith that it was something worth living or dying for. The difference between the Galactic Republic and the French Republic was that the French Republic could field a French Army. The Galactic Republic couldn't manage even that. They had to pay planets to build ships for them, pay cloners to clone clones for them, give Jedi unquestioned power to assassinate enemy generals for them. If the Republic Army had a rousing battle cry it was, "Tell the Jedi to send in the Gungans."

We know what the Jedi were - pathetic scum, brainwashed from youth - limited – ascetic – narrow minded – enablers of failure – sowers of discord – holy thugs - parasites. There's a reason each and every Jedi had to be master of the light saber, the dagger's big brother, and it's not for personal growth. They used those to kill, and they did their killing up close and personal, not on the field of battle like a man, as their incompetence on Geonosis so proved, but at the conference table, in the back alley, at the wedding party. They were never a military force; they were the enforcers, the muscle, the Stasi officer corps; sucking in information and dealing out violent death at a personal level. In return, they demanded respect, power, adulation, even worship. Fuck that and fuck them. They are not fit to lick Sith boots

This brings us to Mace Windu. What an arrogant, power-mad, overblown ass. Sith always come in pairs, a master and an apprentice. Jedi always come in pairs too, a don and a bald goomba with a bad attitude and a purple murder stick.

There's more, much more.....

[Cykeisme]

Satirical or not, I know the Galactic Republic was corrupt on many levels, but are those opinions there too harsh.. or are they in fact accurate?

Nice find anyway

[Pcm979]

This is a spoof, I know, but:

The US Dollar is hard currency, accepted everywhere.

Really? Gosh, to think I'd been changing my money whenever I went on holiday! If only I knew USD was accepted everywhere!

[Cykeisme]

Things like this work best when they don't actually deviate from the truth (just offer half-truths and perhaps bent truths). Some of it is a bit meh, but nice parts too. I like the part about Mace' intentions and rights when he went to arrest Palpatine in his office.

Edit: Haha I like Han being referred to as a "drug-running scumlord".

[Kazuaki Shimazaki]

I liked the part about Yoda's fast mode and slow mode. Among The most absurd parts of the whole Star Wars was how fast Luke was trained from a nobody. Which will have been fine considering the EU had him training other people at a fast clip too. But then we have the PT where Jedi training seems to take a lifetime. SoDwise One can rationalize it with "depth" of training and other crap, but the simple truth is that it is quite a dissonance.

[Edward Yee]

That, and the New Jedi Order is different, partly due to the effectiveness of the Great Jedi Purge and thus Luke's need to improvise, both before and after Endor. (Witness as well his ideological changes during NJO.)

[Mr Bean]

Upon finding out that the duly elected Chancellor is a Sith, what does Mace do? He goes to kill him. Hell, Islamic jihadist militants are reasonable by comparison. At least they wait to get a fatwa. Could you image a Secret Service officer, some dyed in the wool Protestant, storming into the Oval Office to assassinate the President of the United States of America because someone in the White House press room claimed the President was *gasp* Catholic?

The Chancellor is a Sith! Big-fucking deal. Bush=Hitler, too. That doesn't give anyone the right to assassinate him. Splash the scandal all over the tabloids. Publish the gritty details in the Galactic Globe and Gazette. Have the Jedi fax-droids bombard the Senators in an avalanche of thermo-paper. Form a non-profit "No Palpatine" 527 PAC and get moving on a no-confidence vote. Level charges of high treason in the Galactic Senate. Subpoena the Chancellor's robes to scan them for Dark-Side auras. Judas H Jedi, you just don't march in with a light saber and decapitate the elected head of the freakin' government.

This shit is classic.

[Tiger Ace]

If only they did that, would be alot funnier!

[Isolder74]

Of course they ARE forgetting that They are arresting the covert head of the Sepretist movment tne man who started this war in the first place a military criminal. An MP does not need a court order to pick up a suspect under this situation. A suspected spy can be picked up and then the militar can bother with the legalities. They were not arresting Palpitine for being a Sith but for being Darth Sidious the sectret leader of the Sepretists for being the man who order coutless atrocities.

Oh well.

[Mr. T]

If it walks like a dumbass, squawks like a dumbass, and talks like a dumbass, it's a Jedi.

[Striderteen]

Of course they ARE forgetting that They are arresting the covert head of the Sepretist movment tne man who started this war in the first place a military criminal. An MP does not need a court order to pick up a suspect under this situation. A suspected spy can be picked up and then the militar can bother with the legalities. They were not arresting Palpitine for being a Sith but for being Darth Sidious the sectret leader of the Sepretists for being the man who order coutless atrocities.

Oh well.

Not true; they only knew he was a Sith Lord. They did *not* know he was connected to the CIS.

[Glocksman]

This is a spoof, I know, but:

The US Dollar is hard currency, accepted everywhere.

Really? Gosh, to think I'd been changing my money whenever I went on holiday! If only I knew USD was accepted everywhere!

I think his point was that the US Dollar is a 'hard' currency that is freely exchangeable for other currencies, while the 'Galactic Credit' is more like the old Soviet Ruble, which was generally worthless outside of the Soviet Bloc.
If you owned a bar in Canada and I tried to pay you for a drink in a foreign currency, would you be more likely to accept US Dollars, Euros, or UK Pounds, or instead take Cuban Pesos or North Korean whateverthehell their money is?

Things like this work best when they don't actually deviate from the truth (just offer half-truths and perhaps bent truths). Some of it is a bit meh, but nice parts too. I like the part about Mace' intentions and rights when he went to arrest Palpatine in his office

It's tounge in cheek, certainly, but it's damn funny at times.

So why do you have the very strong impression that being captured by the Empire is a death sentence, while being captured by the Jedi conjurs up the word "rescue"? Why does this impression stubbornly remain despite of all evidence to the contrary? Because of nothing more than Jedi lies backed by John Williams' clever soundtracks. That's it. Get captured by the Empire and he plays a funeral dirge as you're lead off to your luxury suite. Get captured by the Jedi and he plays an upbeat heroic love theme while they bounce your head off the ceiling and slice you from crotch to neck.

In fact, the Senate was such a useless frat party that certain planets sent hot teenage girls as Senators and frankly, no august body that would accept Teen Nabooian Tatas' Miss August as a voting member could be considered deliberative - titillating maybe, entertaining certainly, but not by a long shot deliberative. Of course, when the Senate persisted as a drunken party after over a decade of functional rule, finally admitting Alderaan's Miss Bra-less Teen, is it any wonder the Emperor dissolved it? It was less likely done as a power grab than as a drunk driving measure, and if you think Senators are bad on bridges, just imagine what happened when they were weaving in between skyscrapers in high-velocity flying cars.

Heh..
Teddy Kennedy would have felt right at home in the Galactic Senate.

[Pcm979]

Not true; they only knew he was a Sith Lord. They did *not* know he was connected to the CIS.

Erm what?
Dooku=Sith Lord,
Dooku runs CoIS,
Dooku mentiones Darth Sidious,
Palpy=Darth Sidious,
Palpy=Connected to CoIS.

You don't have to be a fucking genius.

[CDiehl]

On one hand, it's hearsay from a dead man. On the other, I doubt Windu was planning to bring Palpatine to trial; he expected him to resist, so he'd have to kill him.

[nickolay1]

So Obi-wan lets Padmé, heavily pregnant Padmé, stand out there, sucking down volcanic carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, sulfur dioxide, NOx compounds, chlorine compounds, and heavy metals like a chain smoker in a burning tobacco warehouse. Is it any wonder the med droids were stumped? They probably assumed she'd been breathing, you know, air.

That is classic.

[GeneralTacticus]

Not true; they only knew he was a Sith Lord. They did *not* know he was connected to the CIS.

They knew he was Sidious. And they knew Sidious was linked to the Sepratist movement.

[Cykeisme]

Not true; they only knew he was a Sith Lord. They did *not* know he was connected to the CIS.

They knew he was Sidious. And they knew Sidious was linked to the Sepratist movement.

Labyrinth of Evil, yeah..

[Isolder74]

Not true; they only knew he was a Sith Lord. They did *not* know he was connected to the CIS.

They knew he was Sidious. And they knew Sidious was linked to the Sepratist movement.

Labyrinth of Evil, yeah..

who is the one to order the invasion od Naboo? Who is the one to order the blockade in the first place? Who is responsible for starting a war resulting in the deaths of trillions?

Does Sidious not deserve immedieate arrest the moment his identity is discovered. He is too dangerous to wait for an arrest warrent he being a military asset of the Sepretists, a power attempting to destroy the Republic. A swift arrest was the olny proper course of action. too bad Palitine was crafty enough to know Anakin would intervene. To make sure he feeds him(Anakin) telepathic messages even before Mace and Co enter his office. Palpitine knew ecactally what he was doing. Once he had Anakin as his apprentice he made his move, not before. I am in the camp that thinks that Mace had beaten Palps in the sword fight, but also think that Palp's I'm weak BS was just an act.

[Dooey Jo]

...a bald goomba with a bad attitude and a purple murder stick.

Eh... What? Did they just call Mace a Goomba?

Now there's a mental image. Palpatine, the Supreme Chancellor of the galaxy and also a Sith Lord, bested in lightsabre combat by a lowly Goomba with a bad attitude...

[DrkHelmet]

...a bald goomba with a bad attitude and a purple murder stick.

Eh... What? Did they just call Mace a Goomba?

And the worst photo editing in history award goes to...



Goomba with lightsaber!

[Dakarne]

Now there's a mental image. Palpatine, the Supreme Chancellor of the galaxy and also a Sith Lord, bested in lightsabre combat by a lowly Goomba with a bad attitude...

Mario Brothers... a shitty game IMO. That is a funny mental image though.

Now I'd like to see Mario's Videogaming Rival face off against Palpatine in Lightsabre combat... it would be fast, very fast.

[DrkHelmet]

Ghetto edit, I made the picture a LITTLE better. Sorry, I shoulda made it purple. Oh well.

[Steven Snyder]

Of course they ARE forgetting that They are arresting the covert head of the Sepretist movment tne man who started this war in the first place a military criminal.

Oh whose authority?
You have to have evidence of a crime before you can go out and arrest someone for it, the testimony of a single wayward Jedi should not be sufficient to warrant the detention of the Chancellor of the Republic.

An MP does not need a court order to pick up a suspect under this situation.

So I suppose he could simply walk in the the Oval Office and arrest Mr. President if someone told him he was a terrorist?

A suspected spy can be picked up and then the militar can bother with the legalities.

We aren't talking about the milkman here, we are talking about the Chancellor of the Republic. You need a little more than hearsay before you storm into his office and arrest him.

They were not arresting Palpitine for being a Sith but for being Darth Sidious the sectret leader of the Sepretists for being the man who order coutless atrocities.

And their evidence was what again?

[Isolder74]

on the authority of the Senate, An Mp does have the right to arrest the president if they have proff of the crime of treason. Though it would be the secret service doing the arresting a role the Jedi play in reguards to the Chancelor, hence why Jedi are the ones doing the rescue of him in the first place.

Their evidence was traced signals to the Chanceler's ofices though they could not connect them to Palpitine's personal office. The also had his confession to Anakin, a member of the authorized police force.

A confession is often all that is need to make arrest until they can gather further exidence for a trial. The informent may not be able to testify in the trial but his testimony is a place where an investigation can start.

Mace says by the authority of the Senate with palps responding I AM THE SENATE. You would support a president who behaves like this? Jefferson was very good at dancing around this line without breaking the law. Palpitine seems much better at it than is even imaginable.

The president is not above the law, its in the constitution.

[Lord Revan]

Mace says by the authority of the Senate with palps responding I AM THE SENATE. You would support a president who behaves like this? Jefferson was very good at dancing around this line without breaking the law. Palpitine seems much better at it than is even imaginable.

The president is not above the law, its in the constitution.

In US constitution, the Republic constitution was in prosess of being reformed into the Galacitc Empires Constitution, so it's possible that Suppreme Chancelor was above the law at this point.